how do i get out of a bubble when i’m out

[youngpadawanAnakin]

Hi, been lurking on and off for quite some time now.

I don’t have any problems interacting with people but i don’t do it because it’s never been in my habit and covid decreased my social abilities by a LOT (recovering since then but still some work to do)
But basically i would say i’m above average looks wise, not tall but definitely not short, got a little bit of muscle on me.
The thing is i notice people (women but also men ) looking at me when i train at the gym for exemple , and in the same context i get approached by women sometimes, indirectly of course (happened like 5-6 times since september last year) but i never realise that they are actually interested in me on the spot and it’s only hours/days later that i get it but then it’s obviously too fxcking late.

Feels like i’m unconsciously sabotaging myself and it’s really annoying taking in count the fact that the average guy doesn’t get half the attention i get from women.

Now i’m 19, last months in college (skipped some classes when i was young), virgin (clearly my fault at this point) and i started this whole noticing girls as actual human beings last year due to accumulated frustration from my disguised gayness.
Since then i approached 6-7 girls and got 1 number (in the span of 8 months or something, which is clearly rookie numbers and i could do better given my opportunities), got told twice by the women i engaged that they appreciated my gesture. (the 1 number i got didn’t result in anything because she was too entitled)

So i’m fairly new to this and i want to ask for advice on what i should focus on to make my situation better and get some - as i said in the title i feel like i’m in a bubble when i’m outside where i don’t notice people and i’m just retarded so i miss out on obvious clues.

I would also appreciate any advice regarding social skills and whatever.

Regarding this whole thing i got rid of some mental inhibitors like : girls don’t like men that approach them; through a book and things of that nature , i know i have quite some road to do but i don’t mind it since i enjoy bettering myself.


Thanks to those who read it all an took time to answer!

 

[Bingo-Player]

You're 19 you should have having tons of natural interactions with females your age and probably younger

The first thing you need to be looking at is why you aren't , covid effected all of our social skills but we are 4 years on now

I remember at 19 I was talking to loads of women it was a piece of cake meeting chicks

Your just that age where your social circles should be red hot

I honestly wouldn't be worrying about trying to intentionally approach women at your age

 

[corrector]

but i never realise that they are actually interested in me on the spot and it’s only hours/days later that i get it but then it’s obviously too fxcking late.

This is curious, because, if they approached you, then why would you think that they are not interested? That is one of the strongest IOIs you can get.

Regarding this whole thing i got rid of some mental inhibitors like : girls don’t like men that approach them;

You said they are approaching you, and you get lots of IOI's which means you are preselected to approach them. Girls want YOU to approach them. That mental thing does not apply to you.

 

[youngpadawanAnakin]

@Bingo-Player
Your just that age where your social circles should be red hot

-the thing is i moved from a different country and all the people i knew literally live on the other side of the globe so i kinda had to start it all from scratch

I honestly wouldn't be worrying about trying to intentionally approach women at your age

-ok got it

 

[youngpadawanAnakin]

This is curious, because, if they approached you, then why would you think that they are not interested? That is one of the strongest IOIs you can get.

- it’s not that i think that they are not interested, i might have not explained myself correctly but what i meant is that on the spot i don’t think anything of it and i’m just clueless


You said they are approaching you, and you get lots of IOI's which means you are preselected to approach them. Girls want YOU to approach them. That mental thing does not apply to you.

- so my problems relies more into taking action you would say

@corrector

 

[corrector]

it’s not that i think that they are not interested, i might have not explained myself correctly but what i meant is that on the spot i don’t think anything of it and i’m just clueless

One of those hindsight is 20/20 things.

so my problems relies more into taking action you would say

What girl do you have a crush on right now? What action have you taken on her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You just start doing it. Start talking to people more, having a conversation and progressing a little more and more.

There is no easy way to do it, just like there is no easy way to walk 100 miles. It starts with a single step.

You will have anxiety, fear, your brain will try everything to stop you from going outside your comfort zone.

Why? Because your brain isn't wired for you to thrive, merely survive. And survival is easiest when it is dealing with known factors inside a comfort zone that you have gotten used to. Introducing a lot of outside variables into the equation is the opposite of status quo and your brain will do everything in its power to try and force you not to do it.

You have to decide how badly you want it and whether you will allow it to stop you.

 

[youngpadawanAnakin]

What girl do you have a crush on right now? What
action have you taken on her?
[/QUOTE]

i don’t really have a crush on anybody but there’s this one girl that i met a year prior in one of my classes that was super friendly and, we had few classes together but then when last summer hit we lost contact ( i also deleted my socials at that time) and i also got hit with the same realisation that she was being that friendly because she liked me but again it was too late; fast forward to the end of the winter session i was at the library with a friend and she noticed me and called me.

I talked to her for a bit and got her ig (created it 2 months before that because people look at me weird when i say i don’t have ig)and since i knew she liked me i wanted to try and see how thing would go; it was on monday and we had exams the whole week so i didn’t bother sending her a message during that period and waited for the weekend to send her a message.
Which i did and she was also eager to meet me and she asked when i’m available ( i said tomorrow) in order to make things happen.
She was working the whole weekend so she rescheduled it for monday but then rescheduled again for thursday because i wanted to meet at night time since i’m busy during the day and she couldn’t because it was her grandma’s birthday and had to be there.
During that time i wasn’t really interested in talking over the phone because i already had a thing settled but she would keep sending me messages when i left her on seen or she would make a friends only story targeted at me so that i would answer either answering some bull**** question that she got with the “Answer me” writen on the screen so i knew it was targeted at me, or she would simply post a video of her since i told her she had nice lips and i would kiss her when we meet. she kinda tried to ignore that message by the way, and sent me this emoji along with some random word that didn’t mean shvt but then i left her on seen and she sent me another message right after.

Thursday was kinda far so i just decided to go with it and to be super sexual over text to figure out if she would be with it or nah. and she kept the same attitude but then would keep messaging me and she told “she’s not that type of girl”, i went “i don’t really care u do what u do”
then on wednesday i asked where she lived so that i could pick her up she was kinda reluctant about disclosing that info and i kept digging and she told me she lived in a host family ( she’s from out of the country and she’s 21 and i’m guessing she’s from a traditional household, i live in canada by the way), she also told me she wasn’t sure if going out at night unnanounced would be respectful towards her family.

i don’t really care about her situation or whatever but i didn’t appreciate the fact that she lied to me about being available at night or she didn’t mention it knowing that she wouldn’t be able to go out. ( she proposed during the day and i said i was busy and she “agreed” to meet at night)
and she basically used me for attention from sunday to wednesday knowing that nothing would happen.
there’s that and she said afterwards that we could still meet during the day, i was like “i’m not sure about that, i could cancel for various reasons” and then i mentioned the way she reacted when i was sexual with her and said she wouldn’t probably do anything anyways.
She replied by saying that i’m crazy and she’s just here to have a laugh. which annoyed me even more because it confirms that she was using me for attention so i went silent and then she sent a vocal saying “what i mean is how are u sure that we would do all those things if we met” i guess it was to save face or to clarify what she meant but at that point i didn’t care and said “aight nevermind” and she replied “your call” and i left her on seen and it ended there

Now i don’t think getting into an ltr with her (or any girl i know) would be hard because i could’ve taken it slower and do all the getting to know her even more and stuff but i really don’t want to go through all that since i got so much things going and that i don’t want to be in an ltr just so i’m not single when in reality i don’t even like the girl that much.

I know her behaviour was inherently female nature as well but i just don’t like the whole omitting things, and i value honesty and responsibility as in we’re both doing it why am i the only one that’s taking accountability for it ( if i really wanter her i would’ve tolerated it) so there’s that


at the same time i think i could have gotten what i wanted if i kept pushing, still i don’t see it as good roi
but i do be wondering if i took the right decision

@corrector

 

[youngpadawanAnakin]

You just start doing it. Start talking to people more, having a conversation and progressing a little more and more.

There is no easy way to do it, just like there is no easy way to walk 100 miles. It starts with a single step.

You will have anxiety, fear, your brain will try everything to stop you from going outside your comfort zone.

Why? Because your brain isn't wired for you to thrive, merely survive. And survival is easiest when it is dealing with known factors inside a comfort zone that you have gotten used to. Introducing a lot of outside variables into the equation is the opposite of status quo and your brain will do everything in its power to try and force you not to do it.

You have to decide how badly you want it and whether you will allow it to stop you.

Much appreciated thanks

 

[Bingo-Player]

@Bingo-Player
Your just that age where your social circles should be red hot

-the thing is i moved from a different country and all the people i knew literally live on the other side of the globe so i kinda had to start it all from scratch

I honestly wouldn't be worrying about trying to intentionally approach women at your age

-ok got it

Again you are 19 you have 10 of the best years of your life for socialising and meeting women ahead of you relax have fun

You don't need to worry or think about it at all

When you get to 30 things start getting harder

 

[corrector]

What girl do you have a crush on right now? What
action have you taken on her?

i don’t really have a crush on anybody but there’s this one girl that i met a year prior in one of my classes that was super friendly and, we had few classes together but then when last summer hit we lost contact ( i also deleted my socials at that time) and i also got hit with the same realisation that she was being that friendly because she liked me but again it was too late; fast forward to the end of the winter session i was at the library with a friend and she noticed me and called me.

I talked to her for a bit and got her ig (created it 2 months before that because people look at me weird when i say i don’t have ig)and since i knew she liked me i wanted to try and see how thing would go; it was on monday and we had exams the whole week so i didn’t bother sending her a message during that period and waited for the weekend to send her a message.
Which i did and she was also eager to meet me and she asked when i’m available ( i said tomorrow) in order to make things happen.
She was working the whole weekend so she rescheduled it for monday but then rescheduled again for thursday because i wanted to meet at night time since i’m busy during the day and she couldn’t because it was her grandma’s birthday and had to be there.
During that time i wasn’t really interested in talking over the phone because i already had a thing settled but she would keep sending me messages when i left her on seen or she would make a friends only story targeted at me so that i would answer either answering some bull**** question that she got with the “Answer me” writen on the screen so i knew it was targeted at me, or she would simply post a video of her since i told her she had nice lips and i would kiss her when we meet. she kinda tried to ignore that message by the way, and sent me this emoji along with some random word that didn’t mean shvt but then i left her on seen and she sent me another message right after.

Thursday was kinda far so i just decided to go with it and to be super sexual over text to figure out if she would be with it or nah. and she kept the same attitude but then would keep messaging me and she told “she’s not that type of girl”, i went “i don’t really care u do what u do”
then on wednesday i asked where she lived so that i could pick her up she was kinda reluctant about disclosing that info and i kept digging and she told me she lived in a host family ( she’s from out of the country and she’s 21 and i’m guessing she’s from a traditional household, i live in canada by the way), she also told me she wasn’t sure if going out at night unnanounced would be respectful towards her family.

i don’t really care about her situation or whatever but i didn’t appreciate the fact that she lied to me about being available at night or she didn’t mention it knowing that she wouldn’t be able to go out. ( she proposed during the day and i said i was busy and she “agreed” to meet at night)
and she basically used me for attention from sunday to wednesday knowing that nothing would happen.
there’s that and she said afterwards that we could still meet during the day, i was like “i’m not sure about that, i could cancel for various reasons” and then i mentioned the way she reacted when i was sexual with her and said she wouldn’t probably do anything anyways.
She replied by saying that i’m crazy and she’s just here to have a laugh. which annoyed me even more because it confirms that she was using me for attention so i went silent and then she sent a vocal saying “what i mean is how are u sure that we would do all those things if we met” i guess it was to save face or to clarify what she meant but at that point i didn’t care and said “aight nevermind” and she replied “your call” and i left her on seen and it ended there

Now i don’t think getting into an ltr with her (or any girl i know) would be hard because i could’ve taken it slower and do all the getting to know her even more and stuff but i really don’t want to go through all that since i got so much things going and that i don’t want to be in an ltr just so i’m not single when in reality i don’t even like the girl that much.

I know her behaviour was inherently female nature as well but i just don’t like the whole omitting things, and i value honesty and responsibility as in we’re both doing it why am i the only one that’s taking accountability for it ( if i really wanter her i would’ve tolerated it) so there’s that


at the same time i think i could have gotten what i wanted if i kept pushing, still i don’t see it as good roi
but i do be wondering if i took the right decision

@corrector

What an attention hor, lol!