How do I even get started with dating at 29?

[corrector]

but I am also white and living in the US and I do like Latinas and Asian girls (actually lost my virginity to an an Asian girl) so do you think I’lol be more successful if those are the type of girls I am for?

Sure. But if that's the case, why was it such a long time since you lost your virginity and had no action since then? What are you waiting for?

 

[needimprovement250]

You get lots of blue-pill advice on here to lead you to find post-wall nightmare scenarios.

About the escorts thing, all I can say is your equipment is going to start failing soon. I noticed a decline and aging set in after 32 years old. (2008). You are 29 years old. Maybe that's not bad an idea if you don't need pills to get it up and maybe you'll feel more comfortable around women that way and you can choose who you want to go with that you feel attracted to. Not that I'm recommending this, of course, but the way you mentioned it here made it sound bad.

Well my equipment already fails now, it was actually failing back when I lost my virginity at 21 and its continued to be an issue. You see, I didn’t mention in my first post that I have a pretty severe porn addiction and its been shown that if a guy never transitions to real life sex and instead just keeps looking at porn and jerking it, its likely that he’ll have problems with his equipment since his brain and body are not used to the type of stimulation since he’s become too used to the type of stimulation he gets from porn and his own hand. One of the legal escorts I looked into even mentioned on her website that this can happen and advised all virgin clients to abstain from porn and jerking it for awhile before their scheduled meetup.

 

[needimprovement250]

I started dating at age 30 y/o (2006), and met a soulmate in 2012 (36 y/o) and was married in 2014 (38 y/o), and got divorced before the long-dry spell that I'm still in. These were all in my 30s. One good thing you can say is if you do date in your 30s and have no experience then you can't fail because everything is a learning experience until you really get burned (ie and by burned, I don't mean rejection, I mean you put considerable time, money and emotional investment into a woman that does not work out in the end and everything is gone).

How did you feel about getting started with dating in your 30’s? Did you experience any of the things I described where you felt bad about it or felt like a loser at all because of it? Aren’t those also learning experiences that you have when you’re dating in your teens and 20’s?

 

[needimprovement250]

Sure. But if that's the case, why was it such a long time since you lost your virginity and had no action since then? What are you waiting for?

Because I have literally zero opportunities to meet any girls. In the past 5 years, I’ve only met 1 girl and I did like her and she was giving me pretty clear signals to make a move, but my mindset is just so negative and pessimistic that I couldn’t imagine any other outcome besides rejection, so I never made a move. Since then, I’ve pretty much had nothing besides fooling around one time with a girl that I met through a mutual friend, that was my first time kissing a girl in over 5 years and since then I haven’t kissed anyone, so I haven’t even kissed a girl in over 2 years. The lack of opportunities to meet someone is one of the most frustrating challenges that I’ve been facing. Now if you wanna know whit it took me until 21 to lose my virginity, I would have to explain my teen years and high school experiences more.

 

[corrector]

Because I have literally zero opportunities to meet any girls. In the past 5 years, I’ve only met 1 girl and I did like her and she was giving me pretty clear signals to make a move, but my mindset is just so negative and pessimistic that I couldn’t imagine any other outcome besides rejection, so I never made a move. Since then, I’ve pretty much had nothing besides fooling around one time with a girl that I met through a mutual friend, that was my first time kissing a girl in over 5 years and since then I haven’t kissed anyone, so I haven’t even kissed a girl in over 2 years. The lack of opportunities to meet someone is one of the most frustrating challenges that I’ve been facing. Now if you wanna know whit it took me until 21 to lose my virginity, I would have to explain my teen years and high school experiences more.

I mean, if you believe that Asians and Latinas are a "cheat mode" to you, then you could not meet them off the internet?

 

[corrector]

How did you feel about getting started with dating in your 30’s? Did you experience any of the things I described where you felt bad about it or felt like a loser at all because of it? Aren’t those also learning experiences that you have when you’re dating in your teens and 20’s?

Technically, I took out women, as friends, in 2002, so if I were going to really look at it, I started dealing with a couple of girls that way when I was 26 years old and had some limited interactions as a tutor, working as a telemarketer (there was a black girl who was sending clear buying signals but I didn't respond with her), and just feel I was just out of synch. This was after I went to University (1995-2000) where I ended up after University without a girlfriend, or without any experience. It was tempting at the time to have used an escort as I had the drive and allot of credit card money (ie for a 20 year old), but I wasted the money in the stock-market instead.

When I was 30 years old, I had a nasty infatuation with a girl I met from the internet. To make a long story short she was the gal who went with the 'chad-player' and then cried about being pumped and dump while I got in such a jealous rage after reading that that I just lost my mind and killed that friendship. I felt too friendzoned by her while she did that with me (April - September 2006) I met a black lady off an incel-site (April - November, 2006/ back in 2006 incel was more co-ed than a male-only club) and she while we watched movies together, I didn't pursue or respond with her sexually because of religious reasons. She eventually got a male escort and I lost interest with her after I found out she went there. I had my first kissing experience with an 18 year old black girl (December, 2006 & November 2008)) and I met a collage age Nigerian girl (December, 2006 - September 2007) off the internet who was a virgin and into the choir. We dated a bit here and there but she wanted me to be more with it with fashion, etc... We had some french kissing make-out sessions and she encouraged me to grab her hips while french kissing her. So I felt that this experience with her made up for the crushing infatuation and betrayal of trust from the previous girl I was infatuated about and felt sore for a bit of time afterwards (ie it wasn't until 2012 that I met someone else that that was finally flushed out of my system).

At the end of that, I didn't feel like a loser as my ego was saved by the black women I subsequently met who were more patient and understanding with me and where I had my first type of intimate experience with. So this is a span between 2002-2008. Not sure if, or how that could help you. I did try out an adult site to meet women for casual sex, but I chickened out at the last minute of a planned "hook-up" and I wasted about a month to get there (had a profile crying virgin at the time), and felt I wasted a month to have killed a few hook-up opportunities, etc....

 

[corrector]

Well my equipment already fails now, it was actually failing back when I lost my virginity at 21 and its continued to be an issue. You see, I didn’t mention in my first post that I have a pretty severe porn addiction and its been shown that if a guy never transitions to real life sex and instead just keeps looking at porn and jerking it, its likely that he’ll have problems with his equipment since his brain and body are not used to the type of stimulation since he’s become too used to the type of stimulation he gets from porn and his own hand. One of the legal escorts I looked into even mentioned on her website that this can happen and advised all virgin clients to abstain from porn and jerking it for awhile before their scheduled meetup.

Yeah, porn has always been a problem in my life as well. My father did not help in that regard. He brought magazines and papers into the house and, as a child, I would discover them and that is how that took a hold on me. When there was dial-up internet in 1992, I would take the time to download pictures. I quit this type of porn in 1993 because it was frankly to shallow and empty and while I had the temptation to look at a magazine or pick up a video at the adult section of a convenience store, I feel this thing was held at bay until the speed of the internet got faster in the late 90s.

I think having access to porn while being in a co-ed environment such as a University was probably the worst thing. It has your mind on a certain type of bend that is counter-productive to establishing healthy relationships with the opposite sex. If you don't meet someone in University, then it's like the rest of your life is doomed because you are not going to get an opportunity like that to meet single, educated and available women who you could start a future together anywhere else like that.

After University, and especially going to 2006 forward, I do not feel watching or not watching porn is relevant as I age up. It's now a desperate situation where I'm not meeting women, or have these gigantic dry-spells and it becomes like a fact of life rather than a rip-off problem like when I was in University. While I dont' currently watch porn, I feel more sympathetic to myself if I did in the recent past, but not as much when I was younger and more opportunities to meet women were available.

 

[needimprovement250]

I mean, if you believe that Asians and Latinas are a "cheat mode" to you, then you could not meet them off the internet?

I don’t fully believe that myself, I’m just echoing what a couple of other users here on SS said on another thread. They said that white guys have such an easy time pulling Asians and Latinas that its like playing the game on cheat mode because of how much both of them like white guys. I don’t know how true it actually is, they both could’ve just been blowing smoke for all I know.

There’s a couple of reasons as to why I haven’t tried to meet girls like that or anyone else off the internet. The first one being that I just feel like I can never take a good picture and never look good in any pictures that I take of myself. In addition to the fact that they would be all selfies since I don’t have anyone to take pics of me, but I did think of buying a wireless Bluetooth remote that controls your phone’s camera so that I can take pics without having to hold my phone. The second one is that I’ve heard some horror stories where men were set up to be ambushed and attacked via OLD when they thought they were talking to a girl they matched with. I just get scared at the prospect that I could be getting deceived and end up walking into something like that.

 

[corrector]

@needimprovement250, Now that I've brought up the idea, I may as well ask the obvious. Your best chances of meeting someone decent is in college or University. Can you find some way to get into that environment? Maybe take a course(s) or something that would put you in that environment?

 

[DoubleBarrel]

OP, become a master conversationalist first. Learn how to initiate engaging strangers in interesting conversation, regardless of it they're men or women, young or old, attractive or ugly. Practice on clerks and servers, especially; they're paid to talk to you. Strike up conversations with them while they're ringing up your order. In no time, you'll be equipped and thus have the confidence to approach the women you see that you find attractive and know how to interest them enough to have them give you their digits.

 

[corrector]

I don’t fully believe that myself, I’m just echoing what a couple of other users here on SS said on another thread. They said that white guys have such an easy time pulling Asians and Latinas that its like playing the game on cheat mode because of how much both of them like white guys. I don’t know how true it actually is, they both could’ve just been blowing smoke for all I know.

There’s a couple of reasons as to why I haven’t tried to meet girls like that or anyone else off the internet. The first one being that I just feel like I can never take a good picture and never look good in any pictures that I take of myself. In addition to the fact that they would be all selfies since I don’t have anyone to take pics of me, but I did think of buying a wireless Bluetooth remote that controls your phone’s camera so that I can take pics without having to hold my phone. The second one is that I’ve heard some horror stories where men were set up to be ambushed and attacked via OLD when they thought they were talking to a girl they matched with. I just get scared at the prospect that I could be getting deceived and end up walking into something like that.

Well, I mean meeting someone decent through the internet, not a hook-up. But taking the hook-up thing, I understand that type of fear. You meet a girl, think you'll get ambushed and mugged right? It's a risk right? At adult friend-finder in 2006, I may have felt that way, but then you had testimonials from other users (guys) of the board which met up with the same girl so it's not likely that she would be like that. She looked at my photo and was willing to met me. Her name was Julia and she called me on my phone, she would have been the first virgin-busting hook-up if I went along with it. She even asked me how I felt about doing it with a random stranger. I felt euphoric I had that opportunity even though I didn't go along with it. It's like, I can get sex from a random stranger in a hook-up without having to pay for it. It meant allot to me at the time.

But, apart from that, all of my other internet-meet-ups have been with decent Christian ladies who were looking for a relationship or find their life partner to get married. I'm currently only registered on a Christian-cafe site so I'm not worried in the least about such a thing happening with me.

 

[needimprovement250]

Technically, I took out women, as friends, in 2002, so if I were going to really look at it, I started dealing with a couple of girls that way when I was 26 years old and had some limited interactions as a tutor, working as a telemarketer (there was a black girl who was sending clear buying signals but I didn't respond with her), and just feel I was just out of synch. This was after I went to University (1995-2000) where I ended up after University without a girlfriend, or without any experience. It was tempting at the time to have used an escort as I had the drive and allot of credit card money (ie for a 20 year old), but I wasted the money in the stock-market instead.

When I was 30 years old, I had a nasty infatuation with a girl I met from the internet. To make a long story short she was the gal who went with the 'chad-player' and then cried about being pumped and dump while I got in such a jealous rage after reading that that I just lost my mind and killed that friendship. I felt too friendzoned by her while she did that with me (April - September 2006) I met a black lady off an incel-site (April - November, 2006/ back in 2006 incel was more co-ed than a male-only club) and she while we watched movies together, I didn't pursue or respond with her sexually because of religious reasons. She eventually got a male escort and I lost interest with her after I found out she went there. I had my first kissing experience with an 18 year old black girl (December, 2006 & November 2008)) and I met a collage age Nigerian girl (December, 2006 - September 2007) off the internet who was a virgin and into the choir. We dated a bit here and there but she wanted me to be more with it with fashion, etc... We had some french kissing make-out sessions and she encouraged me to grab her hips while french kissing her. So I felt that this experience with her made up for the crushing infatuation and betrayal of trust from the previous girl I was infatuated about and felt sore for a bit of time afterwards (ie it wasn't until 2012 that I met someone else that that was finally flushed out of my system).

At the end of that, I didn't feel like a loser as my ego was saved by the black women I subsequently met who were more patient and understanding with me and where I had my first type of intimate experience with. So this is a span between 2002-2008. Not sure if, or how that could help you. I did try out an adult site to meet women for casual sex, but I chickened out at the last minute of a planned "hook-up" and I wasted about a month to get there (had a profile crying virgin at the time), and felt I wasted a month to have killed a few hook-up opportunities, etc....

Its good to hear that the dating world didn't just chew you up and spit you back out for getting started with so little experience at a later age, what you said definitely does show that there will be ups and downs with dating regardless of what age you start at and how much experience you have. I think that I need to do what you did and try to find a girl who's patient and understanding because my lack of experience will probably be less of an issue to them. I also still hold some infatuation that I need to move on from, so I'm glad to hear that finding someone else and doing more with them than you did with the girl that you were infatuated with will help you move on and flush that infatuation out of your system.

 

[needimprovement250]

Yeah, porn has always been a problem in my life as well. My father did not help in that regard. He brought magazines and papers into the house and, as a child, I would discover them and that is how that took a hold on me. When there was dial-up internet in 1992, I would take the time to download pictures. I quit this type of porn in 1993 because it was frankly to shallow and empty and while I had the temptation to look at a magazine or pick up a video at the adult section of a convenience store, I feel this thing was held at bay until the speed of the internet got faster in the late 90s.

I think having access to porn while being in a co-ed environment such as a University was probably the worst thing. It has your mind on a certain type of bend that is counter-productive to establishing healthy relationships with the opposite sex. If you don't meet someone in University, then it's like the rest of your life is doomed because you are not going to get an opportunity like that to meet single, educated and available women who you could start a future together anywhere else like that.

After University, and especially going to 2006 forward, I do not feel watching or not watching porn is relevant as I age up. It's now a desperate situation where I'm not meeting women, or have these gigantic dry-spells and it becomes like a fact of life rather than a rip-off problem like when I was in University. While I dont' currently watch porn, I feel more sympathetic to myself if I did in the recent past, but not as much when I was younger and more opportunities to meet women were available.

I remember some of that type of porn back then in the 90's too. I remember back around that time, my family took a vacation to Vegas and I was drawn to those business card sized ads for escorts that have nude girls on them, even though I was just a kid. My parents noticed me picking them up off the ground though and took them away from me, luckily my dad never brought porno magazines into the house so that type of exposure was never an issue, but I did peek into the adults only section at the video rental store a couple times. I never got into porn during the dial-up era, because I was too young to use the internet at that time, but getting into it back in 2006 when the internet was faster and more advanced was probably worse. This might be a little TMI, but I have a foot fetish and one day shortly after being introduced to Google Images and learning how to use it, I decided to look up girls feet using that and the rest is history because I was instantly hooked.

I definitely agree with the co-ed environment thing, it totally destroyed any dating prospects that I could've had in high school. That was also in addition to me already having low confidence with the opposite sex, so it created the perfect storm for me to graduate as a dateless and kissless virgin, which is exactly what happened. I didn't go to university though, so I felt that i was doomed right after high school because I was no longer in a co-ed environment like that and I knew that I never would be again. It definitely gets more difficult once you aren't in that type of environment anymore, everyone gets on with their lives individually and you aren't around a large group of women on a daily basis anymore.

I think that you should stick to not watching it for sure, its just such a damaging habit and it can be so hard to break free from it. OnlyFans has been the worse for me, I've bought a few subscriptions on there mainly because I never get to talk to any girls and even though I know that they're only talking to me because I paid them, I've convinced myself that its better than nothing and it never will get better anyway.

 

[needimprovement250]

@needimprovement250, Now that I've brought up the idea, I may as well ask the obvious. Your best chances of meeting someone decent is in college or University. Can you find some way to get into that environment? Maybe take a course(s) or something that would put you in that environment?

Unfortunately that's not an option for me. I am looking into taking some courses, but it will probably be online or at a trade school, which is a different social environment than a university campus.

 

[corrector]

I think that you should stick to not watching it for sure, its just such a damaging habit and it can be so hard to break free from it. OnlyFans has been the worse for me, I've bought a few subscriptions on there mainly because I never get to talk to any girls and even though I know that they're only talking to me because I paid them, I've convinced myself that its better than nothing and it never will get better anyway.

Remind me of that again when it comes to September and the food shortage / famines happen. I tend to backslide on these commitments by the end of September because I don't have a gf. Maybe this year I won't. Hear allot of hype about this September being different from others in the past.

I subscribed to OnlyFans too between September, 2021 - April, 2022 and quit it cold-turkey a day before Easter. I can relate with you that you get some type of "better than nothing" connections with women on there and you don't feel as starving. (I dabbled with it a bit in April, 2021 but quit it but was itching to try it out when late September 2021 hit).

 

[needimprovement250]

Well, I mean meeting someone decent through the internet, not a hook-up. But taking the hook-up thing, I understand that type of fear. You meet a girl, think you'll get ambushed and mugged right? It's a risk right? At adult friend-finder in 2006, I may have felt that way, but then you had testimonials from other users (guys) of the board which met up with the same girl so it's not likely that she would be like that. She looked at my photo and was willing to met me. Her name was Julia and she called me on my phone, she would have been the first virgin-busting hook-up if I went along with it. She even asked me how I felt about doing it with a random stranger. I felt euphoric I had that opportunity even though I didn't go along with it. It's like, I can get sex from a random stranger in a hook-up without having to pay for it. It meant allot to me at the time.

But, apart from that, all of my other internet-meet-ups have been with decent Christian ladies who were looking for a relationship or find their life partner to get married. I'm currently only registered on a Christian-cafe site so I'm not worried in the least about such a thing happening with me.

Yeah I think its less dangerous or risky if you're trying to meet someone different versus just trying to hook up. I'm not sure if I would use AdultFriendFinder or not, seems risky and there could be a lot of setups on there. But maybe it isn't as bad if you do thorough vetting of your matches like you did to make sure everything seems legit, I've just been skeptical of that site because its used as a pop up for so many porn sites. I'm sure that a lot of those girls are trying to be careful too because while there is that type of risk for a guy, girl's are at a much greater risk of being a victim of that kind of setup. I actually just watched a true crime show last night were a girl went on Tinder and she ended up getting abducted and killed for a cult ritual, I also heard of another story where a guy using OLD was led to an abandoned house and a couple of people wearing all black tried to attack him when he showed up. One of them came at him with a machete as soon as he got out of his car, but he was able to get back in and drive away while the other one was shooting at his car. Then another guy who used OLD also got led to an abandoned house and a man opened the door as he was walking up, he said that he was there to meet the girl he had been talking to online and the man said that she was still getting ready and that he could come in and wait for her. As he got closer to the house, he could see another man crouched down and ready to tackle him as soon as he got in the house. This guy turned around and ran back to his car as fast as he could.

So experiences like that have made me scared to try OLD, but maybe if you use sites like Christian Mingle or other paid ones instead, there will be less of a risk compared to free ones like Tinder. I guess it just always pays to be careful by letting family/friends or both know where you're going and who you're going out with just to be safe.

 

[needimprovement250]

Remind me of that again when it comes to September and the food shortage / famines happen. I tend to backslide on these commitments by the end of September because I don't have a gf. Maybe this year I won't. Hear allot of hype about this September being different from others in the past.

I subscribed to OnlyFans too between September, 2021 - April, 2022 and quit it cold-turkey a day before Easter. I can relate with you that you get some type of "better than nothing" connections with women on there and you don't feel as starving. (I dabbled with it a bit in April, 2021 but quit it but was itching to try it out when late September 2021 hit).

The food shortages and famines definitely will make this fall season a lot different from the others, so it might live up to the hype for all the wrong reasons. I feel you on the month of September though, it really seems like the best time of year to get a gf (I actually wanted to make a separate thread about this) because a lot of girls love all of the fall sh*t (pumpkin patches, Oktoberfest, going to haunted houses, Halloween parties, etc) and like to have a partner to do all of those things with. Then the rest of the holidays come along after Halloween and you will have someone to spend the holidays with as well, so it can really suck to not be dating someone at that time of the year.

Glad you were able to quit it cold turkey, its still a struggle for me because a couple of my subscriptions are still active. It definitely can ease your hunger to have some interaction with women, but its not a healthy substitute. One thing to keep in mind that helped me is that someone over on NoFap pointed out to me that a lot of times, girls will pay other people to respond to their DM's for them because there's just too many to answer on their own. And a decent amount of the time, the other people answering their DM's are men, so you could be paying to get catfished and you'll never know.

 

[corrector]

The food shortages and famines definitely will make this fall season a lot different from the others, so it might live up to the hype for all the wrong reasons. I feel you on the month of September though, it really seems like the best time of year to get a gf (I actually wanted to make a separate thread about this) because a lot of girls love all of the fall sh*t (pumpkin patches, Oktoberfest, going to haunted houses, Halloween parties, etc) and like to have a partner to do all of those things with. Then the rest of the holidays come along after Halloween and you will have someone to spend the holidays with as well, so it can really suck to not be dating someone at that time of the year.

That's an interesting take that puts a face to a name. Back in 2012 when I had a gf, I introduced her to my family on my mother's side in September. I took her out on fall art tours, Niagara Falls which included an aerial tour of a gorge and walking trails together and trip to a Pioneer Village. The following year after the break-up stung badly and I went out with my folks for a fall colour tour to Montreal, Quebec and other parts of Ontario when she was gone at the same time. It stung the year after the break-up especially around thanksgiving time.

However, allot of time has elapsed since then and that doesn't bother me as much. Especially as at least she's not the last girl I dealt with seeing as I did get married in 2014 (at least with a woman who was willing to stay with me and build a family if I had the right house?). The divorce with my ex-wife has left a bad taste that I'm not as gun-ho to want another relationship / marriage like that.

Glad you were able to quit it cold turkey, its still a struggle for me because a couple of my subscriptions are still active. It definitely can ease your hunger to have some interaction with women, but its not a healthy substitute. One thing to keep in mind that helped me is that someone over on NoFap pointed out to me that a lot of times, girls will pay other people to respond to their DM's for them because there's just too many to answer on their own. And a decent amount of the time, the other people answering their DM's are men, so you could be paying to get catfished and you'll never know.

I don't think that's likely since the women I've subscribed to on OnlyFans posts pics allot, they are working as escorts so there are just a phone call and some cash away from actually spending some one on one time with me and as another poster pointed out, it's just like pre-viewing an escort before engaging her. I don't interact that much with them and some of them are more active than others, especially the younger ones and I'm more cold and aloof as a subscriber to them since I just want to keep it at "screen distance". Either way, I'm not on there now. When I was on there, I would feel a connection where I would get irritated or annoyed if I allowed the subscription to lapse, like I was abandoning the girl, and I felt I was providing for or showing some love by keeping the subscription.