How do I earn people's respect?

[Locster]

I need help earning people's respect.

I need to find a way to change my shy guy attitude and behave a different way so that people can take me more serious. I feel like anybody from strangers to family and friends see me as an insignificant little kid.

I am a normal guy thats just shy and I feel thats why the few friends I have had have never truly respected me like they would their best friends. I say this because they dont return my messages or even consider me a true friend worthy of hanging out with.

I really need a drastic change in life cause college is gonna start soon and things might get worse.

 

[KillaCam]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15685

This is straight from the DJ Bible. Was the first article I ever read here, and it helped me in a variety of ways.

 

[Delta]

i've always been shy but always been respected too... the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

the thing is, there's got to be something that you're confident about.

for me, i've always been good at what i do... or was gung ho about film and art.

so you're speaking of respect generally, not just in regards to women... so just have SOMETHING in your life that you're passionate about. that you're good at and that can inform the way you carry yourself.
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also:

NEVER COMPLAIN.

never whine.

don't talk like a fool. if you fear you are, best solution is simply talk less!

don't praise yourself. always let praise come from others.

read PROVERBS in the bible. even for the non-religious, it gives good solid advice on simply being respectable.

that two bits of advice before my exhortation to read proverbs is FROM proverbs.

but modify it too... yes, speak less and people won't think you're a fool but you also need to learn how to speak WELL! which proverbs does not mention.

luck

delta

 

[blinkwatt]

Delta is on key. You want respect,here are some of the things I do.

~Self condifence is a HUGE aspect to obtaining respect from others.

~Back straight and chest out,good posture radiates confidence.

~Clean shaven,hair combed & clean clothes,shows that you take care of yourself.

~Don't be a "negative nancy". Learn from your expierence and move on,not just with women but your whole life. Remember life is just one big learning expierence.

~Do not curse,I can't stress this enough. Cursing is a sign of unintelligence,there are a million other words for "fcuk",darn,shucks,dang,gosh-darnit,gee-golly & the "worse" word you will hear from my mouth, "dammit". They dont have to be cheesy but uou get the idea.

~Control your emotions! Do not act on emotion,image what would happen if you were to take the action,how would you look in others eyes. Example,girl at work,her and her boyfriend were having a fight over the phone,she asks him to hold on while she takes a call,the call takes 5 minutes. He hangs up and calls back,thinking she hung up on him when she didn't. I pick up the line he is calling on
bf says "Can I speak to (name)"
bw"yeah hold a second is this (bf name)?"(I know him)
bf"yeah can I speak to (gf)"
bw"yeah hey man she is busy on another line hold on a moment"
bf"hey btich quit fcuking around let me talk to her"
bw(I started to laugh)"I'm not kidding hold on a moment"(I put him on hold)

I mentioned nothing to no one as I kind of had an idea of what was going on and he was acting off of emotion. He comes in two hours later to pick her up and to tell me sorry. Now if I were dumb enough to act off of emotion I would have trash talked with him over the phone.

~Now I know that alot may not agree with this but,lift weights!

I'm not "huge" but I have noticed that people are less willing to try and push me around and try to box with me now that I'm "bigger".I'm 5 7',152 pounds,10%ish bodyfat with just over 14.5 inch arms so you have an idea. In the gym I get tons of respect and stares from everyone who is smaller then me,some even ask me for advice. Now image if you were as big as Vin Diesel,I bet no man tries to pick on him and his body build acn be acheived within 2 years for anyone.(ok maybe not everyone)

 

[bingo_]

read the bible... i was very shy and didn't know much until i found this site. i even used to think girls were godessess and should be treated like a princess. boy was i wrong! i was mr nice shy guy. i actually started off reading ALL the tips. even that helped me.

 

[Remulak]

You want respect from others? Start by respecting yourself and not putting up with bullshyt and having a zero tolerance on it.

 

[t0mCaT]

Hmm, my advice is simple: don't be a prick.

Don't lie to people, don't cheat people, respect all people, and have a life.

And all that bullsht that is synonymous with 'lack of respect' won't exist in your life.

 

[Paper Boy]

Respect is something that is earned, not given.

 

[Delta]

yeah,

the guy knows that. look at the title of the thread.

delta

 

[Trapper]

go some dirty clubs and hang out with social and funny guys...

 

[Maybnoob]

By being confident and not being manipulated or letting any take you for a fool... trust me thats the only way

 

[TheMasterOfBation]

it should be more as "how do people earn my respect"

 

[Bvbidd]

MOB (That's good advice, but he can't be a complete loner all the time..)

The only people who really should be talking in this thread are people have had no respect and then earned it later in life, not just think they earned but literally years later earned it. A lot of you just sound like you THINK people respect you even if they think your a joke behind your back.

Personally, I've always respected those below me much more and than those above me.. not quite sure what's with everybody else and their demand for you to be above them or equal to them or whatever.. I've never understood it.. but that's the way it is.. regardless of how much of a prick or good guy you are.

Just be good at something. I also don't understand this.. as I don't give a sh!t what you do.. but people do seem to care you are good at something and you show them you are good at something no matter how confident or a great guy you are. I guess people are complete slaves to reality or somethin, I don't know.

Oh, and don't be things that remind people of the bad things about themselves. Being a loser in people's eyes makes people focus on the loser parts of themselves and makes them feel like sh!t. << This is the big one really.

Blinkwatt.. the not curse advice is sh!t. You don't have to be a cheesy fvck just fit in with other cheesy fvcks if your not a cheesy fvck. And yeah, not cursing EVER is pretty fvcking cheesy at 18.

 

[ScrewIt]

I used to be in your place during h.s. with my circle of friends, the bottom of the chain, bit of a shy guy. Now in college im on top of the chain of that circle of friends...well we're more like equals.

As someone else said you earn their respect. people wont respect you unless you respect yourself and your boundaries. put yourself in a higher plane of existence. probably you're in that position with your friends because you are the 'anti-social' quiet follower and you seek their validation. Move out of that frame. Even if you dont i assure you definitely will throughout your college years.

 

[Bvbidd]

ScrewIt's right, it's harsh but you have to do something about it and yes you gain self-confidence with age and people also lose immaturity.

 

[Locster]

i feel like **** right now

 

[blinkwatt]

Blinkwatt.. the not curse advice is sh!t. You don't have to be a cheesy fvck just fit in with other cheesy fvcks if your not a cheesy fvck. And yeah, not cursing EVER is pretty fvcking cheesy at 18.

Its sh!t huh?!?!

That's why older people comment on how I present myself and how much class I have for my age....It doesn't have to be cheesy,just control yourself.

Bvbidd consider this,try to not curse for one week,thats it. See if you have the self control,and if you do,you will see how unintelligent cursing is in your own eyes then.

 

[lurker]

the major way to gain respect is to shock people to do what they never expect you to do. i was always pushed around because i was skinny 2 years ago. now im proud to say im like vin disel mass wise. one time some guy was picking on me thinking i was still the same guy. i turned back at him and told him to shut up or ill knock his teeth out . needless to say everyone was stunned. stand your ground and live by your rules. my friends are club junkies and i hate going clubs. they used to tease me on working out and stuff. until i never called any or them for 4 months. they knew i was serious about chasing a fitness modelling career and are now jealous but they respect me more cuss they dont pick on me cuss ill walk out on them anytime.

 

[everywomanshero]

A lot of people have learned behavior to be shy. It is taught in some subcultures. The good news is that this is a choice. You know this is a learned habit, and you can choose to break it.

Feeling guilty or bad about regarding this make big trouble for many men. Feeling guilty only sinks one further into the hole. The solution is to start feeling good about yourself and start reversing the process. Ask a question in class, sit by a hawtie and talk to her.. it doesn't matter at this point their reactions as you're only seeking to get a new reaction from *yourself* not anyone else. Ride the city train when it's busy, ride the bus, find easy places to talk to people and just do it even if it feels like you will die. This is only the first step. It will take along time to fully change all that learned behavior is every social situation. The younger you start this process, the better. There is almost no one who cannot be cured. If you feel you are the one person who cannot ever be cured, then perhaps you need medication or cognitive behavior therapy.. these services are available ona sliding scale so even if you cannot afford to eat you have no excuse.