How do I deal with this ex/friend?

[Mjolnir21]

Hello Kings, I'm new to this forum and I'd say I'm recently unplugged - I read The Rational Male 3 Months ago and it has done absolute wonders, literally have women eating out of my hand, in a healthy way of course. But your help here is needed here.

This brings me to my problem I'm 21 and dated this girl back in 2020 (Met her in 2017), we became friends after the breakup she was the first girl to treat me well like genuinely well. We did however have a mutual break up, after that we got back together, I went to go see her and she made me wait for 1hr outside her gate at 1200 because 'she was asleep' I was an AFC at the time but I knew that wasn't right so I left and ghosted her. She came back into my life end of 2021 r with an apology and I accepted it but never rekindled love just remained friends who occasionally promised to marry each other because we know each other so well - you know the vibes. But I still feel attached to her, she takes days to reply me, and even though I have a few plates and a main, I hate that I cannot miss her calls I can ghost her for a week but I always come back. We are friends nothing romantic but I don't like the control she has over me.

How best do I detach myself from her or switch the power dynamic?
Any and all suggestions are welcome, thank you for reading.

 

[Byten]

New to the forum as well. I offer two suggestions...

Go 30 days no contact
Bang 10 hotter chicks, bonus points if in the same 30 days
Maybe try to figure out what it is about that one, and break it.
Move on and do better

OR

Get your frame back by acting high value, with confidence.
Given the history, I would go have a great time and fun with her
throw some dread game out to see if she comes around.
Plate her for a while and see if she can act right, given your age I would watch for "accidental" birth control failure.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

Back when I was your age, I also had a "friend that I thought of like a sister" (yeah... right). I think that we've all been down that road; we vibe well enough as a "friend" but we also find attraction to that female "friend."

I hate to say it, but you're likely in catch-22. I'll explain.

Unlike a lot of men, women can practically smell if the opposite secs is attracted to them. This means that even though you can 'pretend' that you don't find her attractive, women just seem to have a way of sensing this.

The "catch-22" is that... when you are actually no longer attracted to her (and seriously, when you aren't) ... she may find herself attracted to you. But again, if you try to pretend, she'll probably sniff it out.

With a lack of experience (we were all 20 at some point) you could use this situation as "experience." What I mean is... you can try a few of these tactics; with the mindset that it likely will not work, but it will be practice (which will improve your future game)

Any time she calls (and if she's used to you doing the initiating, this could take a while) you keep the conversation upbeat. But you keep the call brief and you end the call. Even if you have to reach outside and ring your own door-bell ("Hey, someones at the door, I'll have to call you back"). And then you *don't* call her back.

Next time she initiates, you keep it friendly and upbeat as before, but again, keep it brief and end the conversation. At some point, she might go as far as to suggest hanging out.
You'd "love to and that sounds great" (start out by building her up)... but then you drop the bomb... "but, I'm kind of busy at the moment. Hey, it's been good chatting, but I gotta go. We'll catch up later."

If she suddenly cops an attitude or plays passive/aggressive (I guess you don't want to hang out with me anymore) ... you just keep things upbeat and do not engage her in this drama.

The above tactics are basically providing a "reset." Eventually, you'll make time for her. But, the moment she senses attraction, you lose. Due to the dynamics that you've described, you will have to be extra coy and let her*first* vie for your attention,.

Again, I'm thinking because you are younger, you will probably face some unfamiliar obstacles. And likely, this will not play out too well. Look at this situation as "experience" and a way to 'fine-tune' for future situations.

Good luck.

 

[Mjolnir21]

Welcome aboard.

Back when I was your age, I also had a "friend that I thought of like a sister" (yeah... right). I think that we've all been down that road; we vibe well enough as a "friend" but we also find attraction to that female "friend."

I hate to say it, but you're likely in catch-22. I'll explain.

Unlike a lot of men, women can practically smell if the opposite secs is attracted to them. This means that even though you can 'pretend' that you don't find her attractive, women just seem to have a way of sensing this.

The "catch-22" is that... when you are actually no longer attracted to her (and seriously, when you aren't) ... she may find herself attracted to you. But again, if you try to pretend, she'll probably sniff it out.

With a lack of experience (we were all 20 at some point) you could use this situation as "experience." What I mean is... you can try a few of these tactics; with the mindset that it likely will not work, but it will be practice (which will improve your future game)

Any time she calls (and if she's used to you doing the initiating, this could take a while) you keep the conversation upbeat. But you keep the call brief and you end the call. Even if you have to reach outside and ring your own door-bell ("Hey, someones at the door, I'll have to call you back"). And then you *don't* call her back.

Next time she initiates, you keep it friendly and upbeat as before, but again, keep it brief and end the conversation. At some point, she might go as far as to suggest hanging out.
You'd "love to and that sounds great" (start out by building her up)... but then you drop the bomb... "but, I'm kind of busy at the moment. Hey, it's been good chatting, but I gotta go. We'll catch up later."

If she suddenly cops an attitude or plays passive/aggressive (I guess you don't want to hang out with me anymore) ... you just keep things upbeat and do not engage her in this drama.

The above tactics are basically providing a "reset." Eventually, you'll make time for her. But, the moment she senses attraction, you lose. Due to the dynamics that you've described, you will have to be extra coy and let her*first* vie for your attention,.

Again, I'm thinking because you are younger, you will probably face some unfamiliar obstacles. And likely, this will not play out too well. Look at this situation as "experience" and a way to 'fine-tune' for future situations.

Good luck.

Thank you very much for this advice, you're spot on.

I will do this to reset the dynamic and give myself experience with such females. I do believe we got too comfortable with each other and with what you're saying about her sniffing the attraction, she only replies late when I'm there for her, and when I was ghosting her I noticed her stalking me via LinkedIn (i was on the gold package trial so i could see her searching me and by relation her friends too - I'm active there), so it goes hand in hand with the hot/cold method you've laid out.

 

[Mjolnir21]

New to the forum as well. I offer two suggestions...

Go 30 days no contact
Bang 10 hotter chicks, bonus points if in the same 30 days
Maybe try to figure out what it is about that one, and break it.
Move on and do better

OR

Get your frame back by acting high value, with confidence.
Given the history, I would go have a great time and fun with her
throw some dread game out to see if she comes around.
Plate her for a while and see if she can act right, given your age I would watch for "accidental" birth control failure.

Thanks for your response, I think I'll do a mixture of both, bang some to gain confidence to be more high value, and then apply @Black Widow Void 's tactic to further deepen this.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Meet more girls (they have to be younger and hotter than the one u mention).

 

[2Rocky]

Everytime a woman "leaves the team" if she comes back it is for a lower position in the depth chart.

But you should have tryouts frequently to pick up new talent. They are the most motivated to make the starting lineup.