How do i create charisma in everything

[Magnatolia]

Hi Guys,

This is something I'm strugging with. I like to get quite friendly with people I work with, even if I'm not attracted to them. I want 'them' to basically go out of their way to say hello, rather than simply saying hello if I approach them. You know, be one of those guys that all the girls want to have lunch with, chat to, etc.

This is my biggest problem, starting and maintaining conversations with women. Having them do this would be a huge help to my confidence.

I look forward to any input you have, but please refrain from telling me to 'don't think just do it', I have honestly tried this. In fact I pictured in my mind earlier today a scene where I sat next to this girl and said hello. She replied and then in my head, I could literally feel the agony of my mind having no idea what to say next. I guess in the dating world I like to have some sort of basic guidelines.

Thanks
J

 

[playboy_supreme]

you want to be one of thoes guys?? you need to analyse what it is thats holding you back. eventually you will realise that nothing is except your own thoughs of failure! take baby steps. no matter what situation your in just start saying hi to people (try not to have pick up in mind). comment on something e.g hi there lovely morning isnt it. the more you do this the more you will get used to it and the more natural it will feel. you know the person you want to become and you know the road to get there!

 

[Jariel]

I used to be mildly agoraphobic and social phobic, yet I am now one of those charismatic guys you mentioned who girls (and guys) call up and want to hang out with all the time. My best advice is: PRACTICE!

I agree with Playboy completely on this. It's just a case of making an effort and taking baby steps, gradually increasing your social confidence. Don't worry about having meaningful, witty or fun conversations to begin with and don't try to fake social skills or try to imitate other people. Your charisma and social skills will all start to develop naturally as you get more comfortable talking to people.

Another important tip I'll give you is to put your ego aside. Don't try to be the centre of attention or control conversations. Instead, try to make other people feel appreciated and listen to what they have to say.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

fake social skills
imitate other people

it's your only choice at the moment Magnatolia. Sit down with other people, and mimic their speech patterns. If they slam their hand on the table because of something passionate, think up something your passionate about and copy them 30 or so seconds later.

Walk into a place and pretend to be your dad, your mom, your granpa, the last person you talked to. If you fear having your own charisma, take pieces of other people charisma and incorporate it.

Keep your confidnece high at all times or you will begin to falter.

Cheers!

 

[playboy_supreme]

dont fake or you will come accross as a clown. woman can see through bullshyt like that. liek i said, you must become that person. STUDY other people, they way they talk the way they act. but dont imitate them

 

[ethnomethodologist]

yeah, don't imitate them, just study them, that's advice right there!

Don't do any of those routines either, because that's people telling you to do something, totally supplicating to thei lifestyles. In fact, don't follow advice people give you, it's just copying them, don't think what they think either, in fact, don't eat or breath, it's wrong to copy people

Man, fake it until you make it. Should take you minutes, and if you fake it within reason, than you are human.

There's a difference between being fake, and faking something, two completely different areas of the mind.