How do I avoid the Friendszone/LJBF trap?

[Ragin_Asian]

Hey guys just wondering, What are the common mistakes that land you on Friendszone or get LJBF? What are the things I should be avoiding?

There is a topic on that here I thnk but wasn't sure if it was the one and I can't find it.

Any help would we great.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

By the way I am asking because I'm starting to get a permanent address over at Friensdzone. Sucks eh???

Well its time to learn more and scour the DJ website for tip.

 

[spukee]

The thing that'll land you in the friendzone the quickest (in my experience, at least) is being constantly availible. At the onset of any relationship it's important to keep a good deal of distance, and progressively get closer - being availible 24/7 during the dating/getting to know you stages shows the girl that you either a) have no life or b) are the obsessive type. Of course if you've been seeing the girl for a while, and start the whole LTR thing, then you should also start being more availible.

Stepping around her feelings, or compromising your own opinions in order to look favorable in her eyes is also going to get you an LJBF. If there isn't that slight tension, that unwillingness to bend to her way of thinking, then she's going to feel instantly comfortable with you and move on.

I'm sure there're plenty more, those are just the two mistakes I've made most often in the past.

 

[PRMoon]

This is an easy one. Just make your intentions crystal clear from the onset.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

My problem is that I fall at either extremes, I either get trapped in friendszone or get categorised in the sleaze corner or too forward.

 

[PRMoon]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
My problem is that I fall at either extremes, I either get trapped in friendszone or get categorised in the sleaze corner or too forward.

Then your question should be, "how do I make my intentions clear without coming across as a sleaze or appearing too forward"

And that's a battle you have to fight for yourself. You have to learn how to be both confident but not feinding as well.

 

[skinnydart]

yeah, same here, I either can't muster up the courage to apply some kino during a date and end up in the friends zone, or I just go for it, put my arm around her and totally friek her out. Dam.n I'm glad she didn't have her pepper spray right around then.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Do you guys think I should read the DJ Bible/wms all over again just to "reboot"?

How do I do my DJ thang without coming too sleazy?

 

[00Kevin]

Before you can be friends with a girl you first have to be more then friends

1. Courtship vs friendship

Avoid doing anything with her that you would do with your Guy friends.

Avoid doing anything with her that She would do with her girl friends. Don't go shoping with her. Don't gossip on the phone with her like she does with her friends.

Focus on only doing things that you would do with her on a date.

Take her out to a movie and get close to her. Get her in your car for some fooling around. Take her out for dinner. etc.. Basically, if it doesn't have some Romantic element with it Don't do it!

2. Acceptable Conversations

The only reason you are talking to her is to answer the question,
"Are you what I'm looking for?"

Your conversations should always be about you and her. When you ask her questions make sure they are always related to your interest level. There are things you want to know about her and that should be the only reason you are talking to her.

Long conversations on the phone should be avoided unless you have fooled around with her or kissed her. If you haven't got that far then stop trying to be a friend to her.

This is very important. If you fail to move early on but continue to talk to her then you will be put in the friendszone.

3. Keeping busy

This is a tool for novice DJs to keep them focused on the above. It helps them avoid falling into the friendship zone. You just need to know how to court a girl and focus on it.

 

[NewMan]

It's highly likely hat your putting way to much emphasis on getting "the" girl.......

Be a challenge.

Nothing is 100% - but as long as you continue to live the DJ way - continuous self improvement and not putting women on pedestool's - it will come.

 

[DrSoSuave]

I like 00Kevin's answer, it's not that you should follow his guidelines but more of you have to do your own thing and being different on a certain level rather than being mr. nicey nice.

If a girl finds your behavior repulsive, fine you just saved yourself months of whiney b1tching.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by NewMan
It's highly likely hat your putting way to much emphasis on getting "the" girl.......

Be a challenge.

Nothing is 100% - but as long as you continue to live the DJ way - continuous self improvement and not putting women on pedestool's - it will come.

You shouldn't try to be a challenge. If you do that you will fail because the truth of the matter is that you ARE NOT a challenge to begin with. First accept who you are as a person and be yourself and your own man. Don't try to be someone you are not.

I think it is more important to focus on courting the girl.

This is the major problem with AFCs and Nice guys. They think that you should be sensitive and try to be a friend with a girl first. That couldn't be more wrong. You have to focus on courting her. Being her friend is not courtship.

Doesn't anyone here understand the difference between a courtship and a friendship?

 

[NewMan]

Courtship...

Dude he wants to get laid not married.

Women do not want a guy who is available - always willing to please, and unable to make up their minds (generally all of these go hand in hand).

If he focuses more on himself than on getting women - he'll be in a much better place.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by NewMan
Courtship...

Dude he wants to get laid not married.

Women do not want a guy who is available - always willing to please, and unable to make up their minds (generally all of these go hand in hand).

If he focuses more on himself than on getting women - he'll be in a much better place.

Dude, this guy is looking for a relationship.

courtship doesn't = married

but it is required if you want a relationship.

What I mean by courtship is that you should always focus on a romantic relationship. She should always know that everything you do with her and every thing you say is for one purpose only.

You are showing interest in her and expecting her to show interest in you. There are no games to be played and no tricks required.

If you court a girl you only become availabe for dates or "other things". This sends a very clear signal and prevents you from falling into the friends zone.


If she doesn't show interest then you next her. You don't talk to her anymore.

Guys who try to be a girls friend are cowardly. They are too afraid of "the pursuit"

Guys who pretend not to be available or busy are also cowards.

 

[DeathDealer]

Yo man, this is how it is. How would you like it if the girl played the exact game such as not being available or being unpredictable.

The sex hungry desperados who think they're smooth boys get all frustrated while the relationship seeking guys weed these hos out fast. If you're just looking to get LAID, fine you go for the weird crazy beotches. I'm fine with being with someone I can count on rather than being with someone I can't count on. And I think it's the same sheet with girls too.

 

[NewMan]

Your assuming he wants to marry this chick.

He getting put in the friend zone many times over.

Or he's coming over as a sleeze.

Those are the things that are happening.

What he is doing isn't working - and doesn't work for the majority.

What does work is CHALLENGE.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by NewMan
Your assuming he wants to marry this chick.

He getting put in the friend zone many times over.

Or he's coming over as a sleeze.

Those are the things that are happening.

What he is doing isn't working - and doesn't work for the majority.

What does work is CHALLENGE.

the problem with "Challenge" is that it only works on the stupid hoes that you wouldn't want a relationship with.

Give me one reason why I would want a girl for a relationship who only shows interest in me because I'm a "Challenge"?

Girls that fall for you because you are a challenge will dump your ass so fast once some other "Challenge" comes along.

I would suggest that you only become a challenge to a girl if you are only interested in her pu-ssy.

 

[christz]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
the problem with "Challenge" is that it only works on the stupid hoes that you wouldn't want a relationship with.

Give me one reason why I would want a girl for a relationship who only shows interest in me because I'm a "Challenge"?

Girls that fall for you because you are a challenge will dump your ass so fast once some other "Challenge" comes along.

I would suggest that you only become a challenge to a girl if you are only interested in her pu-ssy.

this is true, once the challenge is over the boredom sets right back in, I'd rather have a girl generally into me, not because i performed some art of avoidance

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by christz
this is true, once the challenge is over the boredom sets right back in, I'd rather have a girl generally into me, not because i performed some art of avoidance

exactly.. this is what a lot of guys who are looking for relationships don't f-cuking understand.

 

[tmpgstx]

If she has any attraction at all whether it be natural or strong (at the gut) level, her actions will tell. In other words her body language.

If you get no signs of interest from her, you're just wasting your time. It is important to only go after (or better yet, let them come after you) girls that are interested.

You don't even have to weed them out if you're a guy with standards. They'll show you interest.

Case in Point:

I was at a house party and we were talking about IQ of all things. Anyway .. this HB 9 started taking an interest in what i was saying, next thing you know, she sits right beside me and starts giving me signals. She said she needed someone intelligent to talk with etc.. and was sick of 'stupid' guys (or something to this effect) in general. Imagine that. Though it seems rare, she was looking for intelligence or SEMI (Search for Energetic Males with Intelligence) lol. She had a boyfriend, but was saying how she was going to break up etc.

Anyway, the best way is to be yourself i think. Act kewl and calm like nothing can shake your confidence and will. Be casual, funny, and energized.