I’m actually crying slightly as I’m typing this.
Work
I never do homework until the day it’s meant to be handed in, or the day before that...sometimes I don’t do it at all because I just can’t be ****ed. I had an essay that I had to hand in on Friday, I had five ****ing weeks to do it, and I did it the day before it was meant to be handed in ... coursework too.
I remember last year in year 9 when I was revising at home for my SATs, my eyes, once again, filled up with tears, but not of sadness, but rage. I was so angry at myself because as I was revising I couldn't understand any of it due to the fact i always **** around in class with my mates. That night I cried, I promised myself that I would buckle down. Stop procrastinating and do HW the day it was given to me. Yet, hear I am, a 14 year old who cried because he procrastinated, who a year later is still doing the exact same **** he promised himself he wouldn't do.
The "just go do what you have to do" mindset, it works for me for a couple of days, but after it just fades away and i go back to being my old, lazy self.
I'm predicted to get A's and A*'s in my GCSE exams and I’m scared I wont achieve any of those. In my mock RE exam a few months ago I got a ****ing E when I was predicted an A. In my business studies exam I was predicted and another A, I got an E. In other subjects that I’m predicted A's, I'm getting C's
I've, on countless occasions, skipped school cos I don't feel like going in. I promised myself i wouldn't do this either. Yet, once again, hear I am sitting in front of my computer on a day I skipped school because I didn't feel like going in. My attendance is so bad because of this.
Social
I hate the fact that I never get invited to stuff, although I have been getting invited to stuff more recently.
On Friday I got asked to go to the gym, go to the movies with a girl who’s birthday it was (not alone, with lots of other people), and to a mates house who was having about another 15 people staying round his house, who all got wrecked that night and had a great time. I had to miss all of this because I had to get up at 6:30am the next day to go to a wedding. I feel like such a **** thinking about it now, because on that Friday I got asked to do all of that, I felt really good about myself that I had loads of mates and stuff, which I shouldn't have really because it was only 3 things I got asked to do. I was dwelling about it the next day at the wedding.
At the wedding there weren’t many people my age. At the table I was sitting at, it was full of 18-21 year olds. I knew a couple of them fairly well, but I hardly spoke at the table. This is because they were all talking about college, uni and stuff while I’m still in year 10. I did speak to one guy that was sat next to me about school and stuff, but it was a pretty bland, boring convo. The thing that i hate is that I'm so confident, charismatic, funny, quick-witted when i'm around my friends (I can make 90% of people i meet laugh loads once ive gotten to know them for a while), but when i'm meeting new people i find it hard to convey that aspect of my personality to them, and i know first impressions count for a lot.
Also, even though i have quite a lot of friends at school, i never get invited to any stuff apart from the big things like when we all get together for a meal, or when we go to parties, but sometimes i don't even get invited to those. I'd like to get invited to little things like just going out for a game of football/cricket on the weekends instead of staying at home most weekends. This is cos im not as tight with all people i hang out with as they are with each other, any idea how i could fix this?
Cheers for reading this beast of a post.
Work
I never do homework until the day it’s meant to be handed in, or the day before that...sometimes I don’t do it at all because I just can’t be ****ed. I had an essay that I had to hand in on Friday, I had five ****ing weeks to do it, and I did it the day before it was meant to be handed in ... coursework too.
I remember last year in year 9 when I was revising at home for my SATs, my eyes, once again, filled up with tears, but not of sadness, but rage. I was so angry at myself because as I was revising I couldn't understand any of it due to the fact i always **** around in class with my mates. That night I cried, I promised myself that I would buckle down. Stop procrastinating and do HW the day it was given to me. Yet, hear I am, a 14 year old who cried because he procrastinated, who a year later is still doing the exact same **** he promised himself he wouldn't do.
The "just go do what you have to do" mindset, it works for me for a couple of days, but after it just fades away and i go back to being my old, lazy self.
I'm predicted to get A's and A*'s in my GCSE exams and I’m scared I wont achieve any of those. In my mock RE exam a few months ago I got a ****ing E when I was predicted an A. In my business studies exam I was predicted and another A, I got an E. In other subjects that I’m predicted A's, I'm getting C's
I've, on countless occasions, skipped school cos I don't feel like going in. I promised myself i wouldn't do this either. Yet, once again, hear I am sitting in front of my computer on a day I skipped school because I didn't feel like going in. My attendance is so bad because of this.
Social
I hate the fact that I never get invited to stuff, although I have been getting invited to stuff more recently.
On Friday I got asked to go to the gym, go to the movies with a girl who’s birthday it was (not alone, with lots of other people), and to a mates house who was having about another 15 people staying round his house, who all got wrecked that night and had a great time. I had to miss all of this because I had to get up at 6:30am the next day to go to a wedding. I feel like such a **** thinking about it now, because on that Friday I got asked to do all of that, I felt really good about myself that I had loads of mates and stuff, which I shouldn't have really because it was only 3 things I got asked to do. I was dwelling about it the next day at the wedding.
At the wedding there weren’t many people my age. At the table I was sitting at, it was full of 18-21 year olds. I knew a couple of them fairly well, but I hardly spoke at the table. This is because they were all talking about college, uni and stuff while I’m still in year 10. I did speak to one guy that was sat next to me about school and stuff, but it was a pretty bland, boring convo. The thing that i hate is that I'm so confident, charismatic, funny, quick-witted when i'm around my friends (I can make 90% of people i meet laugh loads once ive gotten to know them for a while), but when i'm meeting new people i find it hard to convey that aspect of my personality to them, and i know first impressions count for a lot.
Also, even though i have quite a lot of friends at school, i never get invited to any stuff apart from the big things like when we all get together for a meal, or when we go to parties, but sometimes i don't even get invited to those. I'd like to get invited to little things like just going out for a game of football/cricket on the weekends instead of staying at home most weekends. This is cos im not as tight with all people i hang out with as they are with each other, any idea how i could fix this?
Cheers for reading this beast of a post.
