Hi all,
Here is the situation I am in. I've been dating this lady I met back in January, and in my 40 years, I've never met a woman who blew me out of the water like her! I was married for 8 years, dated someone after my divorce, but I have never met such an intelligent and driver woman, who says certains word I have never heard from a woman before when she is wrong; she says "I'm sorry"!
Anyway, last year, she lost her Dad, and it hit her hard. She gets emotional often and tears up, and when she drinks, she gets extremely teary and sad. I can't imagine how that feels. Another thing that happens when she drinks is she becomes very argumentative and belligerent, and somehow, I always get goaded into battle, no matter how hard I try.
Getting to the point; this girl has shown me love I have never seen before from any woman, even my ex-wife of all of those years. When she looks in my eyes, I melt. We often said we were soulmates, and I thought it was corny, but it really seemed it, with us calling and thinking the same all the time!
Recently, perhaps the past month, I've noticed a shift in her patience with me. I was just laid off, but we knew it was imminent. In her previous relationship that ended a few years back, her Ex did nothing and she worked (she works for a fortune 500 for over 10 years). I am wondering if she ius having flash backs?
During the summer, my 6 year old son was with me every other full week (she has no kids, but my son loves her). The weeks he is not with me, I have been unofficially staying with her that week at her place. All was good and that was ending with school coming back and the every other weekends with him starting, but on this last Saturday night with her, she was drinking, got cranky, we fought, and she told me that this full week situation evolved into something it never should have and that she feels overwhelmed,
We did not talk the next morning, and I packed up and left. Of course, my car overheated by her place (Fate?), and she came down with water for the radiator. We wound up going up by her, talking and getting intimate and she apologized for what she said. When I got home to pick up my son for the week, she kept sending me these lovey dovey messages and the sayings about relationships people post on Facebook. All was good for a couple of days.
However, I was busy with my son and also job searching during the day Monday, and she was upset I couldn't pick up the phone to call, and said she doesn't trust me in her gut and doesn't want a part-time boyfriend who only contacts her when it's convenient for me. Uggh. She does not have kids and does not get it sometimes, so I let it chill overnight. Tuesday was quiet, and then Wednesday, we were texting and I called during the day and invited her to my sons party Saturday. Never got a confirmation, but I let it sit for a few hours.
We are late owls, so we spoke around 2am and she said she can't believe I am acting as if nothing is wrong (???). ABout the party, she said she doesn't feel comfortable with the whole family party now (she met my ex before - no drama), and she told me she feels smothered! I always encouraged her to see her friends and go out, take classes with her friends...etc...so I am far from smothering her! I said I don't know what to say after you wait until the last week of summer to tell me about the week by week issue, and yet, you are upset when I don't call you? I jokingly said "OK...I get it...you're not IN love with me", and she said YES she IS in love with me, but something is just not the same recently. I told her I understand, and let's just take a break. She said why can't we work through it, but in my gut, I felt the "be friends" thing not too far off, and I figured it was the right time for action. So, I told her I deserve someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. I don't sense another guy in the picture, but lord knows, since this is crazy,
I removed her as a friend in Facebook, sent all her calls to voice mail, muted all texts from her, and then totally removed her photos and contact info from my phone (backed up, but out of site). She called today, but I saw it was her # since I deleted her image and contact name.
Was I too drastic? OR....was I one step ahead of her?
Do I do 60 days of NC? 30 days (since I might have gotten the jump on hearing worse things from her)?
Note: during the 8 months with her, I did not lose my identity, and kept working out and improving myself, so I don't need NC to get myself back. I am not DISTRAUGHT, but a little blindsided and sad over what happened.
Any suggestions?
Regards,
ER
Here is the situation I am in. I've been dating this lady I met back in January, and in my 40 years, I've never met a woman who blew me out of the water like her! I was married for 8 years, dated someone after my divorce, but I have never met such an intelligent and driver woman, who says certains word I have never heard from a woman before when she is wrong; she says "I'm sorry"!
Anyway, last year, she lost her Dad, and it hit her hard. She gets emotional often and tears up, and when she drinks, she gets extremely teary and sad. I can't imagine how that feels. Another thing that happens when she drinks is she becomes very argumentative and belligerent, and somehow, I always get goaded into battle, no matter how hard I try.
Getting to the point; this girl has shown me love I have never seen before from any woman, even my ex-wife of all of those years. When she looks in my eyes, I melt. We often said we were soulmates, and I thought it was corny, but it really seemed it, with us calling and thinking the same all the time!
Recently, perhaps the past month, I've noticed a shift in her patience with me. I was just laid off, but we knew it was imminent. In her previous relationship that ended a few years back, her Ex did nothing and she worked (she works for a fortune 500 for over 10 years). I am wondering if she ius having flash backs?
During the summer, my 6 year old son was with me every other full week (she has no kids, but my son loves her). The weeks he is not with me, I have been unofficially staying with her that week at her place. All was good and that was ending with school coming back and the every other weekends with him starting, but on this last Saturday night with her, she was drinking, got cranky, we fought, and she told me that this full week situation evolved into something it never should have and that she feels overwhelmed,
We did not talk the next morning, and I packed up and left. Of course, my car overheated by her place (Fate?), and she came down with water for the radiator. We wound up going up by her, talking and getting intimate and she apologized for what she said. When I got home to pick up my son for the week, she kept sending me these lovey dovey messages and the sayings about relationships people post on Facebook. All was good for a couple of days.
However, I was busy with my son and also job searching during the day Monday, and she was upset I couldn't pick up the phone to call, and said she doesn't trust me in her gut and doesn't want a part-time boyfriend who only contacts her when it's convenient for me. Uggh. She does not have kids and does not get it sometimes, so I let it chill overnight. Tuesday was quiet, and then Wednesday, we were texting and I called during the day and invited her to my sons party Saturday. Never got a confirmation, but I let it sit for a few hours.
We are late owls, so we spoke around 2am and she said she can't believe I am acting as if nothing is wrong (???). ABout the party, she said she doesn't feel comfortable with the whole family party now (she met my ex before - no drama), and she told me she feels smothered! I always encouraged her to see her friends and go out, take classes with her friends...etc...so I am far from smothering her! I said I don't know what to say after you wait until the last week of summer to tell me about the week by week issue, and yet, you are upset when I don't call you? I jokingly said "OK...I get it...you're not IN love with me", and she said YES she IS in love with me, but something is just not the same recently. I told her I understand, and let's just take a break. She said why can't we work through it, but in my gut, I felt the "be friends" thing not too far off, and I figured it was the right time for action. So, I told her I deserve someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. I don't sense another guy in the picture, but lord knows, since this is crazy,
I removed her as a friend in Facebook, sent all her calls to voice mail, muted all texts from her, and then totally removed her photos and contact info from my phone (backed up, but out of site). She called today, but I saw it was her # since I deleted her image and contact name.
Was I too drastic? OR....was I one step ahead of her?
Do I do 60 days of NC? 30 days (since I might have gotten the jump on hearing worse things from her)?
Note: during the 8 months with her, I did not lose my identity, and kept working out and improving myself, so I don't need NC to get myself back. I am not DISTRAUGHT, but a little blindsided and sad over what happened.
Any suggestions?
Regards,
ER
