How did it do?

[TheZinc]

Earlier this semesters in one of my classes i meet x, who i have previously seen around college she seemed to have a thing for me but was shy and i didn't end up talking to her until we were in the same class together. Turns out we have HUGE (by far the greatest) chemistry and even though shes not my usual types she tickets many of the other boxes.

anyway after about two months of flirting and completely ignoring what went on in class it was quite clear that she was interested, and because i got along with her so well and i was very comfortable around her i naturally picked up greater interest and was showing it well through my own body language, so i thought, "hey its a pretty good time to make a move" so i ask her out for coffee after class and she said she couldn't and that she was really busy. The week after i was being my normal self and after class was about to make my second attempt when she dropped the BF bomb. (she did it in a really awkward way) so it hindered our relationship and i stopped show her attention though i was still making good eye contact etc.

Im actually quite interested in this girl, but breaking a relationship is against my values. Anyway later on i fb msged her saying we need to talk, and she replied with BS saying that shes been avoiding me to show me that shes not looking for anyone else etc (typical female BS).

and being the blunt individual that I am, i unloaded my frustration in a single msg that indicated and made clear that i wasn't happy with her behavior and that yes i was interested, but F*** YOU! for not telling me about your bf, you should be ashamed! She ends up deleting me off fb but i don't really care, because i know its just the beginning.

anyway just wanted to see what you guys thought of my approach, im actually quite interested in this one, and i know i semi- have it based on the events, Yet how do i approach her once im back in college after the break?
my idea was to ignore her, and make her chase after me..?

 

[mahoney]

don't really think unloading frustration on someone and telling them off is a particularly good approach. also I would take being deleted as kind of a bad sign personally. im not entirely sure why you think she is going to chase you, i think it is more likely she'll just go watch a movie or something with her boyfriend

in general being frustrated with people is a bad idea, and showing it tends to put them off you

 

[TheZinc]

lol maybe i exaggerated.

this was my reply:
Avoiding me demonstrates nothing, verbally communication tends to be a lot more effective.
Maybe it’s because I was showing interested in you, which wasn’t for the usual reason. When I meet new people, I don’t usually click that well and tend to show more of myself over-time, if at all. Around you I was very comfortable right from the beginning so naturally I wanted to get to know you better. I am completely okay with the fact that you have a bf, I only wish you had told me earlier.
Other chats? You mean when you told me you had a bf in the most awkward way possible? People who are in fabulous relationships usually tend to drop that bf factor very early on..
My apologies for assuming otherwise and showing interest.

 

[TheZinc]

yeah i initially took it in a bad way, then i realized she had nothing to say or she may have been too embarrassed etc
and she did the easy thing and deleted me yet not block me? are these not normal games women play anyway? bit of a power struggle perhaps?

if i was in her position i do the same:
- shes got a bf
- already feels guilty for what shes done
- minimize such interactions
- to show that shes a good girl, so in the future she has a chance

 

[mahoney]

i dunno - i mean i would never send that kind of message to a girl. its all just a bit serious, feels like summit negotiations,

in a way i sort of admire your chutzpah and optimism but, looking at this objectively - you are writing to a girl in a relationship to tell her for....not telling you she had a bf. i dont think its a good look to be writing these kind of emails

she has a boyfriend, shes just received a tetchy email, she's deleted you....and you think its a power struggle so she can have you in future? you certainly like to look on the bright side but i put your chances here at somewhere near 0%

 

[TheZinc]

LOL! i see your point, i dunno i thought maybe an explanation/apology would have been the result.
very tired of women who act as if they are single, give off the wrong signals and amuse the idea that your interested in them and BAM i have a bf. Regardless i didn't want to be her friend, i wanted more. And with this approach i let her know how i felt about her and showed some chutzpah
maybe next time i should tuck in my balls.. though i like the idea of unpredictability, and doing things a little different. but this 0% chance gives me a good reason to move on and ponder where i went wrong.

and who knows maybe in the distant future she breaks up with her bf, and thinks of THAT guy that showed some boldness and arrogance, and let off some flames!!

 

[mahoney]

well im not sure a girl is required to tell everyone she has a boyfriend the whole time. and also its your perception that she was interested in you (and judging by the way you are explaining this i get the impression you think everyone is interested in you) but this doesn't necessarily make it the case - i'm not really seeing a great deal of evidence that she was ever interested in you (and even if she was i think that kind of mail is a sure fire way of killing anything)

you may have shown some boldness and arrogance, but reading your message to her, you also showed overseriousness and melodrama, i mean - you kind of threw a hissy fit and made it all into a much bigger deal than it was

 

[TheZinc]

Well im 100% sure she was, every part of her body language demonstrated this, other than the fact that i could clearly feel the chemistry. I would even detect moments when she went weak in the knees when i would say something intelligence or showed some confidence. I could say 70% of her attention was on me (im not trying to be ****y - or boost my ego). We had a very deep connection, more than anything that ive had with ANY female.. and i know she felt this too..
I dunno, i certainly wouldn't have acted the way she i did if i was in a serious relationship. And based on all this she shouldn't have avoided the topic and then drop it after i ask her out, and then tell me shes avoiding me to show that shes not interested, when all i wanted was a sit down where i could sort things out and just go off as friends or nothing and at least kill the awkwardness.

Which would explain why i went so melodramatic, because it hurt. I only got fired up due to her giving be a BS excuse and not actually facing the facts and being honest.

I understand that i have over done it, but hey im human and i have emotions.. its a was a risky move but i really didn't want to play the waiting game, and get dropped into the friend-zone. I am now way off lol, from experience treating women as i do, has gotten me more luck than playing the nice guy, who puts up with just about anything.
i don't see it as a big deal regardless, based on what we had i don't think not being virtually connect means anything.

I guess only time will tell.

 

[mahoney]

based on what we had i don't think not being virtually connect means anything.

I guess only time will tell.

based on what you had?

but...you didnt have anything! you may have thought you did but it doesn't seem that way to me. i think this is the other reason the girl has cut you off, she realized you think something is there that isn't

it seems you even think her cutting you off is evidence of a plan to progress things with you at a later date. you are an extremely optimistic person, i will give you that

 

[MurdocIsGod]

lol maybe i exaggerated.

this was my reply:
Avoiding me demonstrates nothing, verbally communication tends to be a lot more effective.
Maybe it’s because I was showing interested in you, which wasn’t for the usual reason. When I meet new people, I don’t usually click that well and tend to show more of myself over-time, if at all. Around you I was very comfortable right from the beginning so naturally I wanted to get to know you better. I am completely okay with the fact that you have a bf, I only wish you had told me earlier.
Other chats? You mean when you told me you had a bf in the most awkward way possible? People who are in fabulous relationships usually tend to drop that bf factor very early on..
My apologies for assuming otherwise and showing interest.

Don't know why she deleted you for this, seems stupid. Leave it a few weeks. You can still inbox people on FB who don't have you added as a friend AFAIK.

 

[TheZinc]

and you know this how? were you with us during this period?
im talking about the connection/attraction.

Therefore just go with the assumption that i know to a degree what i am talking about, and i have enough emotional intelligence distinguish between what was and what wasn't there. don't treat me like a virgin who has just meet his first attractive candidate.

thats what i was trying to get across, her deleting me was so stupid. Which indicates that I touched on a sensitive button (my source of optimism), rather than what mahoney likes to believe.

 

[MurdocIsGod]

and you know this how? were you with us during this period?

Therefore just go with the assumption that i know to a degree what i am talking about, and i have enough emotional intelligence distinguish between what was and what wasn't there. don't treat me like a virgin who has just meet his first attractive candidate.

thats what i was trying to get across, her deleting me was so stupid. Which indicates that touched on a sensitive button, rather than what mahoney likes to believe.

It's quite likely she's into you but she has a boyfriend so isn't going to act on it. Uhm... The deleting part, could be many things, I think you were right about most of them but I don't think she's trying to show she's a good girl for you or whatever...

The other points yes.

Doesn't mean she doesn't like you... But I know what you mean with the "gut-feeling" thing, where you can sense she's into you. But sometimes you have to be careful because there are some girls who will act like they are interested, flirt like mad, but they don't like you in that way, they just want your attention. It can be near impossible to tell the difference between acting and genuine interest, and the only real way is to ask her out. However in this case when she sensed you were interested she began avoiding you, so perhaps she's not that type of girl.

 

[Iceberg]

lol maybe i exaggerated.

this was my reply:
Avoiding me demonstrates nothing, verbally communication tends to be a lot more effective.
Maybe it’s because I was showing interested in you, which wasn’t for the usual reason. When I meet new people, I don’t usually click that well and tend to show more of myself over-time, if at all. Around you I was very comfortable right from the beginning so naturally I wanted to get to know you better. I am completely okay with the fact that you have a bf, I only wish you had told me earlier.
Other chats? You mean when you told me you had a bf in the most awkward way possible? People who are in fabulous relationships usually tend to drop that bf factor very early on..
My apologies for assuming otherwise and showing interest.

Jesus.

Was this the end of a 6-year relationship or did some random chick tell you that she had a boyfriend?

If you had more options in your life, you wouldn't be acting so hurt by all this.

yeah i initially took it in a bad way, then i realized she had nothing to say or she may have been too embarrassed etc
and she did the easy thing and deleted me yet not block me? are these not normal games women play anyway? bit of a power struggle perhaps?

if i was in her position i do the same:
- shes got a bf
- already feels guilty for what shes done
- minimize such interactions
- to show that shes a good girl, so in the future she has a chance

Ugh. Or maybe she was flirting with a cool guy in class (YOU), until he stopped being cool. Women flirt, you know….it's not always a 100% indication of wanting to f**k you.

Once again…if you had more women in your life, you wouldn't be studying this girl like it's Finals week.

You're reading way too much into this. I don't blame the girl for moving on….And until you work on your confidence, you'd just be one of those needy, emotional boyfriends anyway.

LOL! i see your point, i dunno i thought maybe an explanation/apology would have been the result.
very tired of women who act as if they are single, give off the wrong signals and amuse the idea that your interested in them and BAM i have a bf.

First of all, I'm willing to bet that your "signals" are bullsh*t. Women flirt with me. I flirt with women. All due respect to my DJ qualities, these women don't ALL want to f**k me. They just want fun conversation. Secondly, a girl having a boyfriend doesn't mean that she has to make an official announcement every time she has an interaction with another guy. It's not like you and this girl had a deep relationship, where you tell each other your life story. It was two months. This girl wouldn't even grab coffee with you.

Regardless i didn't want to be her friend, i wanted more. And with this approach i let her know how i felt about her and showed some chutzpah
maybe next time i should tuck in my balls..

What you did wasn't "balls". It took you two months to ask her out, and when you didn't get what you wanted, you sent a passive-aggressive email.

All this talk about chutzpah and balls and boldness and arrogance....you'd think you grabbed her face and made out with her in the front of class.

2 months of flirting isn't an emotional contract. You need to look in the mirror and re-evaluate your game. I respect you for asking the girl out....but everything before and after that was weak as hell. Stop telling yourself that it's "bold".

 

[Iceberg]

thats what i was trying to get across, her deleting me was so stupid. Which indicates that I touched on a sensitive button (my source of optimism), rather than what mahoney likes to believe.

Also, her deleting you from FB was no more stupid than that email you sent her.

They both were childish acts from people who don't seem to be used to the ups and downs of attraction.

If I sat down with both of you in a room, I'd tell you guys the same thing....."It's not that serious."

There's no need for you to have this deep "we need to talk" discussion with her. And there's no need for her to get all awkward over a guy asking her out.

You both are weird.

 

[AlexDP]

Also, her deleting you from FB was no more stupid than that email you sent her.

They both were childish acts from people who don't seem to be used to the ups and downs of attraction.

If I sat down with both of you in a room, I'd tell you guys the same thing....."It's not that serious."

There's no need for you to have this deep "we need to talk" discussion with her. And there's no need for her to get all awkward over a guy asking her out.

You both are weird.

I don't know man, I think I'd delete a chick if she started texting me fvck you because I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend when all we did was flirt a bit. I don't easily delete people, but I can see where she's coming from.

 

[Iceberg]

I don't know man, I think I'd delete a chick if she started texting me fvck you because I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend when all we did was flirt a bit. I don't easily delete people, but I can see where she's coming from.

Haha. True.

I was just trying to go easy on him by knocking the girl down a few pegs.

But you're totally right.

 

[TheZinc]

THIS has nothing to do with desperation or lack of female contact.
no it took her two months to tell me she had a bf, as soon as i found interest i started laying the moves.
I'm not desperate, i just found something that i liked? who i believe likes me back. I am highly introverted, and dont usually meet people who i feel as though i have known my whole life.. hence why the great degree of interest.
I realize all women flirt and it isn't intentional, though i am willing to bet money that if anyone else was present during this period they would have surely agreed with me.
She would get very strange and weird when we were alone and not the bad kind, like the nervous "omg! his actually spending time with me".
Before i even asked her out she was laying the moves on me and trying to get MY attention, even offered to drive me to my car? when it was parked within that parking.. she did a lot of unnecessary things and over did the acts of kindness which i found cute (indications for attraction?) since i dont understand why anyone would act this way otherwise?

 

[AlexDP]

Dude. All you had to do was ask. Now you're mad at her for being nice? What is that? Listen to yourself, man.

 

[TheZinc]

but based on what i am seeing, my approach was completely whack and i have completely lost any possible chance..
FUN!
any suggestions as to how i should have acted?

 

[TheZinc]

Dude. All you had to do was ask. Now you're mad at her for being nice? What is that? Listen to yourself, man.

..*bows head in shame*
this is true.