How did I turn so AFC???

[font]

I started dating a girl in January that is a solid HB9. We're both 26 and in grad school together. Model, pageant-winner, the whole deal. I know a lot of guys like to exaggerate on the appeal of their girl, but I can assure you I'm not.

When I first started dating her, she would be calling me 20 times a day, interested in hanging out all the time. As the months passed by, the attention became less frequent. We went on vacation together where we fought a lot - I ended the relationship briefly after that (but a couple days later I got back with her).

Let's run through the list of f-ups that I've made during this deal:

1. She likes the idea of us not being in a 'relationship' per say - but rather hanging out (having tons of sex) and not having any sort of tied-down rule. I hate this because I think it's just an out for her to bang another guy. Although I'm not sure if she is - she might be...who knows? I've told her I wanted something healthier - where we WOULDNT be dating other people. She agreed to this...but I'm not sure if it means anything. If I knew she was with someone else I'd be crushed.

2. She had just come out of a 2.5 year relationship with an ex that cheated on her. I dated her literally weeks after that - so I've been dealing with her still hung up on her ex every so often. A couple times over the last six months she's been crying over it still. It drives me nuts and I've told her if she's not over him, I don't want to be with her. She assures me she hates him and is over him. (which I don't believe)

3. We're both in the same class and she's not all that great at school. I end up helping her with school work a LOT....maybe 3-4 times a week. When I say help, I mean I literally have to tell her what to write to get A's in school. (This is grad school)...it gets annoying, but during the study sessions, we end up having sex two or three times (study breaks) So it's a trade off in a way. However, I think by helping her she just assumes I'll help her again. If I don't she finds some retarded chump to help her out at school. (which is annoying as well)

4. I'm definitely more involved than she is in the rela--well, whatever situation we have. I mean, I don't call her often and worship her, but I'm definitely the one picking her up or going over to her house all the time. I'm not sure how to get out of this state of mind, though.

5. I ended things last Saturday by telling her I never wanted to talk to her again when she was at a club talking to her ex in front of me. She said she wanted to confront him because she found out he was cheating on her when they were dating - I told her that was disrespectful and we should end things completely. I didn't pick up any of her calls or respond to her texts when she called and apologized. Finally, 9 days later I returned her call and she apologized. We had great make up sex and now things are pretty much back to normal.

6. I constantly suspect she's dating/banging someone else. I'm not sure if this is my mind playing tricks on me, but whatever it is, I can't shake it. I have no proof, not even a shred of evidence....but the notion is there.

I know when you read this you'll chalk this up to another AFC. Trust me, I was never like this before...and I'll admit, I'm more frustrated than anyone. I'm actually depressed in the situation I'm in, with her (and the 9 days without her) - I feel like the b*tch in the situation and it feels like she's the guy. My boys tell me to just f--k her on the side and look for someone else to be in a relationship with. I'm not sure I can mentally do that. When I'm with her, I want her to dig me like she used to in Jan-Feb. I want to be the guy she's obsessed with....I want it all, and I feel like I've failed if I don't. I'm literally dating a model, tv actress, pageant winner and I feel like a reject the entire time.

I want to get back to the time where I was on this site after banging a chick I had met the night before at an airport lounge. Or the time where all I cared about was what club I was going to with my boys on the weekend. I don't know how to flip my mentality with this chick so I can just take it easy, relax and enjoy the moment.

Any advice ?

 

[blackbelt2k]

words of advice...why pay for the cow when the milk is free....she wants to use you for a booty call, so what, practice some moves on her..go date other women...she knows she's got you, its time you cut the cord... bang her, then go out on a date with someone else, bang them.. the less she gets of you, the more she'll want.. she wants you too help her study?? tell her you don't work for free, give her help on YOUR time.. ex:
her: im a dumbass that doesn't read the book
you: i got plans tonight, but when are you going to lunch?
her: tomorrow at noon
you: great, i'll take a look at your stuff tomorrow at noon, meet me here, bring me something to eat too.

thats a start.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Wow, some similarities with my current situation, minus the actress-pageant winner trait and the ex-boyrfriend. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you feel like the b*tch and it feels like she's the guy! AFC 101...

My detached read of the situation: the sex is payment for services rendered and insurance to keep that academic assistence coming. She knows she needs it. Tell her to get school help from someone else and see if she sticks around...

Her heart is still with her ex, otherwise, she would not have to "tell him off" at the club. Pay attention to that feeling in your gut. You wouldn't be getting it if there wasn't a good reason, namely that she doesn't want to be tied down to a commited relationship with you. A woman this hot knows she is extremely marketable and, no doubt, she is actively looking for any better deal that comes along. There is no reason, therefore, for her to just bang you and you alone.

Hats off to you for telling her off and freezing her out. She gave ya that makeup sex to get you back in the palm of her hand. Be a man and cut off the school help. She needs to get a dedicated tutor for that. If you can't get past wanting something more from her than sex, NEXT her ASAP. Find that woman who wants you for you.

 

[basbhat]

My advice? Your WAY too invested in her and she is not giving you good enough reasons to invest. Find another outlet to invest your energy, whether it be a girl or a hobby.

In the paraphrased words of Chris Rock, "If she were a stock, she'd be plummeting"....she sounds like she has some baggage too....and you are there to help her carry that load. The situation sounds too convenient for her.

I wouldn't even have sex with her b/c you sound a bit too attached. Cut her off, clear your head, learn whatever it is you had to learn, and start anew....Easier said than done but what the hell...Just do it -Nike

 

[alwaystrapped]

Go with your gut. There is a point where you are just being insecure thinking that she is messing around, but if she still thinks its necessary to tell her ex off...

Try to get what you can out of it, but if she won't put out on your terms NEXT. Either way you should DEFINITELY be actively searching out other women.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

I know when you read this you'll chalk this up to another AFC. Trust me, I was never like this before...and I'll admit, I'm more frustrated than anyone. I'm actually depressed in the situation I'm in, with her (and the 9 days without her) - I feel like the b*tch in the situation and it feels like she's the guy. My boys tell me to just f--k her on the side and look for someone else to be in a relationship with. I'm not sure I can mentally do that. When I'm with her, I want her to dig me like she used to in Jan-Feb. I want to be the guy she's obsessed with....I want it all, and I feel like I've failed if I don't. I'm literally dating a model, tv actress, pageant winner and I feel like a reject the entire time.

Were you a challenge? how often did you see her/week when you were together? Did you constantly change things to make your time with her new and exciting? Did you go out of your way to make her feel special? Did you ever get her a little gift for no particular reason at all? Were you good in the bedroom? Did you change things up so you weren't so predictable? Are you a fun person to be around? The list goes on and on....


If you played things right then there's really nothing you can do then accept the fact that some chicks just won't like you.

 

[Charm]

If I knew she was with someone else I'd be crushed. - Why would you be crushed? If it because you'd realize you are merely her f-buddy?

Look, if communication has fallen to the wayside it may be because you are trying TOO HARD to use words rather than being more effective through your actions / attitude / gestures. Plan some fun activities with her, do things you share in common together, bike rides, traves to another city/state with her and try to learn more about her.

Re-invent your relationship, learn new things about her and get her to be interested in sharing herself with you more fully all over again. You've done it once, you can do it twice, just dont fall into the AFC nice guy *****-frame mentality. She wants a MAN not a pvssy so act like a man.

 

[Charm]

Oh, and here is the word that you need to hear: ONEITUS.

You need to go out and start spinning more plates so that you can fix this train wreck of confidence you seem to have lost. Sure, you just want this One girl, but if you come across desperate and lonely without her, will she want you?

 

[Nighthawk]

If you really want her to want you, agree to not be exclusive and bang some of the competition. That'll force her had if she really wants you, and if not accept your relationship as fuck-buddies.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

I started dating a girl in January that is a solid HB9. We're both 26 and in grad school together. Model, pageant-winner, the whole deal. I know a lot of guys like to exaggerate on the appeal of their girl, but I can assure you I'm not.

When I first started dating her, she would be calling me 20 times a day, interested in hanging out all the time. As the months passed by, the attention became less frequent. We went on vacation together where we fought a lot - I ended the relationship briefly after that (but a couple days later I got back with her).

Let's run through the list of f-ups that I've made during this deal:

1. She likes the idea of us not being in a 'relationship' per say - but rather hanging out (having tons of sex) and not having any sort of tied-down rule. I hate this because I think it's just an out for her to bang another guy. Although I'm not sure if she is - she might be...who knows? I've told her I wanted something healthier - where we WOULDNT be dating other people. She agreed to this...but I'm not sure if it means anything. If I knew she was with someone else I'd be crushed.

First off, bringing up relationships is not good. There are myriad reasons why. Has she qualified herself as relationship material, or do you just want a relationship for comfort and familiarity? Bringing it up can make you appear needy and insecure, especially if you bring it up early in the relationship. And if she's out banging other guys, then go out and bang other chicks, don't be devastated. You aren't married, open relationships are commonplace now, deal with it.

2. She had just come out of a 2.5 year relationship with an ex that cheated on her. I dated her literally weeks after that - so I've been dealing with her still hung up on her ex every so often. A couple times over the last six months she's been crying over it still. It drives me nuts and I've told her if she's not over him, I don't want to be with her. She assures me she hates him and is over him. (which I don't believe)

So you're the rebound guy, well that's a tough spot. She basically has it fresh in her mind how her previous relationship was. Which puts you under the microscope. Plus, do you really expect she's going to want to jump right back into a long term relationship?

3. We're both in the same class and she's not all that great at school. I end up helping her with school work a LOT....maybe 3-4 times a week. When I say help, I mean I literally have to tell her what to write to get A's in school. (This is grad school)...it gets annoying, but during the study sessions, we end up having sex two or three times (study breaks) So it's a trade off in a way. However, I think by helping her she just assumes I'll help her again. If I don't she finds some retarded chump to help her out at school. (which is annoying as well)

Hah she's turning tricks for answers, not money. A ho who wants to be somebody I suppose .

4. I'm definitely more involved than she is in the rela--well, whatever situation we have. I mean, I don't call her often and worship her, but I'm definitely the one picking her up or going over to her house all the time. I'm not sure how to get out of this state of mind, though.

In other words, you're the only one in the relationship. You've created this situation in your mind of what you want. There's just one thing missing: her.

5. I ended things last Saturday by telling her I never wanted to talk to her again when she was at a club talking to her ex in front of me. She said she wanted to confront him because she found out he was cheating on her when they were dating - I told her that was disrespectful and we should end things completely. I didn't pick up any of her calls or respond to her texts when she called and apologized. Finally, 9 days later I returned her call and she apologized. We had great make up sex and now things are pretty much back to normal.

You rose high, then crashed and burned on this one.

6. I constantly suspect she's dating/banging someone else. I'm not sure if this is my mind playing tricks on me, but whatever it is, I can't shake it. I have no proof, not even a shred of evidence....but the notion is there.

Who cares if she is? You don't have a ring on her finger. The more you keep trying to hold onto this exclusive idea with her, the less happy you will be. Go out and bang other chicks, or find someone who is worth a relationship, and wants one. Because she doesn't want one.

I know when you read this you'll chalk this up to another AFC. Trust me, I was never like this before...and I'll admit, I'm more frustrated than anyone. I'm actually depressed in the situation I'm in, with her (and the 9 days without her) - I feel like the b*tch in the situation and it feels like she's the guy. My boys tell me to just f--k her on the side and look for someone else to be in a relationship with. I'm not sure I can mentally do that. When I'm with her, I want her to dig me like she used to in Jan-Feb. I want to be the guy she's obsessed with....I want it all, and I feel like I've failed if I don't. I'm literally dating a model, tv actress, pageant winner and I feel like a reject the entire time.

I want to get back to the time where I was on this site after banging a chick I had met the night before at an airport lounge. Or the time where all I cared about was what club I was going to with my boys on the weekend. I don't know how to flip my mentality with this chick so I can just take it easy, relax and enjoy the moment.

Depressed and feel like a reject? Come on now, the guy who got this pageant winner is still there. The guy who banged a chick the day after meeting her in an airport lounge is still simmering inside.

He's just under all the AFC that came charging back in because you wanted to try and keep this chick, but she wasn't having it. Which made you want to keep her even more, and caused her to lose what she was feeling for you back when you first met. Keep her cut off, go out to the club with your boys on the weekend. Find that guy again.

Any advice ?

Responses in bold.

 

[Obsidian]

it actually sounds like you're handling her fairly well. If you're sexing this HB9 as often as you claim, then you're definitely not an AFC. You may not be as smooth as you like, but you're far from average. In many ways, you're not even being a chump.

Your problems
1. Don't be the one to suggest/demand a relationship. The girl is supposed to do that.
2. Don't keep taking her back after you dump her.
3. This girl is clearly a hor. Don't get into a "relationship" with a hor. Read "The Natural Order of Things" by Lastman. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=50480

 

[Obsidian]

ok sorry, I didn't read your last paragraph...the problem here isn't your actions as much as your state of mind. If you're not happy, then dump the broad. Looks aren't everything; there are plenty of HBs to go around, especially if you select from the young undergrads. Meanwhile, what else does this girl have going for her? Her super intelligence? Her amazing, respectful, feminine personality? Get a clue and find someone who you can really appreciate. This girl is no good for you.

Preferably, try to find another HB9 who isn't a hor and who hasn't been winning medals and receiving praise all her life from suck-ups.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She is a hor kid, and you are merely the next pimp in line - the sooner you boys realize this the sooner you will be at peace!!

 

[font]

Thanks for the advice - you guys have really helped. I spent last night with her (relapsed and banged her) and then we got into a huge fight. She expects me to literally do everything for her, and gets very upset if I decide not to. When I said I wouldn't do 'her entire project for her' she told me to **** off. She has no respect for what we have - that's clearly evident. I walked off and haven't called her. She wrote me an email saying 'I can't believe you didn't help me with school - we just don't work. I think we shouldn't talk anymore'

From looking at your responses I can gauge one thing: I have deep, paralyzing oneitis. I would have never let any chick disrespect me like that or even get to this level. I've done a lot for this girl, the only thing I'm really getting back is constant sex. But is that really worth it?

The trouble I have is jealousy - because it really bothers me if she's with someone else. I'm not sure why. I mean it's probably deeply seeded in my insecurity, where I feel like I don't want to lose her to anybody. I'd feel rejected in a way...and I know from your responses, that's not how I should feel. I can't seem to shake it.

At the end of the day, this girl is definitely a user. She knows everyone does everything for her and she can play guys to get what she wants. I'll never have a real relationship with her and that's probably a very good thing. Who needs the aggravation? If I can shake my own insecurities and get back to the guy that got this pageant-winner in the first place, I'd be in heaven. I'm just mired in self-doubt, insecurity and neediness.


Even if I dump her, I can see myself constantly worrying about who she's fvkin, or whether that chump in my class is zoning in on her now. It's so AFC it's ridiculous. When I cut her off for nine days, my mind was focused on that. Then she calls me and apologizes, which I accepted and nothing has changed.

Boys, I hope you can learn from this example. It's not a pretty sight, and I'm definitely not happy. Even things that would generally make me happy (going out with the boys, playing softball, etc.) don't make me happy anymore. I just feel like I'm rejected in a way - this chick doesn't want to have a relationship with me ? What's wrong with her?

My game is definitely hurting as well. Chicks I can easily bang can probably sense that I'm off, I went on two dates last week and in one of them had an opportunity to bang - I turned it down.

 

[font]

btw when i get out of this rut - i'm turning up the don juan level and getting back in the f'n game

 

[Charm]

Keep your head up man. A lot of what is going on for you is psychological and based on your perspective. Remember that your mind is yours to control or give control 'of' it away. Take back the reins and steer yourself towards greener pastures.

Keep dating other women. It will ease the pain and make the transition coming far easier.