HOW DID I LOSE HERE? (i need critique ASAP!)

[I'mBETTERthanMYSTreY]

she stopped replying after this... I and blow myself out sometimes by wanting things too bad and over doing stuff..

I had so much fun we're going again next weekend...

From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:56


damn!what?

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:55 PM


alright alright, so i was in the air for like 3 second but it felt like longer because everything stopped the birds stopped chirpin I couldnt here anything and I never went so HIGH off a ramp before; so I lost control in mid-air and landed wrong and I hit the cold wet snow pretty hard but guess what... (but here was my mistake, I went to far with the suspense building, I already told the conclusion why do I need more suspense? "guess what" just blew my game out and showed the girl that I was trying to game her, girls aren't stupid they notice that type of stuff and an extra pause just ruined the moment and made it seem like I was "gaming" therefore I lost the set...thats a lesson for you new guys if your good at something don't over do it, I like you wanted to be "GOOD" at this at all cost so I ****ing over do things on occasion to try to "FORCE"
things to happen. Just bide your time and don't over do things...)

From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:50


lol i kno jk but the story...? (so okay she backed down)

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:48 PM


lol haha your such a BOSSY little girl haha lol jk!!!!
(I over did the lol's and ha ha's but I got the job done)

From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:44



haha fine i just won't write back till your done w/ your story ok?! so jus make sure u get it ALL in this next message (she tried to set some rules here a lil **** test)

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:43 PM


yeah, but let me finish the story your so "THE INTERUPTER MISS LADY"
(this was good, it gained control of the set and teased for attraction)

From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:42



lol i bet u were scared at 1st!

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:40 PM


HELL YEAH I WENT DOWN THE RAMP! lol
( I went with an over exaggerated excited response to add value)

From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:38



lol okay then i take that back.yeah u go hella fast when ur snowboardin!lol did u go down the ramp?

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:36 PM


TOO HIGH FOR ME? nothin to high for me sweetey but of course I went up and lookin down on the hill I was LIKE GOD DAMN! it was SO ****ING HIGH! so we dropped in and all the snow and scenery was going by so fast, i will admit i wanted to just stop but I didn't know if anyone was behind me so I just kept goin so anyway so we approached the ramp and it looked twice as big as it did from the "ski lift" I Was like OH ****!!!!...lol
(stopped for suspense and talkd about emotions)

From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:28



damn!it was prolly too high 4 u!! but i would sooooo go!!!(**** test its dounds like she's sayin shes tough and i'm a punk)

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:25 PM


Well it was my first time snowboarding on a real mountain but I been on hills and man made ramps before, so anyway I got good quick so my homiegirl who is damn near a pro told me to try this hill with her it had some ramp of "GAP" at the bottome, so I was like yeah and I got on the ski lift and we went so high up the hill my hEART started BEATING SO HARD! but first what would you do if someone asked you to do this?...(did some dhv routine that I made up on the spot)


From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:18



danq i always wanted 2 go snowboarding!! what happened tho?

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:15 PM


I went snowboarding with a few friends, and homegirls...it was so cold up there but I had so much fun it kicked Ass! but I had a crazy accident, it was so crazy...(kept the end vague again building even more suspense)


From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:10



lol & what made it such an adventure?

From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:08 PM


I had an adventure the other day...lol(kept it vague for suspense)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 19:05



lol yeah true & there faster too & no matter how fast u go...u won't get a ticket!lol but ..what?
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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 8:00 PM


LMAO! yeah but carpets are more fun, lol but do you know what...(building suspense)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 18:50



awww coffee at starbucks mmmm sounds great!well u still got ur car [hint hint] lol.but yeah i'd show u alllll aroud cali i loove it there! (she liked that)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 7:48 PM


I'd come visit you so we can talk over coffee at startbucks, about stuff and that would be fun! but after that we would go to california cuz I haven't been there yet!lol (i'm good)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 18:46



lol ma badd. im a "fun little space alien" huh?lmao but what?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 7:44 PM


I already told you great!Nah but your a fun little space alien. lol but anyways if I had an alladin magic carpet your know what i would do with it...(hit her with another fun tease, then moved into a future projection)
(built suspense)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 18:39



oh thats good!!so hows ur life goin?( another qualifier, you get alot of these on myspace, huh?)
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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 7:37 PM


nah I don't have a sweet heart right now my last girl and I got along great though(yeah I built more status and said i'm available incase she wants to get back with me)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 18:34


haha!!!y u say that ( i had to answer this qualifier)

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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 7:32 PM


lol your a little forward( I didn't want to open pandoras box)

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From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 18:28


yeah=] & thank u!! sooooo who u talkin 2/datin now?(she was wanting to tell me she's n a relationship, by me answering and then returning the question, another **** test that says "I got a new life stay out of it")

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 7:21 PM


Thats sounds great it seems like your doing good,but yeah I thought I would say wats up for a second cuz I think your a chill girl
(so I give more value to keep the convo going)
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From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 17:36



i go 2 lifeskills now n jus everything in my life is perfect (she trying to say stay out of her life now that she has it fixed)
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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 6:21 PM


where do you be going and what makes it PRETTY GOOD!?!?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 15:43



its actually pretty good! always on the go (vague answer, so I look too requalify)
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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 4:23 PM


hows your life?...( i realized that since I started the fight that ended our relationship I didn't want to qualify, its like saying sorry)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 14:29



lol u should jk i actually think it was funny but neways, thats good!what college u go 2? (trying to qualify me again.)
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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 3:25 PM


lol stop being so sensitive yyour almost making me feel bad, but my stay out here is great i'm having loads of fun ( I hit her with a tease and built status for myslef)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 13:39



cause i thought it was kinda weird that u added me after that 1 day at the mall it was kinda rude u know but its koo now i was jus wonderin( lol shes funny)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 2:36 PM


y?
(so I thwart that qualifier, and reversed qualified her)
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jalyna
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 13:08


lol okay jus makin sure so how's college? (trying to qualify me before I do her)
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From: I cant feel my face!
Date: Jan 20, 2008 1:47 PM


lol not really your a cool girl I thought I'd add you again (Gave value)
From: Jalyna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
Date: 20 Jan 2008, 09:50


uhmm thanks 4 the add i guess i thought u "hated" me remember
(conversation with an old girlfriend)

 

[TheRealSupreme]

All these emails within minutes of each other on the same day? And if you need to step up and be a man dog. You started to call her bratty but then got chicken and added "jk." If your gonna be a man then be one don't pretend.

That means don't back down. And what is with all the needy emails? If they are IM's then why would you let the convo go off that bad to her saying dam at the end?

You sound needy.

You sound weak in your delivery also.

You picked up a few pua lines to call her bratty or something like that but were not man enough to use it.


So next time. Keep your convo's shorter since your complaining about always blowing women out.

And stick to your guns.


Try these two and see what happens. Leave her wanting more. Remember your busy with your life and you don't have a lot of time for chatting. Your somebody who is going somewhere in life.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

Dude, why are we reading your e-mail?

 

[I'mBETTERthanMYSTreY]

bro cuz i'm talking to a female, this is a don juan forum right?...

 

[MikeYikes122]

I must be getting old because I only understood like 1/3rd of that whole convo. That was written in a language that I'm not very fluent in.

Even though I had trouble following, I can tell you what your biggest problem is. You have way too much time for that chick. Don't ever e-mail, text, or instant message a girl that often. Keep things brief, funny, and charming. Don't worry about negging or whatever it is you tried to do with the "bratty" comment. I never really neg in person or via e-mail, and if I do it's not a big neg at all. Negging isn't something you should really rely on. Learn to make yourself the prize. That way, you'll have higher value than her immediately. When you neg, you automatically approach the situation as though she is of higher value than you, and that's never a good mindset to carry. If you're talking via MySpace, have a real nice picture of yourself up and have a ton of chics posting on your wall. I don't do MySpace, but this just seems to be the most logical thing to do.

I'll give you an example. I met a girl when I was on the west coast for a business trip. She was a nice girl, fairly attractive, but she is a little older than me. Anyway, I figured I would never see her again. We didn't hook up or anything like that, just had a decent conversation. She tracked me down on Facebook a little while back and sent me a message, and we've been talking some through messages. Here is kind of a run down of what we've said.

Me: "Just so you know you went to this school: (insert a link of a funny YouTube video that is making fun of the college she went to)"

Her: "Very funny, but I'm a proud Mountaineer (Her college mascot). At least I'm not from the Midwest where people supposedly don't talk with accents!! (that's a reference to something we talked about)."

Me: "You know you love my accent-less voice. Hah, it's that midwestern charm, but you're probably not very familiar with that. What's with all these creepy old guys posting on your wall? Is it some sort of requirement that every 35-year-old guy has to post a creepy message on your wall after they register for Facebook?"

Her: "Hah, I just ignore them How was your new year and where are you at now? How is work going?"

There are about five more messages between her and I just going back and forth like that with her asking more about me and me asking about her life in return. I'll throw in playful jokes that are a little bit ****y like I was doing, but no negs or anything like that.

Now, keep in mind her and I met like three weeks ago. We've only exchanged about nine or 10 messages each since then. My advice for you is just to take it slow and don't force things. You can create a good rapport over the Internet with someone who you don't know very well, but you just have to have patience so you don't come off as needy or weird. Wait like 24 hours, maybe even more before you respond to an e-mail from her.

 

[I'mBETTERthanMYSTreY]

well yeah I shouldn't have put so many lol's and jk's...I didn't need to put jk's she knows how I am I play around alot. damn those might have come off wrong...BUt your saying I should have got off of MYSPACE in the middle of the DHV STORY?

 

[MikeYikes122]

^^^^ It took me a second to even remember what you meant by DHV story. I wouldn't worry about things like that. Just work on improving your inner game. It sounds like you've picked up a lot of bad PUA tactics. Work on your confidence and your ability to create rapport. Get both of those things up and you won't need things like negs and DHV stories.

For the MySpace messaging though, I think the best overall advice for you is to just message less. Keep girls hanging some and give off the impression that you have other stuff going on in your life.

 

[bankai]

Dude... no offense, but as a reader I lost interest in the first 4 messages.
You started off way to strong with that story... and woa... why does she need to know any of that info?
I stopped reading after she said "why the story?" because you lost her right there.