How come they don't stay interested?!

[LostAndConfused]

ITS been a while since i've been here... wow.

I'm really good at pulling numbers now and for a little bit I want to actually get exclusive with an extraordinary girl. Heres my problem...

I go out on a first date, we have a great date and a great hookup session, then her contact with me (and by extension, her interest) slows down until we never talk again.

I really don't think I'm doing anything wrong, can anyone help?

The only thing which *could* be an issue is that I'm moving too fast with these girls. 99% of the time the first kiss is open mouthed.

Also, I could be a terrible kisser. Unfortunately, you can't really "practice" kissing. I don't hook up close to enough to actually notice improvement....i have gotten better since my first one though

Anyone have an idea? I'll give more information if necessary...the problem is...this issue is really broad so its not really easy to fix.

 

[Igetit!]

So when you say that they don't stay interested,what exactly do you mean? Is it like you approach the girl,get her number,call her up,go on a date or two,and then whenever you try to schedule another date or try to spend more time with her,all of the sudden she just starts giving you a bunch of excuses? Like,"I can't,I have to do this" or "I have to do that" or "I'm busy"
or "I have to work" and the such?

Or is it that when you go out with a girl,you try to get physical with her on the first date? Whether she says no,or she allows it,make no difference.

If it is neither of these two which I just described,then can you give a example,a detail example of one one these relationships turning sour.

Also,how long after you began dating these girls do their disinterest start to show up?

 

[Corey]

do you pour your heart out to them about how nice you are and how well you would treat a woman?

 

[slaog]

You learn a few tactics...

Use them to get the girl....

As time passes girl starts to see the real you...

Girl loses interest.


You must become an attractive person (DJ) and then they'll stay interested. It's all part of the learning process.

 

[LostAndConfused]

You learn a few tactics...

Use them to get the girl....

As time passes girl starts to see the real you...

Girl loses interest.

As I've mentioned before, I took time off this forum, and i took it off for the reason. Those tactics you mentioned never worked for me in the first place. i've been using "natural" game since the first time i actually started pulling numbers. While I don't use the "tactics" I do use some of the principles...still, I don't see how theres any facade.

And to igetit:
It can actually be ALL of the scenarios you mentioned. Different girl different situation.

So when you say that they don't stay interested,what exactly do you mean?

They stop initiating contact with me...basically they stop texting or calling me.

Now I know that you have to initiate contact with alot of girls, but I mean after a date, especially one that became really physical, the girl gets really emotionally invested, you know? Doesn't it seem like they'd WANT to talk?

Is it like you approach the girl,get her number,call her up,go on a date or two,and then whenever you try to schedule another date or try to spend more time with her,all of the sudden she just starts giving you a bunch of excuses? Like,"I can't,I have to do this" or "I have to do that" or "I'm busy"
or "I have to work" and the such?

Sorta. Like after the date the girl will text me, the day after she will text me or call me, then after that she stops initiating conversation. OR, it will just slow down to where we talk less and less until we dont talk at all.

Or is it that when you go out with a girl,you try to get physical with her on the first date? Whether she says no,or she allows it,make no difference.

Yes, I do get physical on the first date. It just sorta happens. I can't even tell who initiates the tongue kissing. Its just there, as if we both initiated it at the same time. When things get heated up I start getting resistance, and 99% of the time, from EVERY girl its "Wait till the next date" or "Its only our first date"

If it is neither of these two which I just described,then can you give a example,a detail example of one one these relationships turning sour.

The "longest" one of those relationships was 3 dates. The first of the three dates was a while ago back when I posted consistently here. I was absolutely terrible with girls. I left the forum and on the second date I hooked up with her. Our conversation slowed down for a while and then she starts contacting me again. At the beginning I ignore her but I take her out on the third date and we got extremely physical.

Also,how long after you began dating these girls do their disinterest start to show up?

Two days, usually.

Heres an example that JUST happened. two weekends ago I took a girl out on a date, it went great, I dropped her off at her house, and before I even got home to mine she was texting me. We had a decent conversation but I always keep texting short so I didn't talk to her much. The next day, she texts me some more. I tell her I'm really busy (and I was) when she asks why I take so long to text, but I keep a short conversation going. On the third day, she doesn't text me at all. On the fourth day she doesn't text me at all.

FIFTH day she texts me once talking about how she hates how we don't talk. I notice that the time it takes her to reply to my texts has increased alot....like i've become an afterthought for her. At that point I just stopped texting her altogether.

 

[oakraiderz2]

You learn a few tactics...

Use them to get the girl....

As time passes girl starts to see the real you...

Girl loses interest.


You must become an attract person (DJ) and then they'll stay interested. It's all part of the learning process.

Finally, someone else who actually understands how this sh*t works.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Finally, someone else who actually understands how this sh*t works.

Read the thread before you make a post. I'm not repeating myself a third time.

yeah i didn't voice it best in the first post but the fact of the matter is I don't use "game" anymore.

do you pour your heart out to them about how nice you are and how well you would treat a woman?

Of course I do, I Buy the girl flowers and jewelry before I take her out on her first date. I shower her with "unique" compliments and I get a peck on the cheek at the end of my date.

 

[Jeffst1980]

This is actually really simple.

You're confusing "pursuing" with "desperately chasing."

Women don't like guys that seem desperate, and you know this. So, to avoid this, you are overcompensating by forcing HER to chase YOU. Then, when she stops initiating chats, you come to the conclusion that she's lost interest.

Maybe she has, but only because you haven't PURSUED her.

The only girls that are going to start contacting you like crazy after a date or two are stalkers and BPD girls. You don't want those.

A quality girl does NOT do the job of setting up dates for you. If you want a quality girl, you're gonna have to suck it up and do the dirty work of initiating contact EVERY TIME for at least 4-5 meets.

Don't think that this is being AFC. An AFC chases and orbits girls. A DJ does what needs to be done to PROGRESS the relationship.

Even a girl with lukewarm interest initially can turn into a high interest girl in time. Look up the thread on "Confident Persistence."


If you're getting kiss closes and more, you can be reasonably assured that these girls WANT you to call them again. And even if they didn't, who cares??! You're the man, do what YOU want to do.

 

[Corey]

Of course I do, I Buy the girl flowers and jewelry before I take her out on her first date. I shower her with "unique" compliments and I get a peck on the cheek at the end of my date.[/QUOTE]

Good lad!

 

[Igetit!]

There could be a couple of reasons why this happens:
1: What Slaog said. That was right on the dot. You used some tricks or tactics that generated interest in her,and once these "tricks" were over with,she lost interest. Actually,this one is more common than you think.

2:ASD/anti-sl*t defense. When you go on a date with a girl,(especially a first date),if you get too physical too soon with her,even if she allows it,you'll activate her ASD/or she'll get buyer's remorse. In other words,she's attracted to you,but you skipped to comfort phase and when straight to being sexual.
Then later on,when she looks back on the date,she'll feel easy or dirty for getting sexual with someone who she really doesn't know that well. Plus,she'll think that you think that she's easy and she'll want to avoid you because she feels dirty in your presence.
So when you go out with a girl,a hug,or maybe kissing is ok,but that's it. Don't go any further than that. Even if she lets you,don't do it. Even if she's the aggressor,don't do it. The fact that you have the green light means that she's already attracted to you,so you don't have to worry about that. Just focus on making her feel comfortable with you.

It's a balancing act. Too much attraction with little or no comfort equals flaking. On a first date,you might get a hug,or kiss,or even more than that,but if you go too far her ASD will kick in. In other words,you might get sex,but you'll lose the girl. The other end of the spectrum is when you have too much comfort with little or no attraction. Guess what happens then? That's right. A one-way ticket to the friendzone.

The best thing to do would be to continue acting and behaving the same way you did during the approach. A lot of guy treat women like fishing. When you go fishing,you use some sort of bait to catch a fish. However,once the fish is caught,you no longer need the bait because you have the fish in hand.
Well,you can't do that with a woman. Whatever it was that you used to get her is what you'll have to continue using to keep her. You can't use some bait to get her,then once the two of you are in a relationship,you say,"ok,I no longer need this bait any more,because I have her". You can't do that.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Read the thread before you make a post. I'm not repeating myself a third time.

I was directing that comment toward you, sport. I was talking about in general with people on this site. So calm down, bud.

 

[LostAndConfused]

This is actually really simple.

You're confusing "pursuing" with "desperately chasing."

Women don't like guys that seem desperate, and you know this. So, to avoid this, you are overcompensating by forcing HER to chase YOU. Then, when she stops initiating chats, you come to the conclusion that she's lost interest.
[...]
If you're getting kiss closes and more, you can be reasonably assured that these girls WANT you to call them again. And even if they didn't, who cares??! You're the man, do what YOU want to do.

Ok I understand what you mean, to some extent. The reason why I got into this fvcked up mindset in the first place is because this girl dated me for a while and I assumed we were in a relationship then she drops the "Aren't we just hookup buddies?" line on me. After that I figured if the girls really were interested they'd be trying to talk to me.

 

[slaog]

As I've mentioned before, I took time off this forum, and i took it off for the reason. Those tactics you mentioned never worked for me in the first place. i've been using "natural" game since the first time i actually started pulling numbers. While I don't use the "tactics" I do use some of the principles...still, I don't see how theres any facade.

You're not a DJ yet so it can't all be natural otherwise you wouldn't have the problem of the girls losing interest.


You're at the stage now where you can get girls but can't keep them. Just keep improving yourself and eventually they'll stay interested.

 

[f283000]

lost and confused I had this happen to me recently. After 5 minutes on our first date we went to a full blown make out session, probably had like 7 of them on that date, and that was the last date we had and it made me feel like s___ for weeks

you are doing great in terms of getting passion out of women which is fine but you NEED TO LAY OUT THE CONTRACT! basically if you are successful at making out with them on first dates you need to tell them what you want from this right there and there.

The truth of the matter is that most girls don't want to feel like what happened is just a hook up or else her ASD will kick in. Do you want a relationship? date her? a fling? if so tell her. They need you to take action for them and lay the path for what the future is going to bring, you are the man, they want to be led and want a man that can lead, not a boy.

I made the horrible mistake of telling this fine ass girl I thought we should be secret lovers, i paid the price i made her seem like a fling, insulted her morals unintentionally and now here i am regretting my stupidity but i finally got over her but not the mistake i made. Next time if i have a date with a girl that im into you know im asking her to be my gf.

 

[LostAndConfused]

I was directing that comment toward you, sport. I was talking about in general with people on this site. So calm down, bud.

Sweet.

It's a balancing act. Too much attraction with little or no comfort equals flaking. On a first date,you might get a hug,or kiss,or even more than that,but if you go too far her ASD will kick in. In other words,you might get sex,but you'll lose the girl. The other end of the spectrum is when you have too much comfort with little or no attraction. Guess what happens then? That's right. A one-way ticket to the friendzone.

Unfortuantely I can't find that happy medium...yet. You could be underestimating how promiscuous girls are nowadays though, man. I've actually NOTICED that girls talk about their "sexual conquests" with their friends more than we guys do now. And what makes it worse is that they have the freedom to TELL You that they're telling their friends how they hooked up with you, and not the other way around ( a double standard there ). Some of them have asked me to add their friends on facebook or on myspace.

The best thing to do would be to continue acting and behaving the same way you did during the approach.

Well I'm a very nonchalant person by nature, and thats how I act when I approach or when girls approach me. And being that way, I usually dont bother with texting girls unless they text me in the first place.

I'll give you an example.

The last number I pulled was a girl I hooked up with at a party. I didn't even ask for her number afterwards, i just told her to take mine. after she contacted me for the first time and after our first conversation she stopped initiating conversations altogether. She talks with me but only if *I* initiate. I hate that. It seems like a chode thing to do. Thats why I don't do it.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You're not a DJ yet so it can't all be natural otherwise you wouldn't have the problem of the girls losing interest.


You're at the stage now where you can get girls but can't keep them. Just keep improving yourself and eventually they'll stay interested.

Good post brother. I agree he hasn't reached his full potential (few of us have). Instead of just telling him he's not a DJ (whatever that is?) give him some practical advice and back it up with your own life experience and testimony.

Be a student before a teacher my man.

 

[slaog]

Good post brother. I agree he hasn't reached his full potential (few of us have). Instead of just telling him he's not a DJ (whatever that is?) give him some practical advice and back it up with your own life experience and testimony.

Be a student before a teacher my man.

Ok KS! I'll give an example of my own experiance.


It used to happen me alot too where I couldn't make girls stay interested in me. Even though everything on the date would seem fine to me the women soon lost interest.


Eventually the turning point for me came when I changed my mindset.
- I stopped seeing dates as being a big deal.
- I went on dates etc mainly to have fun.
- I stopped putting women on pedestals (this was usually done automatically)
- I started seeing myself as the prize
- I stopped caring if a girl would call back or not.

The main thing that changed within me was when I realised that AFC's are always looking to take from women. Take in the sense that they need women for their happiness. So they constantly want something from the woman. I include buying gifts in this as well. AFC's buy gifts and spend money on women but only because they want the women to give them something in return.


So basically I realised that you can be nice without looking for anything in return. AFC's are nice because they want something in return which means they're not really nice and women sense this.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Ok KS! I'll give an example of my own experiance.


It used to happen me alot too where I couldn't make girls stay interested in me. Even though everything on the date would seem fine to me the women soon lost interest.


Eventually the turning point for me came when I changed my mindset.
- I stopped seeing dates as being a big deal.
- I went on dates etc mainly to have fun.
- I stopped putting women on pedestals (this was usually done automatically)
- I started seeing myself as the prize
- I stopped caring if a girl would call back or not.

The main thing that changed within me was when I realised that AFC's are always looking to take from women. Take in the sense that they need women for their happiness. So they constantly want something from the woman. I include buying gifts in this as well. AFC's buy gifts and spend money on women but only because they want the women to give them something in return.


So basically I realised that you can be nice without looking for anything in return. AFC's are nice because they want something in return which means they're not really nice and women sense this.

Sweet post man. What made you get to that turning point? I know its different for everyone who ventures down this path but what about you?

 

[sodbuster]

Well, it could be anything. From a guys perspective-not interessted in a woman who: scratches her crotch in public,has worse table manners than I do,has no clue how to speak properly, has no clue about where she is going in life,thinks I need to chase her forever, expects me to be her slave,expects me to buy her dinners for the next year[without sex]. ETC. ETC.

If you talk about unpopular topics,computer hobbies or other wierdness on the first date or other things that turn off women. you'll get the first date due to your looks or first impression,but interest will fall off as she meets the real you[probably never mention you agree with tom Leykis]

 

[Miguel]

Yah, but guys were overlooking what women are actually actracted too: Power, status, confidence. (arguably other too.)

Sodbuster I really have to STRONGLY disagree with you here, call me crazy, call me an idiot, but I've talked about anime/magic cards/'DUNGONS AND DRAGONS' to chicks above the HB10 level and got them into the conversation that they enjoyed and found... intresting. (It was on a dare mind you... but roll with me. Hilarity ensued BTW.) This is wrong, you can talk to most people about anything, as long as you're comfortable, talk with passion, and show social understanding... you can bring up nearly ANYTHING as a subject... provided it just isn't plain out creepy. (Murders, stalkers, wierdo stuff.)

Don't believe me, look up mysterys google earth opener, it just conferms what i've known for years.

ANYWAYS, back to point, had a micro-rant, my bad.


Hey, so sodbuster you're just saying the turning point is just learning to filter your women... if i'm reading you right.