how can you be a man in this situation

[duttylove]

when you come out of a long term relatioship, how can you be that much of a man that you dont give a f**k and move on.

do you never think about the girl you just broke up with? how can you pick up your balls and move on just like that.

i know i could go out and bang a few girls, i know how to PU and all that sh!t, dont have a confidence problem so getting woman is easy enuff. but that would only get me sex. it would not get what me and my girl had together of my mind.

is there any help for this, has any one experienced been through this??

also girlfriend says she wants to be friends after you just broke up? what do you way to that. personally i told her to F**k of and never speak to me again but i dont want her outa my life truthfully

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Bro..we've ALL been there. We've all experience that 'STING'...and yea..it hurts..and unless you are a robot, it DOES take time to get over.

You wake up thinking about it, you wake up wondering what went wrong, you wake up thinking about all the mistakes that were made....then you wake up again the next day thinking all these thoughts over and over..

Sound familiar?

I'm sure you don't have problem getting women like you said..so at least you're half way better than a lot of the other fellas on here. Basically, it breaks down to that old saying

IT JUST TAKES TIME.

Along with that, it takes the proper attitude. Yea, you have feelings and emotions are high right now. But, step away from the situation for a bit. Think about all the negatives that happened...think about the reason WHY you guys are not together. You mantra should be.."this is why she is now my ex" and move on.

Keep yourself busy, hit the gym, re-aquaint yourself with old friends, ask for more responsibility at work, take a new yoga class...the point being...fill that physical and mental void of not being with her. And that doesn't necessarily mean banging a lot of women...if anything, I'd bang a few...get your pride and confidence together...then leave em alone for awhile...you'll gain a different perspective when you realize they aren't all that important when it comes to controlling your life.

Also, you didnt give much details on how your relationship ended. I guarantee though, that moment you see her with someone else, you'll be a changed man ready to move on mentally, physically, emotionallly....The reason why is because your breakup is still fresh..there is that little voice inside your head thinking:

"I wonder if she still thinks of us and all our great times..I know there is a chance...I know it..THERE IS STILL A CHANCE"

I know bro..I've been there. But that moment comes when you see her with someone else...you'll be surprised how good it will feel to have that closure.

BTW...there is nothing in the rules that say you cannot be friends with an ex. If there is genuine mutual respect..then I'm all for it. But, you have to give it A LOT OF TIME before you truely see her as a friend again. Remember that little voice in your head?

When you truely have closure...you can bring her back into your life. And only you will know when you are truely over her..

 

[duttylove]

our relationship ended because i was fed up of all her ****. she wants to go hang around her exs house when before she tells me she dont stay friends with her exs ever! and alot of other bullsh1t stories that dont really add up. i should have walked away then.

she would tell me she loved me and had feelings for me, call me up when im not around and tell me she wants to be lying in bed with me with my arms around her. this sh1t was nice to hear form time to time

then all of a sunned she changes her mind saying im not in love with you. i care about you so much and i would like to spend the rest of my life with you, but not rite now. rite now i want to have fun. (which means she wants to be a ho)

i am angry because i told her a few days ago to stop waisting my time, if you dont wanna be with me, then dont and she starts crying saying she truely does.

now for her to just change her mind = to me that ho is banging some one else and/or has been for a while.

it was only recently that i started developing feelings for her after the constant i love yous i want yous. thats why it hurts

 

[PRMoon]

You just have to be a man. Realize that you'll connect with someone on a mental level in the not too distant future. Dwelling on what you've lost only makes you angry. You have to free your mind, focus on not thinking about her and what the two of you had.
I've been in a spot like this before where I'd find myself thinking about the girl I lost (It was my fault but still) all of the time and it kinda hurts. I just calmed myself and thought about other things/people as much as I could then my memories of her just faded. I couldn't be her friend after our relationship was over like she wanted, because I didn't want to chance falling back into that mentality. This was some time ago for me and I doubt I would be like that now but I who knows.

 

[mapleleaf11]

I am in the latter stages of going through the exact same thing man!! That is how I found this sight...and started seeking the advice....
living together for almost 3 years! then gone...though I suggested it in the first place, she left after a fight and hasn't come back... that hurts, and still does... but not nearly as much!!,,,
I've noticed a pattern to overcome this situation and it is getting better by the day...so let me take a moment to see if you can relate....
After the break up,,, when I realize YES..THIS IS FINAL!! my heart is broken!!.... What did I do???.....let's see... I stayed inside depressed!! Moping about like my whole life is over!! Not wanting to face the world AT ALL!!! So many mixed emotions...is this for the best?? do I wanna be friends??...or do I wanna fight for her back??...Dude, when it's over...nothing can bring her back!!! But being friends makes you wanna dwell on it... Do you think she is dwelling on it??? probably not,,, (at least at the present)
...she has sounded happy somedays and miserable others... I noticed when I was happy or made it out like that to her.. she was brought down...because I am a new man!!! And she is the one losing out....NOT ME!!! I have many goals in life!!! and have been going after them FULL FORCE since the break up over a month and a half ago...AND I FEEL MUCH BETTER!!! MYT life is getting on track,,, again!!!! ..... My ex sounded happy when I told her how much I wanted her back at first, how desperate I was and told her that things would be different... etc. etc. blah blah blah!! DON'T let her get the best of you this way!!!
About being friends??? Why don't you kiss her feet instead???lol, She does NOT deserve you in her life anymore in ANY WAY!! friends or lovers!!!! You know it's her loss not yours!! (Just don't tell her that)....act like that instead!! If you do see her or talk to her...remember...you are happy about your new life in every way, even if at first you do have to "fake it"...... by faking it, well, you end up believing that you are much better without her in your life!!! She may resent you for that...but she is not your problem anymore....someday she will be somebody else's!!! My ex wants to be friends...what do you think I said??? yes?.... HELL NO!!! You can't be friends with an "ex serious gf".... if you do remain friends,,,you'll find she'll only be pulling you on a string... and you will find it a hundred times harder to let what you guys had go!! So break the contact!!! Do it tonight!!!... Out of sight,,,,out of mind!!! But the last intended time you talk to her....Make yourself out to be the happiest guy in the world!!! It sounds evil... but it makes me feel better if she is upset because now that she knows (or at first thinks she knows) that I am MUCH better off without them!!!
Get out and meet new girls...I have had "rebound chicks" after other relationships....cruel to girls I know...but are they really that nice to us in the end??? It rids your mind of your ex no matter how serious!!! ....Do stuff for yourself....Get out...have fun!!!! walk with your head up!!! Force yourself to smile..It will only get better...if she knows you are happier now... then she may rethink everything (depending on how stubborn or what kind of woman she is)...but only way after you are over her!!! Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MAN IN THIS SITUATION!!!!!! I been meeting girls and already lost count of the amount of dates I have planned...(Hotter/better ones too)... You aren't meant to be together...or friends for that matter!!! There is someone out there much better for you!!! If you start to think about your ex...then drop it!! Go work out or do something with friends,,, just do anything!! But at first don't go to somewhere where there are a lot of memories between you two...You and I miss the memories more than the promises and the person!! Believe it or not, contrary to what a lot of guys on here think...there are normal, level-headed women that don't play head games and don't have any intention other than to be happy with you!!! And to give you the affection TEN-FOLD!!!
Yeah, I've had mixed feelings with what to do...we still continued to have sex for a bit after the break-up...and I could now if I called her up....but that's all it would be....it hurt to see her, to touch her, to talk to her...etc etc. It wasn't meant to be and it's definately NOT worth being friends......
When my ex and I talk, of course I think about what we had... but 4 days without one conversation with her,,,while I'm out having the time of my life (without her).. I couldn't care less what she is up to...and don't think of her as much,,,but then we talk again,,, the thoughts come back...though just not as strong...
Do you wanna live your life like this?????..... Or do YOU want to be the winner here??? It's up to you!!!.... YOU and only YOU!!!!!!
When we talked immediately after the breakup,,,, I asked about what is new in her life and other stuff, I also asked questions that deep down I didn't want to know the answer to, and I was only looking to get more hurt,,,,after her hearing how happy I am without her,,,the tables turned around....SHE is the one asking me questions about my life!!! SHE is the one that wanted to stay on the phone longer,,,,but I, my friend...****I was the one that no longer has time for her in my life!!!!****

Think about this!!! Take my advice (if you haven't already done so) and it may take less time then you think... To not even think about wanting to be friends with her....!!! So have fun.... Leave thoughts of her behind!!! Only look forward....You may thank me for this!!!
cheers!!

 

[whistler]

Having emotions isn't unmanly.

Losing control is.


You're gonna think about the girl. You can't force thoughts out of your head.

Handle them like a man: head on and objectively.

They'll calm down eventually (everyone who will post will agree with that).

Good luck man. This is part of life.

 

[frivolousz21]

im in a sitiuation like that..and I realize I have to control myself or it wont work out!

but more importantly its better for me to be STRONG

 

[A-Unit]

Proactive versus Reactive.

Proactivity versus Reactivity.


A man knows the relationship is dying before she declares its dead. In fact, he declares its dead because he's in it so long as it's fulfilling and rejuvenating, not draing and life-sucking.


In the oft chance she does up and dump you without knowing it, take comfort that a relationship with someone is 100% better when she wants you as much, or more than you want her. After much time of dating, you see in retrospect that the relationship had the same theme when you began it, you just forced it to be something it'd never be.


For instance, many guys sleep with a girl right away, in less than a month, in many, but not all situations, the girl just wanted azz but wouldn't admit it right up front. And because women don't cut a relationship off like a guillitine, men linger around until they get the hint or act like a psycho and she feels justified dumping you. You can't make a hoe a housewife. Yes, the "occasional" I-don't-do-this-much tag line might come up, but many guys on this site are so busy reading signals they're not reading their own feelings to know if it serves what they want, which is all that matters anyway.


A guy who tries to make a girl who sleeps around a gf will be met mostly with sadness and sorrow as she'll be VERY flaky. Sure, she might jump from guy to guy, but since she's "like that" there's very little liklihood she'd stop. A girl sho SLEEPS around isn't exactly normal, because what deciding factor will get her to stop? And after that, what self respecting guy wants a girl who's partaken in sexual acts so illegal they're banned in 48 of the 50 states?


People say past doesnt matter, but that's too broad to accept as a base answer. It matters, but some facts do, some don't. A girl who's in and out of lots of relationships has committment problems and probably problems selecting suitable mates. If she's f*cked alot of guys, she'll keep f*cking. And if she rests, she's sure to start back up at some point when circumstances change in her life. Realize that only about 15% of women OR less are truly relationship material. How can that be?


Because a relationship-type girl doesn't see a fight or debate as the end-game of a relationship. They happen, you deal with them, and move on. You will disagree, easily, but if you can't manage to talk about stuff in a manner and solve it, there's no relationship.

______________________________


See...the real "manly" part starts before you even get started. It starts with the type of women you approach. The vibe you get from hanging with them in the first few minutes. If you AND her are not completely ecstatic to chill, walk away. Interest should be there up front in meeting a new person. Sure you might be dating a few girls, but it's always cool to meet a new girl, and for her, it should be cool to meet a new guy.


I personally don't hang around with girls I totally don't dig, even if they beg for a date. And it isn't playing hard to get, it's simply something never clicked or clicked off between now and the time we first met. It isn't to build an EGO and I don't fhuck and run. You end up dating MORE women when you're more selective because you believe in abundance. You believe and know there's lots of women. Sure, they're dating guys, all single women are dating, but so what. If she's also agreeing to a date with you, then she's not so serious with any other guy. And it's your JOB to interview her. Even if she seems cool, if she's not open minded enough about more time, or doesn't vibe like that, move on. Forget the number. Lose it if you want.


But most guys have been there. Usually when it happens, it's because the relationship didn't meet your needs and fell by the wayside. Complaceny is a killer.




A-Unit

 

[Skullcrusher]

Bros, when girls say they are willing to be your friend - that's just bulls-h-i-t, she says it to make herself feel better about dumping your loser ass.

 

[Julian]

I dont see women as something to get emotionally attached to. They are simply meat to feast upon for sustanance.

 

[nonstop]

what would you rather be an AFC slave or a man?

 

[NewMan]

"Manning" up, so to speak does not mean you don't care - and does not mean you will not get hurt.

But, what it does mean is, that you are willing and able to take the pain in the short term - for success in the long term.

The pain in this case is losing that FAMILIAR woman.


Because that what you miss, the company, the warm body, the regular lay, the fun etc.

Being a man is about realising what is the best course of action for YOU - and taking it, no matter the pain.

You can be emotional - just do it alone.

You can cry - but cry alone.


Do not show weakness in front of women.



Her wanting to be friends is a way of making her feel better. Because now, she is free to pick the phone up and talk to you when she feels lonely - without putting out.

You see, women need the emotional side from men. They need to know they are needed. They need to know you care. They want to know that they can pick to phone up and talk to you.

But she will not give you want YOU need.

She is being selfish.

It's all for her own benefit. and when she meets another guy, those friend phone calls will go away. She will not need you and you will be put by the wayside.


Being a man means that you relaise this - and you do not let her use you - even though the short term pain is great.