How can she and I start over?

[jnMissouri]

Girl I've been in a relationship with for coming up on a year figured out early on that I had a gf that lived with me. She still kept dating me. Eventually she got me to confess so I did.

There were some weird things with her as well but they always checked out, nonetheless they caused trust issues. When we were just dating 3 months in she tried to cancel our date for her birthday (we were not a couple yet) claiming a legal appointment. I thought she was making it up to go out with another guy. We got into an argument over it, she agreed to reschedule the appointment, but she flaked on me. Turns out she stopped by two guy friends houses (one was a patient in a wheel chair). She really did have a legal appointment, and the two guys were just friends, well one was a patient. I verified this all with her mom and with the two people indirectly posing as her brother acting like she was missing, asked them what they were, they said just friends. Asked them if she was dating anyone that they were aware of, etc. Her story checked out, she had told them about me and asked them for advice about me because she wasn't sure what we were yet and she had feelings for me. I also found out as part of that conversation that I was in fact the only person she was dating even though we were not exclusive. They even told me that if she's with him (me) she's in good hands...as in she spoke highly of me to them. So yeah, it turns out she did tell them about me like she said. And her mom verified the legal appointment and said it was not the first time she skipped it. As weird as this all looked it checked out. But it has made me not trust her and caused strife in our relationship.

There's more weird crap like this. She had not talked to him for a long time since then and agreed not to talk to him ever again since it was messed up what she did. Fast forward a few months, we have an argument, I tell her I'm staying with my current live in gf and not leaving her for this crap, she flips, calls him to get him to pretend he was there cooking her breakfast to hurt me (he wasn't, even he tried to get me to understand that he wasn't really there she isn't cheating on you you fool he told me). Now get this, he found out right then that I was really her bf not her brother. She had not spoken to him in months so when she called him suddenly he told her her brother contacted him looking for her because she was missing and the truth came out. So the guy chides me for doing that and tells me she would never cheat on me and he's been her friend through all her relationships and marriages and that she's trust worthy. OK, so she did stupid **** but it wasn't like she was actually going out with other guys on dates. Still messed up and causes me trust issues with her.

So now my boundaries are that she get's rid of all her male friends (she dated one male friend that she had met when she was married to some other guy. They divorced, she was with another guy and she hooked up with this male friend as a couple then left him to go back to her ex. So my thing is no more male friends, no more exes, I get access to all her stuff.
Thing is, she has concerns about me as well and whether she can trust me or not since I'm having an affair. She is worried that I will do the same thing to her down the road...but she said ultimately if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't. My thing is she has dated male friends in the past, to me they are a back up option.

So I want us to both break things off contact wise with any exes, friends of the opposite sex, etc. and start over. She wants to start over too and has agreed to break contact off with her exes. She has let me search her stuff before when we've had issues as a result of her stuff. She was the one that suggested it to ease my mind. Each of us would have access to each others phones, etc. But a buddy of mine said dude, you're having an affair, she is not. Yeah her stuff was weird and inappropriate but it checked out like she said. Said I have no leverage here (except she has agreed to some boundaries before). She has even brought up that I'm the one having an affair and sleeping in the same bed as another woman, so why am I checking up on her.

To some extent she has a point but at the same time her behaviors are inappropriate as well as innocent as they turned out to be. And I don't want to leave my stable relationship for someone who is going to disappear and do this **** and leave me wondering. She has said it would never happen again. But I don't know that it won't. So what to do, how to start over?

My take on it is that she agrees to my boundaries PERIOD and we both go into a few month long evaluation of whether we are both following the rules. But that's never going to fly while I'm still living with my live in gf (well she lives with me). But at the same time I don't want to get rid of her until I know this girl is long term gf material and trustworthy.

 

[speed dawg]

You are an idiot. I swear you have to be backbreaker, or his retarded 3rd cousin.

 

[Julian]

lol i am not reading all this but yeah the entire situation smells like trailer park

 

[Smok1nAce]

Didn’t read, but you can never start over with a girl.






Never ever.

 

[sazc]

Holy he11

 

[BeExcellent]

Why are you upset at all?

You are living with one woman (and sexing her whenever you want) and you have “trust issues” with the long distance girl you bang on occasion?

The long distance girl should do as she pleases. It’s frankly none of your business because you are neither monogamous with her, nor exclusive with her, nor loyal to her.

She is rewarding bad behavior. She shouldn’t.

The idea that you expect loyalty from the distance girl in this situation is laughable. Seriously. Complete have your cake & eat it too situation. Really you don’t deserve loyalty from your live in GF either. Are you being honest about what you are doing?

If you value novelty more than a relationship just cop to it and be what you are and let the chips fall where they fall.

This is how people get hurt and screwed up, men and women both.

How many men are here as a result of a chick (a wife or serious, supposedly committed woman) doing what you are doing? More than a few.

Your behavior is selfish to the core, disrespectful to both the women, and you don’t have the backbone to be straight up.

Do as you please of course. Eventually the chickens will come back to roost.

 

[Jager]

Girl I've been in a relationship with for coming up on a year figured out early on that I had a gf that lived with me. She still kept dating me. Eventually she got me to confess so I did.

There were some weird things with her as well but they always checked out, nonetheless they caused trust issues. When we were just dating 3 months in she tried to cancel our date for her birthday (we were not a couple yet) claiming a legal appointment. I thought she was making it up to go out with another guy. We got into an argument over it, she agreed to reschedule the appointment, but she flaked on me. Turns out she stopped by two guy friends houses (one was a patient in a wheel chair). She really did have a legal appointment, and the two guys were just friends, well one was a patient. I verified this all with her mom and with the two people indirectly posing as her brother acting like she was missing, asked them what they were, they said just friends. Asked them if she was dating anyone that they were aware of, etc. Her story checked out, she had told them about me and asked them for advice about me because she wasn't sure what we were yet and she had feelings for me. I also found out as part of that conversation that I was in fact the only person she was dating even though we were not exclusive. They even told me that if she's with him (me) she's in good hands...as in she spoke highly of me to them. So yeah, it turns out she did tell them about me like she said. And her mom verified the legal appointment and said it was not the first time she skipped it. As weird as this all looked it checked out. But it has made me not trust her and caused strife in our relationship.

There's more weird crap like this. She had not talked to him for a long time since then and agreed not to talk to him ever again since it was messed up what she did. Fast forward a few months, we have an argument, I tell her I'm staying with my current live in gf and not leaving her for this crap, she flips, calls him to get him to pretend he was there cooking her breakfast to hurt me (he wasn't, even he tried to get me to understand that he wasn't really there she isn't cheating on you you fool he told me). Now get this, he found out right then that I was really her bf not her brother. She had not spoken to him in months so when she called him suddenly he told her her brother contacted him looking for her because she was missing and the truth came out. So the guy chides me for doing that and tells me she would never cheat on me and he's been her friend through all her relationships and marriages and that she's trust worthy. OK, so she did stupid **** but it wasn't like she was actually going out with other guys on dates. Still messed up and causes me trust issues with her.

So now my boundaries are that she get's rid of all her male friends (she dated one male friend that she had met when she was married to some other guy. They divorced, she was with another guy and she hooked up with this male friend as a couple then left him to go back to her ex. So my thing is no more male friends, no more exes, I get access to all her stuff.
Thing is, she has concerns about me as well and whether she can trust me or not since I'm having an affair. She is worried that I will do the same thing to her down the road...but she said ultimately if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't. My thing is she has dated male friends in the past, to me they are a back up option.

So I want us to both break things off contact wise with any exes, friends of the opposite sex, etc. and start over. She wants to start over too and has agreed to break contact off with her exes. She has let me search her stuff before when we've had issues as a result of her stuff. She was the one that suggested it to ease my mind. Each of us would have access to each others phones, etc. But a buddy of mine said dude, you're having an affair, she is not. Yeah her stuff was weird and inappropriate but it checked out like she said. Said I have no leverage here (except she has agreed to some boundaries before). She has even brought up that I'm the one having an affair and sleeping in the same bed as another woman, so why am I checking up on her.

To some extent she has a point but at the same time her behaviors are inappropriate as well as innocent as they turned out to be. And I don't want to leave my stable relationship for someone who is going to disappear and do this **** and leave me wondering. She has said it would never happen again. But I don't know that it won't. So what to do, how to start over?

My take on it is that she agrees to my boundaries PERIOD and we both go into a few month long evaluation of whether we are both following the rules. But that's never going to fly while I'm still living with my live in gf (well she lives with me). But at the same time I don't want to get rid of her until I know this girl is long term gf material and trustworthy.

This is ridiculous.

With bits like “I get access to all her stuff,” this is about you and your desperation. Not about starting over. This is a quest to conquer a woman’s biology to stop her from acting on it, because she’s your girlfriend.

Come on, man. Enough of this feminine crap.

 

[Jager]

Why are you upset at all?

You are living with one woman (and sexing her whenever you want) and you have “trust issues” with the long distance girl you bang on occasion?

The long distance girl should do as she pleases. It’s frankly none of your business because you are neither monogamous with her, nor exclusive with her, nor loyal to her.

She is rewarding bad behavior. She shouldn’t.

The idea that you expect loyalty from the distance girl in this situation is laughable. Seriously. Complete have your cake & eat it too situation. Really you don’t deserve loyalty from your live in GF either. Are you being honest about what you are doing?

If you value novelty more than a relationship just cop to it and be what you are and let the chips fall where they fall.

This is how people get hurt and screwed up, men and women both.

How many men are here as a result of a chick (a wife or serious, supposedly committed woman) doing what you are doing? More than a few.

Your behavior is selfish to the core, disrespectful to both the women, and you don’t have the backbone to be straight up.

Do as you please of course. Eventually the chickens will come back to roost.

Oh, please. That’s a shame post. Women do this indiscriminately. God forbid a man does it.

He has trust issues because he instinctually knows what women are like, how they operate, but it’s contrary to what he’s been taught all his life. This is desperation. Not an idealistic quest for love and honesty from the women in his life.

His solution is to break up with his girlfriend, break ties with both of ‘em, start fresh, spin plates, have sex, have fun with his life and achieve his goals.

 

[AJ84]

Girl I've been in a relationship with for coming up on a year figured out early on that I had a gf that lived with me. She still kept dating me. Eventually she got me to confess so I did.

There were some weird things with her as well but they always checked out, nonetheless they caused trust issues. When we were just dating 3 months in she tried to cancel our date for her birthday (we were not a couple yet) claiming a legal appointment. I thought she was making it up to go out with another guy. We got into an argument over it, she agreed to reschedule the appointment, but she flaked on me. Turns out she stopped by two guy friends houses (one was a patient in a wheel chair). She really did have a legal appointment, and the two guys were just friends, well one was a patient. I verified this all with her mom and with the two people indirectly posing as her brother acting like she was missing, asked them what they were, they said just friends. Asked them if she was dating anyone that they were aware of, etc. Her story checked out, she had told them about me and asked them for advice about me because she wasn't sure what we were yet and she had feelings for me. I also found out as part of that conversation that I was in fact the only person she was dating even though we were not exclusive. They even told me that if she's with him (me) she's in good hands...as in she spoke highly of me to them. So yeah, it turns out she did tell them about me like she said. And her mom verified the legal appointment and said it was not the first time she skipped it. As weird as this all looked it checked out. But it has made me not trust her and caused strife in our relationship.

There's more weird crap like this. She had not talked to him for a long time since then and agreed not to talk to him ever again since it was messed up what she did. Fast forward a few months, we have an argument, I tell her I'm staying with my current live in gf and not leaving her for this crap, she flips, calls him to get him to pretend he was there cooking her breakfast to hurt me (he wasn't, even he tried to get me to understand that he wasn't really there she isn't cheating on you you fool he told me). Now get this, he found out right then that I was really her bf not her brother. She had not spoken to him in months so when she called him suddenly he told her her brother contacted him looking for her because she was missing and the truth came out. So the guy chides me for doing that and tells me she would never cheat on me and he's been her friend through all her relationships and marriages and that she's trust worthy. OK, so she did stupid **** but it wasn't like she was actually going out with other guys on dates. Still messed up and causes me trust issues with her.

So now my boundaries are that she get's rid of all her male friends (she dated one male friend that she had met when she was married to some other guy. They divorced, she was with another guy and she hooked up with this male friend as a couple then left him to go back to her ex. So my thing is no more male friends, no more exes, I get access to all her stuff.
Thing is, she has concerns about me as well and whether she can trust me or not since I'm having an affair. She is worried that I will do the same thing to her down the road...but she said ultimately if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't. My thing is she has dated male friends in the past, to me they are a back up option.

So I want us to both break things off contact wise with any exes, friends of the opposite sex, etc. and start over. She wants to start over too and has agreed to break contact off with her exes. She has let me search her stuff before when we've had issues as a result of her stuff. She was the one that suggested it to ease my mind. Each of us would have access to each others phones, etc. But a buddy of mine said dude, you're having an affair, she is not. Yeah her stuff was weird and inappropriate but it checked out like she said. Said I have no leverage here (except she has agreed to some boundaries before). She has even brought up that I'm the one having an affair and sleeping in the same bed as another woman, so why am I checking up on her.

To some extent she has a point but at the same time her behaviors are inappropriate as well as innocent as they turned out to be. And I don't want to leave my stable relationship for someone who is going to disappear and do this **** and leave me wondering. She has said it would never happen again. But I don't know that it won't. So what to do, how to start over?

My take on it is that she agrees to my boundaries PERIOD and we both go into a few month long evaluation of whether we are both following the rules. But that's never going to fly while I'm still living with my live in gf (well she lives with me). But at the same time I don't want to get rid of her until I know this girl is long term gf material and trustworthy.

And maybe this girl you are cheating on your girlfriend with doesn’t want to get rid of her options until she knows you are long term bf material and trustworthy.

You are both keeping people on the back burner. Why should she get rid of her options if you have a gf that you live with? Your friend has a good point.

You also have more to lose than her because she’s not going to be breaking someone else’s heart if the affair is discovered. Plus, she has several people in her pocket as back up options and you only have one person, who you will likely lose if the affair is found out or if you leave the live in gf then try to get her back if things don’t work out with the mistress.

You don’t have leverage here, and she knows that. She also from what you described is a cheater too from her past relationship.

Don’t see this working out the way you would both like it to work out. You both essentially don’t trust each other, for good reason. Without trust the whole thing is dead in the water.

 

[Epic Days]

LMAO

 

[BeExcellent]

Truth is a shaming post? Awwwww. Did I hurt somebody’s feelings?

No shame just the truth. I don’t do double standards and neither does anybody else with any sense, man or woman.

How this is news I’m not sure.

 

[flowtheory]

This situation is a complete mess. Going through eachothers phones? Other people in the mix? You’re with a live in woman?
You don’t have any trust after a year because neither of you trust yourselves.

Honestly just stop it all, clean your life up and move forward to new women. But first you have to get your things together.

 

[SoSuave666]

Truth is a shaming post? Awwwww. Did I hurt somebody’s feelings?

No shame just the truth. I don’t do double standards and neither does anybody else with any sense, man or woman.

How this is news I’m not sure.

Double standards would only be a *thing* if men and women were exactly alike. In every way, emotional, physical, etc.

Alas, men and women are so vastly different that “double standard” doesn’t apply.

Do you understand?

 

[BeExcellent]

Double standards would only be a *thing* if men and women were exactly alike. In every way, emotional, physical, etc.

Alas, men and women are so vastly different that “double standard” doesn’t apply.

Do you understand?

Character is character. Character is not gender specific. Your logic entirely fails when you suggest a double standard is Ok because men & women are different.

No. That serves your belief system. Therefore you put forth that silly notion.

No double standards. Now. The expression of that may be a bit different based on gender or individual proclivities, but a double standard cannot fly.

A man with plates may elect to sleep with other women. That means non-exclusive. For a woman that may not be sleeping with various men (although it might), it may just mean going on dates or social outings or giving time to other men.

I’m both cases the INTENT is what matters. If the intent is non-exclusive, then both parties are exploring options. Both the man and the woman.

That is what no double standard means. It does not mean that men have carte blanche to screw around while a woman piously waits for him to choose not to screw around. That’s stupid on the woman’s part. She should explore her options as well; or she should leave the relationship. Either choice conveys self respect.

There is no self respect in showing loyalty to another who is not loyal to you, man or woman.

 

[jnMissouri]

Yeah I have been so busy I just now got a chance to read the responses. Yes women and men are biologically different. And yes what I am doing is wrong BUT SHE KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING I HAD SOMEONE ELSE EVEN WHEN SHE LIVED HERE FULL TIME AND SHE KEPT DATING ME ANYWAYS. SHE SUSPECTED IT ALL ALONG AND KEPT ASKING AND I CONFESSED ONE DAY AND SHE CHOSE TO STAY.

Yes her stuff checked out, I don't think she was keeping back up options. BUT I will say that when she stopped trusting her husband when they were married he declined to give his phone and email access so she knew it was over and left for good. SO she had a bit of a double standard. She even told me before she loves the controlling way I am...and had agreed to all of this long ago anyways....But she is very emotional and is up and down on things.

In any case, this girl has a lot of baggage and drama. I am pretty sure she is bipolar. Her own family called CPS to have her kids taken away, and the kids father is a six time felon who has never paid child support because he is an unemployed loser living on his moms couch. When I look at her history of divorce, her baggage, drama and the issues in her life (her own sister told me she is chaotic and has not ever been able to hold down a job for more than a few months at a time because she has a problem with authority and thinks she knows better than everyone)....Yeah, a girl who has no education, no career, can't take care of her kids, no money and so her family has to support her knows better than everyone. I loved her and thought I could fix her but she can never be fixed. SHE IS NUTS. She literally kept telling me her ex was using a spy device to spy on her cell phone, when she walked near it, it would spy on her phone. I showed her there is easy to use software for phone spying that doesn't require hardware which would make no sense to use. Asked her what the device was. She showed it to me...it was an Amazon Kindle wall charger...I have the same one....

During our relationship when she acted crazy I would tell her she was crazy and she said she has heard that before, her exe's used to say that to her and her last room mates and that I was gas lighting her...I told her have you ever considered that there is a pattern of people who tell you that you are crazy?

At the end of the day her stuff that one time checked out and she was always where she said she was when I checked on her, her friends even told me she may be a lot of things but she is not a cheater...now that doesn't mean that she doesn't keep her options open. BUT, ultimately I don't think it will ever work between her and I. I was attracted to her instability because I'm so stable, she even told me that and so did others, it's true.

She even told me from time to time that I should stay away that she is crazy, etc. Then other times she would say she was joking. We had a falling out AGAIN, the exact same type and way that we have had a thousand times. I walked away again but I will probably hear from her again like I usually do when I don't talk to her for a while (days usually) as she starts to miss me and tries to work things out. I don't know what to do. I don't think she is gf material and I absolutely do not want her living with me at this point. At best I'd keep her as a friend or fwb.

 

[AJ84]

Yeah I have been so busy I just now got a chance to read the responses. Yes women and men are biologically different. And yes what I am doing is wrong BUT SHE KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING I HAD SOMEONE ELSE EVEN WHEN SHE LIVED HERE FULL TIME AND SHE KEPT DATING ME ANYWAYS. SHE SUSPECTED IT ALL ALONG AND KEPT ASKING AND I CONFESSED ONE DAY AND SHE CHOSE TO STAY.

Yes her stuff checked out, I don't think she was keeping back up options. BUT I will say that when she stopped trusting her husband when they were married he declined to give his phone and email access so she knew it was over and left for good. SO she had a bit of a double standard. She even told me before she loves the controlling way I am...and had agreed to all of this long ago anyways....But she is very emotional and is up and down on things.

In any case, this girl has a lot of baggage and drama. I am pretty sure she is bipolar. Her own family called CPS to have her kids taken away, and the kids father is a six time felon who has never paid child support because he is an unemployed loser living on his moms couch. When I look at her history of divorce, her baggage, drama and the issues in her life (her own sister told me she is chaotic and has not ever been able to hold down a job for more than a few months at a time because she has a problem with authority and thinks she knows better than everyone)....Yeah, a girl who has no education, no career, can't take care of her kids, no money and so her family has to support her knows better than everyone. I loved her and thought I could fix her but she can never be fixed. SHE IS NUTS. She literally kept telling me her ex was using a spy device to spy on her cell phone, when she walked near it, it would spy on her phone. I showed her there is easy to use software for phone spying that doesn't require hardware which would make no sense to use. Asked her what the device was. She showed it to me...it was an Amazon Kindle wall charger...I have the same one....

During our relationship when she acted crazy I would tell her she was crazy and she said she has heard that before, her exe's used to say that to her and her last room mates and that I was gas lighting her...I told her have you ever considered that there is a pattern of people who tell you that you are crazy?

At the end of the day her stuff that one time checked out and she was always where she said she was when I checked on her, her friends even told me she may be a lot of things but she is not a cheater...now that doesn't mean that she doesn't keep her options open. BUT, ultimately I don't think it will ever work between her and I. I was attracted to her instability because I'm so stable, she even told me that and so did others, it's true.

She even told me from time to time that I should stay away that she is crazy, etc. Then other times she would say she was joking. We had a falling out AGAIN, the exact same type and way that we have had a thousand times. I walked away again but I will probably hear from her again like I usually do when I don't talk to her for a while (days usually) as she starts to miss me and tries to work things out. I don't know what to do. I don't think she is gf material and I absolutely do not want her living with me at this point. At best I'd keep her as a friend or fwb.

What does this side piece have that your live in gf doesn’t? Aside from 4 million red flags?

She actually sounds like someone who you should be careful around. Like she may try to destroy your life if she’s triggered by something you say or do.

Very much doubt you can rewind this back to just being friends or FWB. Seriously be careful with this one.

 

[jnMissouri]

What does this side piece have that your live in gf doesn’t? Aside from 4 million red flags?

She actually sounds like someone who you should be careful around. Like she may try to destroy your life if she’s triggered by something you say or do.

Very much doubt you can rewind this back to just being friends or FWB. Seriously be careful with this one.

Exactly what I've realized as the "high" has worn off and the pattern of erratic behavior has become the norm. The red flags were there in the beginning, her tattoos on our first date I remember thinking to myself what kind of girl has these kinds of tattoos. It was just sex at first. Fell in love with her over time then as I got to know her better after we became a couple she stopped hiding her crazy so well I learned about her history of divorces, criminal record, being an ex drug dealer, her psychotic ideas that her exes were stalking her with an Amazon Kindle power plug....no really. Also could tell that she couldn't hold down a job just from the way she was. Asked her sister who confirmed. Her own sister had her kids taken away from her via complaints to the state. She is unstable, bipolar or just crazy. I made mistakes in the relationship (her being my mistress) but she knew and accepted being a couple anyways. I may start a different thread because I don't know where I went so wrong. How things ended so badly. We've had probably a hundred break ups but at this point there is NO WAY I would ever entertain her living with me after the way things ended this last time. INTERESTING THING IS SHE WAS WAAAAY DIFFERENT WHEN SHE WAS HERE THE FIRST FEW MONTHS WE WERE TOGETHER. ODDLY ENOUGH A LOT OF PEOPLE CLOSE TO THE SITUATION WHO HAD SIMILAR ISSUES WITH THEIR WIVES TOLD ME IT'S AN ISSUE OF PROXIMITY, SHE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IN PERSON ONCE SHE RETURNED, AND SHE WAS. BUT THERE IS JUST SOMETHING OFF ABOUT HER IN GENERAL...You can feel the crazy.

A persons level of education, credit score, job history and financial stability are are telling signs of a persons general stability and commitment to things including in relationships. I literally read a study about this last night that confirmed my long time belief and what I had been telling her. Basically if you are a failure at education, career, credit and finances you are an unstable and unreliable person in general and she doesn't get that no matter how much I tried to explain to her the way she acts and thinks isn't normal.

I have advanced degrees, make well into the six figures, a VERY high credit score and am a self made millionaire who never married or had kids on purpose because these things are huge mistakes for a man of means IMO. She is a college drop out, lost custody of her kids, can't support herself or her kids, has four divorces at 36, a criminal record and not $5 to her name, as well as a terrible job history of a few months here or there, and bad credit while leeching off her sister or parents or whatever guy she was married to at the time. She thinks she is going to start a restaurant and become successful. She is delusional, she can't even get the basics in life down. But she never would listen. She just kept saying she was going to do some awesome s...In reality she is more likely to fail at that with borrowed money and end up further behind in life....

I know I dodged a bullet but it still hurts a bit. I wanted to fix her, she was so sweet and awesome in sooo many other ways besides being very attractive. But I realize no one can fix her, she is broken, always was and always will be. I keep thinking to all the times she told me in passing that she was crazy and that she's a lot to handle and that I should stay away, that she was a bad business decision. There were times she realized that she was nuts and tried to warn me. I thought it was just joking/talk in passing. She would be like, you can have ANYONE, why would you be with someone like me??

In any case, I have a new side girl that is night and day different than this girl. But I worry that how easy she was as well as a lot of the same signs (unnatural colored hair, tattoos everywhere, troubled childhood, etc.) is going to be a problem eventually and is just hiding her crazy right now. Although this girl has two jobs and is able to hold them down, she is a college drop out and has bad credit, which according to studies is a sign of immaturity and irresponsible behavior. And I've found that the easier the girl is/quicker she is to jump into bed the more crazy and unstable she is.

My gf that lives with me had some issues and bad credit when we met but she was able to hold down a job and became SUPER stable over time although she wasn't initially. She's a loving and perfect gf other than the fact that I'm just not attracted to her anymore because she's familiar, but maybe it's time for me to stop seeking whatever it is I'm seeking and stay with her and grow old together. I don't know. That's another thread for another day to try to figure out what it is I really want and whether I'm just having a mid life crisis as I get older.

Thanks for the advice. It's been 3 days since we talked and MOST of the time she would have texted me each day by now trying to get my attention, with each text becoming more submissive and cooperative as I ignore her. Longest we went was two weeks without talking. Maybe it's finally really over this time.

 

[Epic Days]

The issue here isn’t that you have a live in and another “plate”.

This I’ll kinds of convoluted. Lol
If you are spinning plates then you’ve done nothing wrong. Then all the above comments are null and void.
It’s the live in that kinda messes it up as a philosophy.

It’s like you are trying to mix two different paradigms. The faulty in your thinking is that you are mentally attached to both. You can’t pull “plates” off if you go beyond a great connection with both yet delve into the “love” paradigm, for lack of a better expression.

You have some girl still left in you somewhere that follows the feminine imperative. It’s an either “in” or “out” supposition. You can’t mix the two. The feminine imperative paradigm with the masculine “I’m free” paradigm.

You are creating your own paradoxical problem.

 

[jnMissouri]

The issue here isn’t that you have a live in and another “plate”.

This I’ll kinds of convoluted. Lol
If you are spinning plates then you’ve done nothing wrong. Then all the above comments are null and void.
It’s the live in that kinda messes it up as a philosophy.

It’s like you are trying to mix two different paradigms. The faulty in your thinking is that you are mentally attached to both. You can’t pull “plates” off if you go beyond a great connection with both yet delve into the “love” paradigm, for lack of a better expression.

You have some girl still left in you somewhere that follows the feminine imperative. It’s an either “in” or “out” supposition. You can’t mix the two. The feminine imperative paradigm with the masculine “I’m free” paradigm.

You are creating your own paradoxical problem.

Not sure how you came about this theory and she wasn't my only plate after she left. What it was for me was searching for something better, exciting, etc. A replacement. I slept with and rejected many when they started to get serious as they were just sex and not suitable replacements for my live in. This girl was different, I fell for her and she fell for me. It made me not so much blind to her issues, but it made me rationalize them as "I can fix her". Ultimately what I realized during the course of the roughly year long relationship with this girl was that I had a good thing with the live in, what I wanted, stability all along. But I'm still not sure that's what I really ALL I want. This girl was an empath. She would read my soul like you wouldn't believe. She told me that as stable as I am my live in bores me and I need some instability in my life to shake things up. She was right. Life has already gone back to the mundane even though I have other plates. She had that up and down that I craved. The others don't. They're too easy. You'll note the only time I post on here is with girls I'm having troubles with...I'm putting energy into them, thinking about them...it's that challenge that I crave.

This side gf provided that instability, that excitement, that chase, that challenge and unpredictability I needed. Because the truth is my life is very stable and I don't have money problems like most do and I'm thankful for that, but as a result of that it has become mundane. I have the routine of work/home/weekends. I can buy Lambo's and Bentley's paid in cash, houses, all of it at the same time even. I'm searching for adventure. But at the same time I want that stability to come back home to. Heck, while I was with this girl for a week recently when she came to visit me my live in gf texted me that she knows I'm with someone else and she doesn't want to be the stable/reliable one waiting at home for me like an idiot...the live in provides the stability that I need but not the excitement, she used to be that excitement. We tried traveling the country and world together a bit but even that got old.

 

[Epic Days]

Oh then you’re good to go. No sense posting. There’s no problem and there never was.