How can I stop caring so much about what people think of me?

[Brighty]

I find that my only weakness is that I care so much about what people think of me. I'm tall, handsome, I have a deep voice, a good sense of humor, I'm an aspiring movie director (I put out a short movie that won state and I'm a senior in HS), and I'm confident... I shouldn't have much to be insecure about at all. Yet the last part I mentioned, confidence, is circumstantial. I am confident around people I feel comfortable with. I am outgoing, I'm funny, and I'm generally a great guy to be around (I feel like myself) when I'm in my comfort zone. However, I tend to let little comments get to me. I don't take everything at face value. An example of this would be if a girl I'm talking to doesn't hold eye contact as long as I think she should, I suddenly think that I'm doing something wrong and that she's not interested. I find myself constantly checking myself out in the mirror because for some reason I'm having trouble believing that I look good, despite tons of girls telling me so. In one of my classes in particular, there's a few loud jocks in my class, and despite me being friends with the majority of the jocks in there save for those few guys, I'm silent and almost antisocial when I'm in that class. I feel as though if I attempt to talk to them I'll be shunned and made fun of... which even I know isn't the case at all.

I'm tired of living like this and I want to be the real me ALL the time, instead of just when I'm "in the zone". I know it's easy to say "well just dont give a fyck about what people think"... but it's not that easy to actually do it. Is there anyone else who suffers from this problem? Are there any exercises I could do to help improve my confidence in uneasy situations? Can anyone shed some light on this? Thanks for the help.

 

[Dedication]

It seems to me you have a bigger problem with your self-esteem and the source of your confidence is other people.

 

[WC2]

What is the source of your confidence?

You said you're a good looking guy who's on the road to success.

Does your confidence lie in your appearance? I hope not. This is an artificial source of confidence. Our appearance changes all the time. We gain weight, we lose complexion, or simply we just convince ourselves that we don't look all that great.

Some nights you feel as if you are the best looking stud out there and other nights you feel as if women just wouldn't be turned on by you. Sound familiar?

This is because your confidence lies too much in your image. This explains why you care what people think about you.

The trick is rooting your confidence in something authentic. Yourself. Who you are. Your intelligence. Your knowledge.

These are all things that you have, that no one else can have. While these things waiver, they never change-- just improve.

A few years ago I used to be one of those guys who can't stop looking in the mirror. I was a hell of a good looking guy, so maybe that has something to do with it. I had to make sure I looked like a stud every day or I didn't thrive with confidence.

Over time I've learned that true confidence that never waivers comes from within. Whenever I socialize with others, I'm aware of my strengths. I'm aware that I'm in fact more knowledgeable than most other guys out there. I'm aware that I know how to talk to women far better than most men around me. Most of all, I'm aware that I've experienced more than others.

Without coming off as an arrogant a$$hole, I project my beliefs when I'm with others. Because they are real, they come off as genuine. In turn, people sense that you're real. You have identity. You don't do things to please others, but you are in fact doing things cause it's your personality.

Don't mind these jocks who shun you. That's simply ignorance that they'll learn once they hit manhood. Those who have already hit manhood are probably the ones who do give you the time of day. They realize that life goes farther than corny stereotypes.

Realize your identity, and make it yours. Don't project what you want people to think you are, but what you really are.

 

[Brighty]

What is the source of your confidence?

You said you're a good looking guy who's on the road to success.

Does your confidence lie in your appearance? I hope not. This is an artificial source of confidence. Our appearance changes all the time. We gain weight, we lose complexion, or simply we just convince ourselves that we don't look all that great.

Some nights you feel as if you are the best looking stud out there and other nights you feel as if women just wouldn't be turned on by you. Sound familiar?

This is because your confidence lies too much in your image. This explains why you care what people think about you.

The trick is rooting your confidence in something authentic. Yourself. Who you are. Your intelligence. Your knowledge.

These are all things that you have, that no one else can have. While these things waiver, they never change-- just improve.

A few years ago I used to be one of those guys who can't stop looking in the mirror. I was a hell of a good looking guy, so maybe that has something to do with it. I had to make sure I looked like a stud every day or I didn't thrive with confidence.

Over time I've learned that true confidence that never waivers comes from within. Whenever I socialize with others, I'm aware of my strengths. I'm aware that I'm in fact more knowledgeable than most other guys out there. I'm aware that I know how to talk to women far better than most men around me. Most of all, I'm aware that I've experienced more than others.

Without coming off as an arrogant a$$hole, I project my beliefs when I'm with others. Because they are real, they come off as genuine. In turn, people sense that you're real. You have identity. You don't do things to please others, but you are in fact doing things cause it's your personality.

Don't mind these jocks who shun you. That's simply ignorance that they'll learn once they hit manhood. Those who have already hit manhood are probably the ones who do give you the time of day. They realize that life goes farther than corny stereotypes.

Realize your identity, and make it yours. Don't project what you want people to think you are, but what you really are.

This is good advice and all, but do you have any specific exercises or routines to get me into the mindset of doing things for myself?

 

[Darth]

I find that my only weakness is that I care so much about what people think of me. I'm tall, handsome, I have a deep voice, a good sense of humor, I'm an aspiring movie director (I put out a short movie that won state and I'm a senior in HS), and I'm confident... I shouldn't have much to be insecure about at all. Yet the last part I mentioned, confidence, is circumstantial. I am confident around people I feel comfortable with. I am outgoing, I'm funny, and I'm generally a great guy to be around (I feel like myself) when I'm in my comfort zone. However, I tend to let little comments get to me. I don't take everything at face value. An example of this would be if a girl I'm talking to doesn't hold eye contact as long as I think she should, I suddenly think that I'm doing something wrong and that she's not interested. I find myself constantly checking myself out in the mirror because for some reason I'm having trouble believing that I look good, despite tons of girls telling me so. In one of my classes in particular, there's a few loud jocks in my class, and despite me being friends with the majority of the jocks in there save for those few guys, I'm silent and almost antisocial when I'm in that class. I feel as though if I attempt to talk to them I'll be shunned and made fun of... which even I know isn't the case at all.

I'm tired of living like this and I want to be the real me ALL the time, instead of just when I'm "in the zone". I know it's easy to say "well just dont give a fyck about what people think"... but it's not that easy to actually do it. Is there anyone else who suffers from this problem? Are there any exercises I could do to help improve my confidence in uneasy situations? Can anyone shed some light on this? Thanks for the help.

You sound about 99% like me. Seriously, you almost exactly described me, including the interest in movie directing.

The part about checking yourself in the mirror a lot hit home for me too. I know I shouldn't be so worried about how I look, but because I'm very good looking, I am not confident unless I know I'm looking really good. This will even lead me to take off my glasses so I can't see as well, just because I know that I look better and more confident without glasses....

It's a problem. Because we're good looking, it actually hurts us when we are not looking like a stud.

"I'm tired of living like this and I want to be the real me ALL the time, instead of just when I'm "in the zone". "

Me too. Same problem man. Just today at dinner I met this girl, who actually FOLLOWED me to a more secluded area. I could've gotten her number easily, but I didn't, because internally I was not confident, because I thought I looked like a slob at the time. Afterwards I looked in the mirror and I looked absolutely fine....

So it's a big problem sometimes.

I was actually about to post a thread like this, but no need to do that now.....

 

[JDTHADJ]

Wow I Thought I Was Alone On This One.i To Aam Good Lookin,tall,deep Voice,just A Cool Guy,but A Simple Can Can Mess With My Confidence And I Don't Like That.but Lately I've Been Workin On Myself As To Thinking About How No Law Iz Fixed'nuthin Is For Certain...that's One Reason I Don't Depend On Good Looks As Much As I Used To. Sometime I Get Amused At How Average Looking Guys Think That Just Bcuz I Have All Of These Features I Must Be A Player...but Hell They're Not Far From Right..but Looks Are For Imature Girls..take Heed! 100!

 

[Brighty]

Good to see we've got some more people that share my problem, is there anyone else who has any advice to help us out?

 

[MyBloodyValentine]

hey guys, im another guy with a similar problem. Im not completely hopeless with women by any means, but this is my problem as well. sometimes i will do awesome, and sometimes i feel like a huge piece of ****. I think the problem might be that we just demand perfection out of ourselves and its just impossible to attain. I used to have pretty bad acne and I wouldn't even talk to a girl if I had a nasty pimple or something. Its gone now, but I always try to find excuses on and within myself as to why im not "worthy". Perhaps it all comes down to really accepting ourselves-flaws included-and by doing so we can be fully confident.

as far as exercises...maybe dressing like a complete slob...not shaving or washing hair and still talking to girls, and still trying to getting positive responses. maybe then we can see that appearance isnt what is entirely necessary.

just an idea.