How can I stop being mad at my GF all the time?

[phooey73]

She is truly amazing. I have no real qualms with her. But more and more, I find myself being mad at little things she does or doesn't do (we have been together for almost a year and a half now). I just keep imagining her "tripping up" and waiting for the next time to be upset at her.

And I'm the only one of the two of us getting mad. Now, I know that I'm not perfect -- if anything, she's closer than I. So my questions are [1] am I the only one who is like this; and [2] how can I stop being so damn uptight and sensitive about everything before I chase her away? Thanks, gents.

 

[Colossus]

Well it sounds like you DO have real qualms with her. Maybe it was something she said or did a while ago that you never made peace with.

If not, it is probably something else in your life that you are manifesting onto her. You dont just get mad at an amazing gf for no reason. I would venture to say you probably see her a lot--more than your friends. Things get unbalanced that way.

 

[ajay]

do you live together? If so it's pretty normal to find things that annoy you. Whenever i get tense i get out from there with my dog and leave her to get on with cleaning the house (she loves it)

 

[Strelok]

If you just had a talk about past partners,the reason could be simple or probably is like Colossus said,she said or did something that you didn't realised pissed you off.

 

[romangod]

So my questions are [1] am I the only one who is like this; and [2] how can I stop being so damn uptight and sensitive about everything before I chase her away? Thanks, gents.

I'm sure you're not the only one who is like this. The causes are many so in your case I'm not sure what it is. You know better than anyone. I think. :nervous:


I would suspect your girlfriend is already starting to get fed up with your attitude if she has any dignity. I'd suggest you solve this soon before you're back here wondering why she's left you. Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[st_99]

Its possible that it doesn't have anything to do with girls but more so you may just be a temperamental or negative person in general. I used to be more so like that myself a few years ago.

You may want to try to lighten up a bit maybe. Idk, just a thought.

 

[Pierce]

I be doing the same thing. Getting mad at every little thing man. Just chill man and appreciate her. Get some time for yourself however. It doesn't have to be going out or anything but just watch some tv by yourself or walk a dog or play a video game.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This discussion can't be that meaningful unless we know the kind of things the OP is getting mad about.

OP, give us a few representative examples so we can help you with some solid advice.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Phooey,
Modern life has many annoying frustrations,these need releasing and often people use aggressive behaviour as an outlet....Being unable to address the cause of our unhappiness,we often take it out on someone close...what does the Old Song Say"you always hurt the one you love.....".

 

[Bible_Belt]

How can I stop being mad at my GF all the time?

Imagine that you yell at her a lot, move away for a job, and then later find her personal ads on the Internet seeking a man who is not "impatient or angry." That is exactly what happened to me. Nowadays I am much better at relationships. Most of it is biting your tongue. Think it, don't say it.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You're probably bored of her, but too chickensh!t to drop the hammer.

This is why you're anxiously expecting her other shoe to fall off. You want a reason to drive her away.

Confront the core issue not the symptom. If you want other trim, do that thing. You want space? Boot her out or you go. What matters is that you find peace with yourself or you're going to ruin two people.

Does she deserve your bullsh!t because you've grown bored of a relationship?

 

[Boilermaker]

I had (or still have) this problem.

It's a deep rooted feeling, very hard to describe but I think I know what you are talking about ...

Might it be because there are "OTHER" deeper issues that you are concealing (even from yourself) about this woman?

There's something else, try to get to that.

And become a better person by biting your tongue more often.

DON'T SPEAK TOO MUCH is probably the best advice I have ever received from my PhD adviser.

Sad but true.

 

[squirrels]

What "little things"?

Could you possibly be more vague?

 

[zekko]

Sounds to me like a maturity issue.
When I was a young man I used to argue with my girlfriends or get angry over nothing. This is a sign of immaturity. When you get older you learn to mellow out. Guys are supposed to be in control of their emotions, we are supposed to be the emotional rock, the calm in the emotional storm for women. It sounds like your girl is more in control of her emotions than you are.

You don't say what it is she is doing that upsets you, but I gather it's nothing you should really be getting mad over. If she IS doing seriously wrong things, then she just isn't the right girl for you. But if it's your fault, just recognize that you need to treat her better. You are just making yourself look bad by flying off the handle like this. In other words, the main person you are hurting is yourself. I'd encourage you to get this cleaned up. Best of luck.

 

[BobMo']

Are you spinning plates, as you're supposed to be doing? It might help you to not take her seriously enough to be getting mad.

 

[zekko]

Are you spinning plates, as you're supposed to be doing?

My impression when he said they were "together" was that they were exclusive. In which case he wouldn't be spinning plates. You don't have to spin plates if you are exclusive, in fact if you are you are cheating.

There's so much emphasis on spinning plates here that confused me when I first came here. I'm in an exclusive LTR, and I somehow got the impression I was supposed to be somehow spinning plates. But as Rollo explained, if you are exclusive, that by definition means you are not spinning plates.

If I was mistaken about the OP being exclusive, never mind.

You might argue that he shouldn't be exclusive if they're not getting along...

 

[brian123]

I've been in the same boat man. Take a step back and look at yourself and what YOU want. Are you giving yourself a reason to get out of the relationship, or are you just being immature?

 

[WhitePimp]

You're probably bored of her, but too chickensh!t to drop the hammer.

This is why you're anxiously expecting her other shoe to fall off. You want a reason to drive her away.

Confront the core issue not the symptom. If you want other trim, do that thing. You want space? Boot her out or you go. What matters is that you find peace with yourself or you're going to ruin two people.

Does she deserve your bullsh!t because you've grown bored of a relationship?

This sounds most likely. When I would get bored of a girl I would become so distant and passively aggressive that she would just fade out of my life due to fear of pissing me off, in essence sparing me the hassle of breaking up with her. I didn't even realize I was doing this until it was pointed out to me.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Phooey,
Karma has it right"You're probably bored of her, but too chickensh!t to drop the hammer." Contempt is the final stage in a failing relationship.Read Malcolm Gadwell in Split.

 

[omkara]

Imagine that you yell at her a lot, move away for a job, and then later find her personal ads on the Internet seeking a man who is not "impatient or angry." That is exactly what happened to me. Nowadays I am much better at relationships. Most of it is biting your tongue. Think it, don't say it.

haha yeah I lived with a girl who was totally submissive to me and I basically used that situation to treat her like crap and say really bad things. It was all due to inexperience and it being my first time in a situation like that. I used to think I was being macho, like Tony Soprano, yelling and swearing and being aggressive. But since I have come here I have learned that what is truly masculine is to be able to control your emotions.

One of the problems with anger is that it has no satiation point. It can keep getting worse until you let it go or start thinking about something else. Letting out your anger feels better in the short term but establishes a pattern of behavior that makes it all that much easier to act in anger the next time.