One of my best friends has been starting to be more vocal about his girl problems lately (self depreciating humor type stuff) and while he plays it off like its no big deal, I can tell it bothers him and because he's my friend I've been trying to help him, but I don't really know how to go about it.
About my friend: He's charismatic as hell, wittier than I'll ever hope to be, and coming from a straight guy, he's a good looking dude. He's always the life of the party, always has a lot of girls around him, but he never really gets anywhere with them - they usually see him as more of a friend. The only real problem that I see with him is that he's overweight... thats it.
I feel like his attitude is really holding him back, he really has a defeatist attitude about talking to hot girls and says that he doesn't want to waste his time. I point out to him that its utterly absurd that he has this mindset - I could list off the **** he has overcome in his life to get to where he is now (single mother, abused him, tried to bring him down with her, poor household, etc), but that would take up so much space. This guy has overcome obstacles that I would think impossible and that I question myself if I would have that kind of willpower when faced with that kind of adversity... and I can't fathom why in the world he would have a defeatist attitude about women of all things when he has done so much.
I got into an argument with him one night, we were talking about girls and he was blaming his lack of success with girls because of how he looked physically. I told him that was a load of crap and that with girls, a guy's personality (taking into account confidence, the way he carries himself, masculinity, etc) outweighs his physical attractiveness. We fired back and forth as I tried to convince him to have a more positive mindset instead of setting himself up for failure, but I feel he brushes off whatever I say because of the fact that I'm considered somewhat of a player and I happen to be good looking and tall. I try and tell him that I was horrible with girls up until like three years ago and my personality/mindset was the reason why, but I can't reach him. I dont really know what to say to him, this guy has been a great friend and I want success for him - after what he's been through he deserves it more than anyone I know.
But how can I convince him that its more than just looks and that his attitude is holding him back? Anyone have experience pumping up friends and getting them to see the light? Or even better, were you in a similar situation and what was it that opened your mind?
About my friend: He's charismatic as hell, wittier than I'll ever hope to be, and coming from a straight guy, he's a good looking dude. He's always the life of the party, always has a lot of girls around him, but he never really gets anywhere with them - they usually see him as more of a friend. The only real problem that I see with him is that he's overweight... thats it.
I feel like his attitude is really holding him back, he really has a defeatist attitude about talking to hot girls and says that he doesn't want to waste his time. I point out to him that its utterly absurd that he has this mindset - I could list off the **** he has overcome in his life to get to where he is now (single mother, abused him, tried to bring him down with her, poor household, etc), but that would take up so much space. This guy has overcome obstacles that I would think impossible and that I question myself if I would have that kind of willpower when faced with that kind of adversity... and I can't fathom why in the world he would have a defeatist attitude about women of all things when he has done so much.
I got into an argument with him one night, we were talking about girls and he was blaming his lack of success with girls because of how he looked physically. I told him that was a load of crap and that with girls, a guy's personality (taking into account confidence, the way he carries himself, masculinity, etc) outweighs his physical attractiveness. We fired back and forth as I tried to convince him to have a more positive mindset instead of setting himself up for failure, but I feel he brushes off whatever I say because of the fact that I'm considered somewhat of a player and I happen to be good looking and tall. I try and tell him that I was horrible with girls up until like three years ago and my personality/mindset was the reason why, but I can't reach him. I dont really know what to say to him, this guy has been a great friend and I want success for him - after what he's been through he deserves it more than anyone I know.
But how can I convince him that its more than just looks and that his attitude is holding him back? Anyone have experience pumping up friends and getting them to see the light? Or even better, were you in a similar situation and what was it that opened your mind?
