This site is going to be totally useless for you in regards to finding the right things to say. People will tell you to memorize 5,00000000 routine and then go out and be a PUA when you're 95 and in a wheelchair. People will tell you not to talk about certain things. And all these rules are going to have you so stuck inside of your head thinking that you'll never have a natural interaction with anyone which will make you think there really is something wrong with you and then you'll feel worse than ever.
Here is what I do: I don't censor myself, I just talk. Hard to believe I know, but I actually drop my guard and just talk to people. If they approve that's Ok and if they don't approve then that's OK too. Just saying that won't help though, you have to learn to really be OK with whatever happens in any interaction you have. When you get to that place all of a sudden you might find you have a lot to say because the pressure is off and your brain isn't spending all its time trying to find something to say and worrying about what might happen. I think you'll find, no matter who you are, that there are women, even beautiful women, who like your unique personality and sense of humor. They already talk to dozens of posers, do you want to spend the rest of your life in anxiety and fear hoping and praying you're the best poser she's met this week, or do you want to become someone who doesn't feel ashamed of himself and what he stands for?
Someone people say pretend to be the man whereas I say it's easier just to become yourself and then you'll already be the man anyway.
How can one do this?
1) If you know you have some kind of emotional/mental disorder, for god's sake talk to your MD and get a therapist. Trying to make friends and have a great life while simultaneously trying to endure this kind of disorder is like hoping to be an athlete while refusing knee surgery. I can't tell you how many guys on this forum seem to be fighting depression with this idea that if they get a gf they won't be depressed anymore, but they can't see that they don't have the gf because they are depressed!
2) You're going to have to trust that you're just fine the way you are, that there is nothing wrong with you, and that you're as worthwhile as anyone else. People with a high self concept see themselves as being as good as anyone else, but they do not see themselves as superier to others. You're Ok I'm NOt OK, is the most common belief held by people in the US and thus we see alot of anxiety and defensiveness and people trying to guard themselves which can sometimes cause them to behave inappropriately. When someone is rude or defensive don't assume it is because they are a mean person. Often it stems from this basic believe that others are OK but they are not. You must also learn that you're OK and others are OK. Swinggcat talks about perceiving everything a woman does as needing and wanting you. This is good advice, almost every guy I meet does the opposite of this and scurries off at the faintest whiff of rejection!!
3) Reduce stress. We live in a stress ridden society and many people are having psychological and physiological problems as a result. It's really important to take good care of yourself. Stress management includes aerobic exercise, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, taking a vacation now and then, and finding some supportive friends. This may not sound like it has anything to do with your love life, but I say it has everything to do with your love life. If you don't have your life together, you'll always be looking for women or alcohol or something else to "fix" your life. If you're life is fine the way it is, then people will know that by the way you carry yourself and you'll feel better too so it's win win.
4) Stop hiding yourself. A lot of people believe hiding yourself is a good idea. I think this is the worst idea. The more one tries to hide things the more he's going to be the same ol same ol boring joe shmoe generic as a can of vess cola.Again this results in the stuck in head problem.
5) Have an interesting life. The reason people need routines and to hide things is because they live a boring life and don't go after what they want in the first place. If you go after what you want and let yourself enjoy life you'll automatically have "routines" but they won't be fake and you won't have to think about when to say them because you'll say them when they naturally make sense. Vacations are great for this, but whatever you like to do will work just fine, remember its about becomming your own man anyway not becoming a clone of someone else.
The overall gist of this post is to go after what you want right away. If you need a rule, then this is the one rule I can recommend. At the end of their lives, people tend to regret what they didn't do more than what they did do. Especially with regards to women I think you'll find almost all your problems are caused by worry and hesitation. The more one perceives women as wanting him and the more he goes for it, the more likely the desired result.
