How can I get her to express feelings?

[TheTraveller]

Here's the info.

I've been seeing a girl for two months now. She's going on vacation with me for a few days in a week and everything is great about her - except for one thing. It seems as though she can't express her feelings and emotions verbally.

For example, I'm the one who has to ask her - "what do you think of your salad", "How do you like these new clothes I just got", etc.

She never cancels dates. She always has a great time with me and can talk A LOT! We kino a good amount and there's no problems there.

Yet when it comes to expressing what she likes/dislikes, expressing her emotions and feelings, it is hard for her to do, without me initiating.

I told her that she should express herself more and that having open communication is key.

These types of things make me want to NEXT her, but I want to wait and see if she actually changes now.

Any tips on how to handle this? Maybe it takes some girls longer to "open up". She has stated I'm the first guy she's been with that she has not known from highschool (she 21, me 23). It's hard for me to read her mind but she really is into me yet I have this issue I wrote of above.

Again any tips would be appreciated!

Thanks,
- t

 

[Click Here]

I suggest you watch out, questions about how she feel come across as in security. Just let the fun she seems to be having validate your security with yourself.

She wants you, your a DJ.

 

[TheTraveller]

You are correct - she does want me. Yet, I think it is completely valid to ask questions, communicate openly. She sees my confidence rolling off my sleeves all the time.

This isn't a thing about insecurity. It is about both people being able to express their feelings and emotions with each other. It is a level of comfort that I think evolves as a relationship evolves. If it isn't there from her then I think you gotta let the lady know that she has to speak up and express her feelings and emotions.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[Chief]

Patience or not...your choice to make

These types of things make me want to NEXT her, but I want to wait and see if she actually changes now.

It takes time for most girls (and people in general) to open up. PATIENCE! It can be frustrating sometimes, I know.

The only things you can do to make this happen is be PATIENT, keep things easy and fun, be open with her about YOUR feelings, and keep COMMUNICATING from your point of view.
You can't MAKE her do anything. You can however be understanding and help her to feel safe with you whenever she does open up. The more you try to push her to do so, the more she will resist and become defensive. Let it go and look at yourself and how you can be more open. You can't control anyone except yourself....

Either you like her enough to be patient and let her open up on her own...over time. Or Not.

That's my 2 cents...so now you have at least 4 cents.


Good Luck to you bro....

 

[IDMeansNothing]

agreed, but watch out

I agree with all the posters so far. It takes some people a while to open up.

What you need to watch out for are signs of indecisiveness, complete lack of opinion, inability to make decisions.

If she always says "I'll have whatever you're having" or looks at the menu and says "You choose for me" all the time, then you could really have a problem.

An early scene from the Eddie Murphy movie "Coming to America" comes to mind, when he takes his arranged bride-to-be in a room and starts asking her what she likes. "Whatever you like, your Highness". The scene ends with her jumping up and down on one leg barking like a small dog. It's hilarious. You DON'T WANT that!!!

Engage her in intellectual discussion and see how she does. Don't constantly quiz here, just offer up topics for discussion, tossed in with your opinion. People say that religion and politics shoudl be avoided at all costs, but actually they make excellent topics, because not only do you learn how that person feels about an issue, you get to see how they think - how their brain works, puts thoughts together, what is important to them, how deep they are willing to go into the discussion, AND whether they get overly emotional. It's fine to agree to disagree if she can be intellectually honest with herself. Just be on the lookout for for irrational tendencies, while giving her opportunities to reveal more about herself.

 

[Cremasta]

Looking at this optimistically, if everything else is really good, I think she likes you quite a lot and doesn't want to **** up in your eyes by saying something stupid.

You could possibly try stirring her up a bit by making sexist or politically incorrect comments about the world or whatever. See if you get a bite. You said your convo flows freely otherwise, so you will know best where you can give her a prod to see if she jumps. Evoke a response.

Or follow Chief. It comes down to how much patience you have.

 

[Helter Skelter]

All the above posters could be right.

I've known a couple of girls who don't seem to have much of an opinion on anything. They also have never shown much emotion.

People can be very diffirent and weird from what we expect.
Of course, it could just be taking her a long time to open up.

Keep us posted

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Only an all male-forum could a post about "expressing feelings" feature questions on such heart-wrenching emotional topics as "what do you think of you salad?" Ha ha ha ha...

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, maybe she's shy. Maybe she is one of those girls who feels like her opinion isn't important. Maybe she's one of those girls who molds her opinions to match the opinions of the guy she is dating, because she thinks that what guys want ("Oh I don't care, what do YOU want to do?")

 

[TheTraveller]

Well hey, the mushrooms in the salad were not authentic enough!

I'm going to NY in a few days so I'll get you back for that one, Malibu

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by TheTraveller
Well hey, the mushrooms in the salad were not authentic enough!

I'm going to NY in a few days so I'll get you back for that one, Malibu

Uh oh!! What are you going to do? Show me new clothes and force me to tell you what I think of them? Ooooh I hope I can handle it...

 

[TheTraveller]

Can you handle Century 21 and Bloomindales? I hope so because all you get is pickings from the bargain bin @ Century 21.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

LOL!

 

[IDMeansNothing]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
Only an all male-forum could a post about "expressing feelings" feature questions on such heart-wrenching emotional topics as "what do you think of you salad?" Ha ha ha ha...

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, maybe she's shy. Maybe she is one of those girls who feels like her opinion isn't important. Maybe she's one of those girls who molds her opinions to match the opinions of the guy she is dating, because she thinks that what guys want ("Oh I don't care, what do YOU want to do?")

Sexy_Malibu...^^^this is just the kind of girl I don't want. I want someone who is an independent thinker with an opinion and not afraid to express herself. Life can get boring awfully fast with someone who agrees with you all the time. I look at the whole package, and intellectual stimulation ranks right up there with physical attraction. It keeps me sharp. The last thing I want to do is spend my life on "automatic". I would get bored quickly and when the mind wanders, so do other things.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by IDMeansNothing
Sexy_Malibu...^^^this is just the kind of girl I don't want. I want someone who is an independent thinker with an opinion and not afraid to express herself. Life can get boring awfully fast with someone who agrees with you all the time. I look at the whole package, and intellectual stimulation ranks right up there with physical attraction. It keeps me sharp. The last thing I want to do is spend my life on "automatic". I would get bored quickly and when the mind wanders, so do other things.

Thank god for guys like you... I think you are like most guys though, but it still doesn't make girls realize that. I would never pull some **** like that (Okay, maybe I've done the "Whatever you want to do" thing before, I admit it!) but not having your own opinion is absolutely ridiculous. As much as some guys may want "control" or "power" I can't imagine they'd want a total brain dead girl either.

 

[deeman]

my 2 cents

ok, without getting to soppy, but I think you should try and make her feel as comfortable with you as possible.

Alot of People in general not only women (but MOSTLY women tho) are less apt to open up to you if they dont feel comfortable with you, I know that seems overly simple but its true, if you are being yourself around her and she senses that, thats a good thing, its a start. Also, show her that its ok for her to express herself, maybe by expressing yourself, not necessarily emotionally but just in general. Its really an issue of trust and comfort, with everybody it takes time and some people longer than others. Maybe thats all that is needed, how long have you known her/dated her?

If the symptoms persist over an extended period, take 500mg of 'NEXTimine' and dont call her again in the morning. Girls like this are likely to become HEADACHES for you.

oh I agree with sexy (not just bcos shes sexy, cuz she is) but brain dead girls make my skin crawl.

 

[FBGangsta]

Trust me dude, you don't want her to. Once she opens up to you, you're gonna miss the days you got action without having to listen to her bs.

This is just general, girls are full of it. Not one girl (or woman) makes sence when expressin her feelings. Hell, sometimes I'd rather run a marathon than listen to a female talk about her feelings.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Jesus Chri4t, you are totally acting like a little girl. Asking her to open up to you? How is your salad?

Even Malibu is laughing at you.

Do you understand? This is a chick's reaction to your need. They laugh.

You are a guy. You are supposed to be wolfing down your steak, not worrying about her salad and how she feels.

And this is not some macho rant.

This is not what women want. This board is all about what to do and what not to do. Your girlfriend will leave you if you keep acting like a girl like this.

If she gives you head, she likes you. You don't have to ask.

And what women say verbally means absolutely nothing. Its actions. Never listen to what a woman says, listen to what she does.

Okay, now that I'm done my rant, the above is totally serious.

 

[The Real Deal]

Way to tell it like it is JustDoIt.

It comes down to the point that the only decision a woman can make is to let a man make it for her.

 

[TheTraveller]

Maybe I wasn't being clear enough. I'm not being a little girl and asking her how every little thing is. Far from it! As me asking the girl out and being a good "host", during I meal I may make a comment about the food we're eating so as to get a response from her.

Dude, I can wolf down my steak at a table for one. I'd rather wolf down the steak while sitting with an amazing lady that doesn't say anything about how she thinks about the meal but will say ANYTHING else. So I throw in a comment about the food.

Sorry if that is too lady-esque for you. Have fun eating at Medieval Times buddy.

 

[smokey]

your going to need patience...

Your going to need patience. And yes, she really does like you. I don't think she wants to blow it with you. However, I don't think she feels totally comfortable with you. She may even have sex with you but it may take some time for her to OPEN up and express her feelings. Just my 2 cents.