How can guys who missed out on all the fun growing up find happiness?

[aspiringbloomer]

The guys who didn't go to prom in high school.
The guys who didn't have a girlfriend in their adolescence.
The guys that made it past the age of 20 as virgins.
The guys that didn't sleep with the hot sorority girls in college.
The guys that didn't get called to date nights in college.

How can a guy like that, even if he finds success with women and starts having a lot of sex in his 20s, find a way to be happy and not let his past consume him? How can he not be hurt by all that he missed out on growing up that other men got?

I am not talking about actually changing his habits to where he is no longer the loner. I am talking about how he can be happy with life after he has managed to fix things, got a girlfriend, and is having regular sex. How can he learn to enjoy that and not be hurt about missing out on young love.

 

[BraddH]

Dont worrie about others provlems. It tells alot about yourself. If this problems is about your situation then be honest about it. You can never lie anybody else but yourself. In fact, since this problem concerns you, it tells that you have the same problem in one way or another. One dimension or another.

The guys who never got anything in their early years enjoys a lot more now than the guys that got.

 

[yyc12]

We did it by living life on my terms. You only get once chance in life so make the best of it. Once you get all those things, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about, trust me. You'll also realize that all the people that have the things you think you want are still not happy.

I missed out on those things you listed but more than made up for it by now. If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't have changed anything. I spent my 20s' enjoying college (even without girls, imagine that!! :crazy: ), and getting 2 degrees, learning and excelling in new sports and activities, and putting myself in position to establish a career.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Man up, grow a sack & stop this girly emotional problem about the past. Live in the present not what happened f*cking years ago. If it really bothers you go talk to a psychologist. I didn't do the fun college stuff ethier, I didn't go to college but managed to earn somewhat of a decent living.

There is nothing you can do about the past man, nothing. You just have to let go, it's a waste a time to dwell on it honestly.

 

[dasein]

I did all those things you list and more, was still an AFC, as almost all men are when young, even naturals. Went to college with some of the strongest naturals you could ever imagine, boxes full of panties, rich, they were miserable too, and got abused whenever they let any feelings show just like everyone else. Got cheated on just like everyone else.

Putting down the past isn't really the hard part, picking up the future and sticking to it is.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Happiness is available to you right NOW in this moment.

Every moment that you focus on the past, from the perspective of what did not happen, in your ideal life, you sacrifice the possibility of happiness in this moment, AS WELL. That's a big LOSE-LOSE perspective.

If you would like a WIN-WIN consider:

1. Make a list of all the benefits and strengths you gained because of YOUR journey growing up, just as it was. Amazing character and perspective can be born from life's challenges. Look at your past through the eyes of what you gained.
2. Choose happiness NOW in this moment. Repeat again and again and again....

 

[Starfvcks 64]

Putting down the past isn't really the hard part, picking up the future and sticking to it is.

There it is.

I've done a lot of things in my life others haven't, and I've missed out on a lot of stuff as well. Everyone has their own experiences, and the people who think they are at the top don't know how to handle the fall. Just be observant and watch how people change over time to see that their past glories don't really mean much later on. There will always be hot college girls, and the other side is there will always be the formerly hot college girl who recently graduated and is caught off guard when she realizes she is just another nobody. That guy you know who hooked up with 100 girls effortlessly has his own set of problems too. A girl may end up getting the best of him and holding him down. I see that happen constantly.


You will always be who you were in the past, but with knowledge and experience added on. It's better to have been an AFC and understand why, than to spiral downwards without knowing what hit you.

 

[62Telecaster]

Motivation to not care and move on is simple, if you don't start living now and making the most of where you are in the present...you'll basically just become stuck in a perpetual state of self-fulfilled prophecy and one day wake up at 40 wishing that you had lived your 30s better.....50 wishing you had lived your 40s better....60 wishing you had lived your 50s better...70 wishing you had lived your 60s better..etc.

The past means nothing...be thankful that you have something new to chase/experience and that you haven't "peaked" too early, and now just sit around depressingly reminiscing about "the good ol' days". Make it a point to keep climbing, even if that means that you're just getting started.

 

[sylvester the cat]

whats with the name change? didn't even know you could do that. how'd you do that?

 

[Zarky]

I dunno OP, I missed out on that sh*t and have spent years trying to make up for it. I've always felt late to the party in whatever I do.

 

[mangotot]

In life not everyone can be a winner, there has to be winners and losers. If you are a loser, its not a big deal. In the grand scheme, it really dosen't matter because everything is just an illusion. But if you are a loser (in your mind), there is nothing stopping you to move over to the other side and become a winner.

 

[BraddH]

In life not everyone can be a winner, there has to be winners and losers. If you are a loser, its not a big deal. In the grand scheme, it really dosen't matter because everything is just an illusion. But if you are a loser (in your mind), there is nothing stopping you to move over to the other side and become a winner.

In life, nobody is a winner nor loser. Everybody just is.

Every winner needs losers to be there for the winners to be winners. How can you win if there are no losers? What I am saying is that the winners are as dependant on the losers as that they are exactly at the same level - losers themselves or the losers are the winners themselves.'

At least half of the credits goes to the losers when the winners win. Without losers, there are no winners possible.

 

[Mike32ct]

As a guy who has been there, I can honestly tell you that you need to let it go.

If you don't, you are just "feeding the beast." It will eat at you for years and hold you back in your current life. It's a vicious circle / infinite loop that you don't want to and don't have to be in.

The more you worry about it and try to "compensate" for it, the more you WILL worry about and try to compensate for it.

The past is the past. What do you want to do with your life NOW?

I didn't even get a kiss until 27. I more than "missed the boat." I missed the entire sailing schedule for the whole season lol. But worrying about it is much worse than the situation itself.

 

[stevo]

How can you find happiness given the situation? Alright here goes (You better not be trolling)

1. Accept it, no crying about it, no beaching about it, no complaining about it. Accept it.

You see what we go through forms who we are. Who we become is dependent on who we want to be.


2. Know who you are. Not who your situations make you become, not who people expect you to be, not who you want to be like but deep down in your conscious and unconscious mind, who are you?

You see many people go through life not knowing who they are and more poorly living a life of someone else or more depressingly living a life to fit someone else's curved out block/description for them.


3. Where are you?

You see alot of people you see everyday do not know where they are, they are merely passing through. No core value, no core expectation, no desire, no life just mere mortals passing through.


Your question comes from your core, "why did I miss this" and "why wasn't I opportune to enjoy that". That's valid thinking, the start of improvement however that thinking in itself isnt improvement but more so meant to spark thoughts leading to improvement. If that confused you, read it over again.


Oh and just so you know I do not know of a single person who hasn't wondered "what-if" but I know a few people who are happy. Your happiness depends on you accepting happiness, allowing yourself to be happy and you fulfilling things that mean something to you.

 

[skinnyguy]

As a guy who has been there, I can honestly tell you that you need to let it go.

If you don't, you are just "feeding the beast." It will eat at you for years and hold you back in your current life. It's a vicious circle / infinite loop that you don't want to and don't have to be in.

The more you worry about it and try to "compensate" for it, the more you WILL worry about and try to compensate for it.

The past is the past. What do you want to do with your life NOW?

I didn't even get a kiss until 27. I more than "missed the boat." I missed the entire sailing schedule for the whole season lol. But worrying about it is much worse than the situation itself.

Yes. Dwelling on it won't make your life better, and ultimately I know that is what everyone wants.

A bunch of people are in the same boat anyway.

 

[handle]

It's just nights out and dates... There will be plenty of them in the future.

I feel bad for anyone who ties their self-worth to things like when they lost their virginity or what prom was like.