how can ex "fall in love" with someone else in so little time? long

[jefh]

well maybe not so little time, I went out with this girl for 1 year, recently like 4-5 months ago, she started talking a lot to a friend of her from her highschool days. I saw they were flirting on occasions in facebook but didn't think much, however I did bring it up to her one time, and she told me why I feeling insecure about a guy that lives 2000 miles from her. One time we got into a fight, she deleted me from her facebook friends, but we got back together and added her again. I saw a lot of posts from this guy and in one of them, they agree to meet when he comes home ( he is in the army basing in VA ) and saw more post of her flirting with him. I brought it up to her, and she said oh well I told him that when we were not talking to each other ( me and her) so I thought ok, that's fine. Later I found out he would send her gifts, and they started talking on the phone, video chatting throu skype and again I told her what was her deal and she was just like oh we are just friends, don't worry about him, he lives so far from me. Two months ago I completely broke it off with her.

I wasn't happy anymore, too many problems. went 2 months no contact. She was one of my few friends and thought well we can maybe be friends because I did miss her, talking to her. so I sent her a message to let her know that whenever she was ready to talk and try to be friends again, to let me know and we could talk. 2 weeks after that happen, she sent me a message on facebook to call her, I didn't because i was busy, so she texts me. I texted her back and tells me she wants to talk.

I met with her, we had dinner and then talked, she told me, I don't know why, but she said. " I didn't miss you at all these two months we didn't talk or saw each other" then told me that I hurt her a lot she was almost crying. she said that I didn't respect her and when she wanted to be with me in a relationship I didn't want to. but it's all bs, I treated her so good, she was the one that didn't want a boyfriend and I did respect her. The only issue is that we were not official and she didn't want to have sex anymore, and I would always initiate it and after we had sex, she would get upset at me because I started touching her and I knew how to get her on the mood ( women logic)

Anway we talk and then we just started making out and had sex. we saw the next day, and same thing happen but she said she wasn't gonna see me again, we texted for a couple of days, but all of a sudden she stop replying to my texts and I stop texting her.

Now I read her facebook post, I think the friend whom she talk to, got upset at her or something, and she is posting all this crap, saying how much she misses him, calling him " my dear" posting sad songs to him. etc..... I'm just assuming they were already making plans to get together or be together when he comes back home but somehow he got mad for something.

how can someone get over the other person in 2 months? My thoughts are that she never really had real feelings for me even though she said she did. what gives?

 

[jefh]

by the way, before you guys say let it go, I did. It's interesting because after i saw her, I thought well maybe after we talk about everything that we did wrong we could make this work for the better and be in an actual relationship now. That's the main reason I kept looking for her, after I saw her I texted her something that i remember that we did and she replies, why are you doing this? I'm doing my best to just let go of things and you remind of this?
that was the last text she sent me, she never replied to any other text I sent her. Anyway, After i read all of the post she was making for this guy telling him how much she misses him, my interested level in her dropped, I no longer feel that i'm interested in her. I do feel like she lied to me, because who knows what they were talking about when we were "together" but besides that, I feel ok.
All of this, me seeing her, happened last week.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Read Rollo's blog about "war brides".
Basically, for millennia, women have been conditioned to move on from their male partners quickly and coldly.
From pre-history, men would die in wars, hunting, fighting etc and women would be expected to quickly find another man.
Also, if the tribe was taken over by a stronger tribe, the defeated women would be taken as wives by the victors.
The women just had to accept it, so their brains have developed strong coping mechanisms which allow them to move on very quickly.
Apart from Shakespeare's "Juliet", how many women have killed themselves over a man compared to vice versa?

 

[jefh]

Read Rollo's blog about "war brides".
Basically, for millennia, women have been conditioned to move on from their male partners quickly and coldly.
From pre-history, men would die in wars, hunting, fighting etc and women would be expected to quickly find another man.
Also, if the tribe was taken over by a stronger tribe, the defeated women would be taken as wives by the victors.
The women just had to accept it, so their brains have developed strong coping mechanisms which allow them to move on very quickly.
Apart from Shakespeare's "Juliet", how many women have killed themselves over a man compared to vice versa?

will read it. Like i said in my post, I don't have a problem her moving on, but in a way I'm just surprised? how quickly this guy become so important to her. A guy she haven't seen since high school, and had just been talking on the phone, texting/ facebook, she saying how he makes her happy, how she wants him in her life? We had our fights and sometimes would stop talking and she never was so needy with me telling any of these things. It's just confusing to me.

 

[betheman]

she can get over you quickly because she wasnt as in to you as you think she was. women are performers, when a woman says she loves you, even acts like she loves you, it doesnt always mean she does.
this one was blatantly branch swinging in public view, her actions were not congruent with those of someone who loved you.
she also sounds a bit of a b!tch, you havent lost much

 

[Harry Wilmington]

She didn't stop liking you right away. Her interest in you eroded over time, and your ego didn't want you to believe it was happening.

If she started talking to another dude 5 months ago, it means she was having doubts about you two SIX months ago. Which means she was starting to lose interest in you SEVEN months ago. This could have been from a variety of things you were doing EIGHT months ago that was starting to turn her off (i.e. starting arguements, being too available, complimenting her too much, etc.)

However, if you were ignoring the signs - the major one being when she started talking to a new her friend from high school (which may have just been a lie in the first place) - then of course it would seem sudden. But rarely does it happen right away.

When you confronted her about it the first time, and she said not to worry 'cause he lived 2000 miles away, you were OUT. Her answer should have been "you don't need to worry because i love you, but if it bugs you i'll stop talking to him. Or, your reaction should have been not to get angry and throw a hissy fit, but to say "oh, ok, well hit me up when you two have finished talking" and walked out and gone NC on her.

Anyway... so, that's how she got over you so quickly - it actually wasn't that quick, it just seemed like it. Next time, look for signs of waning interest early on so you can correct course before it's too late. Hope this helps!

 

[jefh]

You guys make very good points and I agree with what you're saying. I just felt stupid these last days after meeting up with her. In my mind I thought oh we might make something work, but then I saw what she been posting. Honestly I don't think I lost something that I will regret and I even told her when we met, that I didn't regret breaking up with her, because I wasn't happy anymore and I know she wasn't happy either with the way things were. I always knew something might happen out of she and her friend and I was right.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Here is the war brides link....

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/war-brides/


On a more detailed note.....

Here we have an example of two things....

1. Girl being "just friends" with a guy and telling her current bf to not be jealous.
2. Girl fvking one guy while posting love crap on facebook regarding a different fellow.

The first item is the exact reason I say you have to put your foot down on that crap and not allow it. If she refuses to comply, then you dump her and do not look back.

Allowing a woman to entertain a friendship with a male like that is only asking for trouble. As the great Jophil used to say...."Cheating starts long before the zippers come undone.".

For the second item. This should be an eye-opener for those who place too much weight on what women say OR do. Be very aware that when she is out traveling or away from home, it is very possible that she is fvking another guy while texting "love you's" all night. I know this from experience. I have been both those guys on more than one occassion.

Now, I don't say this to scare anyone or to say "all women are like that". I say this to open up the eyes of people here who seem to have a refusal to believe how easy it is for women to do this sort of thing, and how as a man you should have the strength, confidence and dominant frame to draw a boundary and walk away if she won't adhere to it.

And this right here is why I'm bitter. So sick of women's bull shiit.

 

[SgtSplacker]

When a girl wants to have guy friends like that, the first thing I do is let her know i'm going to be around girls too. The first night she gets sidelined for one of your new friends she'll understand she might lose you. She'll get jealous, and if she knows you really like her, she'll want you back. It's a huge difference if she starts the conversation about seeing other people compared to you.

 

[st_99]

I think you guys are overanalyzing this too much incuding roll's blog post. I don't think anything different happens with us.

I mean, in the past i've felt like i was sooooo into a girl and was so in love with her, sh1t happened, i got sick of her and the next girl that came along I felt the same way about and the last girl became a distant memory in a nano second.

Nothing new here... the only difference is that pretty girls usually are able to find someone a whole lot faster than guys because she doesnt get turned down.

 

[jefh]

To the OP, if you had dumped her for another girl would you care?

I wouldn't. I think this is why I still tried to see if we could work something out after meeting up with her. I have not dated or flirted with another girl since then, well I did for like a day or two but she ended up having a bf so I stop. I believe as soon as I find another girl, my emotions will be directed towards her and my ex will be out of my mind.

 

[youngmack]

I hear a lot of about the "to get over a oneitis you've got to find a girl equal or better than her."

Honestly, i do not want to get over my current oneitis by catching oneitis for another girl. There has to be a way to end this sh1t and start fresh knowing that i must stay on my toes.