"How are you?" Ex resurfaces after about a month

[FMCSMT]

How would you proceed?

She is low value, unarguably.

I liked her a lot however.

This is no contact for about a month now...

Seeking advice..

 

[bigneil]

When she reaches out, assume she wants to see you and ask her out.

 

[Glassguy]

No no no. Exes are exes for a reason.

2 options:

1.) Do not respond. She is ONLY seeing if you will respond. There is nothing concrete about her text.

2.) Just say "I'm great and nothing more.

It's a breadcrumb shes giving you. Have some fvcking self respect and either ignore it or do not let her know that you are available to her. You've apparently done well with NC. Stick with it.

 

[El Payaso]

Delete and block.

 

[FMCSMT]

I said "I'm doing good. You"

She said "good thanks".

I said "that's all I got. Have a good one"

She said. "I'm glad you're doing good, it was nice to hear from you".

I didn't say much but, ok?

Didn't go further.

A little background - I've been divorced over 2 years, read mystery method and went to work. Recently finished up TRM. Awesome read!

Very new here.

She was a POF recovering meth addict with purple hair, maybe a 6? Barely a job, no money, 2 kids and losing her house. (I have 3 kids 50/50).

Anyway. Loved her. When she left I didn't even know and I was pretty much ghosted.

Sucked.

That was the day I picked up TRM....

And here I am..

 

[dude99]

How would you proceed?

She is low value, unarguably.

I liked her a lot however.

This is no contact for about a month now...

Seeking advice..

Why is she an ex? There is always a reason

You dumped her?
She dumped you?

She branch swing to another guy etc?

Best thing to do in 99.9% of all cases is to ignore her

 

[FMCSMT]

Honestly I would love to say "Hey, I miss you" because I do.

But that's Beta, I guess...

I initially broke up with her. Ended up banging her a few more times as she texted me. (Loved banging her!).

Didn't hear from her again. Texted her over a week later and asked her if she was ok. She told me she that it hurt to have me check on her and that she wouldn't message me again. I told her that I was glad she was ok and to take care. That was a month ago.

 

[Glassguy]

I said "I'm doing good. You"

She said "good thanks".

I said "that's all I got. Have a good one"

She said. "I'm glad you're doing good, it was nice to hear from you".

I didn't say much but, ok?

Didn't go further.

A little background - I've been divorced over 2 years, read mystery method and went to work. Recently finished up TRM. Awesome read!

Very new here.

She was a POF recovering meth addict with purple hair, maybe a 6? Barely a job, no money, 2 kids and losing her house. (I have 3 kids 50/50).

Anyway. Loved her. When she left I didn't even know and I was pretty much ghosted.

Sucked.

That was the day I picked up TRM....

And here I am..

I'm sorry. What is the upside to her?

Druggie, no money, kids she can't afford, losing her house. Not even above a 6?????

Are you seriously that desperate?

 

[soulforge]

This woman is lowest of the low.. What the fuk are you going to get out of continuing with her? Nothing man!

That text she sent you, was pure breadcrumbs.. When you replied, she got her validation and then backed away.

You fell for the crumbs man..

She probably texted you, to see if you are ok, because she felt guilty after taking multiple big c0cks, in a gangbang!

Don't fall for the crumbs again.. Your missing the sex, that is all

 

[FMCSMT]

I'm not desperate. Truth is - I liked her... The negative stuff I mentioned came to light after I had emotionally invested in her.

Sometimes you really do a feel a connection with someone...and then the wheels come off when you learn more about them.

I will continue no contact. There is no upside to her other than I liked her as a person. Her voice, her laugh, her walk, I was attracted.

I've had girlfriends post divorce that smoke her in looks and in much better positions in their lives and they lived closer (this last one was 45 mins away) but they were a pile of problems that would spill into my life, no matter how much I ignored their problems. And then they became a problem.

This one was a pile of problems that I was unaware of until near the end.

And how it ended was she admitted to not responding or answering her phone one night,
Just blew me off and I Nexted her with no contact. This was 3 months in.

In the moment I think to be the better man and respond to her by saying "it was good to hear from you too" and simlply move on but I get it - it's crumbs - looking for validation - would you agree?

And yes. I've gone longer but it's been a month without sex and I liked this one more because it was
mutual and she was more in to me than I her.

You know the type. They say "wow that was great" "how did you learn that" "best ever" "I would marry you right now (unprovoked)"....and you're thinking the same damn thing but don't say it but you look back after that event each thinking "damn that was awesome!".

Ugh.

 

[dude99]

Honestly I would love to say "Hey, I miss you" because I do.

But that's Beta, I guess...

I initially broke up with her. Ended up banging her a few more times as she texted me. (Loved banging her!).

Didn't hear from her again. Texted her over a week later and asked her if she was ok. She told me she that it hurt to have me check on her and that she wouldn't message me again. I told her that I was glad she was ok and to take care. That was a month ago.

She nexted you.

It hurts to have you check in is woman speak for " i'm getting new attention from new guys and i am enjoying it. I want you to leave me alone but lack the balls to be honest about it."

As soulforge said. Bread crumbs for her own validation.

Delete. Next. Move on.

 

[derby1]

you lot go on about alpha and all this but blocking deleting whatever is total woman behaviour

approach everything like dirty harry clint eastwood would approach!! why? because it totally eliminates attention seeking behaviour
reply LATER your shooting fking bad guys man got no time for her yet that phone gets chucked on the back seat
Keep your replies short and txt no more than a few times this would all come natural to harry hed have no time for that ****
No FOLLOW UP texts no initiating AT ALL!!
ask her if shes messaging to meet up? any flakey reply leave the convo
NEVER ASK HER AGAIN NEVER INITIATE watch her up the **** tests

youll be banging the day lights out of her as long as you dont tell her you miss her indifference my friend again comes naturally to dirty harry, ie that roll of the eyes like shes hassle

 

[dude99]

you lot go on about alpha and all this but blocking deleting whatever is total woman behaviour

approach everything like dirty harry clint eastwood would approach!! why? because it totally eliminates attention seeking behaviour
reply LATER your shooting fking bad guys man got no time for her yet that phone gets chucked on the back seat
Keep your replies short and txt no more than a few times this would all come natural to harry hed have no time for that ****
No FOLLOW UP texts no initiating AT ALL!!
ask her if shes messaging to meet up? any flakey reply leave the convo
NEVER ASK HER AGAIN NEVER INITIATE watch her up the **** tests

youll be banging the day lights out of her as long as you dont tell her you miss her indifference my friend again comes naturally to dirty harry, ie that roll of the eyes like shes hassle

You could do that and give her the validation she is looking for because she knows you will answer, and she knows she has you on a string.

Or you could focus your time attention and energy where it matters.

On the next chick.

Pretending to be alpha and ignoring her for a few hours then replying to her with little blips here and there will entertain her, validate her and prove to her you still have feelings for her.

Starve her. Don't entertain her.

 

[derby1]

thats fine dont agree thats why i said be polite but indifferent, also theres too many variables imho is she saying she misses him so he says it bk?, over a course of two months but she never sees him?

seriously all my exes text me saying how are you? its down to me to see where the short txt convo is going and whether "I" feel its of benefit to "ME"

 

[SmooveMooves]

I'm not desperate. Truth is - I liked her... The negative stuff I mentioned came to light after I had emotionally invested in her.

Sometimes you really do a feel a connection with someone...and then the wheels come off when you learn more about them.

And yes. I've gone longer but it's been a month without sex and I liked this one more because it was
mutual and she was more in to me than I her.

You're just horny bro. For someone you say you had a connection with she sure treated you badly by ghosting without having the decency to let you know. Whenever an ex hits you without plans to meet up she is seeking validation. By replying to her you are doing nothing but granting her that validation and decreasing her respect for you.

Tell you want, it's been a month since you last got laid. Next time she contacts you before you think about replying jerk off. I bet you won't feel so compelled to reply to her as you feel like you are now. She's a recovering meth addict and a 6 which I doubt because meth fūcks people up badly, you can do better than that bro.

Work toward improving yourself.

 

[Glassguy]

I'm not desperate. Truth is - I liked her... The negative stuff I mentioned came to light after I had emotionally invested in her.

Sometimes you really do a feel a connection with someone...and then the wheels come off when you learn more about them.

I will continue no contact. There is no upside to her other than I liked her as a person. Her voice, her laugh, her walk, I was attracted.

I've had girlfriends post divorce that smoke her in looks and in much better positions in their lives and they lived closer (this last one was 45 mins away) but they were a pile of problems that would spill into my life, no matter how much I ignored their problems. And then they became a problem.

This one was a pile of problems that I was unaware of until near the end.

And how it ended was she admitted to not responding or answering her phone one night,
Just blew me off and I Nexted her with no contact. This was 3 months in.

In the moment I think to be the better man and respond to her by saying "it was good to hear from you too" and simlply move on but I get it - it's crumbs - looking for validation - would you agree?

And yes. I've gone longer but it's been a month without sex and I liked this one more because it was
mutual and she was more in to me than I her.

You know the type. They say "wow that was great" "how did you learn that" "best ever" "I would marry you right now (unprovoked)"....and you're thinking the same damn thing but don't say it but you look back after that event each thinking "damn that was awesome!".

Ugh.

So you like druggies that are broke and probably even way more issues than you put on here.

"the negative stuff came to light after I had emotionally invested in her". Really? So you just walk. Ghost. Whatever. Go find another one that has something going good in her life.

At what point does common sense kick in? Unless your a druggie and in the same situation as her, then it makes perfect sense.

 

[derby1]

and how does courteously answering someones text show your on there string ???
chasing them shows that id agree and neediness in texts

theres a lot of good advice on this forum but theres a lot of what you believe is alpha and its not! Dont get me wrong i need advice aswell im a bloody rookie

and if shes texting him she aint getting rid of him is she the grass aint greener for her

 

[derby1]

god im blowing up this post SMoovemoves makes a brilliant point wank off when she messages and you literally wont give a fck when she texts prob reply to her 2 days later which in return will make her pursue more

 

[Glassguy]

and how does courteously answering someones text show your on there string ???
chasing them shows that id agree and neediness in texts

theres a lot of good advice on this forum but theres a lot of what you believe is alpha and its not! Dont get me wrong i need advice aswell im a bloody rookie

and if shes texting him she aint getting rid of him is she the grass aint greener for her

Because they will always go silent again after you give them the validation of responding to their text. Thats how they know you are still on their string.

Its not an alpha thing, its a common sense and a "been there done that" thing.

"I think I made a huge mistake when we broke up and I would like to get together and talk about a few things, including fixing some of the issues between us".......Now THAT might be worth responding to.

"How are you" is her seeing if you'll respond. Simple as that. I guarantee as soon as she gets a response, the conversation is over if not then, very soon there after. She will come back with hot/cold game because she is still testing other "green pastures".

I am a firm believer that women can fall out of love overnight. Most of the time, they already have someone else lined up and they monkey branch. That is why most men do not see it coming.

I for one have too much self respect and dignity to invite someone else back into my life that chose to walk out, no matter the reason.

All breakups come down to 2 things:

1.) Problems within the relationship. These problems are solvable or not. Things like kids, career, etc are not solvable problems. They are a lifestyle that is accepted or it isnt. If its a solvable problem (got in an argument, etc), I would bet that it has been attempted to be resolved before and things didnt change.

2.) The woman feels as if she has a good chance to UPGRADE. This can come from boredom during the relationship, her falling prey to another man's flirts/attenttion/advancements, etc. She sees a chance to drop you and move up in life and she gets her ducks in a row through flirting, secretly talking to/messaging/seeing/fvcking the new guy to get a feel for if she is leaving for a sure thing. Basically determining if the risk is worth the reward. But I assure you, she has been putting this together for a while and you had no idea. You just thought it was going through a rough patch. Little did you know she was going to drop the bomb on you and break it off.

Now given those 2 scenarios, why in the world would you want to invite this woman back into your life after you have emotionally worked hard to get her out of it?

Why would you want to get back in it just to go back through another break up when she decides its time to upgrade again, the problems that arent fixable rear their ugly head again, etc?

The reason is because you are worried about finding someone better or too lazy to move on. You can't complain about a situation that you keep voluntarily putting yourself into.

There are thousands of other women out there that you will get along with way better than your ex.

They are exes for a reason. Move on. Dont bite the breadcrumb. Dont respond and leave her wondering.

You cant control getting dumped, breaking up, etc if you are the dumpee. You can however take control of your emotions afterwards and make the conscious decision to never allow the ex to have any control of you again.

 

[derby1]

ive had sex with all my exes since break up after they initiate How are you texts they also come to my place i dont go to theres...
it may not happen instantly but it does....
i also hurt my ex due to some medication drinking issues so its not quite as simple as theres exes for a reason it could be your fault