how a stunner fell for an ordinary guy

ulsterman

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I thought this story from my own experience might prove insightful. Several years ago, when I used to go to nightclubs, an absolutely beautiful girl with whom I was friendly would chat with me on a very simple level about nothing of any great import. However, I suspected she kinda liked me because she would occasionally slip in the odd compliment about my eyes or whatever, but I was always rigidly indifferent because she was a Catholic and I a Protestant (this is usually a BIG deal here in Northern Ireland), and although she had no problem dating Protestants, I never once saw her as long-term material because of the religion issue. Anyway, as that particular summer progressed, she would buy me chicken fillet burgers and whatever as a "thank you" for driving her and her friend home from the nightclub we used to frequent. Even though I found her amazingly attractive, I still remained genuinely romantically disinterested in her due to the religion thing. However, she persisted in being very friendly with me, undeterred by my unfeigned aloofness and indifference. Then one night I thought I would maybe court her on a one-off basis, just to see what it would be like to savour such a delicious babe. So I went with her to a cloistered part of the nightclub and sat with her for yet another benign chat. She got closer and closer on the seat beside me, and I sensed she was gonna pounce so I closed my eyes and leaned back during a pause in the conversation and said nothing for a few seconds. Next thing I knew she kissed me on the lips. I immediately stopped her and asked her what on earth was she doing, by this stage pretending I was shocked. She was so apologetic and vulnerable looking, but I quickly reassured her that it was okay after all, whereafter I, um, well you know. Anyway, at the end of the night she asked me if her and I could become an item, but I refused due to the religion issue. She called me all the bad names imaginable and wept profusely. But the following week she was willing for another one night romance.

Now, looking back at this, I abhor what I did and in no way would I condone it. It was jerk behaviour in the end, although I think she has forgiven me. But it shows how an ordinary guy can, without actually trying, have a total stunner fall for him, and badly. She was somehow attracted to me because I was not swooning in her presence like so many other guys were doing. Whether it was the challenge she relished, or a perception of self-control (which in reality I didn't possess because I had no designs on her as LTR material), I cannot say. But I remained friends with her for a long time, suspecting her interest throughout that period, but, due to the religion issue, without beginning in my mind what would have been the fatal process of obsessively fantasizing about her. The problem we men make when we see a girl we desire is we invest too much emotion in her; we fantasize about kissing her, and more besides; we dream scenarios up and ache for her to feel the same way about us. Then, when we find ourselves in her presence, we are tongue-tied, nervous, awe-struck Beta wimps - this has happened me recently with a girl I was cool with until I started to fancy her. If only we could switch off our emotions at our leisure, we would be so much calmer in her presence. Of course, true indifference cannot be manufactured - that's why we attract girls we don't fancy. So the best we can do is discipline ourselves into avoiding the fantasy-building process beforehand, whilst actively allowing ourselves to see the worst in her and think of her as a very mundane person underneath that delectable exterior. In fact, don't even think about the delectable exterior this side of her getting all steamed up about you. If we could but acquire the vital self-discipline to marshal our thoughts about her in the way just described, and if we could do so whilst remaining pleasant (rudeness is ultimately futile) and witty in her company, I think there is every chance she will succumb.
 

vdk

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Nice post. The way I built indifference was to befriend as many women as possible, even the ugly ones. When you meet so many HBs you build a tolerance like what many women build against men. Eventually it means a few women showed interest in me and a couple even asked me out.
 

Ser_i

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verry nice example, It's what I used to do a lot and and am starting to again, a lot of female friends, keeping my head cool not showing any signs of real interest.


seems this darkness a person creates in the moment he does not show emotions drives women wild as they hunger for any sign at all, good or negative.
 

RawkinKaoticStyle

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supressing the thoughts is that problem though

hmmm, what would be a good way of doing this.

i was thinking abot every time you think about that work out or somethin?
 

ulsterman

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Well, you can't quite get out of bed and do a workout if you find it difficult to fall asleep due to thinking about the girl of your, ahem, dreams. You know how it is. You find a girl who's nice to you and a lot more accessible, albeit on a basic social level, than all the other babes you know or observe regularly. You begin to develop a measure of rapport and she seems at ease in your company. So you start to think you might have a chance here. But that's when it all goes wrong! The reason? Your thoughts trip over themselves as you prematurely rush into fantasizing about what could be; you start to invest emotion in her before you know it; and then you suddenly can't remember exactly how her face looks! Oh no! You've fallen for this chick TOO soon! The thing is, most of this harmful work if often done when you climb into bed for a good night's sleep, which is the last thing you'll get. Instead your thoughts are consumed with all this excitement about a girl who has given you no real grounds for hope whatsoever, never mind grounds for expectation. As the rhyme says,

"Thinking of romance of an eventide,
I am of my sleep deprived."

The best remedy for this malady is to stubbornly refuse to indulge in those fantasies; think of anything else, be it sport or politics or whatever it is you would otherwise think of. You just have to apply ruthless discipline to your thought processes. I don't believe it will stop you wanting her, but I think it means you will conduct yourself in a less irrational and compulsive way in her company. I suppose what you have to effectively do is lower your ambient excitement level about her, so that if you do run into her you'll not fumble and panic and make a fool out of yourself. And when you manage this once with a girl you've grown to desire, I think it will be easier thereafter to be calm and relaxed in her company. Which is, of course, exactly the frame of mind you need to be in so that you can be witty or ****y with her, or tease her gently about little trifling things that won't offend her or whatever else it is that works best at moving you out of the "amicable acquaintance" zone and into the romance zone.
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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