I thought this story from my own experience might prove insightful. Several years ago, when I used to go to nightclubs, an absolutely beautiful girl with whom I was friendly would chat with me on a very simple level about nothing of any great import. However, I suspected she kinda liked me because she would occasionally slip in the odd compliment about my eyes or whatever, but I was always rigidly indifferent because she was a Catholic and I a Protestant (this is usually a BIG deal here in Northern Ireland), and although she had no problem dating Protestants, I never once saw her as long-term material because of the religion issue. Anyway, as that particular summer progressed, she would buy me chicken fillet burgers and whatever as a "thank you" for driving her and her friend home from the nightclub we used to frequent. Even though I found her amazingly attractive, I still remained genuinely romantically disinterested in her due to the religion thing. However, she persisted in being very friendly with me, undeterred by my unfeigned aloofness and indifference. Then one night I thought I would maybe court her on a one-off basis, just to see what it would be like to savour such a delicious babe. So I went with her to a cloistered part of the nightclub and sat with her for yet another benign chat. She got closer and closer on the seat beside me, and I sensed she was gonna pounce so I closed my eyes and leaned back during a pause in the conversation and said nothing for a few seconds. Next thing I knew she kissed me on the lips. I immediately stopped her and asked her what on earth was she doing, by this stage pretending I was shocked. She was so apologetic and vulnerable looking, but I quickly reassured her that it was okay after all, whereafter I, um, well you know. Anyway, at the end of the night she asked me if her and I could become an item, but I refused due to the religion issue. She called me all the bad names imaginable and wept profusely. But the following week she was willing for another one night romance.
Now, looking back at this, I abhor what I did and in no way would I condone it. It was jerk behaviour in the end, although I think she has forgiven me. But it shows how an ordinary guy can, without actually trying, have a total stunner fall for him, and badly. She was somehow attracted to me because I was not swooning in her presence like so many other guys were doing. Whether it was the challenge she relished, or a perception of self-control (which in reality I didn't possess because I had no designs on her as LTR material), I cannot say. But I remained friends with her for a long time, suspecting her interest throughout that period, but, due to the religion issue, without beginning in my mind what would have been the fatal process of obsessively fantasizing about her. The problem we men make when we see a girl we desire is we invest too much emotion in her; we fantasize about kissing her, and more besides; we dream scenarios up and ache for her to feel the same way about us. Then, when we find ourselves in her presence, we are tongue-tied, nervous, awe-struck Beta wimps - this has happened me recently with a girl I was cool with until I started to fancy her. If only we could switch off our emotions at our leisure, we would be so much calmer in her presence. Of course, true indifference cannot be manufactured - that's why we attract girls we don't fancy. So the best we can do is discipline ourselves into avoiding the fantasy-building process beforehand, whilst actively allowing ourselves to see the worst in her and think of her as a very mundane person underneath that delectable exterior. In fact, don't even think about the delectable exterior this side of her getting all steamed up about you. If we could but acquire the vital self-discipline to marshal our thoughts about her in the way just described, and if we could do so whilst remaining pleasant (rudeness is ultimately futile) and witty in her company, I think there is every chance she will succumb.
Now, looking back at this, I abhor what I did and in no way would I condone it. It was jerk behaviour in the end, although I think she has forgiven me. But it shows how an ordinary guy can, without actually trying, have a total stunner fall for him, and badly. She was somehow attracted to me because I was not swooning in her presence like so many other guys were doing. Whether it was the challenge she relished, or a perception of self-control (which in reality I didn't possess because I had no designs on her as LTR material), I cannot say. But I remained friends with her for a long time, suspecting her interest throughout that period, but, due to the religion issue, without beginning in my mind what would have been the fatal process of obsessively fantasizing about her. The problem we men make when we see a girl we desire is we invest too much emotion in her; we fantasize about kissing her, and more besides; we dream scenarios up and ache for her to feel the same way about us. Then, when we find ourselves in her presence, we are tongue-tied, nervous, awe-struck Beta wimps - this has happened me recently with a girl I was cool with until I started to fancy her. If only we could switch off our emotions at our leisure, we would be so much calmer in her presence. Of course, true indifference cannot be manufactured - that's why we attract girls we don't fancy. So the best we can do is discipline ourselves into avoiding the fantasy-building process beforehand, whilst actively allowing ourselves to see the worst in her and think of her as a very mundane person underneath that delectable exterior. In fact, don't even think about the delectable exterior this side of her getting all steamed up about you. If we could but acquire the vital self-discipline to marshal our thoughts about her in the way just described, and if we could do so whilst remaining pleasant (rudeness is ultimately futile) and witty in her company, I think there is every chance she will succumb.
