BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 4,722
- Reaction score
- 6,706
- Age
- 55
Advice from the old lady:
Take the cost of the hotel night out of whatever money you give her to spend.
I think what you did can actually go a long way to rebuilding the respect. There have been times when I have walked out of a restaurant to wait in the car or have left the house to allow things to de escalate without getting angry.
What this does is several things:
1. It shows you are not going to tolerate the offending behavior and it shows this by action; by doing.
2. It removes you from the interaction entirely and leaves your spouse no one to bicker with. This can actually reinforce the stoppage of the behavior because who are they going to pick at if you depart the situation? Themselves? Nope. Instead they will perhaps be upset, irritated or annoyed but they can also sit in that alone and digest that their behavior was the issue; stop the behavior - nobody leaves. Simple. At times you must demonstrate boundaries by action.
3. She knows why you left. It is a concrete reminder of her behavior being out of line. While I agree that an apology would be nice, don't get hung up on that so long as her behavior is changed.
Take the cost of the hotel night out of whatever money you give her to spend.
I think what you did can actually go a long way to rebuilding the respect. There have been times when I have walked out of a restaurant to wait in the car or have left the house to allow things to de escalate without getting angry.
What this does is several things:
1. It shows you are not going to tolerate the offending behavior and it shows this by action; by doing.
2. It removes you from the interaction entirely and leaves your spouse no one to bicker with. This can actually reinforce the stoppage of the behavior because who are they going to pick at if you depart the situation? Themselves? Nope. Instead they will perhaps be upset, irritated or annoyed but they can also sit in that alone and digest that their behavior was the issue; stop the behavior - nobody leaves. Simple. At times you must demonstrate boundaries by action.
3. She knows why you left. It is a concrete reminder of her behavior being out of line. While I agree that an apology would be nice, don't get hung up on that so long as her behavior is changed.