Hot to Cold in 30 Second Flat... Thoughts?

[Johnny Alias]

So I'd been seeing this woman for about a month. We'd been having lots of fun and running around. I also had a birthday and she's loaded... bought me very expensive dinners and even a trip to the beach in december...

She also L-Bombed me about a week ago... and I didn't say it back. I also didn't invite her to my birthday party which might have ticked her off... but we'd just hung out the night before and i was having a double date with her and her friends the very next day...

It's kind of weird. We had dated once before and I cut it off because I thought she was too conservative and didn't look as good as she does now. She's pretty attractive now and makes a VERY good living. No kids and unfortunately I had begun to think we could make a go of it...

Still... an L-bomb after 3 weeks, no exclusivity conversation, and this trip seemed pretty over the top so soon.

So we parted ways last Saturday as she was going on a trip. We'd spent the whole day together in bed bangin, watching movies, ordering in... and when she left believe me she was GRINNING.

This morning? I get a text from her on the road saying she moved too fast and isn't ready for a relationship. That she wants to be on her own and NOT date. That she'd only had two months alone in 15 years and needed time...

Needless to say I was SHOCKED. I wrote her back asking if I did something wrong? Nope. Was she seeing someone else? Nope.

I didn't get it. Hot to cold in no time flat after a month of awesomeness. I did have a date when she was gone, but we aren't exclusive and there's no way she could have heard about it. Maybe her friend or someone talked some mad **** about me???? This seemed to come out of NOWHERE. I told her I was confused as hell... and really disappointed she would buy me a bday trip and then yank it off the table for seemingly no reason.

Weird ****. Still just confused. No worries. She honestly had a laugh that could break glass and not to be seinfeldian about it, but it would have been a problem that was hard to overlook. Already set up a date with a stone cold hottie tonight because this is CRAP.

Just looking for any thoughts as to this behavior?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Johny,
Just forget it!...They are creatures of Emotions that swing like a Weather Cvock in the Wind...Remember it though and never get too invested in her,because a mood swing further down the Road could be a lot more costly.

 

[nismo-4]

A woman's high interest level on Monday can be low interest on Tuesday.

Block her and move on.

 

[dasein]

More detail needed on the birthday party and the gifts she bought for you. If I took a woman I was dating out for a nice birthday dinner or gave a birthday present, and then found out she had a birthday party that included more than just family but I wasn't even invited, I'd probably blow her off.

 

[guru1000]

F*ck her. Tell her to take a hike and focus on your harem.

 

[crazyboy]

thought on behavior female reason: who gives a fck: solution: find another one that hasnt just got out serious relationship and isnt on the rebound.

 

[Kailex]

You reacted in entirely the wrong way.

You should have agreed and amplified, "You don't want to date? ME NEITHER. I am so relieved you feel that way."

 

[Eco-J]

Strangely enough, it sounds like you could just take her at her word on this one - she moved too fast - dropping the L-bomb 3 weeks in, buying expensive gifts, and not feeling her overwhelming love was being reciprocated.

The move might have been to just go "okay" and then check in with her next week or whenever she's back and stabilized (admittedly easier said than done when this sh*t goes down). "What'd I do wrong" is never the answer though.

 

[VikingKing]

Sir. The faster they switch hot and cold means the crazier they are. If you really did nothing wrong for her to switch that quickly (you've been consistent) then she is just that way.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

She suddenly realized she was moving faster than you, which made her felt exposed. She openly made emotional and financial commitments.

In retrospect, you MIGHT have been able to manage it a little better, but what's done is done.

You were the rebound guy.

I'm sure this didn't help matters:

If I took a woman I was dating out for a nice birthday dinner or gave a birthday present, and then found out she had a birthday party that included more than just family but I wasn't even invited, I'd probably blow her off.

You could salvage this, just let her know that if she needs a solid banging, she knows who to call.

You could go from rebound guy to booty call boy.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Thanks for the advice guys. At this point I think my actions... Or inactions influenced her decision...

But overall I was rebound guy. More pissed about her yanking the trip off the table without even an apology at this point.

Screw it. The date with the hottie went GREAT and Im seeing another tonight. Cutting off all contact with this one for now. MIGHT hit her up in the future.

Could have handled this better. Thanks for all the advice for the future. At this point I realize she's super clingy, insecure, and emotionally unstable... Oh and a terrific communicator. LOL. I have to wonder what the friend said to her on the road trip to Vegas for her to 180 so hard like this but what's done is done.

 

[Black Widow Void]

The most simple explanation seems to apparently be the most overlooked.

She's saving face and man is she cleaver! Chances are, she found out about your party and even if not, she probably weighed out the situations and realized that she was more invested.

Instead of confronting you or wining about the situation, she saved face instead.

Think about this. While she was hot, you were rather casual about the whole thing, but when she went cold, you showed investment. In fact, it may very well be that investment that will push her further away.

Here's my advice. You can't just reinforce her push with another. It's too late in the game for that. You also can't pull her toward you because this will allow her idle time to be able to resent you.

Handwritten works wonders. Write (not call, not text, not e-mail) her a short note. Say something along the lines of "I probably wasn't very good with showing my feelings beneath the surface, and initially, your decision took me by surprise and disappointment. In retrospect, I think you made the right decision. After all, if both parties aren't on the same page, then you are right - things would not work between us. It was nice to have known you."
(insert name)

DO NOT respond further unless she does. It may take a week, but she will feel the loss that you are currently experiencing.

 

[VladPatton]

*insert cuckoo sound here*. good riddance, man, you got lucky. At least you got to rail her, and that's that. Bıtches be crazy, yo.

 

[Induced Drag]

I'm new here so take this for what it's worth. It sounds like she's more unstable than most women. Three weeks and she drops the L bomb on you? I'd say that's a red flag. The question I'd be asking myself is do I want to deal with someone who behaves like this?

 

[RangerMIke]

Well it's a good thing that you really don't care that much about this, because how you responded likely killed your chances.

This happens with women ALL THE TIME. They change with the wind its part of what makes them great, things are never boring. What men have to do is acknowledge this.... accept this, and go forward and go about your life as planned. You should have just said that you understood, and if she ever thought she was ready.... to contact you.

When you started asking questions about "what you had done wrong" and asking about other guys, you made yourself look weak. In addtion, you indicated to her that you did not believe what she was telling you... indicating lack of trust.

Truth is that her level of attraction for you dropped when you did not invite her to your party or at least provide a reason for why you didn't want her there. But that doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is what she said.

When women say they want to leave, you have to let them.