Hot n Cold?<---questions

[MisterSisterFister]

Hey all been reading a long time finally decided to post...

So I feel like I found a girl worth my time to develop a more serious relationship.

Things start off great...no games no drama....But now a couple months in and it starts about two weeks ago....

I feel like she is playing games now.. I tried not to read to much into it. But after looking at the bigger picture I am wondering...

So this will be fairly long but I would appreciate any suggestions tips reasoning explanations or advice....

So it starts a few weeks ago.. Usually when we text its back and forth but now all of the sudden she takes hours or does not text back at all. also use to text me when she woke up and before sleep.. neither of those either.. But whatever no big deal I dont understand but I take note

Then I notice or sense or feel her try to make me jealous... we were at a wedding and I noticed her unusually close to another dude (who was being a major douch to me all night) and he had her arm around her waist and he was totally below me not very good looking ...anyways again not a big deal I know who she is going home with so that dont bother me...On the way home she makes sure to note that he has had a crush on her and asked her out multiple times..okay? and?

So I make a facebook....the other day for purposes of talking to my close friend across the world who just moved (otherwise i would not waste my time) and she had asked if she could put a pic of both of us on her face book few weeks prior...anyways so I had taken an awesome picture of her at the wedding....and as soon as she finds out I have a facebook friends me....then she begs me for that picture all night while were out with her family..ok so I send it to her...well she replaces the picture of us..noted dont give a ****....and then proceeds to be on her phone the entire night on face book telling me no upsessing over how many people have commented on her photo and tries to get me to look and keeps updating on how many people have commenteed on it which whatever if your self esteem is so low that that makees you feel better ok??? But she normally never would bee on her phone that much let alone while with her family....

So then later that night right as I am falling asleep she goes have you face book stalked me yet?

Thats when I was like listen I got it for friends...and she had this weirdness about her....

When she said that It all clicked in my head...She has also been putting me through alot of **** tests too...

I was starving and trying her to get ready faster so we could eat and she said just because of that I am going to take longer.....So I left and ate and came back and she was furious but I am tired of the bull****...what do you guys think?

 

[Down Low]

She's jealous of your Facebook woman friend. Big mistake to make a Facebook page. Just permanently delete it now and apologize to your GF for being so insensitive. (And who cares who's wrong. Do what's effective.)

And . . . make yourself a little less available for a week. Be away more, for plausibly legit reasons.

 

[Die Hard]

Girls like attention. Makes them feel good about themselves... So give her some attention and make her feel good about herself!

Just like when a little kid comes to you and shows you a drawing it made. The drawing looks like sh!t but you smile at him and say something like: "wow, that looks great! You even used different colors, how creative! Blah blah happy face... "

Treat her the same. You don't have to mean it, just make her feel like you think she's special...

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Girls like attention. Makes them feel good about themselves... So give her some attention and make her feel good about herself!

Just like when a little kid comes to you and shows you a drawing it made. The drawing looks like sh!t but you smile at him and say something like: "wow, that looks great! You even used different colors, how creative! Blah blah happy face... "

Treat her the same. You don't have to mean it, just make her feel like you think she's special...

See but I have done this...I make sure I do about 50 50 always being unexpected I give very good compliments and make sure to always to give
her the right "motivation" when deserved but also put her down in a C&F way when she is being a sn@tch

 

[Die Hard]

Hmm... Well, you know best yourself. So if you really feel that you're giving her enough attention and are not overdoing it or underdoing it (does that last word exist? lol), then just stick with who you are and what you're doing. She might be sh!t testing you, trying to see if you become worried by her behavior (i.e. become worried that she might leave you, so you will start supplicating to prevent that from happening etc.) In that case, you should not give into her behavior: You are a tree, she is the wind...you will stay standing upright no matter how hard the wind blows.

If she's not sh!t testing you, then she's just being stupid and childish. Many women are just crazy, emotional idiots who don't even know why they act the way they do, they can'thelp themselves... But in that case, you should act the same: You stay upright and won't be fazed by her stupid behavior. If her behavior intensifies and starts to really annoy you, you can try to put her in her place: She either starts to behave or else you "show her the door". Always be prepared to walk away...

I think there are generally 3 scenarios:

1. We are to blame for a woman's undesirable behavior. So we need to adjust our own behavior and she will start acting normal again.

2a. We are not to blame for a woman's undesirable behavior. So we remain firm and she will eventually start acting normal again.

2b. We are not to blame for a woman's undesirable behavior. So we remain firm but she still keeps acting undesirable. We have no other option than to walk away...

You determine which applies to your situation.

 

[SoSuave666]

Hot and cold is the number one symptom of BPD, just saying

Haha, there are a couple people on here who equate everything to BPDs because of past relationships. I know, because I'm one of them. It's hard to get those fvcked up feelings out of our brain.

This doesn't seem like a case of BPD. It just seems like some girl starving for attention and the OP not giving her enough. A chick never wants you to give her attention because she asked for it. She just wants you to be some sort of superman and KNOW when it's time to give her attention. I suggest using the ultimate reset button (a bit of NC as Down Low suggested) and then come back anew. Let her know that everything is OK and that you care about her. Then fvck her hard. Don't overtly tell a woman something unless it truly needs to be said. There are times when overt communication is needed, but I don't think this is one of those times.

Just be a bit busier than normal, and next weekend spoil her a bit.

Also, fvck facebook.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I agree, sudden changes in communication patterns almost certainly indicates another dude might be on the scene.
Combine this with all the other bullsht behaviour she is displaying and I think she's either fvcking someone else or isn't that fussed about you or the relationship.
Time to pull back or seriously just GTFO immediately.

 

[yuppaz]

Lulz, some of these guys just do not get it... She's trying to get you into a relationship w / her

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Ok I feel like I am getting mixed opinions on this.. Some think its BPD now I have had questions on her being this way, But in other parts of her life I do not really notice it?

Some saying she wants a relationship...We are in one, Things are just getting more serious......

I am just really confused on how to deal with this....

We got in a fight again yesterday and we had plans tonight I am wondering if I should just bail tonight...

 

[Atom Smasher]

I love your screen name, MisterSisterFister.

I always say that in a relationship, when a man senses something is happening, it is happening. You need to pull back big-time to assess what's going on. I'm having difficulty discerning what exactly is happening here in terms of the dynamics of the relationship, but something is brewing and you need to head it off at the pass.

Flip the script and create tension in her by backing off. No big explanations, you just "need time to think". This might well bring the facts to the surface.

Fist that sister, mister.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

I love your screen name, MisterSisterFister.

I always say that in a relationship, when a man senses something is happening, it is happening. You need to pull back big-time to assess what's going on. I'm having difficulty discerning what exactly is happening here in terms of the dynamics of the relationship, but something is brewing and you need to head it off at the pass.

Flip the script and create tension in her by backing off. No big explanations, you just "need time to think". This might well bring the facts to the surface.

Fist that sister, mister.

Ha ha Thank You!!

What else can I explain to you to help you understand more?

Why did you have these questions in the past? What is her family situation like?

I am sorry My computer is down so it makes it hard to explain things sometimes but I will try and do better....

What I meant with that was that some people on this forum are saying BPD not that I had any questions of it. Well until recently, But I can't discern if it is just a girl being emotional and wanting more attention or something else? Or if it is BPD? Or a Power control? Or maybe just plain found another man..

I am trying to assess the situation as best as I can but I will admit I am treading on the fine line of AFC and it was working great but then this stuff started happening so I have pulled back a little bit and trying to figure whats going on....

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I tend to agree with Yuppaz. I think she is trying all the female games...jealousy, negging, childish behaviopur becuase she is trying to get a deeper committment out of you.

We´re on the same page here.

Having said that.....after breaking up with my GF, due to similar beahiours, I started reading LOTSW on personality disorders......I have coime to the conclusion that mANY women display the TRAITS of BPD, and NPD.........and I think it is due to their insecurities..maybe they are BPD, maybe they aren't.

If they´re too young (teenagers, under 21??) it may be "normal", but if they´re adults then you´ve got a serious problems on your hands. Remember that NPDs, BPDs are extreme cases. They´re not average people in any way...

Atom Scratcher is right too! :yes: Hot and cold could just be a girl whose IL is not that high due to other guys in the picture, her playing some game on you, whatever. It´s not always a sign of PD (personality disorder). There´re people who are moody and get called Bipolar, that´s completely wrong.