To add to this I recently met a hot girl who I reckon I have a shot with and we have a mutual friend which is handy. I plan to ask her out when I get the chance but I see this other girl at the library like every day so it's been on my mind and bugging me that I should talk to her. Best to keep my options open right or just go for it with the other girl?
Hot girl from the library
- Thread starter DJ_Dave
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DJ_Dave said:
Keep options open. When you only have one option, it makes your mindset so much different.
You'll be trying too hard to get that one girl, since she's your only option. You'll over analyze, over think too much, reek of desperation, and won't play it right.
When you have other options, you are much more relaxed, knowing if this doesn't work out, you always have another plan. This causes you to be much more smooth and confident.
Plus, the more the better.
Serg897
Master Don Juan
OP: A lot of the other posters in here are suggesting specific lines or ways to go about it. They all MIGHT work. But you'll never know for sure.
Just make a move. Say anything. Make it unique to you. There are many ways you can potentially play this depending on the situation that you next see her.
The only way to learn is to try. Break the ice, have a conversation, go for a number if it goes well.
Just make a move. Say anything. Make it unique to you. There are many ways you can potentially play this depending on the situation that you next see her.
The only way to learn is to try. Break the ice, have a conversation, go for a number if it goes well.
Masculinity
Master Don Juan
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So you're trying to avoid what works? That makes no sense. This is the thing with noobs; most of you are in this "I want to do thing on my own" mentality and don't listen to the advice people here give you. If you want to succeed with women or in life in general you have to learn to put your ego to the side, be quiet and just listen to what others have to say somtimes. There is no magical line or formula that's going to wow her into chasing after you; it is all about what you convey to her: your value, tone of voice, body language, the way you stand, even how fast you speak. 93%+ of human communication is non-verbal, so don't put all your eggs in one basket that has a huge whole through it.DJ_Dave said:
Dude, it's cheesy if you believe it's cheesy. Don't bow down to what someone else says. On another note, planning how you're going to talk to a girl or what you're going to say is only going to mess you up. It's just a girl dude, you're not planning a stealth mission or invading a country. The more you plan and mechanize your speech, the more you will completely forget when you are in front of her and look like an idiot. Don't mean to bash you, just giving you the truth as it is. Go up to her and say something that feels right for you. You are the one who knows yourself and the situation best. What story do you want to tell your grandchildren? That you had the guts to go up to a babe, talk to her, etc, etc. OR that you wussied out because you worried too much about openers. And if she rejects you the world will continue. Learn from what didn't work and go for another plate. Gaming girls is simple, your mind is your biggest own obstacle.
Thanks Robyn. I agree with most of what you have said and I have read all of the replies, most were helpful and I am going to use some of the advice given. However, with regards cheesy lines, I know a guy who gets plenty of girls but if you watch him in a club it's so cringy and the girls he gets are usually pretty bad. I don't want to be like that and I'm not a cheesy sort of guy. As others have said, there's more than one way to go about it.
Well, she was in the library again today and pretty much sat opposite me at a computer. I smiled at her a couple of times to try and gauge her reaction. I can't say it was particularly positive, but not negative. Not sure. At least I know she saw me and acknowledged me. The problem was, she was just working on the computer, as was I, often listening to music and a couple of her friends were sat nearby. I decided that this wasn't the right time to approach her (obviously) but I think actually this time would have been a bad move. I guess she'll be there again tomorrow so...hopefully a better situation might arise. What is the mentality I should have? What's the worst that could happen? Just say something...anything?
Tryingtoimprove
Don Juan
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You wanna hear a big mindf*ck? The only thing that's gonna make you look creepy or weird to her is how ridiculously much you care what a stranger at the library thinks of you. The only way to not appear like a weirdo is to just go up and talk to her like you give 0-f*cks about what she, just one of thousands of girls who probably go to your school, thinks about you.DJ_Dave said:
Judging from everything you've posted so far you are definitely not ready to understand or accept this but if you ever want to be able to talk to strangers without looking like a "creeper" you will have to one day.
Of course you've already heard this and you "know" this but you don't "understand" it. But it's like Zen, keep concentrating on this information you know that doesn't make any sense to you, and one day it'll just click, and you'll understand it, and you'll look back at everything you wrote so far in this thread and laugh.
Fly By Night
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OP, I wish that I approached every woman that I was too scared to in my past, regardless with a smooth, witty opener or an awkward one. But no, I waited for that perfect moment that never came.
So just walk up to her and make some convo.
So just walk up to her and make some convo.
OK lads, let's be honest, i've bottled it up to now and uni is nearly finished so won't get much more opportunity, if any. I thought of a good line but the more I said it, it sounded stupid...but i was going to go for it anyway except the library was really quiet and I thought it might put her on the spot. I don't know why, it was as good an opportunity as I could have got (I've also been pretty stressd out with exams which might have effected my thought process). So, i'm struggling here...Let's say there's not an obvious opportunity to start up a convo. What do I do? I could go up to her at her desk tomorrow, regardless and say something...it's just that I'd have to interrupt her working. Otherwise, I don't know, is there another way to get her number, I mean if I just said, here's my number, so call me maybe, what would be the likely outcome? I'm genuinely intimidated by her for no apparent reason and I'm stuck. I really don't wanna pass up the opportunity because I've told myself that is the worst possible option.
What the hell?
Quit pressuring yourself. Argh. I've been there countless times and still it's hart to explain. Here we go.
I know the feeling. Uni gets over, your friends disappear and you are stuck alone. But that doesn't mean you ain't gonna meet anyone. Well, actually it does, with that mindset of yours. Readiness is all, get rid of that limiting belief.
Oh really? Say any word multiple times it will also sound stupid. It's not about the line. It's about what you are communicating. And talking is NOT the only way to communicate. Man, there is so much more, relevant things than a line.
Or you just don't have balls, or you just don't wanna be seen ridiculous and smiled at IF you fail. Or you are afraid for your ego. Yeah, don't put her on the spot, put yourself on the spot so she can pull your strings. You SHOULD put her on the spot and test her.
Well, here is where I'm stuck too. I don't wanna make my approach seem obvious. Like being spontaneous or something. But the truth is, she knows what you want, so, in the end, it doesn't even matter. Like in L.Park song.
Tomorrow my friend, who knows what's gonna happen. You are preparing to fail with this mindset. And come on, 'interrupt her working'. With what did she do for the humanity? Invented some sh1t? I thought so. Don't give her reputation - she hasn't deserved it yet.
Hmm, 'yea right, in your dreams' seems appropriate. "call me MAYBE", so much weakness. Give her an order to call you! Even if you get her number, what are you gonna do next? Post another thread?
Just to add, you are being obsessed and fantasizing about what might happen, imagining all the possible scenarios. Chances are you ain't gonna even try. How many times I've acted that way in the past (and still do) my god, and I was condemning myself to fail. You are being led by your imagination, not experience. In time, when you figure out how things really work by trying new things, you'll realise how your previous thoughts were absurd.
You'll learn these things. It just takes time and patience. Good luck (if there's any luck involved).
Thanks, Nicholas, much appreciated. You have to understand that I know that everything you are saying is right I just haven't got balls as you rightly say, not in this situation anyway. And when I say line, it was just an idea to get the convo going, not a pickup line. Let's say I know i'm never gonna see this girl again, which would probably be usual in a club or something...what would you recommend as the best option for someone with no balls?
Would it be really bad if I asked one of her friends, who I don't know to pass on my number or whatever...she's seen me before so if she's interested, she might say yes, right? I realise this is a crap way to do it but would it be so rediculous, i've seen girls do it.
Well in this particular case where you developed 'feelings' or 'emotions' for this chick, perhaps it's not even that much about balls. I was in exactly same situation multiple times and looking at myself now, the first thing I would think about is me not getting hurt. So I would dream and fantasize until my battery runs dry and forget my obsession. I would never take the risk to gain something, because I was too afraid to be rejected, or thought of as a fool or being mucked. Now I feel sad when I remember how I invested myself and my thoughts for some stranger chick who never even knew me that much. Over and over.
It's all your brain messing you up - never does any good. But it's your current frame, you can't change it over night. Especially when there is one particular girl you are interested in and she gets all your attention. Then it was like I would become super weird (not in the way I act, but think).
A few phrases I would like to act by in future are -
Don't give a girl a special place in your mind if she had not deserved it.
Don't put anyone or anyones time above yours.
Be strategic, but don't over-analyze.
I'm far away from that 'dj mindset' to give any advanced recommendations, I'm on the very beginning of my road. But man it did feel good when I first acted by '3 sec rule' - it was raining and I saw this chick with umbrella, asked her to borrow me half of it. Had a pleasant talk, and gained an important experience. I decieded to act in a moment, my brain was 'wtf I'm I doing?!' but my mouth were faster. It's all natural, just control your brain and learn some finesses.
It's all your brain messing you up - never does any good. But it's your current frame, you can't change it over night. Especially when there is one particular girl you are interested in and she gets all your attention. Then it was like I would become super weird (not in the way I act, but think).
A few phrases I would like to act by in future are -
Don't give a girl a special place in your mind if she had not deserved it.
Don't put anyone or anyones time above yours.
Be strategic, but don't over-analyze.
I'm far away from that 'dj mindset' to give any advanced recommendations, I'm on the very beginning of my road. But man it did feel good when I first acted by '3 sec rule' - it was raining and I saw this chick with umbrella, asked her to borrow me half of it. Had a pleasant talk, and gained an important experience. I decieded to act in a moment, my brain was 'wtf I'm I doing?!' but my mouth were faster. It's all natural, just control your brain and learn some finesses.
bcolon
Don Juan
Dude your making this situation big for no fvcking reason.
Just go up and chat with her. Anything. Even a simple hello. Talk to her. You are over analyzing the situation. You seem to care what others think about you. Which is wrong! Having that thought alone will hinder any potential progression with her or any girl.
Stop caring what other people think about you. Stop putting this girl on a pedestal and just say something to her. Simple. The worst she can do. Is plainly be short with you or ignore you or she could respond and smile and talk to you. If she doesn't then you know your answer and you move on.
You are the TOP DOG. She should want to talk to YOU. Not the other way around. So if you get a negative vibe from her during the approach then move the FVCK ON!! HER LOST!
You are dwelling excessively on this girl. WRONG WRONG WRONG!
If your not going to approach her than some other smart confident guy will.
Just go up and chat with her. Anything. Even a simple hello. Talk to her. You are over analyzing the situation. You seem to care what others think about you. Which is wrong! Having that thought alone will hinder any potential progression with her or any girl.
Stop caring what other people think about you. Stop putting this girl on a pedestal and just say something to her. Simple. The worst she can do. Is plainly be short with you or ignore you or she could respond and smile and talk to you. If she doesn't then you know your answer and you move on.
You are the TOP DOG. She should want to talk to YOU. Not the other way around. So if you get a negative vibe from her during the approach then move the FVCK ON!! HER LOST!
You are dwelling excessively on this girl. WRONG WRONG WRONG!
If your not going to approach her than some other smart confident guy will.
DJ_Dave said:
NO. This is not middle school anymore bud!!
YOU ARE PUTTING HER ON A FRIGGIN PEDESTAL!
I REPEAT, YOU ARE PUTTING HER ON A FRIGGIN PEDESTAL THAT IS SO HIGH THAT YOU WILL NEVER MUSTER THE COURAGE TO GO TALK TO HER. YOU ARE SO AFRAID THAT YOU ARE PURPOSELY RUINING YOUR CHANCES WITH HER BY MAKING EVERY DAMN EXCUSE IN THE BOOK!!!!
I'm sorry man, but just go do it. You're going to regret forever if you don't.
If that's not enough motivation, well try this.
What if all year, she's been thinking this: "That guy that always comes to the library is really cute. He seems kind of shy but I definitely would like to get to know him. I wish he'd just come up and say hi. I don't want to wait forever though..."
Believe me, this happens!!! GO GET SOME.
Ughh....
You can do it man. No more making up excuses so you can find every which reason to NOT go up and talk to her. You've psyched yourself out before even getting a chance to talk to her! Be a man!
If you were one of my friends at my college, I would literally drag you to where she is sitting and say: "Hi, have you met.... *insert name*. I don't care if I make it very awkward, someone's got to take the first step. Since you don't have me or that somebody, it's up to yourself. GET IT DONE SON.
OK, so I actually spoke to her today. It ended up just a quick convo and I meant to speak to her again later on but I had to leave. I feel like I should have just gone for it but I dunno. At what point is acceptable to then go for a number. Anyway, I thought I got a decent reaction although she didn't carry on the convo so the plan is to ask her out tomorrow. Best to make it short and just get to the point or what?
bcolon
Don Juan
How was her body language? Blushing, laughing, touching?? Was the conversation boring? Usually when someone is interested in another person both will continue on the conversation to keep it interesting. What did you tell her that the conversation was weak?
Details needed.
Sounds like to me your wasting your time and she isn't interested.
Details needed.
Sounds like to me your wasting your time and she isn't interested.
Just talked to her about work as everyone is doing exams but I had important work to do myself so didn't speak for too long. Not sure about her body language, nothing too noticeable, she smiled and was possibly nervous if anything. Wasn't the most exciting convo but at least it was something. I don't know if she is interested, but I reckon I might aswell find out, although i'd appreciate an opinion.