Hot/Cold

[Jumptime]

Hey everyone,

I've recently been seeing this woman who seems very keen on playing hard to get.

I pull away and she shows high levels of interest, pursues at times and is generally interested when I call or text her. We'll spend time together, open up a bit to one another and generally have a good time.

The next day, she's as cold as ice "doing her own thing" and just being icy/silent.

As a man I believe the best way to handle this is to remain unshakeable and not chew into her about it even though I really want to. I've read a lot of things about why this might be happening. People seem quick to point toward a lack of interest. I'd like to think I'm good at detecting low interest, but I'm wondering if this behavior doesn't point toward more serious mental/emotional issues.

She made a remark that caught my ear. It was "if I like a guy or have a crush on him, he would never know it."

In your experiences, what is the best way to handle this kind of thing?

 

[Three]

Spin plates. I was only immune to this kind of passive/aggressive BPD type sh!t when I had a couple of fvck buddies in rotation.

That may not be the answer you want to hear, but there are two possibilities here: either she is truly hot/cold and has some serious emotional issues (BPD, etc) or you have some deep insecurities/low self-esteem.

It also could be a combination of issues owned by each of you. I've just come out of a relationship with a BPD and after seeing a shrink became aware of my own low self-esteem and caretaker tendencies that made me vulnerable to this emotional vampire.

 

[Jumptime]

Spin plates. I was only immune to this kind of passive/aggressive BPD type sh!t when I had a couple of fvck buddies in rotation.

That may not be the answer you want to hear, but there are two possibilities here: either she is truly hot/cold and has some serious emotional issues (BPD, etc) or you have some deep insecurities/low self-esteem.

It also could be a combination of issues owned by each of you. I've just come out of a relationship with a BPD and after seeing a shrink became aware of my own low self-esteem and caretaker tendencies that made me vulnerable to this emotional vampire.

What is the difference between a BPD and a chick just testing?

 

[Three]

That's a great question. There is an established list of markers for a true BPD, but many or most women show some signs of this behavior normally. I guess the difference is in the intensity of the whole thing. In my own case, she would react extremely emotionally to very small things that she perceived as slights. More than just sh!t tests, this was like a 3 year old having a tantrum.

I'll have to defer to some of the more experienced guys on this board for a better answer. Personally, if I feel like there is too much of this testing stuff going on to make it worthwhile, I tend to lose interest pretty quickly. Maybe it's an instinct to protect myself after having been burned.

 

[Jumptime]

That's a great question. There is an established list of markers for a true BPD, but many or most women show some signs of this behavior normally. I guess the difference is in the intensity of the whole thing. In my own case, she would react extremely emotionally to very small things that she perceived as slights. More than just sh!t tests, this was like a 3 year old having a tantrum.

I'll have to defer to some of the more experienced guys on this board for a better answer. Personally, if I feel like there is too much of this testing stuff going on to make it worthwhile, I tend to lose interest pretty quickly. Maybe it's an instinct to protect myself after having been burned.

I just checked it out. That's what this chick does without the temper tantrums. When I disappear for a few days, she swoops in and starts getting super interested. The second we actually make any progress on anything, she vanishes.

I'm over this.

 

[SecondHalf]

I'm over this.

You could allow yourself to "be over this".
But define "this".

Pursue others, but accept in your mind that this one you'll game and learn on as a plate only.

Plates have changed the way I date all women. I don't turn down the opportunity to spin a nutty, I just make sure she doesn't spin me.

Keep playing, even if you don't get any, you'll learn a great deal about cause (or lack there of) and effect.

Just don't put the heart out there to the plate worthy only women.

SH

 

[Jumptime]

You could allow yourself to "be over this".
But define "this".

Pursue others, but accept in your mind that this one you'll game and learn on as a plate only.

Plates have changed the way I date all women. I don't turn down the opportunity to spin a nutty, I just make sure she doesn't spin me.

Keep playing, even if you don't get any, you'll learn a great deal about cause (or lack there of) and effect.

Just don't put the heart out there to the plate worthy only women.

SH

"this" would mean any interaction with her. At the moment I'm working at increasing my options. My hunch is that if I don't find other options quickly, I'm going to get the shaft if it hasn't already happened (and my gut tells me it already has).

Been reading a ton on these forums for the past few days. I'm at a loss as to how I went so many years thinking women were inherently great people. This site has been a huge eye opener. I'm finally able to make sense of all of the relational anomalies that have happened over the years that left me scratching my head.

 

[pdx1138]

Excellent.

I'd just use her as a fvck toy, but definitely find other options in the mean time.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Have a read:
https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/coquetry/

 

[The Duke]

Hey everyone,

I've recently been seeing this woman who seems very keen on playing hard to get.

I pull away and she shows high levels of interest, pursues at times and is generally interested when I call or text her. We'll spend time together, open up a bit to one another and generally have a good time.

The next day, she's as cold as ice "doing her own thing" and just being icy/silent.

As a man I believe the best way to handle this is to remain unshakeable and not chew into her about it even though I really want to. I've read a lot of things about why this might be happening. People seem quick to point toward a lack of interest. I'd like to think I'm good at detecting low interest, but I'm wondering if this behavior doesn't point toward more serious mental/emotional issues.

She made a remark that caught my ear. It was "if I like a guy or have a crush on him, he would never know it."

In your experiences, what is the best way to handle this kind of thing?

If its not low interest then it can only be one other thing....this girl enjoys the emotional surge of drama she is getting.

This statement says a lot about her: "if I like a guy or have a crush on him, he would never know it." Do you want a girl who can't communicate her feelings or is too insecure to do so? Do you enjoy mind reading because you'll be doing a lot of it? Sound like she enjoys silly mental games. Have fun.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

I feel like people read too much into this Hot/Cold thing. A relationship is alot like a rollercoaster. Some parts are really dry and boring as your getting to the very top but then it can just fall from under you and be really thrilling and exciting.

You just have to know a relationship is all about rythm and you gotta find the right tempo. Sometimes be really lovey dovey and very caring/nuturing other times be non existant not even hardly notice her. Not rude but busy almost.

But once you find that tempo youll start to notice things differently. I used to worry constantly when my woman wouldnt return my affection at all times. But then I began to realise sometimes your just not feeling it. So now I am unpredictable and it drives the ladies wild they never know what they will get from me. When I dont get the same affection always that I dish out I chalk it up to my understanding that there not feeling it right now but in time they will and it will be overflowing as usual.