Hot Bartender Gone Cold!

[SanDog11]

A couple months ago I started going back to my local pub and hanging there alot. There is this beautiful bartender who I hit it off with and after a couple dates she went cold!

First date was kissing and the second date we went back to my place and although it got heated we didn't have sex. After the second date she still initiated contact through text for two days and that's where it went wrong.

The last time she texted she was getting emotional sucking me into conversations I wanted no part off. I told her I'm busy but if you want to talk then to call me. in a bit. She started rambling and said it's just "too deep" blah blah blah, and I know it was about other guys and I'm simply thinking I don't want to hear this ****.

ME: "So you're texting me because of problems with other men?" For Shame!

SHE: AFter a few minutes says, "no my daughter" (That's BS)

SHE: You must think i'm consumed with other men. For Shame!

AFter that she pretty much said sweet dreams and good night.


Then I ended up going to the Pub on Tuesday and she was cold! I played it cool and pretty much ignored her the whole time. Haven't called or texted in 3 days and either has she.

How long should I wait before I reach out again? should I act as if nothing is wrong or strait up tell her I don't play games and don't appreciate her passive aggressive blow off?

She has many options, more than me right now, and she knows it. She did tell me before she plays games and I said I do not. I don't want to let her suck me in so I want to play aloof and keep her wondering if she was too harsh.

Should I just move on or reach out one more time? If so when?

 

[SanDog11]

Background info:

Im 34 she is 39
She had a long term boyfriend and then 2 weeks ago she texted me and said she completely broke it off and is a free agent.

I'm assuming she has allot going on and I simply need to take a step back and let her come to me. I certainly don't want to push the issue and make it about me if it's not.

If I do call her should I act like that day never happened or bring it up and look for an answer as to why she was so cold?

 

[Kailex]

Why did you even have to say what you said? Next time just deviate the conversation or don't respond. You live and learn.

That said, as a former bartender, I have a rule of my own where I don't date waitresses, barmaids, or anyone in the service industry of the opposite sex.

It's a drama land mine and you are about to step on it. If it's not you, it'll be the next guy who is also smitten with her.

DON'T look for an answer. Do you really need to know why? It's written in your first post. You pretty much inferred that she's "going around" (which she probably is anyway). I wouldn't take this chick seriously at all. There's dozens of other guys she could just shift to.

I think you need to find a new place to hang out at for a while until you can not just "act aloof" but "be aloof". And these are the dangers of hitting on the women at our favorite watering hole. Trust me, I had a co-worker who was a female bartender and the amount of male ridiculousness was astronomical. That and she loved the attention and just switched guys with relative ease.

You're not the first, not the last.

 

[Zarky]

A 40 year old female bartender is sure to be a massive attention *****. Congrats for getting a 'date' at all, but this one ain't gonna go well.

 

[Robert28]

You have to ask yourself, why is she 39 and only a bartender? Nothing wrong with being a bartender but to be that age, with a kid, and that's the best job you have? Really? Times are tough but they ain't THAT tough.

 

[SanDog11]

IMO female bartenders are a short step above strippers. I would aim higher.

haha, well she was a stripper for 10 years in her 20's to early 30's.

I think I just liked her beauty and the attention I got from her, but she is an attention ***** and I was feeding her.

Ya she's hot but no more than I am.. I live in San Diego, I'm good looking, have my own place (which is impressive out here) a great job, and no kids!

I think she should be chasing me, not the other way around.

 

[nismo-4]

Beware, my friend. That long-term ex boyfriend may still be lurking around.

I wonder how many of them?

OP, when a woman goes cold on you like that, drop her. She has you in the friendzone anyway. Move on. This is a lost cause.

Don't feed this attention wh0re anymore.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Oh man, strippers and bartenders. Haha, I've been there. It was a crazy (not the fun kind) two year binge for me. Some great sex, some trips to the clinic, and some huge bar tabs. I don't regret it, but only because I thought there was some awesome world I was missing out on. I had to live through it to see that it was all a bunch of BS.

Enough memory lane. Dude, you know these kinds of girls are trouble. You might not know just how much yet. You can listen to the advice or find out for yourself.

Now, not to knock all bartenders. I'm sure a few of them are decent. But I know the type you are talking about. Single mom, former stripper. Attention *****. These girls don't chase guys. They don't have to. They can sit behind their little bar, or up on their little pole, and manipulate guys like puppets. She'll let you know when she's ready to **** you. Not the other way around. The only guy that controls her is the one that supplies her dope or knows how to control her with emotional and physical abuse.

Semi-normal guys? They can be fun for her too. As soon as it become anything other than fun, she will walk. Asking her about other guys, etc = The End. Doesn't matter if its a joke or not. This girl is a ****-while-its-fun then she's back to finding other guys or back getting ****ed by her ex. Reaching out to her will just be a humiliating dead-end. Even worse would be to try and call her out on anything.

How do I know this? Of all the strippers and bartenders I ****ed (15-20), there are still some that to this day I could call, make my presence known, whatever, and some night soon they will try to **** me. Maybe that night if my timing is good. Why only some of them? Those were the ones that I didn't give a crap about. The HB6/7's.

The rest? I ****ed up the same way you did. At the end of the day, I had to ask myself why I was going after these girls in the first place. The answers were not good, so I stopped.

The irony of pursuing these girls for anything other than a quick bang is that you need to have air-tight game. And if you had air-tight game, these would be the absolute last girls you would go for.

 

[Robert28]

haha, well she was a stripper for 10 years in her 20's to early 30's.

I think I just liked her beauty and the attention I got from her, but she is an attention ***** and I was feeding her.

Ya she's hot but no more than I am.. I live in San Diego, I'm good looking, have my own place (which is impressive out here) a great job, and no kids!

I think she should be chasing me, not the other way around.

Women like her don't go for guys like you. They don't give a flying sh!t if you have your own house, have 3 houses, a good job, no drama and baggage. They'd prefer a bum that is similar to them because they can relate to that type of douchebag. I'm willing to bet that every guy she's ever dated was a bum.

 

[SanDog11]

Women like her don't go for guys like you. They don't give a flying sh!t if you have your own house, have 3 houses, a good job, no drama and baggage. They'd prefer a bum that is similar to them because they can relate to that type of douchebag. I'm willing to bet that every guy she's ever dated was a bum.

I agree. Sometimes I meet women like this and feel like i'm going to save them, which is pathetic.

I know damn well i'm better than her past relationships. The past couple days I just kept thinking about when to contact her and now i'm thinking why bother. Next.

 

[Robert28]

Oh man, strippers and bartenders. Haha, I've been there. It was a crazy (not the fun kind) two year binge for me. Some great sex, some trips to the clinic, and some huge bar tabs. I don't regret it, but only because I thought there was some awesome world I was missing out on. I had to live through it to see that it was all a bunch of BS.

Enough memory lane. Dude, you know these kinds of girls are trouble. You might not know just how much yet. You can listen to the advice or find out for yourself.

Now, not to knock all bartenders. I'm sure a few of them are decent. But I know the type you are talking about. Single mom, former stripper. Attention *****. These girls don't chase guys. They don't have to. They can sit behind their little bar, or up on their little pole, and manipulate guys like puppets. She'll let you know when she's ready to **** you. Not the other way around. The only guy that controls her is the one that supplies her dope or knows how to control her with emotional and physical abuse.

Semi-normal guys? They can be fun for her too. As soon as it become anything other than fun, she will walk. Asking her about other guys, etc = The End. Doesn't matter if its a joke or not. This girl is a ****-while-its-fun then she's back to finding other guys or back getting ****ed by her ex. Reaching out to her will just be a humiliating dead-end. Even worse would be to try and call her out on anything.

How do I know this? Of all the strippers and bartenders I ****ed (15-20), there are still some that to this day I could call, make my presence known, whatever, and some night soon they will try to **** me. Maybe that night if my timing is good. Why only some of them? Those were the ones that I didn't give a crap about. The HB6/7's.

The rest? I ****ed up the same way you did. At the end of the day, I had to ask myself why I was going after these girls in the first place. The answers were not good, so I stopped.

The irony of pursuing these girls for anything other than a quick bang is that you need to have air-tight game. And if you had air-tight game, these would be the absolute last girls you would go for.

Truer words have never been spoken! Another ironic thing is the types of guys that can generally pull these types of fvcked up broads with their "air-tight game", couldn't get a decent woman to speak to them if they tried and paid her $100.

 

[SanDog11]

So it's Friday and I'm pondering the past couple weeks over a a couple scotches, and I can't help but laugh at things she'd said to me the past couple weeks.

HER:

There is something about you!

There's only been a couple guys introduced to my daughter over the past couple years but we should all go to David&Busters!

I want you to come over so I can make you dinner

And the sex talk??

HAHA you guys certainly made me realize that pretty girls are everywhere and there were red flags everywhere!

OH I got set up with a cut blonde, WHO IS A NURSE, not a former stripper/bartender, and we have a date next Friday...she's thin, blonde, and cute

 

[Kailex]

Trust me SanDog11... she said all those things to you and dozens of other men. Like I said, having worked in that environment, I saw many men walk up to my co-worker and flash money, cards, status, bling, etc... and that just stopped impressing her after her 1st month of walking the VIP Lounge with me.

And that chick was 23 at the time.

I can't imagine all the hoops this one has to go through to entice men. Trust me, stay away from her... once you've gotten over this, maybe you can go back.

But like I said, as a general rule, I don't treat my watering hole as my spot to go out with the people who work there. It can get messy quick.

 

[VladPatton]

The epitome of pump'n dump right there. Just move on, man. She's one of those ''good time girls'' that jumps from guy to guy until she has no more energy to jump and settles with whoever happens to be around when she runs out of steam.

 

[SanDog11]

Wise advise gentlemen. I definitely learned not to go after bartenders,much less in my local watering hole.

Now I feel as if I need to stay away for a bit, which isn't a bad thing, but I don't want her to feel as if I'm too uncomfortable to come in. I wasn't going there to simply chase her.


Anyway, too many bar tabs lately and I need a break.

 

[VladPatton]

Wise advise gentlemen. I definitely learned not to go after bartenders,much less in my local watering hole.

Now I feel as if I need to stay away for a bit, which isn't a bad thing, but I don't want her to feel as if I'm too uncomfortable to come in. I wasn't going there to simply chase her.


Anyway, too many bar tabs lately and I need a break.

Still, you did nothing shameful or wrong in the big picture. Walk in one day, order a beer, wink at her, and leave. Play that shıt like a 1940's gangster.

 

[SanDog11]

Okay it's been 5 days and nothing. I have not contacted her but I am dying to call her out! I know I shouldn't but i've never been flaked on like this. Seeing someone go so cold over one text is crazy.

Anyway, i'm going to my pub on wednesday and i won't act aloof, I will be aloof. I think it'll look bad if I just stop going because of her, but would look better if I go and show i'm indifferent and spend my time focusing on other girls or just hanging and having a good time.

Or I can text her something smart ass just to make myself feel better. just can't think of what.

 

[Kailex]

What in the BLUE HELL is wrong with you?

Okay it's been 5 days and nothing. I have not contacted her but I am dying to call her out! I know I shouldn't but i've never been flaked on like this. Seeing someone go so cold over one text is crazy.

It's a female bartender. Them, waitresses, and anyone in that kind of a service atmosphere are essentially flakes. They have WAY more options than the average woman by virtue of employment. Who cares if she went cold... you are dodging a bullet here but you don't even realize it. Stop letting your ego and pride get in the way of your brain.

Anyway, i'm going to my pub on wednesday and i won't act aloof, I will be aloof.

Your previous statement already contradicts this one. That's two days away from a day that you are contemplating texting her because she's driving you crazy for flaking.

I think it'll look bad if I just stop going because of her, but would look better if I go and show i'm indifferent and spend my time focusing on other girls or just hanging and having a good time.

Who cares how it will look? I bet this will NOT go well and if you go alone or with your buddies, you will focus on her... or worse yet... holy crap... she'll talk to you like nothing ever happened and you'll fall for it. I've seen it happen so many times. As soon as you are back in the bar, you are a CUSTOMER. Are you even prepared for that possibility? I saw it happen SO many times.

Or I can text her something smart ass just to make myself feel better. just can't think of what.

How about you NOT text her something smart ass. Seriously? You want to text her something stupid and then go to this bar. But oh... you don't want to stop going because it will look bad?

Make up your damn mind.

Personally, I'd tell you to take a week or two off from going there until you are composed. You are a mess and definitely aren't ready to go back in there. But what the hell do I know, I only bartended for 5 years.

 

[SanDog11]

It's a female bartender. Them, waitresses, and anyone in that kind of a service atmosphere are essentially flakes. They have WAY more options than the average woman by virtue of employment. Who cares if she went cold... you are dodging a bullet here but you don't even realize it. Stop letting your ego and pride get in the way of your brain.

You're right. Nothing I can say but my pride is hurt.

How about you NOT text her something smart ass. Seriously? You want to text her something stupid and then go to this bar. But oh... you don't want to stop going because it will look bad?

I'm not texting her anything and I think ive been good for not contacting at all.

Damn I'm so mad at myself for getting all butthurt because a former stripper, now bartender, flaked on me. Ya this is the first time for me so I just need to man up, take my lumps, and learn from it.

Hell she'd be lucky to have a guy like me.

 

[SanDog11]

Gentlemen, (Specifically Kailex & Espi)

So it's Wednesday, she's working, and I'm not going in. I'm sitting here with my Bro and I get a text...It's her...first contact since last Tuesday.

She simply says:

"Hey Stranger what have you been up to"

So i'm not answering and i'm not going in. I'm not a clueless guy either, and I feel kinda stupid for asking these silly questions, but i'm here to improve.

How do I play this?

I know not to respond, and maybe i'll go in next Wednesday and do my thing. What do you guys think?