Hot and Cold

[happymeal88]

I am in a similar situation with a particular prospect, myself. We go to school about an hour apart and she calls a lot so i talk for a few minutes at a time but then bounce cause I do have a life. Anyways, I get home break and she IMs me one night and was like "come over right now and we'll watch a movie" so I take a shower (I was playing bball when she called) and head over. We have a good time, I thought, I had my arm around her the whole time but couldn't do anything because her family was constantly around. At the end of teh night I get a hug and later an IM saying that we should hang out again. Anyways, I call on Thursday around noon and left a message and haven't heard back yet.

I mean I don't really care, I'm just curious how a girl goes from interested to not calling back in a period of three days.

 

[christz]

I am in a similar situation with a particular prospect, myself. We go to school about an hour apart and she calls a lot so i talk for a few minutes at a time but then bounce cause I do have a life. Anyways, I get home break and she IMs me one night and was like "come over right now and we'll watch a movie" so I take a shower (I was playing bball when she called) and head over. We have a good time, I thought, I had my arm around her the whole time but couldn't do anything because her family was constantly around. At the end of teh night I get a hug and later an IM saying that we should hang out again. Anyways, I call on Thursday around noon and left a message and haven't heard back yet.

I mean I don't really care, I'm just curious how a girl goes from interested to not calling back in a period of three days.

its a push pull game, when she pulls on you like that just let her pull.. hell give her a few more days and then initiate contact again if her cold streak has stopped swoop in and push harder for whatever it is your looking for in this chick.

Each time a girl pulls you need to just take it with stride sending her angry txt msgs and blowing her phone up will do you no good. Women remember everything and if you act like a clingy AFC you may lose your posistion on her little list of dudes she's working with. it could be a shyt test as well.

she never lost any intrest in you, its impossible for somebody to be completley into you and then 5 days later be so cold to you that her intrest is non existant UNLESS an ex boyfriend came back into the picture or fiance.. etc.. but that's the only way.. if she was free and clear and is just playing the feild, this annoying shyt is just part of the game.

hell i have a chick who will be ON for months at a time and then, because my lack of sealing the deal she will go cold for a week at a time.. sometimes icey cold to the point of flakeing on me, however my lack of careing about it, not calling her for a few days i send her a suave txt after a week (what up, just seeing what ur sexy ass is up to) she's back on, strapped in and ready to go again.

 

[reset]

I see inconsistant behavior as a sign of interest.

If a girl is constantly friendly to you, she probably thinks of you as a buddy only. If she is constantly unfriendly to you, she's indifferent to you or thinks you're a creep.

But if she's inconsistant, she might just have feelings for you. After all, where there is attraction, there is tension. And where there is tension, there is inconsistancy.

Hey guys, long time lurker here.

Been working on getting my own DJ skills, for about a year now. Never too late to learn new things!

But I'm posting here because I'm going through something like this. I hate you today, oops you're withdrawing, here I am again. Back and forth. I had an experience with a BPD, wasn't too fun. Still reeling. In that case, the push/pull went on for quite a while, until I was painted black by refusing to play.

This current one isn't so bad, but it's annoying. Guys do their best to be the same way everyday. I've had it with the mind games women play. All I can think to do, is to just not react. If you not responding to little games pushes them away for good, so be it. Why would you want to get caught up in this drama? It does hook you though.

But anyway, responding to the above quote: I keep hearing, well if a girl is like this, she's an attention *****. Plain and simple. Or, she WAS interested, now she's not, but she still wants you interested in HER, so she's going to hang around and try to keep your interest level up, and when your level does go up, you get burned again (I guess that's the same as an attention ***** too).

This is the first time I've seen someone say, "yeah, she's probably interested if she's like this." I get anger one day, when I don't pursue, clinginess the next day. It's starting to be more clinginess than anger lately, probably because I'm like "**** this", but games are retarded.

But, men and women are different. Maybe it's unwise to expect women to be like guys, as in being consistent from day to day.

 

[christz]

its simple, if a girl pulls don't push only push when she pushes then you guys can eventully meet at a middle point. However if all it seems is cold, cold, cold then jump ship..

but if its hot, hot, cold then obviously something is amiss, your not doing something right, this girl is probably an alpha female who likes to string all the clingy AFC guys around and control the many relationships she's had, has. and the reason why she went cold on you as because her value in you went down a little, probably because she was giveing you inches and for each inch you were trying to take miles. By giveing her to much attention by wanting to "chill" all the time by painting in black and white "i have no life"

But you have to be the one that keeps letting go, that keeps saying no, that controls her instead of her controlling you, it will draw her closer because your showing her dominance that you don't need to play and if that's how its gonna be then you'll walk away.

and sometimes that's what it takes to walk away for a week or two at a time, trust me she won't forget about you her intrest level won't wane infact it will increasse, just because your not around doesn't mean shyt. The only way this won't work is if she truley had no feelings for you from the get go, but you would sense that at some point. That and she's more cold than hot at any one point and time

 

[reset]

But you have to be the one that keeps letting go, that keeps saying no, that controls her instead of her controlling you, it will draw her closer because your showing her dominance that you don't need to play and if that's how its gonna be then you'll walk away.

100% on board with you there.

Here's what happened. I was never really into her. Getting over the BPD girl, women just weren't on my radar. This drew her in. Started hanging around me like crazy. Slowly, I started being into her, a little. She arranged some lunches at work. I was hanging back, but started feeling pressure from her, like she was expecting me to ask her out, and even though I didn't want to just yet, the AFC inside said "make your move or lose her."

This, and my buddy telling me "**** that chick now! Or it's friend zone! Now! Now!"

So, yeah, I asked her out. She was all excited, spent more time around me, etc. She stood me up. I didn't see her for a week after that, and I was cold as ****. That hasn't happened for awhile and I was raw from it.

And this is when the hot cold stuff really started. We work together so we have to see each other, but we work in different buildings, so WE DON'T HAVE TO SEE EACH OTHER AT ALL unless she takes the initiative and comes down to see me. From her ACTIONS, it seems she's upset that I had the nerve to be upset about being stood up. I confronted her, and kind of told her off, which in hindsight was classic AFC. Should have taken it in stride, but I didn't. You learn.

This has been going on for several weeks. The first few weeks, she was very nervous and uncomfortable around me, and stayed away a bit. Then, when I figured "well, that's it. **** it." She was around more. Then we go through the cycle of her "pretending" to be interested in me, me holding back. Show some kindness on my part, back to cold.

Finally, last week, she came down once more and we had what I thought was a "real conversation". She attempted to make me jealous, hinting at the bars she was going to be going to for St. Patty's. I wasn't jealous. I didn't care. But I was civil. Next time I see her, cold shoulder, blows me off. So, I figure, yeah, you win, you burned me, you're not intrested, on to the next chick. But it wasn't that simple. Last time I ignored her completely for a couple hours (we had to be in the same room) and she was all ****ing over me. All over me. And she didn't get much in return. Now she's back to hot, hot.

This makes me think of Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football. Yeah Charlie, NOW I'll let you kick the football.

It's weird when they act like they hate you. A guy thinks, "ok, you hate me. Bummer. Nice knowing you. Now I'm just going to stay out of your way, seeing as THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, RIGHT? Me to be out of your hair? Cool, here you go."

At which point you have to start beating them off with a stick. Now there's another chick kind of involved, and they are competing for my attention, which is kind of "fun" but it's just more games.

I wasn't put on this earth to enhance a woman's self-esteem. (BTW the painted black BPD girl is gone, out of the picture completely, her games didn't work so she split).

From my perspective, the hot-cold thing is just disrespectful. She had her chance. And I don't think I want to be the guy that gets strung along, "oh, now she REALLY likes me!" When there are other girls I could be scoping out. At what point do you just say "games=bull****=next"?

 

[FurryFriend]

But, men and women are different. Maybe it's unwise to expect women to be like guys, as in being consistent from day to day.

Correct.

If a guy likes a girl, the guy is usually direct and consistant. Problem with many peopel on this forum is, they think women and men think alike.

Women have bizarre hormonal issues and emotional trauma every day. So if they're attracted to a guy, it's not surprising these issues and trauma gets raised a couple of notches and causes them to behave irrationally.

So stop saying women who are inconsistant and unpredictable are psycho-s or nutjobs. Women will always be women.

 

[Raikojo17]

Correct.

So stop saying women who are inconsistant and unpredictable are psycho-s or nutjobs. Women will always be women.

but they are nut jobs. dont deal with women like this. no girl i've ever givin the time of day too has ever been like this. they always liked me and stayed consistent with there affections. only immature dumbass women do this stupid push-pull mindgame crap. and they are not worth the time, or the trouble they cause.

and believe me, the ones i have met that do do this damn crap, i was gone as fast as i came.

dont put up wit this junk. Women do not play these games. games are for immature little insecure girls who need to grow up fast if they ever want a man.

 

[Obsidian]

Well, I think you are both somewhat right. All women have a tendency to indulge in this indecisive, emotional, b1tchy crap. But you should definitely stay away from the ones who indulge in it too much.

It may be a feminine trait, but it's not a particularly admirable one in any sense. It provides no benefit to the woman or the man, no survival value to the species, etc. It's just plain idiotic. Indecision like this is why women really need men to lead them.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Don't fill this board with broad statments like this.. True some of those who are inconsistant are nut jobs and it is wise to stay away from them.

HOWEVER most women i've encountered who are inconsistant but more hot than cold normally have high tension, to relive tension women tend to pull a "release valve" and go cold on you not to cold but just enough to relive some of it.

Best thing to do when a girl goes cold is to take it with stride. because its all a push-pull game if she pulls you just stand there and let her pull a rope with nothing on the other end. She'll wonder why you let go and will push for answers.

You are wrong Christz and Ryan is right!! Listen to experience.....although his first sentence may seem incongruent with the remainder of his thoughts!!!!!

I see inconsistant behavior as a sign of interest.


INCONSISTANT behavior is a warning sign of NUT JOB


They are Inconsistant with everything in life NOT just how they view some guy.

stay away from girls who are inconsistant and contradict themselves all the time. stay away from ANYBODY who has these traits

 

[reset]

I don't think all women who do this are psychos. Some are though. I went through this with a BPD girl and she definitely was trouble. This one's on a much more minor scale. I don't think she's crazy. She may have a larger taste for drama than I can stomach though.

 

[alittledopey]

Thanks everyone for all the great responses,
I really have learned alot by reading them.

As luck would have it, after a couple of weeks of giving these(hot and cold) chicks the "cold shoulder" myself, one that (i thought) I really was interested in is all peachy again.

I'm really trying to stick by my guns as so not to be kicked in the stomach again (figuratively of course) by this one, but its really hard.

BUT, I find this particular girl (for whatever reason) irresistible.

As much as I hate to admit it she has my wrapped around her finger, and seems to know it.
And i'm starting to realize it too and dont like it.

What can I do to get this chick to stop messin with me so I can better ignore and forget her?

Thanks

 

[reset]

I don't know if you can get a girl to stop messing with you. This is tough, but the main thing is to behave the way you want to behave. If you're strong and don't get phased, and they are only trying to mess with your head, if you show you are going to keep doing your thing irregardless of their behavior, they will give up. This is what happened with my BPD girl experience. She threw everything she could think of at me, and I decided that I never wanted to see her or talk to her again. She made sure she saw me as much as possible, but every time, I didn't react to any of her games. I gave her the cold shoulder completely (an extreme measure, but if the girl is GENUINELY nuts, this is the ONLY option) and she finally gave up and split.

If you are hoping to get them to change their behavior:

1: Don't care if they change their behavior. Her actions are not powerful enough to affect your day or your life. You are going to live your life the best you can, irregardless of her. Do not let it show that it bothers you, and eventually, you'll get stronger.

2: If she cares about you, she will see she's losing you by her behavior, and it will change. If it doesn't change, she's not right for you, and she's doing you a favor by proving to you, she's not right for you.

I'm learning to do this myself, but the short answer is, always set the tone. It's your reality, she either adapts or doesn't. Either way, live by your own rules. ALWAYS BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY. If you really feel like this, it will come across in your body language. All this **** happens under the surface anyway.

 

[java01]

ther could be many resons 4 this dogey behaviour, she could be test'n u out,
maybe she expects u 2 move on 2 her after thet great night,
maybe she's pissed that u did'nt move on 2 her that night she was giving u the signals

remember wen u wer on u'r playstation, she was reading dolly mags
wen u wer play'n football wit u'r buddy's, she was wit her girls talking bout fantacys...& the point!!!

females r born socialy active, well at least 100000000000 times more than guys, so 2 expect this behaviour, moody, childish, woteva

say females r complex, but realy they r just way ahead of us, & they know that, wich is y they hav control over most of the guys out ther, but one day she meets her mach, one day she meets a guy that she cant get around, & maybe she feels nervy, she cant get moody because he might leave, oh no!
& the guy knows, & that my friend is a true DJ

they test us, they push us around, u just hav 2 expect this, but untill the day u get it, understand this behaviuor & stop it, is the day u'r a DJ