Holy sh1t I failed pretty hard

[Tortendieb]

Just now I thought of this cute coworker of mine, how we had shared great chemistry when I last talked to her. I'm leaving the company soon (she knows this), so I thought damn! I should go and ask her out, would be a shame not to! But instead I pulled a complete AFC, it's quite funny really!

I thought it would go something like this:
- Drop by her office
- Say hows it going, just dropping by to say hi
- Fluff talk for max. 1min
- Say lets have a coffee at the break room. Even if she refused I was gonna make up an excuse about how we shouldnt disturb the coworkers so I'd get her out of the office, alone
- Have a brief but fun break, and if chemistry is still there then ask her out for drinks on Friday.

Thought that would surely work - she was pretty into me last time! But - major fail!
It went like this instead:
- Dropping by her office
- Saying hi, she's registering me but not looking
- So instead I kinda adress the room "hey just dropping by as I'm leaving soon"
- She doesn't really look at me, instead the male coworkers (whom I know) INSTANTLY pick up the convo and start talking away
- I'm thinking CRAP here I am talking to 2 guys and she's not even fully paying attention!
- So I keep flufftalking for a minute, thinking on how to recover the situation. She is half in the convo, but it's really the guys. Duh
- Convo runs out, now's the last chance! But she's staring at the screen again
- Getting the feeling that NOW it would be super weird to ask her to take a break and not ask the guys as well.
- Convo is out and I retreat.
- Mentioning how I'm going to throw a little going-away party in the office next week and they're invited, so my visit doesn't look completely weird
- FAIL

So, the analysis.
Bad place and time: She was honestly busy with work, and not expecting me. When you're concentrating on stuff it's really hard to get into a social mood.

No balls: Possibly could have just forced it through, calling her name, let's take a coffee break, insisting pretty hard. Could be creepy, but she might have warmed up to it. Instead I was intimidated by the coworkers, how they would react awkwardly etc, how she would be embarrassed if I made it super clear that I wanted to take a break with HER, nobody else.

Should have:
- Called her desk before, saying hey it's me blabla and wanna take a break later. So I wouldn't surprise her in a situation where she's just busy. Stupid that it occurs to me only now.
- Not said addressed the whole room in the first place, but walked up directly closer to her
- Not cared, but just dared. In a bar situation I would easily ignore the guys but at work I was kinda intimidated, the guys are all senior coworkers.

Classic AFC right there... what would you have done? The whole thing was just plain stupid, bad logistics, bad execution.


P.S. not in the US, so I can actually date coworkers without getting fired

 

[SgtSplacker]

At least in the US it's never a good idea to ask a girl to lunch like that in front of other co-workers...

 

[Harry Wilmington]

If i were u, i would just wait til u left the company to ask her out. Specifically: once I left the job, I'd wait a week, then call her up and say "hey, i haven't seen u in forever, let's meet up for drinks and catch up." I wouldn't do it while still at the job, though, unless she brought it up- otherwise, things can get messy (been there, done that, not worth it).

 

[Rock Steady]

I wouldn't say you failed, given the circumstances. I'd say making the situation awkward by forcing would have been a fail. The timing was bad, so you left gracefully and saved face.

 

[goundra]

ya never know with women. Agreed, wait a bit, try again. Keep your options open, lots of failures before many successes, guys. But you never know until you TRY.