Holy ****, caught cheating

[italostud]

Well, I'll make a long story short. Cheated on my current GF of 5 months with another girl. Current GF got other girl's # off my cell(I know I know, stupid of me). I got set up in a 3 way call. And ended up talking to both of them. Apparently my GF had been planning this for a while. SO, basically I had to come clean, althought I was pretty close to faking an anyeurism or a seizure to get out of it...

So, the current GF is willing to give me another chance.

Two questions:

1) What is the best course of action for me? I want to keep the GF and get her to trust me again. I'm thinking flowers would be a good starter.

2) Anyone who's been caught before and was taken back by the girlfriend: Did she end up cheating on your to get back at you?

 

[cactus3178]

Scratch. Write-off. She'll never trust you again. Think about it, bro, what would you do?

Lesson learned.

 

[CLOONEY]

I know girls who have been cheated on, accepted it, and are great girlfriends still to this day.

However, she might want revenge, that is the natural thought of a human.

Why not give it another chance, after all, u were the one that cheated on her!!

 

[squirrels]

You'll never live it down. She'll bring it up every chance she gets.

I look at it this way: if I'm cheating on a girl, it's because there's something in the current relationship I'm just not getting, so even if I get back with her I WILL cheat again.

If your girlfriend has any brains at all she knows this. The instant you cheated, you should've known that it wasn't right between you and your girl and accepted the fact that it would come to this.

LOL...I can't help but wonder if that aneurysm stunt would work.

 

[JohnJones]

It depends on the girl. There are some girls who are just hurt and angry but not vengeful, and who won't harp on it in the future. She may be one of them.

Starting a 3 way call is not indicative of this though. That takes planning and balls.

Funny thing is, there are a lot of posts here about girls with b/fs that have cheated on them and how she may have low self-esteem for taking him back.

 

[prosemont]

Depends on you and the girl. I've been caught a few times and every time the girl simply told me to stop and wanted to continue the relationship. It's an odd dynamic and very different from us men: if someone cheats on us we want blood. Many women are different and, while hurt, it in an odd way almost validates that you are a desirable man and that she has a good catch. Strange, but I truly think that somehow that's how women think on a visceral level.

She does need to be reassured that she's the most important thing and that this was just a huge blunder on your part. You'll need to constantly reassure her of this whenever she brings it up, which she will. You're also going to have to be honest about it (to an extent) and not try any cover ups which is why she wanted to catch you red-handed.

She needs to know that your error was one of having an overactive libido and not that you are a pathological liar. The first can be forgiven but not the second.

Good luck.

 

[NewMan]

I cheated on my Ex - she found out of course - similar situation.

She forgave me - after much heartache.

Expect a rocky ride.

She will bring it up from now to..... eternity. Can you handle that?


It is possible to get the trust back.

Ask yourself this - why did you cheat on her? that is an important question.

If you are worried about her cheating on you as revenge (aren't you the hypocrite) then do what I did...

I told my ex that since I cheated on her - I thought it only right that she go out and fvck someone else in return. It was a stone cold bluff.

She told me that she's not like that - and didn't want anyone else.

Problem solved.

 

[Miliaris]

Don't be a sucker... walk away. She will use this against you for manipulation. She will pretend to love you and trust you - and then she will dump you when this will cause most possible damage.

Anyway - cheating is not a problem - it is a consequence. Think about what your real problem is

 

[italostud]

Thanks guys, all advice is appreciated.

Firstly, I don't think she's the vindictive kind. She told me that she had a good feeling that i cheated on her for the past month or so, but she just wanted to confirm it.

Honestly, our relationship was going so good up to this point and I feel like I ****ed it up. I guess I will try to patch it up with her...I'm just going to watch for warning signs of her getting weird in the future.

The funny thing is, it's the morning after that whole debacle last night, and I feel more angry than anything.

Angry that I got caught, angry at the other girl for trying to set me up, and angry at the current GF for going so far to catch me.

She says she wants to give it another chance, but I feel pretty pissed right now. I mean, yeah, so I got my dinky stinky with another chick, but she really went overboard to try to catch me.

Anyways, guess I'll have to think about this more today.

 

[Oxide]

what the hell? you are the one who went out of the way, after 5 months of working on a realtionship, and then you are blaming EVERYONE but yourself!


Listen, reverse the role- 5 months you working hard to keep the girl around, then u start to notice she went out with another guy a couple of times ..soon you will be playing James Bond, tripping over bushes and chasing her in cars to find out what the hell is going on... and when you do forgive her (or at least partially forgive) and take her back, she says "What is the big deal, i just ****ed around, you are the one going out of your way spying on me!"


cry me a fvcking river...

 

[DankNuggs]

You sound like a scumbag in that last post...You are VERY lucky you didn't get kicked to the curb instantly...You are a bad bf, deal with it...Its YOUR problem, you play with fire, you'll eventually get burned...

Break up with the girl if you can't stay faithful...

 

[karusel]

Starting a 3 way call is not indicative of this though. That takes planning and balls.

No man, doing this means cold blood and intelligence. My kinda girl. The outcome of this is from the point of the cheater seizurific, causes his brain to stop working while grabbing even the most moronic excuse proclaiming it for holy truth; from the point of the cheated it's orgasmic, satisfactory and, well, very pleasurable overall and from an accidental observer, freaking hillarious. You gotta love this woman for pulling this.

Maybe I'm seeing this all wrong, but if you wanna get out of this sh*t, you're gonna have to do more than just bring her some decomposing plants. Think talking in a most honest tone you've ever imagined, looking her straight into her eyes without blinking, and for christsake don't beg for anything. You can tell her you're sorry you were confused, your **** spoke, you made a mistake. If you really love her, that is. Cuz if you don't, then if you lie like that this time, you'll always lie because you''ll always tend to cheat and I guess you won't be happy overall. I guess.

 

[GaryNas]

Originally posted by italostud

2) Anyone who's been caught before and was taken back by the girlfriend: Did she end up cheating on your to get back at you?

I caught my gf cheating on me, and said I was fine with it, just like she's telling you. I thought I was fine with it until a year later when I cheated on her TWICE. As soon as the opportunity came up I was all over it.

 

[Miliaris]

LTR is all about trust. If this is gone, relationship is gone... you have no backbone and she knows. She no longer respects you, but she is afraid to be alone - so she is stying with you till she won't find enough currage to dump you. No respect, no love...

I hope I am wrong... prove me wrong...

So, abandon this false path and become a MAN... doh...

 

[Miliaris]

Re: Re: Holy ****, caught cheating

Originally posted by GaryNas
I caught my gf cheating on me, and said I was fine with it, just like she's telling you. I thought I was fine with it until a year later when I cheated on her TWICE. As soon as the opportunity came up I was all over it.

so human revenge is a sign of a weak mind... although I do not blame you...

 

[cactus3178]

With my ex of several years ago, when I found out she cheated on me once, I went f*cking ballistic. I DID LITERALLY GFTOW, including both of her close cousins and her best friend. B*tch.

The point is, expect something in return....reprise, if you will. She may not ever cheat on you, but the bottom line is that in a relationship, cheating is one of the worst (if not the worst, minus violence) things you can do. There's hardly a faster way to destroy trust.

Things will not be the same for a while, if ever again. I know sometimes we have slips of judgment (especially when drinking), but if you really love the girl, be true.

If you want to be a player, by all means, dump her on her ass today and move on. But if you want a relationship, be prepared for some serious rebuilding.

 

[DJ_Dork]

that's why there's a security code thing on cell phone.

 

[Okra]

You should give the relationship a try if that is what you want. She may not let you live it down, but you have to let her know that she can't do that if she really wants to be with you. It will take time for her to have even a little trust in you.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Haha, she forgave you because she already cheated on you before you cheated on her! I'll give yoiu 10 to 1 odds that such is the case!!! If she hasn't then she will - I guarantee it!

 

[IBrakeforShortSkirts]

Cut your losses

Obviously there is a reason you cheated on this girl, and chances are, you will again for some reason or another. I agree that the only reason that she forgave you was because she had cheated on you previously, and the guilt from that incident most likely drove her to think that you were cheating on her... in this case she was right, and now shes off scott free. But either way she will never be able to trust you again, and it will always be a sore subject between the two of you, as well as you just gave her a get out of sh!t free card to use anytime she happens to sleep around. LOL