NewMan, I was with you until you mentioned "The One". That kind of romantic nonsense is just that - nonsense.
DEKKA - It sounds like what you're looking for is a relationship in which you both have a huge affection, respect and loyalty for each other.
I remember when I was your age (ten f*cking years go.. sh*t..), what I wanted more than anything was to find one great girl, fall in love, marry, blah blah. We'd be so good for each other, we'd support each other and make each other complete and loved etc etc etc. Then I got burned a few times and gave up women for a while too. But I still had some hope that one day I'd find the girl that would make me happy and my life would have meaning.
Truth is, I was FUBARRED and didn't even know it (F*cked Up Beyond All Recognition). The reason I craved a relationship like that was because I'd had so little affection from anyone else in my life, I just assumed I was supposed to get it from a girlfriend. So from my experience, I'd say that when someone is putting so much faith and emphasis on finding that one great relationship to lose themselves in, they have a hell of a lot of work to do on themselves.
I notice you mentioned you don't like the "I want you but don't need you" mentality. Let me offer you my perspective. All those things I used to look to someone else to give me, I now give myself. Having this core independence leaves me much much freer to give everything I want to give to someone else, because I'm not held back by fear. By learning to give myself a satisfying life in every way rather than looking for satisfaction outside myself, I have gotten much closer to being able to love someone else and to let them love me.
I can't believe I used the word 'love' here - must be going soft.
DEKKA - It sounds like what you're looking for is a relationship in which you both have a huge affection, respect and loyalty for each other.
I remember when I was your age (ten f*cking years go.. sh*t..), what I wanted more than anything was to find one great girl, fall in love, marry, blah blah. We'd be so good for each other, we'd support each other and make each other complete and loved etc etc etc. Then I got burned a few times and gave up women for a while too. But I still had some hope that one day I'd find the girl that would make me happy and my life would have meaning.
Truth is, I was FUBARRED and didn't even know it (F*cked Up Beyond All Recognition). The reason I craved a relationship like that was because I'd had so little affection from anyone else in my life, I just assumed I was supposed to get it from a girlfriend. So from my experience, I'd say that when someone is putting so much faith and emphasis on finding that one great relationship to lose themselves in, they have a hell of a lot of work to do on themselves.
I notice you mentioned you don't like the "I want you but don't need you" mentality. Let me offer you my perspective. All those things I used to look to someone else to give me, I now give myself. Having this core independence leaves me much much freer to give everything I want to give to someone else, because I'm not held back by fear. By learning to give myself a satisfying life in every way rather than looking for satisfaction outside myself, I have gotten much closer to being able to love someone else and to let them love me.
I can't believe I used the word 'love' here - must be going soft.