Hmm So.. Now what? Next?

[Social Engineering]

Old time lurker, first time poster.

Its been awhile since ive come to this site. But a recent break up in a relationship has brought me back.

Cutting all bull_s-hit away and straight to my question.

I tend to over analyze so here we go:

7 month relationship. I had it all. The perfect relationship ideally for me. Im a busy guy 23, work, and the gym taking top priority of my life with females coming in 3rd. This is there role and they know this anything else, there out the door.

I found an uncorrupted girl. American born but so new to how things work i was able to literally mold her into the perfect girlfriend. I also took her virginity and everything else. I was her first everything. But obvioulsy nothing lasts forever and its only human nature for her to be curious about new c-ock later down the road.

Beautiful girl easily an 8. But something happend recently. Out of no where it blindsided me. She wasn't happy. Didnt even bring it up till it was too late so there was no time to work on or put a patch on the situation.

As long as i have been dating i had it finally. But i belive her mind was poisioned by outside influence. Mainly other AFC's. Her sister just found a newboyfriend. He would buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, walk with her in parks on his day off.. Typical sh_t i would refrain from.

She came right out and said "All we ever do is, i come over, we watch some tv, we have sex, and i go home..."

My world shattered. She wanted more.. Now what? I didnt give into any of her pleas but diverted it and promised her more time and a few other necessities she required but before i was even able to do this out of no where... She came over yesterday and was so unhappy she just broke up with me... She dumped me...

I was shocked and i could easily Next her... I did enjoy the relationship but after the work and effort she was ideal. Not for marrige but i was content with the relationship for at least 2 years we barley made 6 months....

So she dumped me and im not sure where to take it from here. She dosent want to get back together at the moment. Its only been a few days but shes had alot of "thinking". She wants to remain friends but i don't want my emotions to get the best of me.

Should i completly refrain from talking to her? Ignore her, aim, myspace, etc. And just give her time to cool off. My insecurities of her having another c-ock in her life will get the best of me and at the present time i couldnt handle seeing that. I was infactuated with her but not really.. of our situation it was too ideal for me.

Not that im trying to get her back at all costs but to be able to unbrain wash her and get my old routine back would be nice. She even though broke up with me, randomly im's me online asking what im up to, what im doing. Even encourages me to get out go to a club etc. (fuk clubs)

Shes still in touch. I told her i would drive by next week when shes not home and drop off all her stuff so we wouldnt have to be face to face and her responce was "oh so we cant still be friends"

Honestly, i have no intention to ever be just friends with a female. The only time i do is if i want to fuk them.

My gut feeling is another guy obviously ive had issues in the past of being a huge afc but ive overcome alot of them. But sometimes you just get a gut feeling. She went to some show sunday while i was working i didnt know about nor did she bring up and within the same week she broke it off. I figure shes just getting curious or extremly unhappy.

Thoughts and advice welcome. And thanks for your time.

 

[shyguy32]

dude...do not keep contact with her...go on like it's no big deal to you. She'll get a taste of what the AFC's are all about.....and i'm not saying this because I'm a born again DJ...I'm in between, but leaning away from the AFC tendencies.

AFC will smother her with attention, but will not give her any type of space and she will be bangin on your door for a booty call....just use her for what you can get.

 

[flexion_]

I agree - cut all contact. There is no point to being friends.

 

[WestCoaster]

Step out of the 19th century ...

... and into the 21st.

You wrote this:

**************************************

I found an uncorrupted girl. American born but so new to how things work i was able to literally mold her into the perfect girlfriend. I also took her virginity and everything else. I was her first everything. But obvioulsy nothing lasts forever and its only human nature for her to be curious about new c-ock later down the road.

*******************************

You're f-cking kidding, right? "Molding" her into the perfect girlfriend?! Do you want a puppet or a person with their own brain, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs? Puppets are nice for a day, not a relationship, and certainly not a long term relationship or marriage. Well, if you don't have a brain, that will be perfect, my guess is you have a brain.

You also wrote: I don't want women as friends, I just want to f-ck them. While many here cringe at the thought of women having their own lives and brains and that they can actually be friends -- and I'll agree that the friendship zone is deadly -- not having women as friends will be a very isolated life for you. Got news for you, women aren't turning back to being barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. That's just the way it is, despite all the websites and focus on the family stuff. It ain't happening.

Molding women? Just want to f-ck them? Honestly, I'm not surprised she didn't dump you earlier. She even said she wanted more than TV and screwing, you didn't have the intellect or creativity to do that. Why date someone who can't stimulate anything more than her p-ssy?

And get this ... after awhile women don't give a sh-t who took their virginity. This ain't the 19th century bucko, time to wake up.

 

[solace]

Something about the OP just doesn't sound right.

A girl that you molded, took her virginity away, and only dated for seven months wanted more out of the relationship and dumped you without even trying to patch things up?

Man, either she is lying about you being her first or you are. I just can't think of anyone in my experience nor anyone else that I know of would have so much influence on a girl and take her virginity and she gets over the honeymoon phase so quickly and dump them without some significant effort to make things work. I can see if you were beating her or something.

If you had so much influence over her and became her first, how can she dismiss you so easily in such a short amount of time? Call me cynical but that post sounds like a lot of BS is woven into it....either from her or you.


You seem to be really playing a macho role too even though it is obvious that you really have some significant feelings for this chick. The long time lurker but first time poster just adds to the suspicion.

People, who cares if you have been lurking around here or whatever before you decide to post or if you're to ashamed to post under another name? Just state your issue! that is all that matters! What problems are you having and how can you learn from them to become a better man. I am not impressed by how cool someone on a message board tells me they are. We just here to help and pass along our own knowledge and opinions.

I can understand this because you may want to protect yourself from criticism, man, but tough love from our boys is what we need some time.

I am not saying this stuff just to piss you off, man, but this just doesn't sound right.

 

[WestCoaster]

Once again, walk freaking away

This really needs to be on the general board, not the mature man board.

People are surprised she dumped him? Women will dump a guy for every reason and for no reason. People don't know this already? Women will dump you because they had a bad day, or because they had a good day. They'll dump you because their coffee tasted bad in the morning, they'll dump you because their girlfriends told them so.
'
WALK AWAY, why is this such a hard thing to digest around here?!

Also, quit trying to figure out women and their motives. Read "Kiss of Death" article by Allen on this site. Quit trying to figure them out and walk away. I understand the need for control, but here's an alternative: CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE!

You have no control over her actions. I've known DOZENS of women who have dumped the guy who broke their virginity -- freaking dozens.

Wake up fellas and become MEN. Freaking walk away, quit driving by ex's houses, and quit pining to get them back. God, the men here are sounding like women.

How come people don't read the articles on this site.

Rule 1: When dumped by a woman, WALK AWAY. Good grief, how many times do I have to say this.

 

[Social Engineering]

Maby my post came off a little odd. I apologize.

I do care for this girl but like i said she was un corrupted since i was her first everything she didnt have anything to compare me to. So it was easier then her to think, she deserves flowers, dinners and general extreme forms of affection. She knew nothing of relationships, nothing. Only what i showed her.

The relationship went pretty well. We never fought once. Everything was so minor it was over before it even started. On my end i thought it was great. Her only qualm was time. I was very busy. Working and the gym took alot of it. So i would only see her a few days a week. She obviously wanted to be around me 24/7.

I truely belive i was her first everything because it was a long hard road of learning how things workd. I didnt have to call her all the time, i didnt have to tell her where i was. There were no insecurities at all. She was ok with me having "girl friends" she didnt want any boyfriends.

Most girls you date have something to compare from past relationships to you weather good or bad. Standards. She had none becuase she had nothing to compare with. Nothing wrong with that maby my wording came off a little harsh like im this controlling fuk playing puppet master. Far from it. The only thing i can honestly say i gave this girl over any ive ever been with is complete trust.

Just the past few months shes been comparing our relationship to others she saw and wanted that... I didnt have the time comitmment she wanted. Nor the desire to spend large amounts of money on her "just becuase i loved her". Or to go out just to be scene, i enjoyed just work, the gym having her come over occasionaly to hang out a few hours have sex and leave.

Bull.. True its the 21st century but there are some girls that arent corrupted by the americanized mtv ways. Far and inbetween but when you find one you have the oppurtunity to not deal with the baggage and issues most woman have.

But she became unhappy very fast. And even with a sudden change in my actions it wasnt enough. She just kinda took flight. But not really shes still around keeping tabs on me.

I do have female friends. I do like a girl that can stimulate me intellectually not just some puppet i play with. But i mean i dont need to keep ex's around to be "pals with" as they wave there new boytoy in my face to bring about acts of jealousy. I just dont find females fun to be "hanging out with".

I was just shocked how quick it turned for the worse and she didnt even wanna work anything out just up and left. Like someone said girls can dump you on the drop of a dime "just because". I feel that if you take her Virginity, and even Anal how quick she can just walk away.

But.. i can do the same. Thanks for any input but apparently i ll have to figure this out alone.

 

[solace]

Social, it sounds like to me that you may have poured this DJ stuff on too hard to her. She sounds like she was a keeper.

Sometimes you can apply some principles to the extreme and they backfire in your face. If she was so into you, and you care for her, why can't you spend more quality time with her? Because you don't like hanging with chicks? If this is the way you feel, you don't need a GF, man.

I don't like hanging out with chicks that much myself but when we are in a relationship, it is an obligation. We hate it but it is something that we have to do to keep the relationship alive. How can you keep someone interested in you in the long run if you are almost never available to keep her interested and remind her of what she is interested in? You were probably too one-dimensional in that relationship. Why can't you buy the woman who loves yopu and yopu love her a gift every now and then? Don't be cheap!

You know what? I can't stand it that my GF is all touchy and feely and always kissing on me and wanting to hold hands. I feel that she is too smothering sometimes when we are together but what can I do? Do I tell her to stop having so much feelings for me and to stop being so attracted to me? No! This is stuff that we have to deal with as men in relationships. You won't change women from wanting this stuff. If they want it, they will find it some where else. Period. If you are not willing to give it, just walk away and live with your decision.


Since she sounds like a keeper, I would swallow my pride on this one, call her up and tell her that you are willing to put some more effort into the relationship. Afterall, this is a woman who cares for you and you care for her, right? This is not some freak from the club. Just don't get all wussy about it and sound like you are begging or any thing. If she is still unwilling to work things out, I would be suspicious of her motives and just walk away because she will just hurt you in the long run. Best of luck!

 

[IronFar]

I am going to guess that she was no older than 20?

Get over yourself dude - what were you really expecting from someone that naive and "uninitiated"? :crackup:

 

[Aaron B]

If you were hitting it right, and I bet you were, her getting some new d*ck is probably the best thing.

She is inexperienced and doesn't realize how many guys have absolutely no idea what they are doing.

Ignore her, let her date around for awhile, then most likely she will come back to you.

I have a friend who is in his 40's and when he dates a really young inexperienced girl, he always tells them repeatedly things like:

"We aren't going to be together forever. You need to go out and experience life and see what is out there. There isn't anything out there, but you are going to be curious so you need to get it out of your system."

I've seen him do this with a couple of girls and he's been able to hold onto them for a couple of years each time,.

 

[WestCoaster]

Originally posted by solace
Social, it sounds like to me that you may have poured this DJ stuff on too hard to her. She sounds like she was a keeper.

God, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

She dumped him for a geezer ... will you guys please learn the lessons of this site?!! NEXT!! Jesus f'n ... freaking NEXT!!

Look, I no longer want long play by plays of women dumping guys and guys strategizing how to get them back. You don't WANT them back, period, case closed, end of story. She left you, let her keep walking.

What in the world is with this board and it's oneitis/I can't do without her/how do I get her back sh-t?!!

She's no freaking keeper -- my god, not at all. What are you guys thinking?!!

I've posted articles here for you to read and no one reads them or takes them to heart. Why even get on this site if you don't believe in DJ principles.

Nine times out of 10 when you break up with a woman it's time to move on and next. Yes, 9 out of 10 and it might be 10 out of 10. What's with you guys?!!

 

[solace]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
God, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

She dumped him for a geezer ... will you guys please learn the lessons of this site?!! NEXT!! Jesus f'n ... freaking NEXT!!

Look, I no longer want long play by plays of women dumping guys and guys strategizing how to get them back. You don't WANT them back, period, case closed, end of story. She left you, let her keep walking.

What in the world is with this board and it's oneitis/I can't do without her/how do I get her back sh-t?!!

She's no freaking keeper -- my god, not at all. What are you guys thinking?!!

I've posted articles here for you to read and no one reads them or takes them to heart. Why even get on this site if you don't believe in DJ principles.

Nine times out of 10 when you break up with a woman it's time to move on and next. Yes, 9 out of 10 and it might be 10 out of 10. What's with you guys?!!

Sometimes we just screw up, man. There are keepers out there and if we find a keeper, we should keep them. This doesn't mean we can't see other chicks.

We have to be able to admit when we are wrong. If we have someone that we f----- over that treated us well and was a good person, this is a person that is worth keeping and we should just man up and admit our mistake. What is wrong with trying to get the woman back if you made her leave?

Man, if there is one thing I learned from being a careless ass person in the past, is to never just let a decent woman walk out of your life if you are legitimately the cause of her walking. It is just too hard to find a good lady to be main squeezes. There are plenty fish in sea but how many are really worth keeping?

I guess I just look at this DJ stuff differently. I look at it as helping to get the woman or group of women THAT YOU WANT.


I had two of the finest and sweetest women in my life two and three years ago and I am just now able to forgive myself for being too much of a cold ass to them. I hate to see it happen to other guys. I told my buddy this over and over and he still behaved the same way I did in the past to his nice "keeper." I told him not to apply a player attitude towards her and just leave it for non-main squeezes. She left him about a month ago and the guy has been sulking every since even though he has enough of other women in his life.


My point is that we can take things too far. It sounds like Social did just this. Treat your main squeezes right but don't spoil them and let the other skeezers walk!

Of course, if she dumped him for someone else, I would walk with long steps but I don't recall reading that in his postsand I don't feel like reading it again.

This is just my two cents but if you find that relentlesly applying DJ principles to every situation works for you then, by all means, do it and never look back!

 

[CLOONEY]

Never fighting is BAD!

If I have nothing to fight about, after a while, I invent it!

Sad, but true, woman love you to provoke their emotions!

Sometimes you have to be "AFC" tell them all the sappy sh*t and show you love them! Although, I honestly dont mind this part of the relationship either if I love the girl!

Other times, tell them you are busy etc. Fight with them, tell them how its gonna be or take the highway! Deep down, they love this!

My advice: Cut all contact! Harder at first, but better for you in the long-run! You are still young and have a lot of time to find more girls! Next time, go horseriding, iceskating, go away together, go bowling, to the movies, take her to dinner.........mix it up! Woman love this! All the while, tell them its great that you both love doing a lot of different things together! Plant those seeds and let them "anchor" you back to positive thoughts!

Man, I think I learnt so much over the time, its just too hard to communicate it to people sometimes!

Basically, you can tell if a woman is happy by the way she looks at you and the way she acts around you! She should always be willing to try and make you happy! Sometimes however, you have to be willing to do things for her and make her happy! This being a "jerk" and getting your own way all the time is an absolute joke that runs rampant on this forum!

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by WestCoaster

Nine times out of 10 when you break up with a woman it's time to move on and next. Yes, 9 out of 10 and it might be 10 out of 10. What's with you guys?!!

You honestly think so? I beleive most relationships need a break at one point or another, both people invovled then realise what they have lost, and things can be better once they get back together. Sometimes, they arent, sometimes they are! This however, should be done when the guy dumps the girl, if the girl dumps you, she is either very emotionally unstable, or she is not in love with you! Either, you probably dont want. She may however, honestly just not like the way you are treating her, but is still in love with you, she is trying to MAKE you change, of which sometimes, you need to swallow your pride and do! This is all open to interpretation and needs to be applied situation by situation! Can you see it in her eyes and body language that she loves you? If she does, it will be obvious! If so, you have a good chance to get her back and makes things good (in this case, withdraw, do not give her any contact, she will come running eventually, probably wont take any longer than a few weeks either). If she doesnt, move on!

 

[IronFar]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Never fighting is BAD!

This being a "jerk" and getting your own way all the time is an absolute joke that runs rampant on this forum!

I don't believe I've heard one person (that is a worthy poster) talk about "being a jerk... all the time".

It isn't about that. That commentary is mostly for the EXTREME AFCs here. Some of these guys are so far gone that only EXTREME 'jerk-like' behavior MOST OF THE TIME can bring their manhood back.

I am shocked to see ppl being on here for damn near half a decade and not understand the common principles. It's sad really.

 

[WestCoaster]

Spot on Iron ... the basics of DJism are so lost on this board. I don't think anyone reads the articles. They could have an entire message board titled, "How do I get my girlfriend who dumped me back" and it would get 100's of hits.

The principles of staying cool, not worrying about women's thought patterns (hint: they're nuts most of the time), walking away, and so forth are completely lost. Yeah, some of that jerk stuff comes up here, but the site founder has said time and time again it's not about being a jerk. If people would just read the articles. People are losing the principles of DJism.

My "DJ Tip of the Day" today was about giving flowers to women ... ugh! There's a time and a place for that, and usually the act of it -- despite what Hollywood tells you -- completely backfires.

I'm really against getting back together with ex-girlfriends. I've done it and while the passion was great for awhile, you're just on a time bomb of when you're going to break up again. But getting back together with an ex- or figuring out why one was dumped is a common theme here and extremely popular.

I highly suggest not trying to figure out why you were dumped -- this is from personal experience -- it will drive you nutty. Move on, walk away, get some hobbies, date others ... those are always better options than getting back with an ex-girlfriend.

 

[NewMan]

But getting back together with an ex- or figuring out why one was dumped is a common theme here and extremely popular

There's a reason for that.

that's a big reason why people find this board. They've been fvcked over - or they want to get a GF back.

Hopefully they stay around long enough to realise this is pointless - then perhaps they can move on and realise that there is more to this DJism than meets the eyes.

It's unfortunate then guys need to be stomped on and crushed by women before they get a clue on how to deal with them.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good point New Man ... This site was recommended to me in my last stint as a Royal AFC (I consider myself a constant DJ in training). I was pining over a women who had little interest in me. I was a freaking moron. I was shown the "Kiss of Death" article and frankly, it was the first thing I'd ever read that took an anti-AFC philosophy and it helped change my life.

I quickly found the other articles, DJ Bible and so forth, it was like finding gold.

You're given a couple mulligans early on, but once directed to the articles and DJ Bible, one should not be hoping to get the ex-girlfriend back.

Just read a decent newspaper article on the after affects of breaking up in the Seattle Times. It said the worst thing to do was try to be friends, another really bad thing to do was to call, e-mail, or hang around; and it was really bad not moving on.

Folks we're not talking tragedy here, we're talking disappointment. Tragedy is losing a family member or loved on; tragedy is Hurrican Katrina, the South Pacific Tsunami. Break-ups are a disappointment ... it's best to know the difference between tragedy and disappointment.

 

[penkitten]

honestly she sounds like a great gal who just desired for more in the relationship than just to hang out and have sex. she wanted the small things that long lasting relationships have and even if the friendship can no longer remain now, she still seems to wish you well and want you to go out and find what it is that you are looking for.

 

[Kaine]

I agree with Clooney's insights.

The frame you set for your relationship did not meet the needs of your GF.

From my point of view, in order to maintain a LTR you need to be able to keep moving your GF emotions. Where as guys can live on a flatline, women need fluctuations. The fact the you got set in a routine exasperated this and hence she would became increasingly unhappy.

You need to understand that the needs or men and women are different, few quality women with a high esteem will settle with an experience like this for long.

Retain some spontaneity, push and pull by manning up and been affectionate.

A problem too with young/inexperienced girls, is that they do get curious. Even if you "train" them, media and other external influences will change her thoughts (she is a human after all who does not live in a box). If you value her the best you can do is to meet her needs as best you can (using seduction methods).


Kaine