Hitting a low

[SayWhat]

A week ago I posted a thread where I explained my social situation. Long story short, me and my ex (7 years ago) have the same group of friends, thus I keep seeing her regularly.

Because of this, I think (after these 7 years) I'm still not completely over her. Best way is to cut all ties, including with my friends. I thought about this for a long time and they're (well some of them as I explain later) great guys, but I think they're my friends because I have nobody else. I never hear from them if they know I have something important coming up. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone of them if I have a problem (I know I can to some of them, but I don't trust them with this info besides two of them).

Recently this ex stopped inviting me as well and my 'friends' don't inform me of that. She never did this, so I don't understand where this is coming from. All things fair I barely speak to her when we go out, but it has been like this since we broke up. Some of them wonder probably why I'm not there, but some of them just think 'she has tits so we go with her'. Needless to say most of my friends, are as me, single as well.

One of these friends was jealous of when I was together with my ex. He wanted her as well and when we got together he just completely ignored us, barely saying anything, bad mouthing us to other persons. I never really cared at that moment, I still don't. When me and my ex broke up, he started to act normal again to my ex, trying very hard to get her. The friendship between me and him never got back the way it was. I don't want it, I will never forget how he did. But I don't care, it's been like this for so many years and that's just the way it is.

Now I'm kinda hitting a very low in my life. I think I might lose my dream job and I don't know where to go on from that. I need a support, which although I can't talk to them, are these friends so I don't want to lose them right now.

These events keep on crushing my confidence and faith in the fact I'll ever be a DJ... A DJ handles with these facts and goes through them, but since my social skills are not that good (and many efforts to improve them have not succeeded), I don't see a way out.

 

[Alvafe]

A week ago I posted a thread where I explained my social situation. Long story short, me and my ex (7 years ago) have the same group of friends, thus I keep seeing her regularly.

Because of this, I think (after these 7 years) I'm still not completely over her. Best way is to cut all ties, including with my friends. I thought about this for a long time and they're (well some of them as I explain later) great guys, but I think they're my friends because I have nobody else. I never hear from them if they know I have something important coming up. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone of them if I have a problem (I know I can to some of them, but I don't trust them with this info besides two of them).

Recently this ex stopped inviting me as well and my 'friends' don't inform me of that. She never did this, so I don't understand where this is coming from. All things fair I barely speak to her when we go out, but it has been like this since we broke up. Some of them wonder probably why I'm not there, but some of them just think 'she has tits so we go with her'. Needless to say most of my friends, are as me, single as well.

One of these friends was jealous of when I was together with my ex. He wanted her as well and when we got together he just completely ignored us, barely saying anything, bad mouthing us to other persons. I never really cared at that moment, I still don't. When me and my ex broke up, he started to act normal again to my ex, trying very hard to get her. The friendship between me and him never got back the way it was. I don't want it, I will never forget how he did. But I don't care, it's been like this for so many years and that's just the way it is.

Now I'm kinda hitting a very low in my life. I think I might lose my dream job and I don't know where to go on from that. I need a support, which although I can't talk to them, are these friends so I don't want to lose them right now.

These events keep on crushing my confidence and faith in the fact I'll ever be a DJ... A DJ handles with these facts and goes through them, but since my social skills are not that good (and many efforts to improve them have not succeeded), I don't see a way out.

ok about your friend, if you didn't care you wouldn't even mention it, so yes you do care, even more because these "friends" are shutting you down and not inviting you for things, so in your group there is 2 people who don't want you around, and if they are the ones who amkes things happen, you can be pretty sure you will not be invited, or even the other 2 tells then they don't like you and if you come they will not show, thing is you shouldn't care but you do, so here is what I think you should do, go do something you wanted to do but nver really did, some course, a new hobby, anything and talk with people, new people. quick example, I ahve more or less 2 static groups of friends, one is my old college collegues who we still go out to drink together or play games, the other group is the one I did on my gym, so most nights out was with this group and more or less I find new people around so stay and go based on my time, but the main thing here is I ahve more people around to go out with or in a low week more likely someone invite me for something.

and I think that is your problem, you are a loner, so you have a hard time to make friends, so you need to have a setting so you can make friends, so try a new event to do.

about your ex your main reason you are not over her is more about you are not going out with other woman you ended the date about 7 years ago and I don't heard you mention any other girl or her with anotehr guy, you want to keep the door open for her come back, and she don't show anyone else for your group because she want you to be invested on her, or even as a backup plan (and be sure all woman have a backup plan a guy who can give her a confortable life and is willing to drop anything to be with her, so don't be that guy), with again is lack of contact with other people.

your job I don't know wht is happening and that is what you should know, if you don't know why you will lose your job, then you have more serious problems then only lack of friends, but if there is a problem fix it, you should know what is the problem, if not ask your boss what it is, if you think you will lose your job anyway try to get better at it so you can get a new one as fast as possible or even a better one.

on the support gonna be harsh on this you, you will get none, you need to get stronger and no one out there will help you on this, even worse people will feed on your weakness and use you for they gain, so its up to you.

 

[SayWhat]

KingOfPuss you are right and I try to do this. I have thought the same for a while about the fact "you become like the persons you hang out the most with". It's true, I try to be different but at the end of the night I'm still the same. At the moment I indeed see no way out, I know somewhere there is, but I don't know how to get on that road. I tried so many different stuff, but it all seems to no avail. I have very low self-esteem and even though I know I have no reason for that, I can't get rid of it.

Alvafe I have indeed a lot of troubles with making new friends. I have an interesting hobby by which I meet some new people every time, but it just stays with the initial contact.

About the friend, I really don't care we are not that good friends anymore, I do still care that I want to be so much better than him on every level. Not only with him, with everyone. I feel like I do everything and want to become the best person I can be, just to impress others, to make others jealous.

I have indeed had no other girlfriends (besides an affair for about a couple of months) in those 7 years. She has had a couple of other boyfriends, when she broke up with the first one she suddenly started texting me and we ended up in the same bed some times. Yes I know this was just a rebound, but the fact that she doesn't do this anymore has an effect on me. In a way I want her to want me back, so I just can break her heart (if you haven't figured out by now, she dumped me).

In these 7 years I've had girls coming on to me from who I know who were interested in me because I heard it through others, but my lack of social skills just dropped their high IL to 0.

With the job it's something on which I have no influence, it's a sort of testing to see if I have certain capabilities. Capabilities of which I am seriously doubting right now. If they see I don't have it in me, it's over.

 

[ubercat]

PPRF is right. holding down the job is your priority. not having a job will not only makes things seem worse but you'll have more time to think about it too. be totally honest and post details on what your work issues are there are a lot of smart guys here. on your social life joining a team sport. it seems like the social circle is just like a low interest girl the more you chase after them the faster they will disappear. and look u can read here some of the threads from guys who lost all their money and access to the kids in a divorce and still came back. hard times make DJs. BTW u don't mention health r u lifting?

 

[SayWhat]

I'm undergoing some tests at work at which they check some capabilities to be able to continue working there. I've done a couple of bad tests so I'm doubting very hard right now.

About my health, yes I lift three times a week and sometimes try to do some cardio in between.

 

[ubercat]

if that train has started running then its survival time. First see if anyone will be a referee for you. if not hopefully you have a close friend who knows your industry and can fake one for you you only have to get a cell phone. next start getting your CV out there and make as many LinkedIn contacts as you can. save as much money as you can and work out where u can cut your expenses. you are probably best posting a thread on the wealth and success subforum. and if the worst comes to pass and you do get fired just think of it as a job that didn't work out it's not the end of the world it's happened to plenty of guys.