High Interest, sometimes takes forever to reply

[manfrombelow]

This thread is interesting and serves to prove that behaviors are never black and white and people, both men and women, respond to such behaviors in different ways depending on the stage of the relationship.

Case in point. When I started dating my husband, I would always respond back to his texts in a timely manner even if only to say "hi babe, I'm in the middle of (running errand(s) or whatever I was doing), let's talk later."

He really appreciated it as it was early stages, we were establishing trust and I didn't leave him hanging.

Once we became serious, trust had been established, and he felt secure and centered, my complying in this way actually kind of annoyed him!

He told me (virtually verbatim):

"Cats, no need to reply when you're busy, just get back to me when you can and if you can't, that's fine, we'll just chat later when we see each other. I was just checking in."

I really appreciated his honesty and openness about it. And I complied to his request although it took adjusting to as I was taught to never leave people hanging.

What I took from that convo was him feeling secure, grounded and centered made all the difference as to why he didn't need or require me to essentially jump like a puppy lol whenever he reached out.

Once you're exclusive and an established couple, all this "proving level of interest" etc becomes less significant. The interest and feelings have already been established.

But here? Early stages, 1-2 months? Non-exclusive?

I think waiting 24 hours is thoughtless and rude and I think it was intentional.

Again, say nothing, continue observing but realize the relationship probably won't advance, these early stages set the stage and are quite telling imho.

She's sending mixed messages which I've learned to never trust. And best to pay more attention to the negative message (waiting 24 hours to reply) versus whatever she is doing to indicate interest.

Very good insight, thanks Cat.

Key takeaways:

1. If a female makes you wait forever to reply back to you, she does it intentionally, ALWAYS.

2. A male should sees reality for what it is and act accordingly, which in this case is a woman making him wait forever for a return text.

 

[LTG71]

The more that she pulls this 24 hour response sh*t the more I dislike the idea of continuing seeing her.

A man’s time is best spent with a woman who values that time and is deserving of it. This behavior is annoying and childish. I honestly don’t care how busy or “stressed” your week is, it isn’t a legitimate excuse. I understand being “busy” and caught up, but not to the point where you can’t simply reply to your text messages while eating dinner or before bed or on your lunch break.

I don’t believe in making excuses for people as to why they do things. This isn’t coming from a place of neediness but rather of common sense.

Amen. I have a mental list of friends I would or wouldn’t call if I was in an accident or in a jam. Some take 24 hours or don’t respond at all. What makes me laugh is the worst offenders usually have their phones glued to their hands so don’t give me this sh!t “I missed your text.” More like, “I ignored your text.“.

This is a red flag to me as it shows their character. I want someone reliable with some integrity to spend my precious time on. This is not gender specific either. I have a buddy that will agree on a time for a group bike ride and then text as he is on the road to tell you he’s on his way. One woman I know texts whenever she ”feels” like it and even has told me she doesn’t expect me to reply quickly. Best route with her is to speak in-person or call, text chats are worthless.

To me it all comes down to where you sit on their priority list. If you are exclusive with this woman then 24 hrs is ridiculous but if both of you are each other’s plates, I wouldn’t expect too much. She’s probably playing a few guys and can’t decide who she wants to pick.

 

[soulforge]

This is the kind of lesson that some guys MUST learn the hard-way, because it's the ONLY way they're going to learn it.

Any type of conversation no matter how "secure" or "masculine" or "bold" men think they are regarding the topic of why and how the woman replying back to them in a timely manner is "important" and "healthy" and yada yada, all have the same outlook in the eyes of the beholders aka the women as "THIS GUY IS ACTING WEAK, NEEDY, AND INSECURE" (At least on a subconscious level)

I agree with this... There are times when I feel like I need to tell a chick, hey you need to make a bigger effort at picking up your phone. But... It can be easily be perceived as weakness by her.

You have to ask the question, why is this grown azz woman who is claiming she wants a relationship, why is she herself not aware that good communication is a must for a healthy relationship.

The fact that she doesn't know or doesn't care, is enough to know, that that conversation is pointless.

The BEST thing to do, is MIRROR... She might get the message without even having to say a word... or... The relationship will fail, it's one or the other

 

[member160292]

But here? Early stages, 1-2 months? Non-exclusive?

I think waiting 24 hours is thoughtless and rude and I think it was intentional.

I mean it's an entire day and night. What the hell is she doing that she can't find 15 seconds to reply back?

OP is with the girl for 2 months, they are still banging. Not sure if it’s intentional on her end, but his best course of action would be to bring it up. I wouldn’t tolerate that long response time if my plates do it.

All this talk about mirroring her behavior is counter-productive. That’s just endless games and no one in their right mind should allow that to happen. Either she changes her behavior or she’s gone. Be direct with what you want if there are some things that bother you, like in the case with OP. Don’t play stupid mind games.