High IL at the beggining, then lowering - back up for a while or attack?

[Mad Banana]

ok I`m on this page since 2002, but got problems with my old account, password and email, anyway I got other issues in me to work on (being Adult Child of Alchocholics) but I`m getting better now and so I havent been asking for advices about specific girls so far, but this one is being too much for me lately, and damn it, I just need a second DJ opinion

to make is as short and essential as I can...:

we`v been dating for some time, but some of our meetings been not dates - I`m also teaching her english (amateur!!), and we both spend some time in front of our computers, so we have contact through things like ICQ comunicator, Skype (talking live) sms in mobile phones, etc - so its kinda different than typical phonecall-date-break...

anyway, at the begining she got high interest, was calling me a lot, sms, accepted all my ideas for meetings, and I could hear in her voice and see in her eyes she`s into me.

2 weeks ago she was in my place, we ended up massaging our bodies, I`v been evrywhere on her body with my hands, but I didn`t want to have sex with her that night (call me a freak!)

naxt day while drunk she told me (on ICQ) she wanted to have mad sex with me last night and that I have something in my touch that she needs, and drives her senses mad. nice.


so I was sure its only matter of time, might I add she is great girl, very interesting, the type I could spend rest of my life with


but a week ago things started do go not so well, first in the club while dancing she started to tell me that I dont have a rythm, I`m tense, etc, and it pissed me off and made me more tense lol

and on next few meetings with her things were well, just a little not smooth, sometimes tense, sometimes just not right - she was quiting smoking cigarets and felt really bad one day, I started massaging her hand, beck and neck and she told me to stop, that shes not in the mood for it, I`v massaged short while longer and stopped

it seems like lately she is not responding to me so good, and perhaps (damn it) sees me more as a friend - I dont know, I have a feeling I`v been trying too hard and made a few mistakes, and she feels like I want it more than she - but I can be wrong



anyway, my gut tells me to stop it for a while, dont initiate any contact, dont arrange any meetings, but I`v actually tried it few weeks ago as well, its a bit difficult as she is used to me being on my computer aviable at certain hours on ICQ, and another problem is I`m giving her english lessons so soon she will probably ask me for next lesson; anyway my gut tells me to slow down for a while, (well if I want to I can not be aviable for her) but my friend (and a part of me as well, lol) advice me to make a move, do something, go for it, be coragous... but maybe its scared afc in me who tries to know how things are fast, for all costs to be sure shes into it or not?

as I said, I never asked for such advice here, but this time I`m really loosing it. I`m ready to forget about her if I will have to not being me, and I wont take **** from her - but perhaps I`m still too soft... damn I just dont know, if you guys please have any ideas, can give me a helpfull hand in this one, give me outside opinion - it would be really appreaciated. If you want to know any important details, ask.

God damn thanks in advance!

 

[Damian]

I see the typical "hot and cold" woman strategy. Usually these are the attention seekers, that will give a good bunch of IOI's one day, but be cold the next day. If she's quitting smoking, that can be a huge psychological factor. Most people go through some pretty bad withdrawals, getting cranky, or having pains. My advice is to pull back a bit. Make yourself unavailable for a week or two and then reinitiate. Let her deal with her problems, but don't get dragged into her drama. Take some time off, go do whatever you do: work out, make money, hang out with your buddies. In fact, it wouldn't exactly be bad if you went out and hung out with some other girls. Just remember the fact that she's trying to deal with her own drama right now, but you need to remain stable.

-Damian

 

[Mad Banana]

Thanx - yeah, I try not to get too much into her dramas, as I`v learned its better often to wait something out - however:

-she tried quiting, but is somking again happily
-it seems like its getting slowly worse in last week or more...

but I do suspect it *can* be a strategy, she is a girl after all

but it can be also a lowering IL as well...

 

[Warlord]

Whenever a girl starts talking about sex in front of you, it could be good or bad depending on circumstances. If you are attracted to her, do not do anything or appear interested (or even think of anything good) but see it as bad. Girls *NEVER* make direct requests for sex unless they want to get a rise or trying to take advantage of you. The only kinda girls that do this genuinely are strippers, prostitutes, in that case then you shouldn't suspect anything. But if it's a girl you're attracted to, freeze put your hands up and get turn around.

 

[Mad Banana]

Its interesting, what you say - let me add some circumstances:

she told me it while drunk, and actually not told but written while chatting, and shortly asked if I didn`t felt it last night? (that she wanted to have sex) and well, I do belive I know her enough to see she was not lying (or is it my ego now telling me that, lol)

and some time earlier we chatted and talked about xex, needs, what we liked etc.


another, very important for me question:

sinc I LACK ane experience in this subject, tell me please, in your experience guys, if she indeed wanted to have wild sex with me two weeks ago, could she stop desiring me, after few meetings (not quire dates, damn english lessons etc in her house, with her parents around so nothing was possible anyway most of the time) but wnyway those few meetings were not that good, and I was tense and not expressing myself, too much thinking...

could she decided that she dont want me and sex anymore? and if so, can I get back on track if I`ll wait a bit and than start moving in?

 

[Mad Banana]

update/progress

Ok so I stopped talking/wrighting to her, but decided to not be cold and calculating - I just don`t feel the need to talk/contact/meet with her right now.

today she asked me via ICQ if I`m avoiding her, and when I got back home and read this message, she was no longer there so I replied in mail, shortly, that I wasnt home at the time.

she replied in mail:


I thought you were avoiding me
you become quiet
well,
me too actually

hmm

don`t you thing everything is transitorily/fragile/easly goes away (I`m not sure how to translate her on last word, but you got the idea)


well, what do you htink, is she softening already? is concerned and missing me somehow, would you say?

or she is giving up saying things are changing and good things are gone?

well, as for me I feel good, now I can see more clearly after giving myself break I feel I dont need her or any other girl for my happiness as a primery thing, thats a huge discovery in life for me, so I dont care - still if we can be together on MY terms and I will want it - hey, thats fine

so thanx guys, and if you could tell me if you think Im correctly understanding her reply, that`ll be nice!

you know, if you can tell me if you think I`m on the right track, that will be very helpfull