Hi. I'm new here and I have a problem.

[Redempti0n]

Hi guys.

First off I wanna say how amazed I am after reading through the bible. I've been doing / using so much of that sh!t without even knowing it , and now it makes so much sense to me it's amazing. My mind is simply blown.

But anyway,I'm a 20 yo college student that just ended his almost 3 year LTR at the beginning of this year with an awesome girl. Moved to college half a country away and in about 1 year of long distance **** , things started to change. Time spent with her when we could visit each-other was amazing, the rest was just torture.
Also she was my first "love" and sexual partner , and I hers.

We eventually decided to end it (and when I say we I mean her. She initiated the brake-up and I agreed with it). It made sense. We're both young and torturing ourselves with this **** distance is just wrong. + the LD thing couldn't change for another few years due to school and all that. Whatever,it's hard to explain so I hope you guys get the point.

Either way we decided to not talk for a few months. We did so only very rarely. Maybe a few back and forths / month. Most were initiated by her.

However,a few days ago we met up since I was in town and had a great time. She admitted to still having feelings for me , and I did the same.We also both agreed that although we miss each-other , neither of us misses the relationship. Well,she said she did , but I don't. I pointed out that I can't possibly put up with the LD again. She replied "I know , we'll raincheck on this next year , when I'll be moving to your city as well". She's planning to follow up her education here too.

It's just an awesome feeling to be able to openly admit our feelings to each other while not having to do with any awkwardness or anything , since we both know it's a no-go due to the LD thing. It's just...liberating. Really awesome feeling.




Ok so enough about that , on to my problem:

Back home I have an amazing social life. I have the best friends in the world. And I'm not even overselling this. But there's a huge downside to that. Because I love these motherfvckers so much , it's close to impossible to find any close friends here. Out of all the social groups I've been in and things I've done in my time spent at college , it just doesn't get nearly as awesome. I'd say that the best time I had here isn't even as good as the worst time I had at home. Something like that.

I envy my ex for still being there .

Also my major has to do with a lot of math , informatics , exact science stuff , and so , the guys are nerdy and boring and the girls are pretty scarce. The hot ones,at least. That might have something to do with my displeasure.


As far as my self image , I think of myself as good looking. My facial aesthetics aren't bad at all while my body is pretty solid since I actively make that iron my biatch 6 days / week.

I got a great sense of humor , am confident (some say too confident as they call me arrogant at times) , and I keep a cool wardrobe although I'm poor as fvck as a student. But you know,I do what I can.

So yeah...my social life seems to be bleeding pretty hard and I consider that to be the core of my lack of happiness. I'm thinking about learning cold-approach (that could prove a fun challenge) and use that to try and fix my problem. + ridding myself of social anxieties would be amazing.
I'm not really that good at meeting new people and I'd really love to be.



Sh1t , this was a way longer post than I intended. Hope someone will bother reading it at least. If you do read it , feel free to give me pointers , throw a tip my way , or simply lay a 'phuck you' on my ass. Whatever you feel like , I'm all ears.

 

[TheException]

You have to actually talk to people to create a new social circle. It doesnt matter if its a dude at the gym or kids in class. Just be friendly and strike up conversations. Most of the chicks i hook up with and date are through social circle game. My random approach game is usually when i go to bars drunk...its pretty easy. Just make a random comment to somebody, and start a conversation. I dont like the mentality of "picking up" a girl. Too much emphasis on outcome. Just go out and be friendly, you have to be the person that people want to be around.

 

[Gunner26]

Well first off, props on being happy with yourself. Your outlook on life seems pretty solid, and the determination you show to the gym is excellent.

I think it's a good thing you're not tied down with this girl anymore. College/Uni is not for relaionships in my opinion, like me you're still young and besides the actual work I don't think college should be too serious, just have fun.

I understnd what you mean about one of your social circles being much more fun than the other. I had his problem, except the other way around, my uni social cirlce is much better than my hometown one. The best way to get over this is just to try and meet new people, which should be easier at a college town, as there are alot more people your age and in the same situation, in that they are looking for cool new people to meet.

Besides gym whatelse do you actually do for fun? Are there any clubs/societies you can join, that would be a good place to find more exciting people and create a better social circle.

Hope this helps a little.

Gunner

 

[Redempti0n]

As far as I'm concerned there really is no proper period for anything, only proper people.


Throughout my life I've met a lot of cool people. Even more great people. But only 3 truly amazing ones. Two of them are my best bros , the other is my ex.


I do understand your point however.


Other than the occasional night out I don't really do much else in the uni town. Most of my friends here are quite introverted and prefer to spend their days playing video games.Which..you know , I'm trying to get out of the habit of judging people ,but they could do so much more. Most haven't even kissed a girl in their life. I don't know how they expect to manage that by sitting on their asses all day.

I will definitely look into clubs and societies. Seems a great idea.

 

[Gunner26]

As far as I'm concerned there really is no proper period for anything, only proper people.

I respect that outlook, however it's just not for me, not least at uni anyway. I also understand your view regarding your ex. Not to be mean or anything, but just think about if she really is as amazing as your other bro's, surely you would have still tried to make it work, regardless of the 'torture' of being so far apart?

Just an observation, I'm not exactly experienced in this area.

With the friends though, I do know what you mean. If they enjoy video games, they enjoy video games. I bet they're into films and stuff as well, so maybe try and convince some of them to join a film group with you if you think it might help make them come out of their shell some more, that is, if you want to put the effort in and see these guys become more the type of people you want to hang with.

If not, as I said join some societies that you yourself are interested in and make new friends. Keep in contact with your video game friends, even invite them out with your new social circle if you feel like it. You'd be surprised how they might change given new people and influences.

Essentially what I'm getting at is: if you want a new social circle then go out and get one by doing activities you enjoy and saying hi to everybody who will listen, and if you want to try and help your current friendship group out, don't compleltly abandon them once you have made new friends.

Gunner

 

[Redempti0n]

I respect that outlook, however it's just not for me, not least at uni anyway. I also understand your view regarding your ex. Not to be mean or anything, but just think about if she really is as amazing as your other bro's, surely you would have still tried to make it work, regardless of the 'torture' of being so far apart?

It's hard to explain. My parents are busting their asses to afford my education , and her family's financial situation is by no means brighter. Great efforts had to be made so we could meet in person. That means 2 days every 5-6 weeks. 2 days out of 40.

The torture is skyping with her, seeing her face on my laptop screen ,inches away , and knowing that it will be another 30+ days until I can actually reach out and touch it. (yes,I realize it sounds gay as fvck. But after seeing each other on a daily basis for a few years , this is what happens when sh!t suddenly changes to such extremes.)

It was unbearable and it was affecting us both. Love isn't innocent and pure. Time and distance will stomp all over it. So in a way , ending it , is the way we made it work.

With the friends though, I do know what you mean. If they enjoy video games, they enjoy video games. I bet they're into films and stuff as well, so maybe try and convince some of them to join a film group with you if you think it might help make them come out of their shell some more, that is, if you want to put the effort in and see these guys become more the type of people you want to hang with.

If not, as I said join some societies that you yourself are interested in and make new friends. Keep in contact with your video game friends, even invite them out with your new social circle if you feel like it. You'd be surprised how they might change given new people and influences.

Essentially what I'm getting at is: if you want a new social circle then go out and get one by doing activities you enjoy and saying hi to everybody who will listen, and if you want to try and help your current friendship group out, don't compleltly abandon them once you have made new friends.

Gunner

I'm not very fond of trying to help people in delicate matters as these. As you might know there are a very few that can control their ego and be open to learn.

But yeah, you're quite right.I try not to isolate people out of my life and always keep contact with every old friend.

 

[Gunner26]

I really can't imagine what you're going through then haha. I don't think I've ever felt that strongly towards somebody in my life, so it's pointless me giving any more advice on the situation, other than to say I think it might be beneficial to try seeing other people, just to make sure that your reasons for digging this girl so much are valid.

I do understand the friends thing though, and that's fair enough, it can be difficult to help out those who don't wish to learn, or do not think there is anything particularly 'wrong' with them. As I say it was just an idea.

On another note, if they are doing the same sort of degree as yourself, it might be a good idea to keep them around, just because they may be able to assist you in getting a job/career after you've finished your studies.

Gunner

 

[Redempti0n]

Nah man ,don't worry. It's not a case of oneitis . The reasons are there. And yes, ofcourse I'm trying to see other people .



Appreciate your replies.