Hi guys

[ssj245]

Hi guys, this is my first post and I love all the material that is on this board, so I decided to post a question after doing some reading.

My question relates to how you guys spend your time. I've read that a DJ spends his time in the most productive maner.

Most of my day's are spent going to college and then maybe going out once on the weekend to my friends house or the movies with my brother. I have one good friend whom I spend most of my time with.

I've made up my mind and there are a few things that I would like to start doing.

-Working out - Build's the body and confidence
-Clubbing - A Good social outting (No one to go with=problem)
-Find a Job - Income and Experience
-Join some Special Intrest groups in my College or my city (NYC)

I also live in NYC, and there are so many places to explore, I've made up my mind to go out whenever I can to new places like jazz clubs or comedy clubs or bistoro's. I think I can use my free time to explore the city.


So how do you guys spend your time?

 

[ssj245]

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[mastersF]

basically focus on doing things that you like doing, and that of course should not include women. keep yourself fit and lead a meaningful life.

 

[ssj245]

hm..

yes but could you be more specific please.

Like maybe give me some examples from your life.

This way I can get some ideas.

Thanks

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Re: hm..

Originally posted by ssj245
yes but could you be more specific please.

Like maybe give me some examples from your life.

This way I can get some ideas.

Thanks

This is something that you actually have to find out for yourself. We do not know the kinds of things you like; only you do. And if you don't know if you like something or not, try it out and see--worst comes to worst, you'll find out that you didn't like doing whatever it is that you've tried.

Basically, do what you want to do, when you want to do it. This, obviously, takes place outside of work. Work is something I have to do--no choice in that matter--but afterwards, I do what I want. And I am an extremely happy person. Some nights, I'll shoot pool, other nights, I'll go dancing; sometimes, I'll just sit, drink, and converse, and yet even other times, I'll stay at home and REST. But that's just me--you, and only you, and decide what it is that you like to do.

 

[Eccentric]

If you're in college...

Attend class during the day. Hit the gym after. Go home, take a shower and meet up with some buddies for a bit to eat.

Night should still be young. Do you want to meet ladies, or relax and play some games?

Maybe every other weekend, host a small party at your place. Dont invite ****heads. Have a great time with people you know, meet some new people. In return you get invited to their parties.

Doenst matter as long as youre happy.

 

[ssj245]

No

No, Im not happy doing what I am doing so far. Actually it makes me quite unhappy. But im slowly trying to change that.

My daily routine has me going to college and then I coming home to rest. It gets kind of boring indeed. Then on weekends I go out once.

But what Im looking for is some more fun nights, going into the city with a couple of guys and hitting up the clubs or getting together at the Frat house and having a few.

But whats most important its not what I do, but how its done and who I do it with.

For example, I usually play pool with my friend and play it for awhile and go back to his house to play some poker. Thats how most of my weekends are spent. Pretty simple, casual and relaxed evening.

Yet I dont really like doing it that much, but I still do because I dont really have much of a choice. I have a limited amount of freinds so I feel like Im kind of forced into it, like I either can sit at home by myself or go hang out with the one good friend I have. He doesnt like to go clubbing.

But I have a certain friend, who Im not that close with but I hang out with maybe once in a while once every 3 months, and he will usually take me to the city (NYC) to the Frat house, and while we wait for everyone and drink a few beer's and some random girls happen to walk in, there from another sorority. Its a really good atmosphere. Afterwards we hit the city and we walk to some clubs and party the whole night. Im meeting new people the whole night.

I like the second scenario much better.

Only problem now is that the guys who are in the Frat that I hang out with, Im not that close with. There the "cool" type, and thats the only way I know how to describe it, they love to party and are quite outgoing and fun to be around.

But I usually have trouble making friends we these kinds of people. I feel like I usually say something dumb, or nothing that interesting. Like I never get to the point where I'm buddy buddy with these type of guys. I noticed that I tend to feel uncomfortable around these type of people even though I like there personalities.

I've tried making some new friends in college, who are also fun loving and outgoing and who like to party, but same story, I never get close with them.

Im in a tough spot

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Re: No

Originally posted by ssj245
No, Im not happy doing what I am doing so far. Actually it makes me quite unhappy. But im slowly trying to change that.

My daily routine has me going to college and then I coming home to rest. It gets kind of boring indeed. Then on weekends I go out once.

But what Im looking for is some more fun nights, going into the city with a couple of guys and hitting up the clubs or getting together at the Frat house and having a few. I'll tell you about the Frat house situation, in a minute.

But whats most important its not what I do, but how its done and who I do it with.

For example, I usually play pool with my friend and play it for awhile and go back to his house to play some poker. Thats how most of my weekends are spent. Pretty simple, casual and relaxed evening. Yet I dont really like doing it that much, but I still do because I dont really have much of a choice. I have a limited amount of freinds so I feel like Im kind of forced into it, like I either can sit at home by myself or go hang out with the one good friend I have. He doesnt like to go clubbing.

But I have a certain friend, who Im not that close with but I hang out with maybe once in a while once every 3 months, and he will usually take me to the city (NYC) to the Frat house, and while we wait for everyone and drink a few beer's and some random girls happen to walk in, there from another sorority. Its a really good atmosphere. Afterwards we hit the city and we walk to some clubs and party the whole night.

I like the second scenario the clubbing its much better.

Only problem is that the guys who are in the Frat that I hang out with, Im not that close with. There the "cool" type, thats the only way I know how to describe it, they love to party and are quite outgoing and fun to be around. But I usually have trouble making friends we these kinds of people. I feel like I usually say something dumb, or nothing that interesting. Like I never get to the point where I'm buddy buddy with these type of guys. I noticed that I tend to not feel comfortable around these type of people even though I like there personalities.

I've tried making some new friends in college, who are also fun loving and outgoing and who like to party, but same story, I never get close with them.

Im in a tough spot

The friend that you play poker with--how about you get him to agree to change your routine every once in a while and head to a club. Here's the catch with that, though--you will only have fun if you don't think about it--and you will only meet people if you talk to them. In other words,l have fun, and be outspoken, and outgoing.

I used to think all the time when I was in a club/bar--not anymore. I have a smile on all the time, and I never think. Last night, in fact--at one place I was at, there was a cute girl; I opened her, she was cordial, and bailed (I got rejected)--Guess what--I said oh well, it didn't matter anyway, because I was still able to flirt with the bartenders before I checked out another place. Way back when, that girl that rejected me wouln't ahve even had the chance, because she did exactly what I would have thought she would have done. Rejection doesn't hurt; it's not attempting that hurts.

 

[ssj245]

hmm...

"you will only have fun if you don't think about it--and you will only meet people if you talk to them"

Im not sure I understand what you mean, what dont you think about anymore?

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

What I will feel like if I get rejected. I got rejected, both coldy and not-so-coldly tonight, and you know what--I loved it.

And you can't expect people to come up and talk to you, you have to go up and talk to them, otherwise yo won't meet anyone.

 

[ssj245]

hm..

Does everyone feel okay about rejection?

For some people its hard to take rejection, and they dont take it too well.

Do most people feel like you do about rejection?

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Re: hm..

Originally posted by ssj245
Does everyone feel okay about rejection?

For some people its hard to take rejection, and they dont take it too well.

Do most people feel like you do about rejection?

Until I experienced rejection the way I have recently, I was always deathly afraid of it, which cause me to think too much. How the hell am I supposed to know if most people feel the same way that I do.

The only way you'll know how you feel about rejection is to get out in the field, and away from your computer.

With each rejection, you learn something. With my initial rejections, I realized that I needed work with my transitions. I still need a little work, but I'm better than I've been, and I'm constantly improving. Check my fr out here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92811

One other thing that I like to do is go to one bar, and sit at the bar beside where the customers and ****tail waitreess order their drinks from the bartender. This does a couple of things:

It enables you to meet some people (maybe)--and
It allows you to get your voice going so that you are confident with it when you approach someone.

Here's what you need to do:

1. Get away from the computer
2. Get out in the field
3. Aim for rejections (it's not that bad, and not nearly as bad as doing nothing)
4. Don't leave your venue until you have been rejected at least 5 times (other people say 10)--and I say 10 if you're in a big club. I live in a small town.

Furthermore, some of the rejections I've gotten lately have been the polite kind (no answer/no call-back), but I have also been coldly rejected--I laugh at those, because to me, it's their loss, not mine.

In fact, I was talking to a chic last night in the first bar I went to--she was cordial at first, but in the middle of me saying something, she turned around and went to her table. It was funny to me, and I still had a good night.

Good luck

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

I wanted to add something to my previous post:

Here's something that has helped me out tremendously:

At any shop/food joing/department store, they have female cashiers:

Talk to them. I love starbucks, and I go in there quite a bit--I talk to them--don't even know their name, but it's a good warm-up, no matter what time of day it is.

Any kind of store where there is a female worker, just chat them up--remember, it's good practice because they get paid to help you. That may be a bad way to look at it, so look at it this way:

You are just warming up, and getting practice, so it benefits both you and her:

Her, because she gets to enjoy your company, and you, because you know you're going somewhere with this, just not with her.

Chat with bartenders, waitresses, cashiers, anyone you come into contact with, guys and girls, and you might want to think about doing the bootcamp, too. I didn't get through the whole thing, because I was interested in a girl, and only one girl, and it was going good, then bad, I ended it, and here I am, back and better than before.

So, I look forward to seeing some of your field reports--get out there, and good luck.

 

[ssj245]

Well hm..

Well Im too young to go to a Bar. I would have to go to a club that is 18 to enter 21 to drink. This way I can at least sit at the bar but not buy anything, like you said.

Well I've tried doing some random attempts, here and there, only after my friends pushed me and dared me, or I forced myself.

I tried to open up a girl at the movie theather and I just asked her what movie would be good to watch since I hadnt kept up with what was out. Its a good excuse to start chit chat. But I remember the fear that I had. Just before asking I spent about Ten minutes asking myself if I should, or If I would look stupid and I asked all sorts of questions to myself, in the end I did. But it was very uncomfortable, very nerve racking indeed.

I am deathly afraid of rejection just like you said you were. I think I really dont have much confidence and maybe a low self esteem, thats why approaches are so difficult for me.

So a while back I decided I was going to work on my self confidence and self esteem. So I went out and bought new clothes and fixed my image. But I still felt bad about myself, I looked confident on the outside but I felt bad and insecure about myself on the inside.

I guess when you have a low self esteem, and confidence you dont feel worthy and 'good enough' to make or start random conversation. Then when actually do get into a conversation you tend to worry and think and over analize the conversation, and when your nervous your mind never functions and gets flooded and clouded.

I also think that when your in a position to approach, you mostly fear the worse happening, like people laughing at you or walking away from you.

So It then depends on how well you take it, like if people or a girl was to start laughing at me, I would feel really bad about myself. I know my self confidence would take a hit and It would feel bad. So I think those with confidence also know how to protect it really well also.

Im having trouble raising my self confidence and self esteem by myself. I've realized that there no magic words that I can say, that will raise my self confidence. I actually have to go out and do things.
But most of the things that people recommend are scary to start with.

 

[ssj245]

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