Hi guys! I’m back after 22 years!

[JBagz]

Damn OP. You're living my nightmare, hence why I (smartly) never married.

But, the solution is clear:

If you say you cannot stand even being around her anymore, she's overweight, "threatens" you with divorce, etc. etc. then you need to take ACTION rather than just treading water.

The first thing you need to do is make an appointment with a divorce lawyer. Come prepared will all financial information--everything. Get the 100% full picture of what would likely happen if you filed for divorce financially and custody-wise. Get 100% CLEAR. Then, I would weigh your options. You know this won't just get better on its own and she will not change her habits and behavior. There is HUGE incentive and payouts for women to file for divorce today hence her threats. If you want your unabated freedom, which no one can put a price on, you may have to take the financial hit just to get out of a bad situation.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

Great advice, yes planning on talking to a lawyer in the near future. No you can’t put a price on freedom!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Unpopular comment: Minority women immersed in western culture will have an extra dose of disagreeability due to their insecurity and irritation of not being white and getting the (perceived) treatment white women get.

 

[JBagz]

OP, This is a tough situation, especially for the kids (at that age), it always affects them in adverse ways. Hard to weigh out your children's best interest and your own state of happiness, hope you make the best decisions.

That said, this list that TIS posted is pretty solid, but should come with some warnings.



I went thru a brutal divorce & vicious coparenting situation for many years, so I'll just share from my experience. 1,3, & especially 4 stand out to me.

1-Lawyers can be the biggest $$$ suck in the whole equations, be careful in choosing and the amount of use. Best to learn about the legal process and be able to file things yourself, as I had to do when the $$ ran out after the 2nd court case, I had 6 divorce court dates.

3-Get a safe, put it in a secure location, and store away as much undocumented cash money as you can. Thinking you can rebound from a divorce quickly is naive to say the least, they're gonna take half of everything, then you'll have to pay alimony & child support. You're going to need it.

4-Parental alienation (this is a big one), you know your partner better than anyone here, is she the type that will hold that grudge for many years?, will she use those kids as a weapon against you? Try to relocate far away to put distance between and your kids? Will her overall hatred bleed into an environment that fosters contempt for you from your own children? Keep in mind that parental alienation sometimes leads to complete estrangement from your kids.

Sorry to be so gloom & doom about things but I've been thru it, and my situation was a worst case scenario. I suffered for many years and was left with a life that was not what I envisioned at this stage in my life.

If you can salvage your relationship thru psychology, counseling or dread game, by all means, but if it's at the point of no return, be strong, cause it's a tough road thru the divorce court system.

Great insight, I really appreciate your contribution having been through it. There is definitely some moving parts and I realize I need to cover my bases. Thanks and hope all is well with you and your kids.

 

[LucianoM]

"I cant stand being around her", they aint no coming back from thoughts like that. If you still look good then divorce her ass and rebuild. The sooner you start, the better.

 

[JBagz]

Unpopular comment: Minority women immersed in western culture will have an extra dose of disagreeability due to their insecurity and irritation of not being white and getting the (perceived) treatment white women get.

Western feminism is a disease.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Great advice, yes planning on talking to a lawyer in the near future.

Talk to all of them. The first visit is free, and after that, they can't work for her later.

 

[SW15]

Congratulations on ascending, even if it turned sour. I guess your situation is like Rollo Tomassi saying that you always need to play game, even when you're married. I would say just fool around on her, and when she finds out, just let her divorce you.

Rollo's comment there is accurate. I do think a lot of people tend to get complacent in their LTRs. This is a problem for both men and women.

I think he needs to leave today. Getting rid of her is what he needs to do. Why fool around on her and stay married when he can have freedom to do whatever he wants as a divorcee? There's no point to staying around any longer in a decayed relationship.

Unpopular comment: Minority women immersed in western culture will have an extra dose of disagreeability due to their insecurity and irritation of not being white and getting the (perceived) treatment white women get.

This comment has value because White women are the most pursued women. I can see your line of thinking behind this comment even though I don't fully agree with it.

Can’t stand being around her anymore.

you can’t put a price on freedom!

Freedom is awesome. I have lived a freedom oriented lifestyle for my entire adult life. Since you can't stand being around her, you need to leave. It seems like you've decided to leave.

You're living my nightmare, hence why I (smartly) never married.

I never married either. It seems to be a smart move for me as well. There are fewer benefits to be married in the United States than there were many decades ago. The typical marriage of the 2010s-present also has less sex in it than the marriages in the 1980s.

I would not want to deal with anything that @JBagz is dealing with right now.

The first thing you need to do is make an appointment with a divorce lawyer. Come prepared will all financial information--everything.

Yes, @JBagz needs to leave and he realizes that. It's good to get the lawyers involved now.

 

[Focal core]

Few times sex a year a good indication shes doing other man.. bail asap!!