Hey Slickster...

[Genghis Juan]

Hey Master Don Juans...Thanks

Since I've been on this site lurking and posting, I just wanna say that you always seem to give the best advice. After awhile, you can generally tell one someone's advice is just someone "blowing their horn" and when its REAL, and yours is definetly real.

Slickster, I just wanted to ask you about your past. How did you evolve? Were you AFC at one time? What were some of your worst experiences with women and what did you learn from them? If you were AFC or just inexperienced, how long did it take you to ramp up the skills?

I know this post sounds kind of girly and gay but I'm just trying to learn thats all.

Actually, I made a new friend at grad school who's about my age, and he's always hooking up with poon-tang and great at the bar scene. We're probably going out on the prowl after Turkey day and I'm going to try to learn from him. I've never been that good at the bar scene.

I just wanted to say that I am still not that great at dating itself, but I'm learning anyways, but I want to get "out there" more and learn. Can I just tell you really quickly about my last experience?

Went on 3 dates with a 34yo. She wasn't that hot, she was Def. hot when she was in her 20's though. But the first date I was uptight because she wasn't as good looking and she was older than I thought. So while she was talking to me, my wheels were rolling too much (should I see her again or not?). I probably came across as a bore or too serious.

The next 2 dates were long and went well with her ambushing ME twice (never happened to me this early before ). But she eventually cut me off because she met someone just b4 our last date that she felt she "connected" better with. I also know for a fact that our age difference was a concern for her.

My dad (who I suspect is a former DJ from Italy) was pissed off at me after the first date. He couldn't believe that I just wanted to flake on her after the 1st date just because I wasn't that into her. He was just like, "just go out with her and have fun! what are you looking for a wife?!" Kind of pathetic, but I should have just focused on having fun. She never got a chance to see my real personality you know? I really feel its her loss, but I think I kind of shot myself in the foot. So I'm pissed that a guy one-uped me you know?

Live and learn. I only dated in freshman year of college, but as you know hooking up with girls in the dorms is a little different. After that either I had a GF or I didn't, so I didn't DATE alot. This year I've dated more than I ever have.

Anyways, thanks for the useful insights Slickster.

 

[Genghis Juan]

Actually...

This is also to all those veterans who have been giving good advice and tolerating my goofy posts. Slickster is just one of many who provided invaluable advice along with, Water Tiger, CLOONEY, PRL, TCU, and some others I probably forgot. I just want to thank you guys for giving me all that advice and tolerating my, sometimes pathetic posts.

Slickster, you don't have to answer my stupid questions.

I know that things haven't been panning out quite the way I want them in the dating scene, but I feel so internally positive and hungry to learn. I analyzed my mistakes and I want another go with a new girl to practice on. Sure, with the most recent girl, I feel like I got kind of kicked in the noggin for her chosing another guy, but after this interaction, I feel more confident that there will be another girl around the corner. In the past, I would have felt I was alone and abandoned. Now I realize that its just the odds that things in dating may not work out, its just dating.

Have you guys noticed, that (if at first dating bothered you) as you went along, with each subsequent flake out or kick in the ballz, you felt less pain and needed less recovery time to get over it?

The girl I just dated was 34yo, a doctor, but she was about a 6 when she could go for a 7 if she dressed up. There is no reason for me to feel F'ed up cuz she found someone else she clicked with better. Its her loss.

Over the past semester at grad school, I've made a few new friends, who are more outgoing and confident. In the past I would make friends with introvert loners. I could see one of my new friends as a DJ mentor to me.

I know I've only dated a handful of girls this year, so far. Pathetic as it may sound to some of you, its an achievement for me, and I looking forward to really ramping it up.

A HOT babe in my class recently invited me to her girlfriend's party. I am REALLY excited becuase this is a great opportunity to bring actuall hot girls in my social circle - something I'd never dream of just a few years ago. We're also going on a trip to Europe together for a class.

A few years ago, an HB8, the best looking girl at work, dropped me a hint to go out, and I didn't react because I though she was out of my league! Pathetic, but you can see I have come along way. However, my expectations are very high, and I expect to continue to evolve and move up alot more. I'm still nowhere near where I expect to eventually be.

This summer, I read a citation for my cousin's wedding in front of 300 people, again, something I'd never dreamed of doing. From practicing presentations all the time at B school, I became great at it, and people still compliment me on it today.

I know these boards may sound mundane to the veterans after awhile, but I am working on it and evolving. Your advice and this site really does work. I just wanted to post something positive and thank you guys. I don't know who the F you guys really are, or he the hell started this site but really is beginning to change my life.

 

[Slickster]

Yo Genghis

Thanks for the kind words.

I do have a response coming Its just that I'm sick with the flu right now. I tried typing out a bit today but just couldn't keep it together.

I look forward to some good discussions in the future friend.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Genghis I’m feeling a bit better today.

I never really thought much about my evolution you know. When I think back, I realize it really happened when I was quite young. I definitely was a “geek” back in school for a few years. I don’t know if I was really a raging AFC though. I always kind of had girlfriends etc. they were just kinda geeky too. Those early teenage school years can be really tough. Kids get labelled “geek” or “cool” based on some harsh criteria. I was labelled a geek because I wore glasses and really hadn’t formed a fashion sense yet. My overactive imagination didn’t allow me to worry about such silliness. Sadly, these labels can sometimes stick with a guy or at least affect him for much of his adult life. Something that sticks in my mind from those days is something that my cousin Roddy told me. He was probably in his mid twenties at the time and he was visiting our family one summer. He had been hearing me call some other kids “nerds” or “losers” or something like that. He grabbed my arm and told me never to do that. “They’re just people like you and me.” He said. “Don’t judge them like that.”

In a strange way that simple little lesson really changed my whole life. I began treating people differently. With respect. What I learned early on is that when you give respect you get it back in spades.

I ended up switching schools when my father’s work took us to a new city. I showed up at school the first day with a new look and a new attitude. It was the weirdest thing being anonymous in a new school. I “played” the role of a “cool” kid. I wore the right clothes and bluffed my way into the “in” crowd. I started playing sports and getting involved with different things and suddenly I was the geek walking around in the jocks body. It took me a while to figure it out but I ended up taking a Leap of Faith in my own mind. I started believing more and more that I WAS one of the cool kids. It wasn’t easy because in every social situation my nerdy, shy, self-conscious inner self was screaming at me. What got me through it all was a “Don’t give a Fawk what anybody thinks” attitude and a mantra that has stuck with me to this day. “Anything for a laugh” is something I constantly repeated to myself. I challenged myself to do crazy shyt all the time trying to get a reaction or laughter out of people. One day I showed up at school wearing a big band-aid across the middle of my forehead and told chicks that I was playing darts with my Dad and he stuck one right into my head. People laughed like crazy but I loved it. I still do crazy stuff like this all the time. Unknowingly I was learning that one of the most attractive attributes a person can have is the ability to laugh at himself. By attracting all this attention to myself in a time where most people are just trying to blend into the crowd I became the Alpha male all by accident. I was very popular and dated the hottest chicks in school yet all along I still made time to keep friendships with the not so popular crowd. I was voted Valedictorian for my grad class. Whereas two years earlier at my old school I was a pimple faced geek with glasses who was made fun of and bullied.

So from my youth I learned:

1. If things aren’t working in one location. Switch.

2. Don’t ever give a shyt what other people think about you.

3. Learn to laugh at yourself. Don’t be afraid of those moments when everyone is laughing at you. Laugh with them. Do something even more stupid to make them laugh harder. They’ll love you for it.

4. Most of all, treat everyone with respect.

Seems funny talking about all this stuff from way back but think about how many grown adults you know that still don’t have this shyt figured out yet. I'm sure we're all guilty at times.

Over the years I’ve had some hot women in my life. Lots of flings. Lots of LTR’s. Most ended friendly. I’ve been screwed over plenty of times by women. Which is why I ended up here. We’ve ALL been frustrated by women before. We’ve all had our AFC moments. My journey through Sosuave has been different than most I think. When I started learning and testing the things I’ve learned here it wasn’t out of desperation or the need of women at all. I’d already had my share and there are always more options.

I spent about a year or so doing my own personal BootCamp. I became a Technique Freak. What I found was that all the techniques DO work but only when you apply them sub-consciously. If you are trying to use a technique or even thinking about one it just doesn’t work too well. Nowadays during interactions with chicks I’ll think to myself “Hey I learned that on Sosuave”. I did it, but I never even thought about it. It just happens over time.

The most important thing I learned thru my BootCamp was to brush up on my social skills. That’s really what this place is all about. I would approach strangers all the time. Just for the challenge of it. Much like my school days when I challenged myself to do crazy shyt. It had nothing to do with chicks or scoring either so there would be no pressure. I’d be sitting at a table in a pub with some friends and see some people at another table and I’d just go over and sit with them and strike up a conversation. My friends would say "how do you know those people." I’d say "I don’t I just met them" and they'd give me a funny look. Its the kind of thing you can do almost anywhere and it is going to help you the most when it comes to meeting new women. Its stuff like this that gives you the skills. Hell, these ARE the skills. Its good to be aware of the techniques but its good ol’ fashion friendliness and social skills that go the furthest. I’ve never had to be jerk or a bad boy to get women.

Something I've also noticed. ****y works sometimes, with some women. Funny always works with everyone. Know the difference and choose your moments.

When it came down to approaching women I did it just as before. There was no pressure because I had no agenda. I wasn’t trying to score. I just did it as a challenge to myself to see if I could. I met a lot of women, got a lot of numbers and dates too. The lack of agenda is what I believe gave me so much success. I would take a chick on a really fun date then drop her off afterwards and just say, “Thanks for a great time. I’ll talk to you soon.” It drove them crazy and many of them told me so later. They didn’t have a clue whether I liked them or not. If I saw them more than once I wouldn’t make any moves or advances early on. By the time I did they were dying for me to kiss them or sex them and they let me know it too. Not having an agenda to get laid or find a girlfriend is the key. You go from chasing women to being chased by women. It’s as simple as that.

Without an agenda you also rid yourself of rejection. If a chick doesn't want to give you her number or go on a date - Oh well.
Its hard to feel rejected when you were truly just being friendly.

My goal wasn’t to be a master seducer who could walk into any place and take what he wanted. (It happens sometimes but its not the norm. ) I didn’t want to chase women at bars or clubs. I didn’t want to worry about picking up women at all. Instead I wanted to build myself a harem. I wanted to be chased and desired by many. Its still seduction but it takes more time and patience. You build a large social circle, treat EVERYONE with respect, spend time dating and doing new, fun, and interesting things with your dates. Eventually it happens.

Nowadays, I might not be the guy who can leave the club with a new chick EVERY night but I have a sizeable list of interested women as options. In fact I don't have time to chase women.

So there's my journey so far hopefully it helps.

This response got too long so I had to split it up.

to be continued....

 

[Slickster]

Well here's a bit more....

If I had to write a list of things I’ve learned throughout my experiences with women it would go like this.

1. Never stay with a chick longer than you want to. Not even for sex. If you’re not feeling the right vibe or connection then tell her exactly that. Do it kindly. Never stay with a chick out of sympathy or fear of hurting her. You’re not doing anyone any favors.

2. Don’t cheat on girlfriends. People always eventually find out and respect for you goes down. Which in turn adversely affects your own self-image.

3. Those super hot flashy chicks (the kind you see at the bar) that all the guys drool over are a waste of freaking time and energy. Looks wear off real quick when you actually have to deal with someone on a daily basis. Their only agenda is male attention . Don’t be her tool. Its sad.

4. Every guy walks a fine line. When you have a girlfriend you’ll wish you were a player. When you are a player you wish you could just meet a good quality girl to settle with. Grass is always greener and Human Nature can really screw with your life sometimes. Remember, whether you’re dumping your gf to go play or you are dumping your ho for a girlfriend, do it with respect. It helps in the future when they come 'round again if you know what I'm saying. Also, break ups can sometimes get "publicized". You never want any bad press. Do it with class. This helps any future chances you may have with your ex's friends.

5. Long distance relationships don’t work. Why bother.

6. Don’t screw chicks you work with - ever. Don’t screw chicks you live with unless you are wanting a relationship out of the whole thing. If you are living with multiple women and you begin screwing one or more of them things always end up getting weird. Avoid this situation unless you plan on changing your living arrangements in the near future. You and your once fvckbuddy may find yourselves without roomates and presto! you've found yourself a live-in girlfriend. Yikes.

7. When it comes to women, actions always speak louder than words. She’ll tell you she loves you right to your face and dump you the very next day.

8. The "Friendzone" is only bad when you have an agenda and she just wants to be friends. Lose the agenda and being friends is a great way to build attraction and a harem.

9. Chicks love drama. When she’s acting up, put a stop to it immediately. If it keeps happening then move on. Don’t ever let women like this get you worked up. Stay calm, cool, and collected. Always.

10. You always end up idolizing the ones that got away. You forget her faults and only remember the good stuff. Don’t fcuk up your life or what you have now because of it. She’s not there for a reason. You simply forgot why.

11. Unless she's done something particularly evil then there is no such thing as "nexting". If she loses interest or things go sour then put her at the bottom of your list of "potentials". Anything can happen in the future so don't burn any bridges by getting angry or overly sentimental. You may cross paths again in the future and remember she has friends. Just move on. "Nexting" is for boys who can't deal with their shattered egos.

12. Don’t ever let a woman bring you down. If you’re feeling down don’t blame her. Don’t blame society for making her that way. Blame yourself. They’re flighty, fickle, emotional creatures and you damn well knew that before you got involved with one. Learn how to deal with it and love them anyway.


Well Genghis I’m sure there’s nothing new here for ya bro. Deep down you know all this stuff I've been preaching. You even probably knew it before you came to Sosuave. The trick is actually applying it to your life.

What I get from your posts though is a refreshing sense of enthusiasm. You're definitely on the right track. Just remember the older you get the better you get. I’m 32 right now and with experience and knowledge from Sosuave I see and understand things that I was blind to only a short while ago. Patience. Opportunities come and go. Try not to dwell on the ones you missed.

If you are still not where you want to be yet then keep going. One step at a time. A thousand mile journey starts with one step. (or some other crap like that )

 

[stevera004]

Thanks Slickster. It's posts like that which keep me coming back. Kudos.

 

[Genghis Juan]

Thanks.

Slickster,

I see a few parallels between your life and mine. When I was in Junior High, I was the class clown. I was very outgoing and making everyone laugh. However, HS came along and I was labelled as a geek mainly because of the glasses that I wore. So at that time my confidence was lost and I sort of closed myself up. Although my mother's single friend couldn't understand why all the girls in school weren't all over me. I guess she had the wisdom to see around the coke bottles I wore.

Then in college, I wore contact lenses and realized that I was a damn good looking guy. Hooking up with girls was fairly easy and I regained my confidence. Later on in college I got a GF, and we had an LTR for about a year. However, the next challenge and obstacle to overcome in my life was making itself apparent: Hair loss. Once again, like I did in HS, I began to lose my confidence and slowly closed up. My GF dumped me right around graduation time. The year after graduation, as I looked for a job, which is difficult for a Chemical Engineering major, I was down in the dumps.

Nevertheless, I began to recover, got a job as an inside sales engineer and got a new GF. Went into the gym everyday and got a six pack. However, the hair loss was still lingering on my mind, but slowly it bothered me less.

The other obstacle that became obvious to me was the dearth of jobs for chemical engineers where I live (Boston). I didn't want to move to the rural deep south and work for a petro company. Not the kind of enviornment for me - I like the city. So I enrolled in an evening MBA program at one of the top regional business schools in the country.

Just before I left my first job to work for a major pharma company as a chemist (where they would pay for my $55,000 MBA), the hottest girl in the department dropped me a line that said - "lets keep in touch". I never responded because I was intimidated and thought she was too good-looking for me. Her ex, was this bulked up and damn good looking guy, I thought, "now she's interested in me?!"

What I didn't realize, now that I think back, was I did exactly as you said when talking to her, I had no agenda. I was simply striking up conversation to pass the time. Bingo!

I ended my second LTR after two years (part of which was an LDR), because I found myself just not too attracted to her and we weren't that compatible. I would have been settling and she wanted to get married.

Then I discovered this site, once after a haitus from girls, and the clouds began to part.

Slowly, since i was losing my hair, I cut my hair shorter and shorter until I began to shave it or at least leave it really short. I have yet to get a professional opinion on it, but I have a good shape for it and olive skin that can tan well once I have the time. And in one of life's funny coincidences, the "shaved head" look is not only accepted, but consider HOT by alot of women (if it looks good on the guy of course).

Next spring I will graduate with my MBA and begin the next chapter for my career; chaning tracks. I will probably move in the city next year once I change jobs within my company.

So the challenges that I am now facing are:

1. Changing my career with the MBA.
2. Rebuilding a dwindled social circle (college friends disappeared, work with mostly older married people), through the MBA program and more.
3. Becoming a full fledged DJ. (with the requisite social skills)
4. Continue to rebuild my confidence in my looks (for the 2nd time) as I continue to date new attractive women that I have dated.

My greatest insecurities in my life up to this point has always been related to looks. The main hold up is/was my hair loss. But as I have been out there and meeting women, they have given me compliments on my "beautiful eyes" or lips, etc. One woman on this site has even rated me at least 7 or closer to an 8.
Just last week, for the first time ever, I got two winks in two days on match.com - and both of the girls are cute.

So finally, by re-emerging from my shell, I am being pleasently suprised that my insecurity is generally unfounded.

Over the past year, I have shocked some people I know by the strange outgoing goof stuff I am doing. In Italy I was talking broken Italian (sounded like a mental patient), but I didn't give an F. Suddenly I am losing my self conciousness and I strike up small talk with most people I see now.

I will soon embark on my own Boot Camp. I also recently realized, like you said, its not about all these little techniques and robotic sequences that a man has to adhere to be successful. Its not a calculated "bad boy/jerk" streak that is inserted in the middle of a date, or a two neg hits a date or avoidling compliments. It mostly just good old social skills, sense of humor, and showing the girl a great time that gets you there. All the other techniques are just fine tuning.

So there's my little story on my development. I always look forward to your advice. I'm sure we will have more discussions in the future.

 

[Squid]

Slickster, awesome post dude. I have followed a similar path to yours. This site and posters like yourself have taught me so much over the last few years. It's funny tho, every time I doubted something I read here, I found out the hard way that it was bang on and remembered for the next time

I love this mature man section by the way!!

 

[icehot]

slickster, bible material

 

[Paradox]

Great work Slickster, I hereby dub you a True Master Don Juan.

This is DJ Bible material.