Hey Guys New to the board and a BIG problem with a PSYCHO GIRL?

[Rollin94]

Hey guys first off GREAT SITE I am glad I stumbled upon it. Heres my problem. I have been dating this girl for 4-5 months now. I am 27 and she is 25. I am pretty fluid in dating but have NEVER came across a situation like this with someone! When I first met her she was really sweet. Then things began to go sour about 2 months ago. She has her own apt. and it seems as though there are guys ALWAYS calling this girl. I know thats not weird but she has maybe 1 female friend and the rest guys.. ? Sad thing is that most of them are old "boyfriends"? She says that it's a "good thing" that she remained friends with all of them? Thats not really a big deal to me. But the thing that really bothers me is that she is what I consider a "attention *****". And she is very controlling type. she has even recently admitted that she is used to being in control of the relationship and she has to have that. WTF? We really seem to click AS LONG as I am doing all these punk ass things that ***** guys do but as soon as I act myself "BANG" she throws a fit and hangs the phone up, turns the ringer off, etc... etc... I know for a fact that every guy this girl has dated has pretty much gave up everything to be with her, take her where ever "SHE" wants to go, Stay all night with her EVERY NIGHT, and all that. Problem is that I don't let her pull her crap with me! She has even told me that I am the "hardest" guy to please that she has ever been with????????? I may be, but I have high expectations because I know I can find a date who just as hot as her. I would say shes a 9 on the scale. Very hot, but it's almost like shes Jeckl and Hyde. One minute shes saying what an ass I am and hanging up on me, the next shes sweet as can be? I really feel that she is trying to control me in the same way she has every other guy shes been with and until I give in it is going to be trouble. Naturally I don't want to do this with her or ANY other girl! Are there any suggestions as to how to maybe make her come around? I think we may have broke up last night after I had finally had enough and said some pretty mean things to her about her "I am the greatest attitude" But I called today to say I was sorry as I don't want to hate an "ex". Than she goes on to say how NO ONE has ever talked to her that way and that I had better find a way to make this up or shes history.........?????????
Of course with it being Saturday night I "know" that if I don't fix this shes going to be out on the town and the clubs and it will drive me a little pissed to know shes doing this. Of course she says that I am not "replaceable" but on the same hand I know for a fact shell be out tonite in her little "posse" of guys and it will bother me. Is this what she wants to happen here. should I go out of my way to patch this crap up today or should I not even call her and let her go out tonite to see what is really available out there. I don't think I am replaceable by ANYONE but maybe she needs the tables turned on her for her to understand this!!!!! What do you guys think about this situation?

 

[hitop]

She has her own apt. and it seems as though there are guys ALWAYS calling this girl. I know thats not weird but she has maybe 1 female friend and the rest guys.. ? Sad thing is that most of them are old "boyfriends"? She says that it's a "good thing" that she remained friends with all of them?

Big RED flag. Sounds like the Queen Bee or Mercenary syndrome, review DocLove. Sounds like your company is not satisfying her thirst. Need more clues?

Thats not really a big deal to me.

It's not? Then why are you here? Maybe you can write her a poem saying how wonderful it is that she remains friends with all her ex-boyfriends and that you support her actions all the way. These kinds of things are a big deal and you need to address them by not tolerating them.

And she is very controlling type. she has even recently admitted that she is used to being in control of the relationship and she has to have that. WTF? We really seem to click AS LONG as I am doing all these punk ass things that ***** guys do but as soon as I act myself "BANG" she throws a fit and hangs the phone up, turns the ringer off, etc... etc...

Sounds like she needs to be in a day care center. Tell her that you charge $10.00 per hour for babysitting.

Problem is that I don't let her pull her crap with me!

Really? Why do you sound so bent then? First thing you need to do is realize why you're here and quit denying that you're AFC. It's cool we've all been there and done that.

I would say shes a 9 on the scale. Very hot, but it's almost like shes Jeckl and Hyde. One minute shes saying what an ass I am and hanging up on me, the next shes sweet as can be?

Obviously she's got you under her spell, never let a womans looks trap your a$$ like that. It's weak and spineless. Again, typical AFC behavior.

Are there any suggestions as to how to maybe make her come around?

How much time do you have? Do you like wasting time with self-centered macho women? Hell will freeze over before women like this come around. Why is she so special that you want to wait for her to come around?

But I called today to say I was sorry as I don't want to hate an "ex". Than she goes on to say how NO ONE has ever talked to her that way and that I had better find a way to make this up or shes history.........?????????

Clue! You mean to tell me you're coming back for more? Sounds like this chick needs to be knocked down from her high-horse. Do it.

Of course with it being Saturday night I "know" that if I don't fix this shes going to be out on the town and the clubs and it will drive me a little pissed to know shes doing this.

So what. Now, you go do the same tonight. Are you wondering what she's going to be doing tonight? Maybe kissing or groping with other dudes? Hmmm....? She should be wondering what you're doing tonight. This girl has your head all messed up. And you know what? She knows it and is loving every second of it.

I don't think I am replaceable by ANYONE but maybe she needs the tables turned on her for her to understand this!!!!!

You sure? Bet you right now as I'm writing this reply that she is replacing you.

What do you guys think about this situation?

Point is, are you going to listen?

Verdict:
You are very AFC with this girl, she has you eating out of her hand. She is probably laughing to herself saying how she has you "thinking" all the time. Don't waste time pusuing someone who is an a$$hole, life is meant to be enjoyed. Do you honestly feel good around her? Does she make you happy with all the little thoughtful things she does for you? Or, do you enjoy being thrashed around like a little beat-up doll?

Look dude, you're in a lose-lose situation. Suck it up and move on and find someone who is consistently sweet and doesn't have a legion of loser dorks as friends. Lots of guy friends means lots of problems and heartache. Whoever told you otherwise is a liar and doesn't know what they're talking about. Again, this sounds like the typical girl who got some bad info as well. She is trying pitifully to become female version of DJ, well, we all know how this little experiment turns out for them don't we.

Did you go thru DJ bootcamp yet

 

[lerxst]

Start here:

http://www.sosuave.com/bible/bible.htm

Start at the beginning and read all the way through. It will take a while but well worth it.

To get to the present issue you are having, you are probably the first person who doesn't completely supplicate to her. This is a good thing. But you occasionally cave in and act AFC (Average Frustrated Chump), so, she chumps you. My experience with girls who keep the ex's around is that they got better dealed, and she keeps them in orbit around her to use as back up and to keep you guessing/jealous/whatever and she's got low self-esteem. You seem to be on the right track, but please read through the DJ bible to help hone and polish your skills. If you do break it off with her, do it clean and complete and make it clear that you have no interest in 'being friends'. Come on, that's BS and we all know that. Who want's to be demoted to LJBF (let's just be friends) land?

 

[trajhenkhet]

Run for the hills. Avoid this "lady" so called. You can't fix her.

 

[bothbarrels]

You've got trouble my friend

Yea, I dated a girl like that before. They are always looking for some male attention to stroke their ego. (Ex boyfriends, guy friends, etc.)
For me, I like to know that I am the one who is in control of the relationship. How do you think her ex's got to be ex's? I think you already know the answer. You say that you are fluid in dating and you are asking if you should date this girl. Look, if I see something that I don't agree with in a woman, I may call her on her bull****. Which it looks like you have done and by possibly turning the tables. Now if she starts to get an attitude and feels like climbing back up on her pedestle(sp?) then I got say NEXT. When it comes down to it, remember it's all about what you want out of it and you can only allow people to treat you the way you let them. You are doing ok, but just don't cave in.
Good Luck

 

[TesuqueRed]

I'm not exactly seeing why you are wanting to stay with her. Please explain.

She's hot--but you're confident you can replace her with another HB9.0, yes? If "hotness" is really the deciding factor here---then do so: replace her.

You won't change her around. It's a nice challenge, but it's too costly and will ultimately fail. She's got a continually renewable sourse of whippable guys available--she has no incentive to change (--ahem, you're not incentive enough, I hate to add...)

She, on the otherhand, stands a far better chance of whipping you into shape, and I'm seeing little clues in your post that this is already happening

For example: the apology phone call, the hanging around for 2 months putting up with her bad behavior--your handling it isn't the issue, it's her using it and continuing to use it that is...

I'm guessing you must be young--like around mid 20s or something---guys go for how hot a girl is as the main qualification (and ignore all those red-flags in your post) just the same way young hot airheaded chicks go for rich, hot guys (and ignore all thier issues, too)...anyway, some hot chick (probably this one) will break you of that after a nasty divorce and you'll have a different set of criteria beaten into you.

Eject outta this. Take another HB9.0 or two and call us in the morning--you'll feel better.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Try to take control of the relationship, but if she fights for the control and wins all the time.. dude leave. Relationships should be a mutual , never one way.. even if a guy thinks he should have control.

 

[Chaos-Knight]

When you called to apologise the next day
that is one mistake, it shows her that she is on your mind
and you have a high IL(interest level)

And when she threatened you with break-up...

me I would'v laughed then said "googbye"
and NEVER call her again.

from then on IF she calls you,
(don't receive her calls for about a week)
you make her your B.....ch.(I mean Take Control)

but from what I read she is a TOSSER!