Hi Guys, please give me any constructive views and advice if there's a way to salvage this one. I apologise if this email is long, but if you bear with me and choose to read it/ offer your advice I will be appreciative. You'll also feel good about helping a dude thats asking for knowledge !!! If its too long just ignore it. I understand "move on to another chick", and I accept there are many other women and assure that I make moves daily on as many other options as I can find, I just want to see if there is any millage in this one. Also, even if this one is dead, the process of understanding helps me learn for next time this scenario comes up.
Ok the story:
1) Am online and have learn't that making my page as appealing as possible to get women to contact me gets me way better results than contacting them. That being said, as the number of chicks who contact me are weird, scary, lie, or flake out is huge, I have taken advice form others and simply also contact every single girl in my match inbox with the same contact message and put no other thought into them. More on that tactic to come!
2) A girl contacts me saying she likes my profile. This one is really hot, 10 years younger than me and writes interesting stuff. Can this be too good to be true I start to wonder?
3) I respond, and before I know it we are emailing back and forth everyday, sometimes twice a day. Emails are almost a full page from each of us. Like all DJ's, I've learnt to judge a girl's interest not by her words but by her actions. She divulges a lot of info and showers me with compliments, but the only part I take really seriously is that she instantly responds to my messages. Seems like she is interested as she keeps emailing back immediately.
4) Turns out we have so many things in common and the conversation flows. I am getting aware that I cant get hooked because until you meet the person it could all be nothing. After a week of chatting I suggest we meet. One thing I am very aware of is despite this chick being super hot and younger, she is a very sensitive intelligent girl, she's a young psychologist and she seems to prefer deep conversation to playful banter and joking. I follow that style and can see its working for her.
5) She emails straight back again and says she thinks its a good idea to meet, but apologises that she doesn't want to sound pretentious but both her next two weekends are full with friends. I dont want to sound too needy nor heavy handed so I offer a loose line about her letting me know when she's free. I do this also because I figure if she never gets back to me with a time I will know she wasn't that interested.
6) She offers a mid week slot, I say ok and give her my phone number. I have also learn't based on some good advice once, that I get better results keep the conversation as email or phone txts than calling on the phone - something about the tone of a man's voice ruins the mystery for chicks to want to meet. This advice in the past seems to hold true for many guys I have known. She sends me long text over the weekend saying she wants to meet on Wed eve. I respond and suggest a place.
7) Now trouble appears. Sunday comes, first day she hasn't contacted me in 10 days. Wait till Sunday eve and then ask if she agrees to the place. No response. Txt again on Monday eve confirming - get txt back straight away saying yes but not much else. Tuesday all day no contact and then the dreaded late night txt appears on my phone the day before saying she has an urgent work thing tomorrow and cant meet. Of course that one's got to be a lie. That whole urgent work thing is a tediously reported flake out from many guys.
8) Now I decide if I dont respond I will look like i am sulking so I drop a small sentence about thats fine and she can contact me some time. Hear nothing. I know this is the crux point with these things where you move on or not. On this occasion, I just cant make sense why this girl is contacting me everyday, telling me such personal things about her life then flaking. I figure its probably dead anyway, and since with online you have never met the person so losing your pride is less of a problem. So I decide to slip into AFC style and try again. I offer an email along the lines that i thought there was some great connection and not sure what went on, but am throwing one last life line to meet again and wish her the best if I dont hear from her.
9) Get a response straight away with the "Im so sorry - I thought we had a connection too and would really like to meet when you're free, just had some personal and work issues". I respond and suggest a place this time.
10) So if your still reading this.... I get this uber long txt on my phone, goes for two iphone screens about how she really wants to meet and is desperate for me to believe her but she is teaching that eve and she is wondering if we could do any other day. I get frustrated that maybe its another blow off and don't respond immediately and figure I will sit on it. I show the txt to a female friend who tells me she thinks its real and not a flake out because a girl that isn't interested wouldn't go to all that effort to send such a mother of a long txt.
11)I wait a couple of days since I figure I dont want to show I can get pushed around so many times with a date and also because I am still a bit unsure. Murphy's law, as I go to respond their is a rude message from her saying she tried to contact and I did not answer so she realises I am not interested in communicating with her anymore and wishes me luck for the future. I am becoming exhausted from this and respond, albeit with a lie that I missed the txt but didn't mean to ignore her. No response until the next day when she says she understands and is happy to meet.
12) A few txts during the week to each other and she asks how my weekend is looking and she comes back with a line about how she was hoping we could meet sunday afternoon despite me saying it was the only time I wasn't free. She says she's busy Saturday but that if I dont mind seeing her in gym gear without "being prettied up" we can maybe meet for coffee beforehand and I accept.
13) The next day I awake and look in the mirror. Its been a few late nights in a row playing my singer songwriting gigs in some really smokey bars and as I look in the mirror my right eye has burst a vessel and I look like a zombie. "Fvck!!!!" I send her a txt to make a joke bout how neither of us may look pretty on Saturday and explain my eye. I also do it to keep the conversation flowing till we meet, something I have learnt is really important.
14) She comes back with a lets just postpone till where both more free. I am pretty fed up now with this and say lets just meet tomorrow.No response from her for three days, despite her geting angry via email at me when I don't respond for a two days. I send an email saying that it looks like we're back to silence again and I dont play these games and feel that if someones really interested they can find the time to meet so good bye.
18) Get an email straight back apologising and she agrees she has probably been flaking and wishes me luck. Then comes the real kicker that explains everything - she says, "If I am honest I was really keen to meet initially but by chance I was speaking to a friend about you and it turned out you had contacted her as well online a few days later"!!!!!! Fvck!!!!! By chance, one of millions of auto response girls in my inbox is her friend and she is hurt.
19) I decide to respond again and am completely honest about my experience that online is chicks who lie and flake and that I learnt the only thing to do is simply chat to everyone and take as many chances with as many contacts until I meet a girl in the real flesh. I realise she is a sensitive girl who feels hurt and I advise that I wouldn't have gone to all this trouble if I wasn't interested and that I had thought there was something unique in our interactions. I try and be as honest and kind. If its dead, sometimes its nice to be honest and open. Maybe that's just me.
20) She responds that she feels so cruel for what she has done by "driving a wedge between us" and that our conversations were so important to her, and that she felt so let down when she realised I was contacting her friend whilst we were talking. She asks me to understand how sorry she is. She then tells me too that she is a very attractive woman (yeah no crap hey) that guys try to hit on all the time and that she doesn't trust men and makes little time to spare for them. I kind of understand this and feel disappointed myself that I missed a great one.
21) Yes this continues sorry, - I cant ascertain whether she is slightly leaving the door open in her email by being honest about how she felt, so I decide, against my better judgement to respond and that if she meant what she said, we should at least meet. Am very concious of the AFC line here. No response to the email again and I am tired after a full day of emailing with her. It also smacks of AFC to keep emailing back yet my brain unexplicably sends another email saying we have come this far and a simple one word answer is fine and given all of our exchanges over a month she owes me that at least. I am not sure why I did that. We all have stupid moments of error.
24) Get two small txt backs saying she agrees we should meet next week and see how it goes and she will be more communicative. Not much interaction and I just dont think it will happen. The vibe I have is expect its dead.
So in the epilogue, if you haven't started spitting on the screen and are still reading this - can any of part of this be saved? If so what should I do or not do to help it? And if cant be saved, what can I learn or do better next time?
Feel free to bash me if you want but would love helpful advice.
Cheers guys!
Ok the story:
1) Am online and have learn't that making my page as appealing as possible to get women to contact me gets me way better results than contacting them. That being said, as the number of chicks who contact me are weird, scary, lie, or flake out is huge, I have taken advice form others and simply also contact every single girl in my match inbox with the same contact message and put no other thought into them. More on that tactic to come!
2) A girl contacts me saying she likes my profile. This one is really hot, 10 years younger than me and writes interesting stuff. Can this be too good to be true I start to wonder?
3) I respond, and before I know it we are emailing back and forth everyday, sometimes twice a day. Emails are almost a full page from each of us. Like all DJ's, I've learnt to judge a girl's interest not by her words but by her actions. She divulges a lot of info and showers me with compliments, but the only part I take really seriously is that she instantly responds to my messages. Seems like she is interested as she keeps emailing back immediately.
4) Turns out we have so many things in common and the conversation flows. I am getting aware that I cant get hooked because until you meet the person it could all be nothing. After a week of chatting I suggest we meet. One thing I am very aware of is despite this chick being super hot and younger, she is a very sensitive intelligent girl, she's a young psychologist and she seems to prefer deep conversation to playful banter and joking. I follow that style and can see its working for her.
5) She emails straight back again and says she thinks its a good idea to meet, but apologises that she doesn't want to sound pretentious but both her next two weekends are full with friends. I dont want to sound too needy nor heavy handed so I offer a loose line about her letting me know when she's free. I do this also because I figure if she never gets back to me with a time I will know she wasn't that interested.
6) She offers a mid week slot, I say ok and give her my phone number. I have also learn't based on some good advice once, that I get better results keep the conversation as email or phone txts than calling on the phone - something about the tone of a man's voice ruins the mystery for chicks to want to meet. This advice in the past seems to hold true for many guys I have known. She sends me long text over the weekend saying she wants to meet on Wed eve. I respond and suggest a place.
7) Now trouble appears. Sunday comes, first day she hasn't contacted me in 10 days. Wait till Sunday eve and then ask if she agrees to the place. No response. Txt again on Monday eve confirming - get txt back straight away saying yes but not much else. Tuesday all day no contact and then the dreaded late night txt appears on my phone the day before saying she has an urgent work thing tomorrow and cant meet. Of course that one's got to be a lie. That whole urgent work thing is a tediously reported flake out from many guys.
8) Now I decide if I dont respond I will look like i am sulking so I drop a small sentence about thats fine and she can contact me some time. Hear nothing. I know this is the crux point with these things where you move on or not. On this occasion, I just cant make sense why this girl is contacting me everyday, telling me such personal things about her life then flaking. I figure its probably dead anyway, and since with online you have never met the person so losing your pride is less of a problem. So I decide to slip into AFC style and try again. I offer an email along the lines that i thought there was some great connection and not sure what went on, but am throwing one last life line to meet again and wish her the best if I dont hear from her.
9) Get a response straight away with the "Im so sorry - I thought we had a connection too and would really like to meet when you're free, just had some personal and work issues". I respond and suggest a place this time.
10) So if your still reading this.... I get this uber long txt on my phone, goes for two iphone screens about how she really wants to meet and is desperate for me to believe her but she is teaching that eve and she is wondering if we could do any other day. I get frustrated that maybe its another blow off and don't respond immediately and figure I will sit on it. I show the txt to a female friend who tells me she thinks its real and not a flake out because a girl that isn't interested wouldn't go to all that effort to send such a mother of a long txt.
11)I wait a couple of days since I figure I dont want to show I can get pushed around so many times with a date and also because I am still a bit unsure. Murphy's law, as I go to respond their is a rude message from her saying she tried to contact and I did not answer so she realises I am not interested in communicating with her anymore and wishes me luck for the future. I am becoming exhausted from this and respond, albeit with a lie that I missed the txt but didn't mean to ignore her. No response until the next day when she says she understands and is happy to meet.
12) A few txts during the week to each other and she asks how my weekend is looking and she comes back with a line about how she was hoping we could meet sunday afternoon despite me saying it was the only time I wasn't free. She says she's busy Saturday but that if I dont mind seeing her in gym gear without "being prettied up" we can maybe meet for coffee beforehand and I accept.
13) The next day I awake and look in the mirror. Its been a few late nights in a row playing my singer songwriting gigs in some really smokey bars and as I look in the mirror my right eye has burst a vessel and I look like a zombie. "Fvck!!!!" I send her a txt to make a joke bout how neither of us may look pretty on Saturday and explain my eye. I also do it to keep the conversation flowing till we meet, something I have learnt is really important.
14) She comes back with a lets just postpone till where both more free. I am pretty fed up now with this and say lets just meet tomorrow.No response from her for three days, despite her geting angry via email at me when I don't respond for a two days. I send an email saying that it looks like we're back to silence again and I dont play these games and feel that if someones really interested they can find the time to meet so good bye.
18) Get an email straight back apologising and she agrees she has probably been flaking and wishes me luck. Then comes the real kicker that explains everything - she says, "If I am honest I was really keen to meet initially but by chance I was speaking to a friend about you and it turned out you had contacted her as well online a few days later"!!!!!! Fvck!!!!! By chance, one of millions of auto response girls in my inbox is her friend and she is hurt.
19) I decide to respond again and am completely honest about my experience that online is chicks who lie and flake and that I learnt the only thing to do is simply chat to everyone and take as many chances with as many contacts until I meet a girl in the real flesh. I realise she is a sensitive girl who feels hurt and I advise that I wouldn't have gone to all this trouble if I wasn't interested and that I had thought there was something unique in our interactions. I try and be as honest and kind. If its dead, sometimes its nice to be honest and open. Maybe that's just me.
20) She responds that she feels so cruel for what she has done by "driving a wedge between us" and that our conversations were so important to her, and that she felt so let down when she realised I was contacting her friend whilst we were talking. She asks me to understand how sorry she is. She then tells me too that she is a very attractive woman (yeah no crap hey) that guys try to hit on all the time and that she doesn't trust men and makes little time to spare for them. I kind of understand this and feel disappointed myself that I missed a great one.
21) Yes this continues sorry, - I cant ascertain whether she is slightly leaving the door open in her email by being honest about how she felt, so I decide, against my better judgement to respond and that if she meant what she said, we should at least meet. Am very concious of the AFC line here. No response to the email again and I am tired after a full day of emailing with her. It also smacks of AFC to keep emailing back yet my brain unexplicably sends another email saying we have come this far and a simple one word answer is fine and given all of our exchanges over a month she owes me that at least. I am not sure why I did that. We all have stupid moments of error.
24) Get two small txt backs saying she agrees we should meet next week and see how it goes and she will be more communicative. Not much interaction and I just dont think it will happen. The vibe I have is expect its dead.
So in the epilogue, if you haven't started spitting on the screen and are still reading this - can any of part of this be saved? If so what should I do or not do to help it? And if cant be saved, what can I learn or do better next time?
Feel free to bash me if you want but would love helpful advice.
Cheers guys!
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