Hey, are you guys really happy right now?

[moneyisking]

I don't intend this thread to be New Age crap, but after I got heart-broke bad first time in my life (never took chicks seriously before), I came to think a lot about happiness, my life, spirituality and such. Well, about spirituality, I will just say God helps those who help themselves.

Look men, we all know that woman will not bring true happiness since happiness is a temporary thing; that's how life is, just a sequence of joy, sadness, joy, sadness. And if things go real fvcked up for us, we can become depressed, but we also get out of it too (not counting suicide). But your happiness and my happiness is different. I know some awkward looking guys or girls who have boyfriend or girlfriend, and in my eyes, they would look weird and unhappy, but they would be happy in who they are.

I tried to become "happy" and cheerful, all bubbly because I was tired of being constantly depressed over 2 yrs. But more I try to become that "happy", the more I felt unnatural and not-myself; and I know some bubbly, happy, cheerful people who are really happy, but that's because their "happy" is what makes them happy, not me. You know what I am saying? They are happy as bubbly, care-free people, but that does not make ME happy because I am different. So what makes YOU "happy"? Looking at different perspective, some can be happy by being able to seduce lot of girls, and some can be happy by finding that one chick that he can really love.

Below here is little personal, so if you don't want to read, feel free not to.
_________________________________________________________


I am trying to find who I am and what kind of state and mind makes ME happy. Be very frank with you, I was raised with very low self-esteem, constantly compared by a super-brother who was not only a chick magnet, but he just had something that changed air around him (we all know at least one guy like that). I remember crying a lot as a little kid because it hurt so much. I saw him getting all the girls and thought "hey maybe if I learn how to attract girls, I might be happy like him and feel valuable". Not only did I fail to learn attraction, I became depressed, fighting life to be happy and dragging along day by day. Couple days ago, I met one girl that I can honestly say I really like; she liked me too. But for no reason at all, she decided I was not for her and cut me off in next few hours. From that on, I have been thinking a lot. I thought maybe God cursed me, or I was just not destined to be happy, or that I am just unlucky as fvck. Then I tried to fight this depression head on by trying to be happy, but I explained above, I need to find who I am to know what makes me happy. Fellows... can I really become "happy" and be a kind of a guy that can get a girl that I really like? (vague question b/c your happiness is different from mine. Let's define happiness here as "__________________________").

 

[Retro74]

From my experience you can't chase happiness, you have to let go and be more accepting of things. A few things which for me promote a sense of happiness:

- don't compare yourself to others (which you have done with your older brother)
- live in the moment
- try new things, vary your daily activities, get out of your comfort zone to make you feel you are actually living and not just existing
- perhaps the most important one for me is: in the nicest possible way don't give a damn about things - we're all going to die, don't take life too seriously; providing your basic needs are met (food, shelter, warmth) everything else is a bonus to be appreciated.
-become more interested in people and they will become more interested in you
- as suggested on this site hit the gym, maintain a good outlook, do something you are passionate about, don't make women the sole focus of your life and don't feel bad if you don't have one; then there is no sense of desperation which turns them off.

Also bear in mind you won't always be able to get the girl you really like and even if you do she may not be that compatible with you (hence don't take things too seriously).

One final point from my experience, it takes time (for me at least a few months) for new thought patterns to kick in automatically after I have made lifestyle changes and changed my outlook.

 

[Falcon25]

It's very difficult to reach happiness, especially at a young age. Retro is correct in a lot of what he says. But, sometimes, happiness depends on the chemicals in your brain. You could be depressed, it could be in your genes, etc. Sometimes you need professional help. But, happiness does not come easy. It's like finding a good woman, it takes a lot of work. People who are around you who "act" happy are not happy either. Times are rough. But, when you are happy, you will know it. You won't be writing about it.

 

[Retro74]

The chemicals in your brain is a good point and medication may help correct this.

Dietary changes can influence mood. Eating clean, natural unrefined foods can help stabilize things. Some vegetarians claim not eating meat makes their mood more stable also.

 

[moneyisking]

I am gym jock by the way. Lifting is my passion. I have pretty awesome physique, but having good body and lifting hard doesn't mean I will get exempt from all the life's troubles. Falcon, the times are definitely hard. I honestly don't know what to think and if I can smile again. But as happiness never lasts, neither does sadness; i am just keeping my head up.

 

[TheMale]

From my experience you can't chase happiness, you have to let go and be more accepting of things. A few things which for me promote a sense of happiness:

- don't compare yourself to others (which you have done with your older brother)
- live in the moment
- try new things, vary your daily activities, get out of your comfort zone to make you feel you are actually living and not just existing
- perhaps the most important one for me is: in the nicest possible way don't give a damn about things - we're all going to die, don't take life too seriously; providing your basic needs are met (food, shelter, warmth) everything else is a bonus to be appreciated.
-become more interested in people and they will become more interested in you
- as suggested on this site hit the gym, maintain a good outlook, do something you are passionate about, don't make women the sole focus of your life and don't feel bad if you don't have one; then there is no sense of desperation which turns them off.

Also bear in mind you won't always be able to get the girl you really like and even if you do she may not be that compatible with you (hence don't take things too seriously).

One final point from my experience, it takes time (for me at least a few months) for new thought patterns to kick in automatically after I have made lifestyle changes and changed my outlook.

+1

i don't understand why people trying to stay in this depression mood ...
you wanna be happy just do it is not as hard as it seems
i'm for example really happy of my life and its been maybe 2 years i never feel depression or else

be positive find the good things in your life and try to improve yourself do whatever you want to make you happy whatever it takes

ask yourself the good questions don't ask yourself 'why its getting bad?' instead ask yourself 'what can i do to make things go better?'
do a list with positives beliefs
example: 'im lifting more and more weight'
'im getting a beautiful body'
'i can do whatever i want whenever i want'
etc.

our mind is really powerful what it comes to find all the negative thought if you ask yourself 'why its getting bad?' your mind will find a 5648324 of answer
but its work the same way for positive

to resume it i know its hard but once you have reach the happiness don't let it go happiness is not temporary ! another negative belief

theres no reason to be depresse ... i know theres a lot of things or people who will try to make you depresse but keep your head up !!

 

[bigneil]

My two cents:

1) You have to have a purpose in life to be fulfilled. If you don't have one, get one. It should relate to what you are good at.
2) Your purpose cannot be to have a certain job (though it can be related).
3) Your purpose cannot be to be with a certain person - that person is simply a companion and must coexist with their own purpose.
4) As my grandfather said, "If you have your health you have everything".
5) As my grandmother said, "Sometimes you have to just say 'I believe in you, Jesus' ". (i.e. Have faith).
6) As my aunt said "One day at a time".
7) Without bad there can be no good. If it was all good, good would become average.
8) Keep in tune with nature. At certain low points I have happened upon special animals: A Deer, a Hawk, a Manatee, and most recently
two Dolphins have appeared at close range. That always inspired me immensely.

 

[RSanders219]

Hey dude I know exactly what you're going through. I went through the same stuff myself. I really hate laying the blame for my problems on other things, but my parents definitely factored in to the way I viewed the world.

When I was a younger kid I was sort of chubby (Like that chubby phase a lot of us go through when we're little kids). My old man would constantly give me sh!t about my weight, tell me I was fat and out of shape. I remember at that age all I wanted to do was be a baseball player. I was obsessed with baseball and a great batter. But my father's opinion really brought me down and made me feel like this could never be accomplished.

My mother also factored into my self-esteem. Whenever I try to talk to her about things that I'm into (such as art, politics, music etc..) she would just sort of laugh at me. My goal since I picked up the guitar in 8th grade was to become a professional musician and tour. She just laughed at that dream and said I need to look at life from a more realistic perspective. Well, I DID and guess what? I STARTED A BAND AND I WENT ON TOUR. We made good money too. This goal took me about 7 years to achieve, but I did it. Then guess what, a month later I moved out of my parents' house.

Now here I am living in a small apartment in the city with a few friends and life's great. I have really progressed as a person without having the negative aura of my parents and other family members surround me. I still play music and am playing in multiple bands gigging nearly every weekend. I have become a much more social person and have lost the anxiety and depression which had plagued my social skills throughout my life. I used to HATE being around people I did not know, but now I look forward to meeting new people and going out on the weekends.

What you really need isn't a girlfriend, but something which you strive for. A goal which will provide fundamental life learning experiences. I really suggest you go out and pick up the book "Think And Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. This book has motivated me to infinite. Teaching me that NOTHING is impossible. NOTHING. If you can think of an idea and have the passion and strife to achieve that idea, it will happen. Hope things look up for you man and pick up that book!

 

[RSanders219]

And to add to that.. Fvck everyone else man. Just live your life by your own rules and have a good time. Always seek adventure and NEVER compare yourself to others. Some of the best experiences I have had in my life, the most rewarding, the most knowledgable.. are experiences that the average person would think "that sounds like something a loser would do". Well hey you know what? Call me a loser, I'm having more fun than you, seeing more places, meeting more people, learning more than someone with the mindset to call others "losers" for going all in to achieve a dream can ever learn.

 

[moneyisking]

inspirational advice mr sanders. thank you, i will get that book also.

 

[bigneil]

What you really need (is) something which you strive for. A goal

Oh, you mean a purpose? Why didn't I think of that?

 

[st_99]

People who are around you who "act" happy are not happy either.

This is true. You look at some people and think, man why couldn't I be more like them, look how happy they are and everything just seems to work out for them. But really, that's all bullsh*t, they have the same frustrations, heart break, boredom, anger, rejection, insecurities, self esteem hits, etc.. as everybody else.

 

[editdivide]

Heartbreat is often a simple doorway into abundance.

It allows us to recognize that happiness can not come form an external source, and when it does we only suffer as the result.

It isn't easy to recognize that happiness can not come from someone else when our mind creates everything. If it creates everything we can uncreate at as well. We can create a complete reliance and happiness based on our life without anyone. It is possible and its the true liberation that happens when we embrace our freedom.

You begin to vibrate on a completely different level when you are on the abundant plane. You begin to have a sense of self entitlement that is completely new and you don't give women your power ever. You find no reason to ever give her your power.

Men are doing this too much giving women the power by whatever means. They think that a small slip is a good thing but its hindering them from actually entering into the realm of abundance that I am in right now. For example, they whiplash their heads when a good looking woman walks in or they watch porn thinking its just a tool to clean the pipes, but subconsciously what you are exhibiting is that women in some way are entitled to your power. Don't do it, and find more and more of your life where you will simply not allow that to happen and they will be beating down your door.

What is important is to understand that its all about self love. It is all about knowing that no one else can give you what you already possess. Unless you give them permission to your power they cannot have access to it. It's the law of the universe.

 

[bongo]

I'm 24 years old, college student, hate my major but got 1.5 years left, so quitting now at my age is not an option.

When I'm not at school I sit at home, smoke weed and play video games. I watch porn daily too. I try to avoid people as much as possible.

I am an introvert. I am not witty, funny or interesting. Never go out with girls, never go out at all. I have nothing to share with a woman so I dont even try.

Even my younger brother and sister have more dating / sex experience than me. I am pathetic and my family knows this. It's a matter of time before they start suspecting that I'm homo.

No, I am not happy.

 

[editdivide]

Bongo,

There is no one to blame but yourself.

You have to take the responsibility for your life.

No one is forcing you to live the life you are living and hating it.

You could be living the life you live and love it. If you find that source of love for your life regardless of the position you are in you'll begin to sell your life in a different way. Your capacity to shape reality will also expand because people want to be around people who can shape reality. Who are the people who shape reality? They are positive and see the opportunities in life where those don't.

You have just listed symptoms of taking on the losers perspective. Why don't you provide a solution for yourself and do something about your life? It's a simple as a decision and with the resources you have right here, without all that beta information provided by other sites, I am surprised you haven't taken heed of it and used it to accelerate your life into abundance.

Some people love the learned helplessness they feel. It is a condition that makes them feel comfortable so people like myself will encourage them and give them attention. Realize that everything you do you get something out of it. In some unconscious way you get something out of it. Being a loser in your life lets your parents acknowledge you. It's an identity so you can complain comfortably. Until you realize that and come to terms with it, telling yourself the brutal and honest truth nothing is going to change in your world.

I use to love learned helplessness. For a long time I went around with a "brokenheat" even though I had women in my life and tons of people who loved and encouraged me. I walked around with that story because it gave me some attention that I sought desperately. I lived in a complete delusion and it was comfortable until I had another heartbreak which I realized was going to send me on another 3 years of depression and loneliness spell which I was unwilling to go through any more. I realized that it was all a decision and chose to take back the power. Life ever since then has been an absolute abundance of women, money and health. It was nothing more than a decision and the universe cooperated. There is true magic inside of this universe as Richard Bandler says, you've just got to let go of all your conditioned belief that you know anything about this universe and there follows some miraculous things.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I am the happiest I have ever been.

Why?

I used to live for saturday night, but now I live for monday morning.

I recently got the best job I have ever had; Im a sales engineer, selling steel coils to manufacturers. Sure, it's not some glorious party job where I jump out of an airplane and socialize pointlessly, my job is the application of exact principles in exact methods as a means to produce an end result. I am proud to be in this business.

I recently ran into a beauty of a girl who I went out with a couple times a few years back. She was very interested but I had just got out of an ltr where I went somewhat afc at the end. Actually, she was the catalyst of my rebirth; the last time I drove away from her house I knew that I had to change and there was a long road ahead of me. The next day, I found SoSuave.

Anyway, when she said, "What do you do?", I felt like I was standing on top of a mountain, and I proudly beamed to her, "I sell steel." I watched her eyes race and an explosion of sensation run through her body, I will make her mine when the time is right. Right now, I am absolutely in love with my life, but not because I am partying, vacationing, or screwing all the time; I am happy because I know I am doing the right thing.

And what is the right thing?

Doing the things that are not easy to do. It is not easy to completely throw yourself into a new career and to learn a new business, it is not easy to live like a poor man when you are making the best money of your life, because you are determined to invest and grow most of the money you make instead of just spending it...it is not easy to do the right thing. But when you know that you are doing right, and you begin to see your life move in the direction you want it to go, you will be happy.

Only by enslaving yourself to your own cause, may you someday come to know what freedom is.

 

[st_99]

Anyway, when she said, "What do you do?", I felt like I was standing on top of a mountain, and I proudly beamed to her, "I sell steel." I watched her eyes race and an explosion of sensation run through her body,

:crackup:

 

[synergy1]

^^ heh I still live for Saturday nights, and Tuesday nights, and Wednesday nights, and pretty any time.

I needed a break and finally got it, and now there are an abundance of options becoming made available. My superiors like me where I work, and probably want to offer me a full time job. Another department (IT) also liked me and said if the first job doesn't work out, I have a full time IT position available at the same company. Even more recently, my application for the department of the navy came in and it sounds like they also want to interview me.

options are pouring in. Now I have money to get stuff fixed, and even fun money. My friend are around, so my little free time involves hanging around them, and getting girls has been good lately too. Between getting life back in line, doing well at work, getting in better shape, playing a lot of hockey, life is good. However, its no time for complacency, but that is a digression.

So yes, life is good. I am happy. Goals are formulating, and action is pushing the plan along. This is key. Having your life goal progress is what ultimately makes me happy. Its not perfect, but its progress.

 

[moneyisking]

my goodness, I am getting some seriously eye-opening advices. even this today, i had to keep myself thinking positively and fight negativity, but reading your advices really pour me motivation to continue on my nursing education and excel in life and focus more in myself to self-develop and along the way find someone who is worthy of my time. "find purpose in life"... that is a great advice, thank you. i will not forget you guys and just b/c of yal, i will keep become positive and reach my happiness. Life is hard as fvck, but that doesn't give any reason to strive to achieve what must be achieved. THANK YOU!!!

 

[Cherokee]

Happiness is dependent on a few factors, I believe the main ones to be

Health, ambition, social

If you're healthy and you're chasing your dreams, working hard to achieve them and you have amazing friends (and a relationship if you like) all of who compliment your lifestyle, then I believe you're well on your way to achieving happiness.

Too many people put themselves down and settle for less.

All of you can achieve greatness and be happy.