Her parents...

[Triple T]

well I went over to my girlfriend's house yesterday for the first time.

We were in the garage and were just about to go into the house when her mom came home from grocery shopping.
She parked the car, got out and started unloading stuff. My gf just told her that we were hanging out (in chinese), and her mom was like okay. She didn't really say "hi" to me, i'm not sure if she speaks english or not. So I kinda just stood there like an idiot :nervous: , was really aukward while they unloaded the SUV.
I asked my girlfriend if they needed help unloading but she said no (I was trying to show I was nice to her mom).

I know I should've said "hi, how are you?" or something like that, I don't know why I didn't. Probally because I'm used to the parents initiating the contact first.(like "hey, are you guys hungry?")
Her mom didn't even glance at me!

My gf told me her parents don't really trust me for some reason. I haven't done anything to make me untrustworthy so I don't get whats up. Probally because I'm the first bf she told them about and brought home. And, parents are like that .

So what should I do to gain their trust with their daughter?
They don't speak english too well (if at all), so I was thinking that my gf could teach me some greetings/good-byes in chinese so that I can be formal and respectful to them when I come into/leave their home.

Any other ideas on what to do?

 

[Tekniq]

You dont ask to help someone unload groceries, you just do it.
You say "here let me help with that".

On a side note, are you of Asian descent?

 

[noirsake]

Yeah a parents trust in a high school relationship is a must. Usually when you ask to help they say no because you are their guest and they don't want you to feel obligated to help. I dunno how I got my girl's parents trust, I guess just be honest, friendly, and polite. If they feed you dinner that night, clean up the table and dishes for them. That's one thing I do. I really imagine that since her parents don't speak english too well, it would be very difficult to communicate. You could always have your girlfriend translate for you. Just don't say anything offensive. Good luck!

 

[Triple T]

Yea i'm Viet.

I'm usually very polite and I help with things, but I dunno why I just kinda froze there.
Usually when I meet someone's parent they introduce them to me like "hey mom, this is Triple T" then I'd say something like "hi how are you, do you need any help with those bags?", and they'd say something like "no no, we're fine", and I'd be like "no, i insist " then I'd take the bags from their hand.


But yea, I'll see what I can do next time I come over to her house. The communication thingy is going to be a bugger though.

 

[Axcell]

You dont ask to help someone unload groceries, you just do it.
You say "here let me help with that".

Exactly and have that frame of mind 24/7 when you are around her parents. That's the VERY least you should do.
Her parents are extremely conservative (based on what you posted) and you need to act accordingly. You need to start engaging in conversation with them and be open with them. Because if you don't, you might even lose the girl. (Sounds ridiculous, but it's happened to me before.) It doesn't have to start off with a 1 hour conversation, take baby steps. Start by saying hi and lose the anxiety and build up from there.

In addition, ask your girlfriend whether they speak english (because clearly you are unsure about that) and what kind of parents she has. Are they open once you get to know them better? Are they always strict and serious? Etc.

If she truly cares about making your relationship successful, she (your girlfriend) will give you tips/advice about how to get on her parent's good side. I am currently in a relationship and my girlfriend always gives me tips on how to get on her parents good side because she knows that if her parents don't like me, SHE is the one who is going to have a problem.

Communication is key in a relationship and having a stable relationship with your girlfriend's parents is just as important as having a stable relationship with your girlfriend. If her parent's begin to trust and love you, her love and trust for you will increase as well. Don't ever forget that.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Asian parents are really protective trust me. I'm half chinese and most of my family is really rude... I wouldn't go for an asian girl. If you speak any chinese you coulda said hello in chinese and had a basic convorsation going with her mom.

 

[Triple T]

alright thanks guys, I'll see what I can do.

Shes coming over later so I'll talk to her then.

 

[Humble Young Man]

hello in Chinese is "ni hao"
pronouced: "nee haw"
goodbye in Chinese is "zai jian"
pronounced: "zih geean"

 

[chinwaggler]

if your parents are viet and they are chinese ask your parents to invite them over for dinner or something. if they don't speak much english, they likely don't know much about wherever you live so... if they like your parents, they will like you too (i'm hoping your parents are nice lol)

 

[Bawb14]

Be. Smart.

Best advice ever for dating asian girls with parents like that, They like a centered young man haha. Just dont say stupid things but be... profound and wise. Best advice I can give based on my experience.

 

[Triple T]

I would invite them over (just like i do for all my other gf's parents), but her parents are much different.

For one, they don't speak english well, so it'll be hard to communicate at all let alone at the dinner table.
Two, her whole family seems to be...distant from one another. Her older brother, she says just plays video games and stays home all day in his room, her dad works early in the morning til late at night (he's a chef), her mom isn't very open to intereaction. Like the kind of person that just ignores you and does their own thing.
I would talk to her, but she doesn't speak english sooo...yea, i'm getting my gf to teach me some chinese greetings. I'll see if I can get her mom to open up to me.

From what shes told me, her family doesn't really interact all that much. And she says she hasn't spoken to her brother for a very loooooong time because they got in a fight awhile ago.
No wonder she never wants to be home, which is a shame.

I highly doubt a dinner at her house with her family is within the question at this point in time. To them I'm her first boyfriend so they are going to be SUPER defensive, (i'm the first one shes told them about).
Which sucks for me.

oh well, another day...another battle



I'll post up a report next time I go over to her house. Wish me luck boys

 

[Jokerlsk]

I know what you can do!!!!!! I don't speak chinese well, or really at all but i can understand some of it. My grandparents don't speak english excluding basic phrases and to communicate with them i had to have one of my older cousins or relatives translate for me. You should use your gf as a translator. I'm really close to my grandparents and don't even speak the same language as them lol

 

[chinwaggler]

be a gentleman and be very nice to them.

show them your value. smart, sporty, talents etc.

 

[jeffthechef]

Say something to her parents in chinese..They'll prolly laugh and call you a "mo-lo-cha" Good luck.