Her "male friends"

[trancer]

Ive been with this chick for about a month and a bit now, so far everything has been going well - we are taking it easy and want the relationship to grow etc. We are aiming at LTR and we are very close physically.

One thing thats frustrating me is her male friends. Some of them she had flings with, and then from there she turned them into friends. Often when im with her shes getting smsing from these 'friends' asking what shes doing, if shes with me etc.
The problem is she wants to keep these friendships (because thats all they are to her), and she thinks these guys feel the same way because they agree they are only friends. These guys are pure afcs. Me on the other hand, i rocked up onto the scene and didnt want to be her friend and made it clear.

Ive told her numerious times im not happy out of principle that she spends a lot of her leisure time with these blokes (often in 1 on 1 situations). She usually agrees with me, however it turns into her saying "oh but ive been friends with him for ages" etc etc. I nearly always have to threaten her its either them or me. As i work long hours and dont have much time for her, i place a lot of value on our time together. Her on the other hand, lots of spare time (doing arts at university ) and shes spending probably more time with these AFCs than me.

Any thoughts/advice?

 

[flexion_]

I think many others here will back me up. This woman is bad news - most likely an attention ***** at best and a mental case at worst.

"Beware women with many males friends."

 

[belividere]

This topic has been discussed a whole lot do a search on it.

couple of things though:

You've been together for a month, okay. Now you have already discussed taking it easy and working into an LTR. How and why were you talking about this?

You've also gotten on her about her male friends. How did you find out that they had flings? Why do you believe that they are only friends? You'll never know the truth of what had happened or how it ended. You set yourself up for disaster with that one.

You threaten her that it is either them or you and she still is spending more time with them. Why did you threaten her? What are you doing to actually keep that threat an actual threat?

How is any of their behavior anymore AFC than yours? Are you the jealous type? If so maybe you should just spare yourself the agony that will probably occur and pass her up. If not then why are you worried. You say that you got this girl so have a little faith in your game and let it be.

 

[Colossus]

Originally posted by flexion_
I think many others here will back me up. This woman is bad news - most likely an attention ***** at best and a mental case at worst.

"Beware women with many males friends."

Second that. Seen it happen .

 

[trancer]

You've been together for a month, okay. Now you have already discussed taking it easy and working into an LTR. How and why were you talking about this?
------------------------
shes told me all her relationships started off as friendships with no intention of anything further. ive known her for about a year as an aquaintence only, the fact i asked her flat out on a 'date' was a bit unusual for her.


You threaten her that it is either them or you and she still is spending more time with them. Why did you threaten her? What are you doing to actually keep that threat an actual threat?
------------------------------------
she was telling me a few hours ago how she wants to donate blood at the blood bank with one of her male friends - i applied a threat to not bother seeing her this weekend, she quickly changed her mind on that. Its just constantly 'reminding' her that its not on. Especially when these guys dont want to meet me.


How is any of their behavior anymore AFC than yours? Are you the jealous type? If so maybe you should just spare yourself the agony that will probably occur and pass her up. If not then why are you worried. You say that you got this girl so have a little faith in your game and let it be.
-------------------------------
I would say im jealous, but im very picky as well (which she knows and takes it as a compliment).

Cheers for your response

 

[wind20mph]

One question trancer, are you steady with her?

 

[Leporello]

Originally posted by flexion_
I think many others here will back me up. This woman is bad news - most likely an attention ***** at best and a mental case at worst.

"Beware women with many males friends."

Oh stop being so paranoid. There are at least three guys at my school who hate me because I'm a friend of their girlfriends. I have a gf of my own, and their girls don't interest me except as friends.

 

[Big Boi]

come on now...you say theyre afc's, but then you say she's had flings with them...

a woman doesnt keep a fling as a friend unless they're still ****ing or has them as backup...

its possible for a woman to have friends and just that. flings who are still around is a different story.

but do what you do...

 

[Keeper]

Awww... shame. Now you're worried about those AFC's.

Shame. Really. I feel for yah.

*bytch slap* Dude... wake up. If they're AFC's, you got nothing to worry about. You are after all a DJ, right?

 

[dietzcoi]

There apparently are the types here who will tell you it is OK for a woman to do pretty much any disrespectful thing and you should take it because after all, you are a "DJ" and cannot be insecure.

I disagree. This girl is an attention wh0re and will cause you grief. Why even put up with it? You will regret it later if you let her walk all over you.

I guess the younger generation is getting more and more tolerant of being treated with disrespect by women. Not sure why...

If you ask me, it is AFC to put up with disrespect, but what do I know, you 18 year olds seem to have a new view of the world.

Dietzcoi

 

[cave dweller]

ok.......

Hey,

She is an Attention Wh0re.

If you ever get into a LTR with her one of her 'friends' will be 'back dooring' you.

Run a search here for Attention Wh0re.

cave dweller

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

You might eventually turn into just one of her "male friends".

 

[Climax]

Let me try help...

trancer: Weather you like it or not, your gf is an attention wh0re, simple. This does not mean that she will cheat on you, and this does not mean that she will dump you, this simply means that she loves the attention that she gets from other GUYS and she will continue to love it probably forever. Your relationship can work out fine with her, but that’s only if you are willing to accept that she is an attention wh0re, and live with it, WITHOIUT threatening her or trying to prevent her from seeing these other guys. You need to be secure and confident with her, you tell her that you don’t want her seeing these other guys, and it shows that you are insecure. And By you threatening her, you are in a way "caging" her and she will start feeling "locked up" soon, and that will probably lead to her breaking up with you because she wants to be "free' and not feel that everything that she does might be wrong in your eye's. You need to give her freedom man, just let her be and do what she wants, and see who she wants, if she TRULLY is devoted and loves you, then she wont cheat or do anything with any other guy. This all boils down to how much you TRUST her, and if you fully trust her, then there is nothing that you should be worried about. Now you need to ask yourself this question... Are you willing to accept and live with the fact that your gf is an attention wh0re? If you are, then cut out all the "controlling" and "insecurity" and let her be. If you are NOT willing to accept it, then move on and find yourself another girl that’s NOT an attention wh0re. The decision is yours, I suggest you take some time to think about it, and then come up with a decision. Good luck.


Laterz...

 

[Freeman]

Re: Let me try help...

Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~
trancer: Weather you like it or not, your gf is an attention wh0re, simple. This does not mean that she will cheat on you, and this does not mean that she will dump you, this simply means that she loves the attention that she gets from other GUYS and she will continue to love it probably forever. Your relationship can work out fine with her, but that’s only if you are willing to accept that she is an attention wh0re, and live with it, WITHOIUT threatening her or trying to prevent her from seeing these other guys. You need to be secure and confident with her, you tell her that you don’t want her seeing these other guys, and it shows that you are insecure. And By you threatening her, you are in a way "caging" her and she will start feeling "locked up" soon, and that will probably lead to her breaking up with you because she wants to be "free' and not feel that everything that she does might be wrong in your eye's. You need to give her freedom man, just let her be and do what she wants, and see who she wants, if she TRULLY is devoted and loves you, then she wont cheat or do anything with any other guy. This all boils down to how much you TRUST her, and if you fully trust her, then there is nothing that you should be worried about. Now you need to ask yourself this question... Are you willing to accept and live with the fact that your gf is an attention wh0re? If you are, then cut out all the "controlling" and "insecurity" and let her be. If you are NOT willing to accept it, then move on and find yourself another girl that’s NOT an attention wh0re. The decision is yours, I suggest you take some time to think about it, and then come up with a decision. Good luck.


Laterz...

Now Trancer, If you don't listen to any other post on here listen to what this guy is saying: FACE THE FACTS!

 

[yunghova35]

Re: Let me try help...

Originally posted by ~ªêQµïTª$~
trancer: Weather you like it or not, your gf is an attention wh0re, simple. This does not mean that she will cheat on you, and this does not mean that she will dump you, this simply means that she loves the attention that she gets from other GUYS and she will continue to love it probably forever. Your relationship can work out fine with her, but that’s only if you are willing to accept that she is an attention wh0re, and live with it, WITHOIUT threatening her or trying to prevent her from seeing these other guys. You need to be secure and confident with her, you tell her that you don’t want her seeing these other guys, and it shows that you are insecure. And By you threatening her, you are in a way "caging" her and she will start feeling "locked up" soon, and that will probably lead to her breaking up with you because she wants to be "free' and not feel that everything that she does might be wrong in your eye's. You need to give her freedom man, just let her be and do what she wants, and see who she wants, if she TRULLY is devoted and loves you, then she wont cheat or do anything with any other guy. This all boils down to how much you TRUST her, and if you fully trust her, then there is nothing that you should be worried about. Now you need to ask yourself this question... Are you willing to accept and live with the fact that your gf is an attention wh0re? If you are, then cut out all the "controlling" and "insecurity" and let her be. If you are NOT willing to accept it, then move on and find yourself another girl that’s NOT an attention wh0re. The decision is yours, I suggest you take some time to think about it, and then come up with a decision. Good luck.


Laterz...

Ditto

 

[JohnJones]

I think your approach on this needs be careful and disinterested. If you make too big a deal out of it, she'll conclude that you are insecure.

You've only been with her for a month as well. It's too early for you to assume that your relationship with her is so important that these guys get left in the dust.

I do agree on woman-think however. My g/f once f-cked a "friend" of hers. My only issue on it was that she was cheating on her then-b/f. The resolution of the issue to me was, as I said to her, I assume that some mistakes (and people related to them) get left in the annals of history and that this guy, who I don't want to know about or hear about, has disappeared never to be heard from again.

Her view, while not disagreeing about leaving the past as the past, was that because she'd already f-cked him and it was awkward and "they" decided they weren't attracted anymore, he would acutally be "safer" (her words) than any other guy...

I did not bother to go into my STRONG doubt that whether he pines for her or not, given a similar drunk Sat. night opportunity, he'd probably do it all over again.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
There apparently are the types here who will tell you it is OK for a woman to do pretty much any disrespectful thing and you should take it because after all, you are a "DJ" and cannot be insecure.
...

I guess the younger generation is getting more and more tolerant of being treated with disrespect by women. Not sure why...

If you ask me, it is AFC to put up with disrespect, but what do I know, you 18 year olds seem to have a new view of the world.

Dietzcoi

Trancer, if you're not in an exclusive relationship with her, then you should be dating other women and she can date whomever she wants as well.

If you are in an exclusive relationship with her, follow Dietzcoi's advice. There is no reason for her to go out 1 on 1 with her other guy friends if you're in an exclusive relationship.

BTW, she should be asking for an exclusive relationship, and not you. This topic has been covered before:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=16097&highlight=exclusive

Maximus_Decimus