Her "Male Friends"
- Thread starter Iago
- Start date
When a woman wants a guy friend it could be for many reasons and it doesn't always mean that she wants to be more then that. Her true intentions are always hidden (she may be the type that uses guys like that as an emotional tampon which can actually work in your favour and she will throw her baggage at him while throw her body at you 
)
Now when a guy wants to be a friend with a girl and those two have not known each other for many years and he finds her attractive then you know he is after one thing. Therefore some times women are naiive or pretend like they are, knowing fully well that the guy wants her.
TillTheEndOfTime is right on the money. Go find yourself some new "friends" as well. Cut the time you spend with her and she will sense that all of the sudden you are too busy to be with her. Make her feel that you are slowly driffting apart from her but yet you are emotionaly stable and happy person.
If she would care she would want to see more of you and this new "guy friend" will not be able to see much of her. If she wouldn't care then you would know all along that she was aiming to find a replacement for you.
)Now when a guy wants to be a friend with a girl and those two have not known each other for many years and he finds her attractive then you know he is after one thing. Therefore some times women are naiive or pretend like they are, knowing fully well that the guy wants her.
TillTheEndOfTime is right on the money. Go find yourself some new "friends" as well. Cut the time you spend with her and she will sense that all of the sudden you are too busy to be with her. Make her feel that you are slowly driffting apart from her but yet you are emotionaly stable and happy person.
If she would care she would want to see more of you and this new "guy friend" will not be able to see much of her. If she wouldn't care then you would know all along that she was aiming to find a replacement for you.
If she told you that he likes her/hits on her...and she is going out with him...the question you need to ask yourself is WHY?
Is she an attention wh0re? Is this a test? What the hell is she trying to accomplish?
To me, this would not only be a sign of disrespect but a blatant slap in the face to whatever 'relationship' you are in. Test or not, I would tell her that either she cuts the crap or she's gone.
I don't tolerate when women run these little games. Your time is much more important and valuable to spend on annoying little crap like that. She needs to show YOU that she deserves your attention - NOT the only way around.
Give her the boot and don't look back.
Is she an attention wh0re? Is this a test? What the hell is she trying to accomplish?
To me, this would not only be a sign of disrespect but a blatant slap in the face to whatever 'relationship' you are in. Test or not, I would tell her that either she cuts the crap or she's gone.
I don't tolerate when women run these little games. Your time is much more important and valuable to spend on annoying little crap like that. She needs to show YOU that she deserves your attention - NOT the only way around.
Give her the boot and don't look back.
Blue Phoenix
Master Don Juan
Great advice/answer.
It´s better for you to get detached from her due to her behavior, so when/if the LJBF comes out you´ll already have the upper hand. That´s the best policy!
Iago, it seems like you're still in the "waiting" mode. If she actually goes out with this guy or not is irrelevant at this point. She just made a date with this guy she just met who wants to screw her, and has the nerve to get mad at you for not being happy with it.
At this point she's lost respect for you, and the longer you wait, the worse it will be when she dumps you.... for this guy or whichever other guy that she hooks up with. It's clear that she's open to advances from new guys, and it's only a matter of time before she accepts one of them. It doesn't matter if she actually goes out with this particular one or not, you should be just as mad either way.
What every guy, most who have been in a similar situation, is telling you is that you need to be proactive, not reactive. If you want control over your relationship or your life, you have to do things and not wait for things to happen to you. You're acting like you only have the option of being angry and waiting to be cheated on, or sweet and waiting to be cheated on. Your whole attitude right now is of a guy who's so desperate not to lose her that he'll let her walk over him. Guys who are too ball-less to risk losing their girl, always end up losing her anyway for exactly that reason. She doesn't want a guy that she can walk over. She's clearly in control, and that's why this situation exists in the first place.
The thought that you'd leave her isn't a consideration in her mind right now. You need to bring that thought to the forefront. Without the threat that you will leave her if she acts up, there's no real motivation for her to do anything that pleases you. Why should she, if she can cheat right in front of you, get mad that you don't like it, and then go back to you afterwards with no consequences. If you had a girl that would never leave you no matter how many girls you screwed on the side, you'd take advantage of that too. It's obviously if I tell you to dump her now, you won't, so here's how to make her think that's a possibility.
Don't mention this to her again. From now on, the operating word is "distance" Don't call her, don't pick up her calls. If you do have to see her, don't be angry. Smile at her, tell her you have other stuff to do, and leave. Same thing when you do eventually answer her phone calls a week from now. I would highly recommend talking with other girls and taking one out to lunch. Not just to get back at her, but for you to see that there truly are other girls out there. The main points are you don't want to show emotion, you want to act as if you've given up on her, and give her a significant length of time to ponder life without you.
At this point she's lost respect for you, and the longer you wait, the worse it will be when she dumps you.... for this guy or whichever other guy that she hooks up with. It's clear that she's open to advances from new guys, and it's only a matter of time before she accepts one of them. It doesn't matter if she actually goes out with this particular one or not, you should be just as mad either way.
What every guy, most who have been in a similar situation, is telling you is that you need to be proactive, not reactive. If you want control over your relationship or your life, you have to do things and not wait for things to happen to you. You're acting like you only have the option of being angry and waiting to be cheated on, or sweet and waiting to be cheated on. Your whole attitude right now is of a guy who's so desperate not to lose her that he'll let her walk over him. Guys who are too ball-less to risk losing their girl, always end up losing her anyway for exactly that reason. She doesn't want a guy that she can walk over. She's clearly in control, and that's why this situation exists in the first place.
The thought that you'd leave her isn't a consideration in her mind right now. You need to bring that thought to the forefront. Without the threat that you will leave her if she acts up, there's no real motivation for her to do anything that pleases you. Why should she, if she can cheat right in front of you, get mad that you don't like it, and then go back to you afterwards with no consequences. If you had a girl that would never leave you no matter how many girls you screwed on the side, you'd take advantage of that too. It's obviously if I tell you to dump her now, you won't, so here's how to make her think that's a possibility.
Don't mention this to her again. From now on, the operating word is "distance" Don't call her, don't pick up her calls. If you do have to see her, don't be angry. Smile at her, tell her you have other stuff to do, and leave. Same thing when you do eventually answer her phone calls a week from now. I would highly recommend talking with other girls and taking one out to lunch. Not just to get back at her, but for you to see that there truly are other girls out there. The main points are you don't want to show emotion, you want to act as if you've given up on her, and give her a significant length of time to ponder life without you.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
She is playing dumb and stupid and playing you for the fool by bringing up the "trust" issue - she is disrespecting you and it is all about her satisfaction and the hell with you - she is or will be soon sexing another dude!! Look for other women - but these hors today are all the same - good luck!! Only pimp the hors don't be loyal or love them!!
Say "No" to loving hos!!!
Say "No" to loving hos!!!
My Opinion on this
This GUY friend of hers is probably an AFC. What you need to do is act like a jerk to her so this way, whenever she meets this AFC, she'll only be talking to him about how MEAN you are to her blah blah blah
Then you two end up having more sex.
This GUY friend of hers is probably an AFC. What you need to do is act like a jerk to her so this way, whenever she meets this AFC, she'll only be talking to him about how MEAN you are to her blah blah blah
Then you two end up having more sex.
spidersense
Don Juan
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(not reading anything else but your post)
this makes me think of a guy that I work with whos girlfriend, excuse me, EX-girlfriend went to study with a guy... A LOT.. and she ended up leaving him for her... this is hillarious to me because the guy is "knock-out" to look at for women, but doesn't have much of the so called "game" figured out.
I would say to let her go out to lunch with the guys though, as long as they are really her friends, meaning guys she was friends with before you started dating. You might want to insist on meeting the guys before she goes out with them, even if it's just for a few minutes. In the case I mentioned above, the guy she cheated on him with was in one of his classes, he had met him before though but in the class, the guy never spoke a word to him. If he said "hey, how you doin" to the guy the guy would say "hey, I'm good" and that's it, nothing more. So him actually being willing to make a conversation with you is probably important. I've never had a situation like this, but from what people I know have told me, this is the way I would go about things.
If it's an all the time thing, and with different guys, then confront her, and most importantly, learn to tell when someone is lieing
this makes me think of a guy that I work with whos girlfriend, excuse me, EX-girlfriend went to study with a guy... A LOT.. and she ended up leaving him for her... this is hillarious to me because the guy is "knock-out" to look at for women, but doesn't have much of the so called "game" figured out.
I would say to let her go out to lunch with the guys though, as long as they are really her friends, meaning guys she was friends with before you started dating. You might want to insist on meeting the guys before she goes out with them, even if it's just for a few minutes. In the case I mentioned above, the guy she cheated on him with was in one of his classes, he had met him before though but in the class, the guy never spoke a word to him. If he said "hey, how you doin" to the guy the guy would say "hey, I'm good" and that's it, nothing more. So him actually being willing to make a conversation with you is probably important. I've never had a situation like this, but from what people I know have told me, this is the way I would go about things.
If it's an all the time thing, and with different guys, then confront her, and most importantly, learn to tell when someone is lieing
TillTheEndOfTime
Master Don Juan
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- Dec 4, 2004
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Interesting choice to only read his initial post. However you missed a critical piece of information that would have probably completely changed your opinion on this issue. She's known this "friend" for just 2 weeks. Hardly a long time friend. Given this what would you say?
S.S.N. 318
Don Juan
my take...I will be on the side of the lady killaz(a.k.a. D.J.'s) than to be no lookin like a duck....and thats real....Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
In the meanwhile build contacts with other girls so you're ready for the dreaded *DA DA DA* "Let's just be friends" line. Instead of being one of those FOOLS (AFCs) crying "How could you leave me!? I loved you! I can't live without you!" You can be one of those DJs that says "Friends? Cool hunny. Hey look, I'll call you back my girlfriend is on the other line. PEACE."
Tell me. Which person would you rather be?
MacDiddy
Master Don Juan
This post took me a while to write so you better F..ing appreciate it..
Iago: Your life is about to get very predictable to most guys on this forum...
YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!!!
This relationship you have with her is all but over... she's is curious about this new guy, and her female instincts suggest that this new guy might have what it takes to replace you... that is why she is giving this guy a chance to show his wares under the guise of a friendly lunch. I would suggest to her that you join them. If she shows a hint of resistence, then you have your answer in black and white.
Your only option is how soft you want your fall to be???? Breakup with her now and your fall is going to be soft.. maybe a bit of heartbreak, but thats all. You may even fcukup her frame and dampen her enthusiasm for this new guy... She will be forced to reconsider her motives and be overwelmed with loss that she will do anything to get you back. You will be appreciate more.
However, Wait till she replaces(aka DUMP) you and you'll expose yourself to not only heartbreak but cheating, dishonesty and duplicity. (Thats alot of drama for any one man)
As a man, you don't wait for her!! you take charge of your life and go out and work on your priorities.. be it careers, etc
I would not worry about the unknown once you get rid of her.. Most guys here rebound back faster and stronger thanks to advice from this forum and the self-help work they do for themselves thru reading the DJ bible...
Iago: Your life is about to get very predictable to most guys on this forum...
YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!!!
This relationship you have with her is all but over... she's is curious about this new guy, and her female instincts suggest that this new guy might have what it takes to replace you... that is why she is giving this guy a chance to show his wares under the guise of a friendly lunch. I would suggest to her that you join them. If she shows a hint of resistence, then you have your answer in black and white.
Your only option is how soft you want your fall to be???? Breakup with her now and your fall is going to be soft.. maybe a bit of heartbreak, but thats all. You may even fcukup her frame and dampen her enthusiasm for this new guy... She will be forced to reconsider her motives and be overwelmed with loss that she will do anything to get you back. You will be appreciate more.
However, Wait till she replaces(aka DUMP) you and you'll expose yourself to not only heartbreak but cheating, dishonesty and duplicity. (Thats alot of drama for any one man)
As a man, you don't wait for her!! you take charge of your life and go out and work on your priorities.. be it careers, etc
I would not worry about the unknown once you get rid of her.. Most guys here rebound back faster and stronger thanks to advice from this forum and the self-help work they do for themselves thru reading the DJ bible...
For god sake let her do what she wants with her life.
She is only goin to lunch with him, relax theres no reason at all to get uptight.
Any with you objecting to her doing it, is only making her want to do it even more.
My advice would be to let go, encourage it you mighten think it but that conveys a lot of self-convidence, as 99% of the male population would object to her goin to lunch with one of her male friends.
Be the other 1% for a change
She is only goin to lunch with him, relax theres no reason at all to get uptight.
Any with you objecting to her doing it, is only making her want to do it even more.
My advice would be to let go, encourage it you mighten think it but that conveys a lot of self-convidence, as 99% of the male population would object to her goin to lunch with one of her male friends.
Be the other 1% for a change
nzalan
Don Juan
When you start worrying about what she's doing with whom, then you start a cycle that continues, and the more she sees other guys, the more you'll feel jealous and insecure about it.
As someone else said, you need to feel secure in yourself. You are the best you can be, and always trying to be better (if you aren't, then you better start working at it!). If this isn't good enough for her and she finds another man, then so be it.
YOU'RE NOT PERFECT FOR EVERY WOMAN.
If she finds someone better than you, it doesn't matter, because there's other women out there who will appreciate you more than she did. And to think that you have to prevent her from seeing other men in order to keep the competition away from her, just makes you out to be extremely insecure. If you think you've got flaws, work on eliminating them. It's better than preventing her from seeing other men who might have less flaws than you.
And don't try to tell me that your feelings are based on something different, because you'd be lying to us and to yourself.
Controlling a woman's life and preventing her from seeing other women is simply a sign you're insecure.
And every single person who says they should dump the woman because she's got male friends is also showing they're insecure. Small children pretending to be men and unable to truly hack it.
Grow up and feel secure in yourself. You don't need this woman, and while you might like her and appreciate her company, she's not the reason you exist. You don't need her, and if she chooses someone else, that's her choice.
Be the best you can be, so you increase the likelihood of her choosing you.
I've been seeing a girl a month now, and I feel really good about her and what's been developing between us. She's been seeing other guys who have been friends or ex's. I encouraged her to still see them, saying that I'm not here to disrupt or take her away from the life that she enjoys having. She slept with her ex 2 weeks ago, and lied to me about it, having me think that nothing happened. A week ago she told me the truth, that she'd slept with him and she felt horrified by it because she was starting to feel strongly for me. I thanked her for her honesty and told her that I forgive her. I told her that her telling me this, and with how things were developing between us, meant that we were becoming exclusive with each other. She agreed. I told her she can still see him if she wants to, but if she ever slept with him again, I'd leave her, and she's the one who has to make the choice about who she wants to be with.
Since then, she's 'dumped' him, not seeing him at all (they've been friends for many years), constantly lets me know about her movements and the people she spends time with, and has become much closer to me. As far as I'm concerned, this woman is awesome, and I'm looking forward to seeing where her and I go in the future.
Without insecurity you have strength. With strength, you have power. These qualities are attractive to a woman.
I've seen her ex as being an AFC, sending her texts about how much he cares about her, and telling her about the mistake he made and how he wants her back. She's told me about this, and shown me the text messages. I know she wants me, wants me to trust her, and is doing the best she can do to keep me.
By letting your love interest do whatever she needs to do, without controlling her or showing your own insecurity, you prove yourself to be the best catch she can possibly find, and isn't that ultimately what we're all after? A woman who can't get enough of us?
Anything else just makes you an AFC, even if you think you're a DJ.
As someone else said, you need to feel secure in yourself. You are the best you can be, and always trying to be better (if you aren't, then you better start working at it!). If this isn't good enough for her and she finds another man, then so be it.
YOU'RE NOT PERFECT FOR EVERY WOMAN.
If she finds someone better than you, it doesn't matter, because there's other women out there who will appreciate you more than she did. And to think that you have to prevent her from seeing other men in order to keep the competition away from her, just makes you out to be extremely insecure. If you think you've got flaws, work on eliminating them. It's better than preventing her from seeing other men who might have less flaws than you.
And don't try to tell me that your feelings are based on something different, because you'd be lying to us and to yourself.
Controlling a woman's life and preventing her from seeing other women is simply a sign you're insecure.
And every single person who says they should dump the woman because she's got male friends is also showing they're insecure. Small children pretending to be men and unable to truly hack it.
Grow up and feel secure in yourself. You don't need this woman, and while you might like her and appreciate her company, she's not the reason you exist. You don't need her, and if she chooses someone else, that's her choice.
Be the best you can be, so you increase the likelihood of her choosing you.
I've been seeing a girl a month now, and I feel really good about her and what's been developing between us. She's been seeing other guys who have been friends or ex's. I encouraged her to still see them, saying that I'm not here to disrupt or take her away from the life that she enjoys having. She slept with her ex 2 weeks ago, and lied to me about it, having me think that nothing happened. A week ago she told me the truth, that she'd slept with him and she felt horrified by it because she was starting to feel strongly for me. I thanked her for her honesty and told her that I forgive her. I told her that her telling me this, and with how things were developing between us, meant that we were becoming exclusive with each other. She agreed. I told her she can still see him if she wants to, but if she ever slept with him again, I'd leave her, and she's the one who has to make the choice about who she wants to be with.
Since then, she's 'dumped' him, not seeing him at all (they've been friends for many years), constantly lets me know about her movements and the people she spends time with, and has become much closer to me. As far as I'm concerned, this woman is awesome, and I'm looking forward to seeing where her and I go in the future.
Without insecurity you have strength. With strength, you have power. These qualities are attractive to a woman.
I've seen her ex as being an AFC, sending her texts about how much he cares about her, and telling her about the mistake he made and how he wants her back. She's told me about this, and shown me the text messages. I know she wants me, wants me to trust her, and is doing the best she can do to keep me.
By letting your love interest do whatever she needs to do, without controlling her or showing your own insecurity, you prove yourself to be the best catch she can possibly find, and isn't that ultimately what we're all after? A woman who can't get enough of us?
Anything else just makes you an AFC, even if you think you're a DJ.
nzalan
Don Juan
Slept with her almost every night since 'the incident' with her ex, and just a couple times before then.
MacDiddy
Master Don Juan
Although your adivce is structurally sound and that is what a DJ would do, you've failed to take into consideration the context this poor schmuck is in... He's AFC, so smarting on like he's some confident DJ is not gonna make one iota of a difference to his GF between the time she meets up with this new guy and the time she dumps him for good...Confidence cannot be established overnight.... At most she'll confirm his AFC status for letting her do what she wants...and acting kinda weird lately!!! (ie. different)
What is occuring here is the most blatant form of disrespect to any "guy" Seeing another guy she only just meet and passing it off as nothing, and having the gall to ask BF for permission and getting upset when permission was denied... If this lunch thing is just nothing then she shouldn't be too upset if it didn't occur at all....
First of all, I wouldn't be encouraging it. This would just set bad relationship expectations in the futuure. And since he's allowed their relationship to deteriorate to such a state, no amount of convincing is going to make her change her mind about finding someone better... He's better off moving on, with little energy and emotional expenditure...
This is blatant disrespect, has nothing to do with him being AFC or DJ.. it is the woman's choice and she is CHOOSING to be disrespectful
If you put up with it you are a chump no matter what the symps on this board tell you.
The relationship is doomed anyway, so get it over with. No woman with high interest level does this type of thing, unless it is with an old, old friend from way, way back
Not a new guy she just met!
Shame on you symps for telling him it is OK for her to do this to him!
Dietzcoi
If you put up with it you are a chump no matter what the symps on this board tell you.
The relationship is doomed anyway, so get it over with. No woman with high interest level does this type of thing, unless it is with an old, old friend from way, way back
Not a new guy she just met!
Shame on you symps for telling him it is OK for her to do this to him!
Dietzcoi
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
Forgive them father for they know NOT what they do (say)!!!
Doctor Who
Don Juan
Dude first of all, CHILL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I used to think that way back in highschool. At that time my gf mentioned one of her previous boyfriends, and i became furious. Let me tell you that this is NOT the correct mind set. One of the principles of the DJ bible is confidence. Clearly you are not confident. Honestly if you cant trust her around other guys, then you had better just break up with her now. Otherwise she will break your little heart real soon.
Bottom line: The tighter you squeeze, the more she wants to run away.
She knows that you are jealous. It will make YOU look like a whiny insecure little girl. and FYI, girls are attracted to men, not little girls.
She has a life. She will live it the way she wants. You cannot control her. You should not try to control her. She is going to lunch with a guy. Freaking lunch. Goodness. If we apply your thinking to a bigger situation, lets say she ges on a vacation for a week, how will you feel? She will be out of your sight for a week. She could be hooking up with dudes left and right. If you really had a good relationship, and were a DJ, you would not be worried.
I used to think that way back in highschool. At that time my gf mentioned one of her previous boyfriends, and i became furious. Let me tell you that this is NOT the correct mind set. One of the principles of the DJ bible is confidence. Clearly you are not confident. Honestly if you cant trust her around other guys, then you had better just break up with her now. Otherwise she will break your little heart real soon.
Bottom line: The tighter you squeeze, the more she wants to run away.
She knows that you are jealous. It will make YOU look like a whiny insecure little girl. and FYI, girls are attracted to men, not little girls.
She has a life. She will live it the way she wants. You cannot control her. You should not try to control her. She is going to lunch with a guy. Freaking lunch. Goodness. If we apply your thinking to a bigger situation, lets say she ges on a vacation for a week, how will you feel? She will be out of your sight for a week. She could be hooking up with dudes left and right. If you really had a good relationship, and were a DJ, you would not be worried.