Her friend is tearing us apart

JonnyD123

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Got into an argument with my gf right before she went on a trip with one of her friends. I'm not exactly too fond of her (girl)friend to begin with but I digress. First day we didn't talk at all but she called me drunk crying saying she was sorry, misses me, and wanted to know if I miss her too, which i did. In the midst of talking to her, her friend grabbed the phone out of her hands and basically wouldn't let me talk to her. It was a **** show. My phone ended up dying and we didn't talk till the next day. I sent her a picture I found on instagram that reminded me of her, and she sent one back of herself. We exchanged texts and everything seemed fine.

Now today, I call her and her friend answers her phone saying I'm f*cking with her head and I need to stop. I didn't entertain her at all I just listened to what she was saying, I said maybe 2 words in five minutes. At the end of the convo she says "well if you're not not gonna say anything we're gonna go." and hangs up. I haven't said anything since. I'm letting the dust settle until they return tomorrow and she's not with her, but damn. What should I do?
 

Billtx49

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A possible lesbian going for a straight girl? Sounds like mate or friend guarding going on there… Whatever it is, it's definetly not normal female friend behavior.
Chances are something's going on that you don't know about, or she's c**kblocking you because of your own behavior…
Is this the same girl you posted about yesterday that lied by omission to you about still having previous f**kers in her life?
If it is, she has plans for a dump, her friend knows also,and, the only one in the dark is you.
You already know she's lied to you, but you still believe there is an 'us'?
 
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xstang77

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Pretty much either cut your losses or hope and pray they have a falling out with each other which isn't to unusual when woman are up each other's asses like that. Either way it won't be good.
 

JonnyD123

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A possible lesbian going for a straight girl? Sounds like mate or friend guarding going on there… Whatever it is, it's definetly not normal female friend behavior.
Chances are something's going on that you don't know about, or she's c**kblocking you because of your own behavior…
Is this the same girl that lied by omission to you about still having previous f**kers in her life?
If it is, she has plans for a dump, her friend knows also,and, the only one in the dark is you.
You already know she's lied to you, but you still believe there is an 'us'?
Yeah man it is the same girl. Her friend has a bf; who has cheated on her before, so I feel like she's putting her own insecurities into our relationship. I've already accepted that I might have to walk away. Her friend is getting in the way of any resolution whatsoever though.
 

Billtx49

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Yeah man it is the same girl. Her friend has a bf; who has cheated on her before, so I feel like she's putting her own insecurities into our relationship. I've already accepted that I might have to walk away. Her friend is getting in the way of any resolution whatsoever though.
If her friend is projecting that far out, she's a mental basket case in her own right and your GF's a liar. It might be time to find a quality female to spend time with.…
When you find out why her friend is the c**kblocker in your situation, then you'll know what's going on. My guess is it isn't a good thing for you.
 
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JonnyD123

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If her friend is projecting that far out, she's a mental basket case in her own right and your GF's a liar. It might be time to find a quality female to spend time with.…
When you find out why her friend is the c**kblocker in your situation, then you'll know what's going on. My guess is it isn't a good thing for you.
No doubt. Thing is, I can't battle against her friend, I'll lose. Basically gotta take it like a man until she's not around her.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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I hate that same old bs response of just walking away without questioning anything. That basically means you are refusing to take any responsibility for any wrongdoing you may have committed. Why not ASK HER what her deal is? Talk to her friend confrontationally. Like 'hey what's your deal? Why do you hate me so much? I'm not intentionally trying to do anything wrong. Maybe if you could tell me wtf I'm doing wrong, I can fix myself instead of hurting [your girlfriend] or any other women in the future.' And you do this in front of your girlfriend so that if she has nothing to say, then your girlfriend will know that her friend is just a bad influence on the relationship. If she actually does have something to say about your relationship, then you Plus, the fact that she called you up crying when she was drunk shows that she has some underlying guilt over something. They say when you are drunk, you show your true self, so that's how you know what her honest feelings are towards you. The fact that you are making her feel guilty over something shows that you are having an extreme emotional impact over her. Why is she having this emotional impact? Because she loves you, a lot.

Next time you see your girlfriend, ask her what's wrong and be genuine about it. Say something like 'hey [gf name], what's wrong? You seemed really upset last time we talked and didn't seem to be having much fun on a trip that definitely should have been', or something to that effect. Her friend will probably be there getting all pissy pissy and that's when you confront that 'friend' on what her deal is. Like I said before, if she doesn't have anything to say, then your girlfriend will know that something doesn't quite seem right. Then you say 'you don't even have anything to say. Are you getting jealous of your best friend or something, or what? Why are you trying to sabotage our relationship when we were happy before?' And she will say 'but your girlfriend isn't happy though' which is where you confront your girfriend asking why she isn't and what happened. It is at this point that you now directly confront the issue at hand and work out possible solutions to whatever the problem is. Walking away isn't always the answer to everything.
Now if her friend actually does have legitimate things to hold against you for, then you either explain how you aren't intentionally trying to cause harm and that you will try to work on those things. Or you can explain why you do those things if they are bullsh!t reasons. Then you ask your girlfriend what's up afterwards.

Now if your girlfriend says that nothing is wrong, you look her in the eyes and tell her something along the lines of '[name], look. I know you well enough at this point to know that something is bothering you. You can't just hold it in like that though, it'll eat you up inside. You need to tell me what's going on so we can at least try to work it out.' If she continues to deny anything, then you ask her friend what's up. If her friend doesn't want to say anything, then you tell them both, 'look, I know something is up that you guys aren't telling me and it's not right that you're both leaving me in the dark. I deserve better than to be treated this way'. It's only at this that you turn around and walk away without looking back, unless they tell you. Then you go NC unless she's initiates.

Your girlfriend is very clearly falling for you, HARD. She opened up a little when telling you about those two guys she had sex with because she was indirectly asking for your permission if it was alright to still be friends with them, which imo is a good sign because it shows she is submitting to you, and trusts you a lot. Plus she called you up on her trip crying, meaning that she was thinking about you intensely. Don't just walk away without warning, it'll crush her and make her extremely jaded towards men, and seek out to crush all of them too. Actually TRY to find a solution by addressing the problem at hand.
 

wifehunter

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Sounds like a party!!!

That I would not go to. Lol:p
 

xstang77

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I hate that same old bs response of just walking away without questioning anything. That basically means you are refusing to take any responsibility for any wrongdoing you may have committed. Why not ASK HER what her deal is? Talk to her friend confrontationally. Like 'hey what's your deal? Why do you hate me so much? I'm not intentionally trying to do anything wrong. Maybe if you could tell me wtf I'm doing wrong, I can fix myself instead of hurting [your girlfriend] or any other women in the future.' And you do this in front of your girlfriend so that if she has nothing to say, then your girlfriend will know that her friend is just a bad influence on the relationship. If she actually does have something to say about your relationship, then you Plus, the fact that she called you up crying when she was drunk shows that she has some underlying guilt over something. They say when you are drunk, you show your true self, so that's how you know what her honest feelings are towards you. The fact that you are making her feel guilty over something shows that you are having an extreme emotional impact over her. Why is she having this emotional impact? Because she loves you, a lot.

Next time you see your girlfriend, ask her what's wrong and be genuine about it. Say something like 'hey [gf name], what's wrong? You seemed really upset last time we talked and didn't seem to be having much fun on a trip that definitely should have been', or something to that effect. Her friend will probably be there getting all pissy pissy and that's when you confront that 'friend' on what her deal is. Like I said before, if she doesn't have anything to say, then your girlfriend will know that something doesn't quite seem right. Then you say 'you don't even have anything to say. Are you getting jealous of your best friend or something, or what? Why are you trying to sabotage our relationship when we were happy before?' And she will say 'but your girlfriend isn't happy though' which is where you confront your girfriend asking why she isn't and what happened. It is at this point that you now directly confront the issue at hand and work out possible solutions to whatever the problem is. Walking away isn't always the answer to everything.
Now if her friend actually does have legitimate things to hold against you for, then you either explain how you aren't intentionally trying to cause harm and that you will try to work on those things. Or you can explain why you do those things if they are bullsh!t reasons. Then you ask your girlfriend what's up afterwards.

Now if your girlfriend says that nothing is wrong, you look her in the eyes and tell her something along the lines of '[name], look. I know you well enough at this point to know that something is bothering you. You can't just hold it in like that though, it'll eat you up inside. You need to tell me what's going on so we can at least try to work it out.' If she continues to deny anything, then you ask her friend what's up. If her friend doesn't want to say anything, then you tell them both, 'look, I know something is up that you guys aren't telling me and it's not right that you're both leaving me in the dark. I deserve better than to be treated this way'. It's only at this that you turn around and walk away without looking back, unless they tell you. Then you go NC unless she's initiates.

Your girlfriend is very clearly falling for you, HARD. She opened up a little when telling you about those two guys she had sex with because she was indirectly asking for your permission if it was alright to still be friends with them, which imo is a good sign because it shows she is submitting to you, and trusts you a lot. Plus she called you up on her trip crying, meaning that she was thinking about you intensely. Don't just walk away without warning, it'll crush her and make her extremely jaded towards men, and seek out to crush all of them too. Actually TRY to find a solution by addressing the problem at hand.
Wow you seem to have a soft spot tonight, not usual from you, I wonder how old this girl is, the friend almost always wins especially if she's taking over the phone, I haven't dealt with this since I was in jr high dating a girl and it was immature even for her age. The only way I beat it at the time was me being somewhat narcissistic at the time and getting my girl alone and making it clear she's to have nothing to do with the girl.
 

JonnyD123

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I hate that same old bs response of just walking away without questioning anything. That basically means you are refusing to take any responsibility for any wrongdoing you may have committed. Why not ASK HER what her deal is? Talk to her friend confrontationally. Like 'hey what's your deal? Why do you hate me so much? I'm not intentionally trying to do anything wrong. Maybe if you could tell me wtf I'm doing wrong, I can fix myself instead of hurting [your girlfriend] or any other women in the future.' And you do this in front of your girlfriend so that if she has nothing to say, then your girlfriend will know that her friend is just a bad influence on the relationship. If she actually does have something to say about your relationship, then you Plus, the fact that she called you up crying when she was drunk shows that she has some underlying guilt over something. They say when you are drunk, you show your true self, so that's how you know what her honest feelings are towards you. The fact that you are making her feel guilty over something shows that you are having an extreme emotional impact over her. Why is she having this emotional impact? Because she loves you, a lot.

Next time you see your girlfriend, ask her what's wrong and be genuine about it. Say something like 'hey [gf name], what's wrong? You seemed really upset last time we talked and didn't seem to be having much fun on a trip that definitely should have been', or something to that effect. Her friend will probably be there getting all pissy pissy and that's when you confront that 'friend' on what her deal is. Like I said before, if she doesn't have anything to say, then your girlfriend will know that something doesn't quite seem right. Then you say 'you don't even have anything to say. Are you getting jealous of your best friend or something, or what? Why are you trying to sabotage our relationship when we were happy before?' And she will say 'but your girlfriend isn't happy though' which is where you confront your girfriend asking why she isn't and what happened. It is at this point that you now directly confront the issue at hand and work out possible solutions to whatever the problem is. Walking away isn't always the answer to everything.
Now if her friend actually does have legitimate things to hold against you for, then you either explain how you aren't intentionally trying to cause harm and that you will try to work on those things. Or you can explain why you do those things if they are bullsh!t reasons. Then you ask your girlfriend what's up afterwards.

Now if your girlfriend says that nothing is wrong, you look her in the eyes and tell her something along the lines of '[name], look. I know you well enough at this point to know that something is bothering you. You can't just hold it in like that though, it'll eat you up inside. You need to tell me what's going on so we can at least try to work it out.' If she continues to deny anything, then you ask her friend what's up. If her friend doesn't want to say anything, then you tell them both, 'look, I know something is up that you guys aren't telling me and it's not right that you're both leaving me in the dark. I deserve better than to be treated this way'. It's only at this that you turn around and walk away without looking back, unless they tell you. Then you go NC unless she's initiates.

Your girlfriend is very clearly falling for you, HARD. She opened up a little when telling you about those two guys she had sex with because she was indirectly asking for your permission if it was alright to still be friends with them, which imo is a good sign because it shows she is submitting to you, and trusts you a lot. Plus she called you up on her trip crying, meaning that she was thinking about you intensely. Don't just walk away without warning, it'll crush her and make her extremely jaded towards men, and seek out to crush all of them too. Actually TRY to find a solution by addressing the problem at hand.
This is more insight than all of my friends and family combined. I really appreciate it. You made a lot of good points that I would have never thought of. At this point it's become so toxic I really don't think it's even worth pursuing. As much as I would like to exhaust all of my options, this girl (read: her friend) is just too much drama. She's already blocked me on IG, and changed her profile pic on FB (which was a pic of us two). She's 25 if that makes a difference. Still do care for her a lot though. Waiting to see if she reaches out within the next couple days.
 

JonnyD123

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Wow you seem to have a soft spot tonight, not usual from you, I wonder how old this girl is, the friend almost always wins especially if she's taking over the phone, I haven't dealt with this since I was in jr high dating a girl and it was immature even for her age. The only way I beat it at the time was me being somewhat narcissistic at the time and getting my girl alone and making it clear she's to have nothing to do with the girl.
Exactly, that's what I told her this is like high school sh*t. I'm going to wait until I can get her alone.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Wow you seem to have a soft spot tonight, not usual from you, I wonder how old this girl is, the friend almost always wins especially if she's taking over the phone, I haven't dealt with this since I was in jr high dating a girl and it was immature even for her age. The only way I beat it at the time was me being somewhat narcissistic at the time and getting my girl alone and making it clear she's to have nothing to do with the girl.
Well I myself am curious as to why someone would want to break up with me, or why a friend would not like me. The problem is, the message I'm trying to convey is kind of hard to explain through text. He can easily deal with this situation if he knows how to twist things against her friend.

Also, I ask these kinds of things myself (in a socially acceptable manner of course) so that I know how to act/react towards certain things a girl does. I still of course apply all the DJ values here. And because I have learned how to manipulate societal values into DJ values and vice versa, I am essentially never in the wrong if I get into an argument with someone, especially women. But if I am, and they truly do have legitimate things against me, I own up to it and admit fault. One of the traits a leader has is being gracious in defeat. I've found that it's more honorable that way and people respect you more for it too.
Exactly, that's what I told her this is like high school sh*t. I'm going to wait until I can get her alone.
This reminds me, she most likely would NOT be acting this way if it weren't for her friend. Now I don't think that it is best to acknowledge her friend (see: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-counseling-profession-and-their-mindgames.168190/ ), but because she directly confronted you and told you over the phone all this crap, I think it is fine for you to actually mention her to your girlfriend.

If/when you do, you don't want that girl talking bad about you to your girlfriend. But you can't say it like that lol. It needs to be said in a way that society will accept. Tell your girl something like 'hey I know that [her friend] doesn't really like me very much and maybe she's got her reasons for it. But you need to be strong enough to make your own decisions and not be influenced by others. Especially because those other people might be be trying to manipulate you for their own personal gain. It's happened to me before'.

If you notice in all the other example sentences I have provided, I specifically call for the usage of the person's actual name. And that's because it makes it more personal.

Note: Be sure to say this (or something like this) when her friend is NOT around. This way it gives her time to think about what you said. You indirectly plant the seed of her seeing how her friend is influencing her which will make her want to distance herself. Also when you are saying it, be genuine about it too. You want your body language and tone of voice to match what you are saying. She'll take it as you being romantic regardless of how this all turns out and she will miss you forever.
 

RangerMIke

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Are you having fun? Does all this stupid childish sh!t show somehow improving your life?

If the answer is no... then dump her. There are billions of women in the world. I'm pretty sure you can find one that is fun.

Men spend WAY too much time trying to figure out their women... this is feminist indoctrination that all you younger dudes had to suffer through. You are not women and they are not men... you can not figure out chicks because they don;t know themselves why they do the things they do. The ONLY way to deal with chicks is to date them if they are fun: dump them when they are not fun. If they start behaving in a way that makes you unhappy or pulls you off center, then just walk away.

When we were little boys on the play-ground would we hang around and play games we thought were stupid or boring? Fvck no. YOu want to learn how to treat a woman, just watch how 8 year old boys act... They do what they want, and if a girl wants to ply with him, she has to do what he wants to do... if she pulls out dolls or a tea party.... the 8 year old boy goes away and finds something fun.
 

lizardking82

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You are complicating one simple thing here: this girl has no spine.

Here is one simple thing I would do if the best friend of my girlfriend showed up on HER phone telling me I need to stop messing with her head. I would, of course, be troubled by it, but in the end, I would wait for my gf to return. After that, I would ask her to come by so we can have a talk (face to face). If she was drunk or high when her friend answered the phone, I would ask her to be careful who she leaves the ****in' phone to next time she gets high or drunk. If she was just normal when that happened, I would tell her to sort **** out with her friend because I do not want her friend or anyone else answering the phone when I call her. If I wanted to talk to her friend, I could have called her friend.

Assertive and bold because you have every right to. However, I would suggest you get over this girl because she has no spine and her friend is the one who is controlling the relationship now LOL
 

xstang77

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Are you having fun? Does all this stupid childish sh!t show somehow improving your life?

If the answer is no... then dump her. There are billions of women in the world. I'm pretty sure you can find one that is fun.

Men spend WAY too much time trying to figure out their women... this is feminist indoctrination that all you younger dudes had to suffer through. You are not women and they are not men... you can not figure out chicks because they don;t know themselves why they do the things they do. The ONLY way to deal with chicks is to date them if they are fun: dump them when they are not fun. If they start behaving in a way that makes you unhappy or pulls you off center, then just walk away.

When we were little boys on the play-ground would we hang around and play games we thought were stupid or boring? Fvck no. YOu want to learn how to treat a woman, just watch how 8 year old boys act... They do what they want, and if a girl wants to ply with him, she has to do what he wants to do... if she pulls out dolls or a tea party.... the 8 year old boy goes away and finds something fun.
This is sound and solid advice,will deffinetly keep this in mind myself.
 
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