Her boyfriend is my only obstacle...

[Serialized3]

So, as the title suggests, there's a girl that I think would be really complement me, but has a boyfriend. Although I know her through work (we both work in a public school), I'm not concerned with the "company ink" thing.

Just a little background: She's 22 or 23, fresh out of jesuit college last spring, from a small town, somewhat sheltered, and fairly religious (catholic) girl. She's no lingerie model, but quite pretty - a solid 7.5/8 in the looks in my opinion. But what really sells me on her is that she's a very sweet, genuine girl from what I've seen. she's very good with the difficult kids that she works with, giving, kind, all that ****. The kind of girl who when she asks you if something's wrong, she ask because she wants to help, not pry into your business. A true "quality girl", as many on here would say.

I can tell she is attracted to me - that's not an issue in this case. I flirt with her and game her a little bit when we interact. The way that her eyes always find a way to find mine and give me a look that last a little too long is proof enough for me. To be honest, I would gamble that she is interested in me mainly because (to her) I am somewhat of a "bad-boy" (I have a reputation for partying, drinking, staying out late, etc) and have a known reputation at work for doing my own thing, standing up to our bosses, speaking my mind, and so on. Plus, I have some solid social proof from girls at work.

The only thing that has stopped from overtly making a move in the past is the sad fact that she has a borefriend. I saw a couple pics of the dude on her facebook, and just imagine a 130 pound, six-foot, pasty white doofus with glasses who's face looks like a cross between Adam Sandler and a goddamn toddler. It is actually almost painful to see a quality 7.5 with a beta 4 like that. The guy actually visited our work a couple weeks ago, with total beta loser body language. He walked following after her, shoulders slumped, if you didn't know they were dating you wouldn't have guessed. I actually refused to actually "meet" him, since I've done this sort of thing before, and I almost feel bad taking a girl from a guy, even if all signs point to chump.

One of my friends (not a coincident that he's a guy who's also pretty good with the ladies) works in the same department as her and has more interaction with her than me. From what he tells me, the beta is her first boyfriend, she met him in college, and he lives far away in Texas.
From what my contact has picked up, she doesn't seem all about her boyfriend, but also doesn't seem to disdain him either. If I had to guess, I would say that beta is comfortable and familiar to her, but he likely also bores her.

I'm definitely reaching a bit here but I would guess that she's probably still with him because she's comfortable, she's too nice to leave him, and they have the same social circle of college friends.

Now, I've slept with a few girls with boyfriends before in college and older. My approach back then was to completely ignore the boyfriend and just pursue the girl as if she were single. If the boyfriend came up, I would just change the subject, etc. This was a pretty successful method, and I wonder if it would work in this situation.

Yet, I'm always down to learn and experiment with new approaches. I was talking with one of my other friends, a total natural, and he said that what I should do is invite her out for dinner or something after work, and "feel her out" as to how she feels relationship-wise. He said just to pay attention to how she talks about her relationship, and if I get the feeling she's not into it, go for it. This approach is totally different from my regular approach which seemed to have worked fine for me in the past.

So, given what I've written about her situation and our dynamic, what do you guys think my best course of action should be? So far my options are ignore him and proceed as usual or feel her out a little bit about their relationship.

I know those aren't my only options, and any other tips and suggestions you guys come up with will be much appreciated.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Suppose she becomes your girlfriend. When things get a little familiar and some other guy puts a sparkle in her eye and she starts thinking about him more and more will you still consider her a "quality girl"?

I'm usually dead-set against going after a girl who is involved with somebody (because it is an affront to a brother), unless she is clearly in a bad situation and is struggling to find a way out. But for me, stealing a girl from another guy is the lowest, most disrespectful thing a man can do. Again, that is not hard and fast because sometimes a girl is in a dreadful situation and she doesn't know how to get out.

Only you can really assess the situation for what it is. I always feel that if I'm turning the head of a women who is involved with someone, then her head will probably turn again when she is with me. Again, YMMV, but I'm just throwing some thoughts to consider out there.

I think you should feel her out about her relationship. If she's hooked on this guy, I personally would let her go. If she's in a relationship that is obviously headed for failure, then perhaps it's fair for you to take a shot. Just evaluate carefully whether she would have a wandering eye if involved with you. For example, if an Atom Smasher walked by would she blush and get weak in the knees? Not a fair example, of course she would! But all kidding aside, this is something to consider since she's already involved yet making eyes at you.

The difference between 26 and 22 is huge at your stage of life. You're becoming an adult, whereas she is most likely still living deep inside the typical confusion of her age group. Could be dangerous waters.

 

[disgustipated]

The way you talk about him, I'm rooting for him.

 

[scrouds]

Best advice, and I quote: My approach back then was to completelyignore the boyfriend and just pursue the girl as if she were single.

 

[nismo-4]

There's no such thing as a quality woman. That's just a form of pedestalization.

All women have boyfriends. Just depends on how attractive you are physically and financially. Are you better than this guy? Does she think so? That's the million dollar question.

Judge nismo's verdict: Bang her if you can and spin more plates. If all else fails, make more money.

Case closed.

 

[AW1983]

If she goes for you I would imagine you'll be faced with a "quality" paradox: If she broke up with him of her own accord and then you guys started doing your thing, ok then that's respectable (on her part). But if she starts making moves with you while still involved with this dude...how "quality" is that?

6 months from now there'll be some rico sauve new dude at your job, on here talking about how to game this "quality" woman away from her 26 yo loser bf haha...

EDIT: Not saying any of that would stop me (if I were you), just trying to add some objectivity.

 

[disgustipated]

Yeah if you're going to do it, do it. But no need to justify it by taking shots at the guy as if he doesn't deserve her. No need to take 2 ****s on the guy(taking his girl and tearing him down).

 

[Pair A Dice]

1. Propose a threesome
2. Fvck her better than him
3. ?????
4. Profit

OR

1. Move on to another woman

 

[nightcrawler]

if you want her bad enough make her fall in love with you

 

[Crissco]

There's no such thing as a quality woman. That's just a form of pedestalization.

All women have boyfriends. Just depends on how attractive you are physically and financially. Are you better than this guy? Does she think so? That's the million dollar question.

Judge nismo's verdict: Bang her if you can and spin more plates. If all else fails, make more money.

Case closed.

Times 2

 

[Krueg]

Personally, I think you and every other guy who is trying to get with a girl who already is in a relationship is waisting your time. Because, they usually wont leave their BF just for you. There have been plenty of girls who I wanted to get with that already had a BF. I figured if I played the good guy and be a "friend". They would see my good qualifies and want to be with me. NEVER happened. And when they finally broke up with their boyfriend they werent running to me, it would be some other guy...

My experience and from others as well shows it doesnt work. Theres a good article I read in the DJ Bible explaining this subject. Its been awhile since I read it so, you'd have to do some searching if your interested.

 

[Down Low]

If I were her BF, I'd just follow you out to the parking lot and shoot you in the back of the head.

No offense, dude, but you're acting like an azzhole who deserves whatever he gets.

 

[zekko]

None of the "great" pickup gurus seem to give a crap about whether or not a girl has a boyfriend. Of course, they're just looking to bang her behind the dumpster behind the club.

IF this boyfriend is as big a loser as you say, and
IF you are so much better than him as you say, and
IF women are as hypergamous as they say around here, there really shouldn't be that much of a problem, should there?

Unless she's holding out for something better than what you have to offer.

 

[Packers2010]

Suppose she becomes your girlfriend. When things get a little familiar and some other guy puts a sparkle in her eye and she starts thinking about him more and more will you still consider her a "quality girl"?

I'm usually dead-set against going after a girl who is involved with somebody (because it is an affront to a brother), unless she is clearly in a bad situation and is struggling to find a way out. But for me, stealing a girl from another guy is the lowest, most disrespectful thing a man can do. Again, that is not hard and fast because sometimes a girl is in a dreadful situation and she doesn't know how to get out.

Only you can really assess the situation for what it is. I always feel that if I'm turning the head of a women who is involved with someone, then her head will probably turn again when she is with me. Again, YMMV, but I'm just throwing some thoughts to consider out there.

I think you should feel her out about her relationship. If she's hooked on this guy, I personally would let her go. If she's in a relationship that is obviously headed for failure, then perhaps it's fair for you to take a shot. Just evaluate carefully whether she would have a wandering eye if involved with you. For example, if an Atom Smasher walked by would she blush and get weak in the knees? Not a fair example, of course she would! But all kidding aside, this is something to consider since she's already involved yet making eyes at you.

The difference between 26 and 22 is huge at your stage of life. You're becoming an adult, whereas she is most likely still living deep inside the typical confusion of her age group. Could be dangerous waters.

msn you have become bitter... shame you speak the truth.

best thing to do man is forget her. only going to end badly in the end... people always have a way of finding bad habits. exs are on top of the list.

 

[DonGorgon]

Suppose she becomes your girlfriend. When things get a little familiar and some other guy puts a sparkle in her eye and she starts thinking about him more and more will you still consider her a "quality girl"?.

great post and this is a hash human reality that many love to ignore .. fact is that is the cycle of all relationships.. it starts out hot and heavy then she cools and eventually bores than the freezes and its time for the next guy... women never ever get tired of sex but they do get tired of sex with YOU..

 

[Serialized3]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply - I will reply in kind.

Suppose she becomes your girlfriend. When things get a little familiar and some other guy puts a sparkle in her eye and she starts thinking about him more and more will you still consider her a "quality girl"?

Perhaps, but I'm not really considering the long-term here. However, once I get a girl hooked, I usually can regulate pretty well. I don't to sound ****y but I think I am the whole package - interesting life, have solid game, good looking, and not that I'll ever be super-rich or anything, but my career is just about to take off. I'd say I'm a fairly quality man.

Between her and I, we just have that chemistry right now that I can't ignore. What can I say, I am an empiricist - I like to experiment and see what I can get away with during my limited time on this earth. I HATE to look back and wonder "what if?"

I'm usually dead-set against going after a girl who is involved with somebody (because it is an affront to a brother), unless she is clearly in a bad situation and is struggling to find a way out. But for me, stealing a girl from another guy is the lowest, most disrespectful thing a man can do. Again, that is not hard and fast because sometimes a girl is in a dreadful situation and she doesn't know how to get out.

How do you verify that she's "clearly in a bad situation"? I've met some manipulative-ass women who've lied to me about not having a boyfriend, having an abusive boyfriend, and so on.

Only you can really assess the situation for what it is. I always feel that if I'm turning the head of a women who is involved with someone, then her head will probably turn again when she is with me. Again, YMMV, but I'm just throwing some thoughts to consider out there.

I think you should feel her out about her relationship. If she's hooked on this guy, I personally would let her go. If she's in a relationship that is obviously headed for failure, then perhaps it's fair for you to take a shot. Just evaluate carefully whether she would have a wandering eye if involved with you. For example, if an Atom Smasher walked by would she blush and get weak in the knees? Not a fair example, of course she would! But all kidding aside, this is something to consider since she's already involved yet making eyes at you.

I initially suspected that she was a just a flirt, as women in relationships are wont to be, but I've never seen her look or talk to any of the other men at work the way she does with me.

This guy being her first boyfriend, my nickname for him is vanilla ice cream. Sure, vanilla is good flavor if you've never had else better before, and you might be ok with it for awhile, but you will get tired of it and maybe start wondering what other flavors of ice cream are like...

The difference between 26 and 22 is huge at your stage of life. You're becoming an adult, whereas she is most likely still living deep inside the typical confusion of her age group. Could be dangerous waters.

Oh don't worry, I make up for it by being immature . Man, I can't date women my age, they see to either be full of themselves, headcases, or trying to get a ring. The consensus among my fellows is that you gotta get 'em young before they have the bad habits and baggage.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Well, as I said I would feel her out if I were you. You'll know what her situation is if you use tact in finding out.

 

[Serialized3]

There's no such thing as a quality woman. That's just a form of pedestalization.

All women have boyfriends. Just depends on how attractive you are physically and financially. Are you better than this guy? Does she think so? That's the million dollar question.

Judge nismo's verdict: Bang her if you can and spin more plates. If all else fails, make more money.

Case closed.

If she goes for you I would imagine you'll be faced with a "quality" paradox: If she broke up with him of her own accord and then you guys started doing your thing, ok then that's respectable (on her part). But if she starts making moves with you while still involved with this dude...how "quality" is that?

6 months from now there'll be some rico sauve new dude at your job, on here talking about how to game this "quality" woman away from her 26 yo loser bf haha...

EDIT: Not saying any of that would stop me (if I were you), just trying to add some objectivity.

No offense guys but I have met and dated enough girls to know what a quality woman is or isn't. The whole logic behind the paradox is rather faulty. It's like comparing at a glacial mountain lake and a muddy swimmin' hole and saying, "well, there's no such thing as clean water". It's definitely a matter of degree...

I am better than this guy from what I can tell. For certain better looking, better posture/body language, and he's not wealthy, I think he's in some americorps job or something.

 

[Serialized3]

Well, as I said I would feel her out if I were you. You'll know what her situation is if you use tact in finding out.

Could you elaborate on this a little bit? I think if I were to go and do this right now today, I would probably come off with a little too much pressure on her.

 

[Serialized3]

If I were her BF, I'd just follow you out to the parking lot and shoot you in the back of the head.

No offense, dude, but you're acting like an azzhole who deserves whatever he gets.

Yeah, I almost feel bad. Almost. This is my life and my happiness and I could give a fvck less about his - I'm sure he doesn't care about mine...

Funny story though, I did get a gun pulled on me once for sleeping with a guy's girlfriend! I figure if the 6' 220 pound grizzly adams asshole with mental problems didn't shoot me back then, vanilla ice cream won't now.